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Sunday Funnies: Get Your Infant Audited!

MKSmallOn Sundays, we love to reveal the latest Scientology mailers and fliers that have been going out to members, encouraging them to give, give, give until it hurts.

This week, we have a particularly special item to begin this week’s collection. You might remember, last summer, when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split, reporters were asking whether Suri was really old enough yet to get indoctrination in her father’s church. She was six years old (and now almost seven), and we all wondered if kids that young were really subject to Scientology training.

Well, wonder no more.

Get a load of this remarkable post card that was sent out by the Mace-Kingsley Family Center in Clearwater, Florida, which invites Scientology parents to bring their infants down for auditing.

And just how, we wonder, is a toddler going to come up with an “earlier similar” if they’re too young to, you know, speak?



The Mace-Kingsley center is the latest incarnation of what was once a notorious school in Palmdale, California and then New Mexico, and the kids who were essentially abandoned there have horrific stories of abuse to tell. Now, it’s become an after-school place for kids to get auditing. And apparently, the drooling set is welcome too. Here’s the flipside of the card…


This next one comes to us from Orange County, where apparently church members are so tapped out from endless rounds of fundraising, the church is trying to help them turn some of their assets into ready cash. Note the emphatic disclaimer: “You do NOT spend any money at this party!” Oh, that’s a good one!


The San Francisco org was obviously fully stoked that Chill E.B. was stopping by last night. And get a load of the size of the crowd expecting him!


ALERT! Scientologists playing politics! Later today, there’s going to be a vetting of 13th District City Council candidates in the parking lot at Big Blue, Scientology’s Los Angeles headquarters. And the e-mail that accompanied this flier had some interesting things to say about it. But first, here’s the announcement…


Says an e-mail that came with the flier, “There are two candidates running who are worth your consideration. Michael Schaeffer has been safe-pointed on the Church, and has already done some outreach for us. Josh Post has toured the CCHR exhibit with a Church member.”

Hmm. Well, Michael Schaeffer may have been “safe-pointed” for church support, but he’s also a nut, apparently. Josh Post looks like an attractive up-and-comer who may just be taking any support he can get.

Chimed in another Scientologist who forwarded the e-mail: “All the staff are supposed to attend also and the idea is to get a huge bunch of people there and impress them that this is a large group worth their notice etc. and safepoint the candidates further as well as hear what they have to say right before the election.”

Surely, seeing LA City Council candidates get “safe-pointed” by the Church of Scientology could make for a fun spectacle, right? Can you spare a reporter, Los Angeles Times?

Finally, we have some very interesting images from Australia. We’ll let our tipster tell the tale…

I live in Sydney and the city’s Church of Scientology moved into a new spot on Castlereagh St. in the heart of the city about six months ago. From the start, church members tried to lure people into doing the personality test, but it became less and less busy pretty quickly. I walk past the building several times a week for work, and I realized that it had become very quiet in there over the last couple of months. This week I found what you can see in the pictures attached. I’m not sure if they are done for good, but at least it seems that nobody cares about Scientology here in Sydney.



Gosh, it’s funny that Virginia Stewart, Scientology’s mouthpiece in Australia, had nothing to say about this the other day.


SMERSH Madness: Sowing the Seeds of World Domination!

As we announced on March 1, we’re joining bracket fever with a tournament like no other. It’s up to you to decide who should be named the new SMERSH, the traditional nemesis of Scientology. Cast your vote for who’s doing more to propel the church down its long slide into oblivion!

Continuing in the first round, we have a great battle this morning…


Nancy Many wrote about her amazing Scientology experiences in her book, My Billion-Year Contract. But we were really blown away by the job the ID Network did turning her book into a docudrama this January. The show captured her incredible story, from spying for the church to suffering on the RPF. Nancy just cannot be stopped.

Paul Thomas Anderson deeply researched Scientology’s early history for a screenplay that repeatedly ridicules an L. Ron Hubbard lookalike in the character of “Lancaster Dodd.” The film Anderson made from that script, The Master, dialed back on some of the church content, but it still interested an entirely new audience in Scientology’s oddities.


Yesterday’s result: Debbie Cook handily defeated John Sweeney with about 70 percent of the vote.



Posted by Tony Ortega on March 3, 2013 at 07:00


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