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You Might Be in a Cult If…


…this is how you send a message to Dear Leader out in front of the Scientology building in Los Angeles.

Comedy writer Seth Madej snapped this photo on Monday afternoon and posted it to his Twitter feed with this message…

I made an illegal U-turn just to get a pic of this Scientology weirdness. They tried to stop me from photographing it!

Over at WWP, former Scientologist Marc Headley explained that these were youngsters from the “CMO PAC” — Commodore’s Messenger Organization, Pacific Area Command” — and that the message was intended for church leader David Miscavige.


Well, that’s a fun way to start 2013, anyway, and for that, Seth, we thank you!


Posted by Tony Ortega on January 1, 2013 at 00:00


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  • Yeah; Happy New Year Dave! From all of us.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      ^^^ Love’s this.

  • ClearOT

    Thanks Tony, you continue to enlighten!

  • Nah, the sign’s for hubtard, who’s watching from target 2.
    We just watched the ball drop in NY. Always fun. Our daughter lives on the Lower East Side so we’ve enjoyed a NYE in the big apple a few times. It’ll be a few hours before we can pop the champagne here, but we’re lifting our glasses to you Tony. Thank you so much. And a very Happy New Year to you and yours. Stay safe.

  • Anononyourside

    Creepy, creepy, creepy, but it certainly makes clear that the CoS is a personality cult. Happy New Year Tony, and fellow posters! May your 2013 bring happiness, health and other good things.

  • SP ‘Onage


    And Happy New Year to all of you on the East Coast. We’ve still got two and a half hours to go here on the West Coast…Cheers! 🙂

  • richelieu jr

    Yes, Happy new Year, Sir (major asho, big wus!)..

    And thanks, Tony… Especially for turning me on to your man in Paris… Sometimes I marvel at the stuff that gets past me!

    Here’s looking forward to a new year that’s even half as informative as 2012 (and twice as destructive to the house that Elron built…

  • John P.

    Well, at least they were smart enough to avoid saying, “Very well done, sir!” Saying that to Midget Boy is apparently what got Nazanin Boniadi sentenced to a couple months cleaning bathrooms at Flag.

    I’m also surprised that they managed to spell all the words correctly, given the proofreading issues we see in the flyers that make the Sunday Funnies.

    • TonyOrtega

      …but too much to ask for the direct address comma, one supposes.

      • John P.

        What? You think the decades-long project to restore each of 9,783 misplaced semicolons to Hubbard’s sacred drivel would actually make them good at commas, too?

        Perhaps someone ought to send them a couple copies of “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” to guide them in the correct direction.

        • Maybe we should start a collection to send a copy to every Org.

        • Semper Phi

          Nah, they wouldn’t use it – it’s squirrel grammar. LRH wrote a grammar book called “The New Grammar,” and he wasn’t kidding. He obviously disagreed with standard English grammar (as any reader could tell), so he revised the rules he didn’t like and made up new ones. For instance, he declared that there are only “modifiers,” not adverbs and adjectives as separate modifying entities. So Scilons exist in LHR’s own little grammatical universe.

          • MARCOTAI

            Well, what are “adverbs” and “adjective’ then if not just ‘modifiers’?

            LRH was truly a genius.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              My god man? Is it really you?
              Because if you are a fraud you will be in deep doo doo with OSA.
              Have you been on the RPF?

            • InTheNameOfXenu

              Holy Xenu’s ghost, Marco’s back from the dead! You routed off the Sea Org mighty fast. I guess the cuisine of bucket-filled slop wasn’t to your liking, eh?

      • Tory Christman

        Happy New Year Tony O!! Thank you for this entire year of *great* enjoyment and education! May 2013 ROCK for you and for ALL here 🙂

    • DMSTCC

      It could be mistaken for Happy New Year girl

      • Chocolate Velvet

        Hey DM, Milli Vanilli called from the 80’s and said: “Girl, you know it’s true, ooh ooh ooh, you’re through!”

    • Chocolate Velvet

      Happy New Year, John P! 🙂

    • aussiecase

      I have a couple comments.

      “Very Well Done” (VWD) is what a Scientolgy auditing [case] supervisor writes on the auditing reports after reading over the notes form a confessional It indicates the scientology auditor did the correct thing. It is a bit of a loaded phrase in scientology, and these so-called cadets will not say such a thing as it iimplies they are in a position to supervise DM. Clearly they are not, instead they are herded out for a photo shoot to brighten DMs day.

      The sad thing is the young manipulated kids have essentially signed away their lives. These kids are worked hard on admistrative tasks and given no education. They should be in schools and universiites.

      Scientoligist X mentioned the young children washing dishes in the basements of one of these installations on Marty’s site a while back. The kids washing dishes are not in the picture will not be wishing DM happy new year.

    • John Onthego

      This is so damn funny!

  • LemonLemon


  • Captain Howdy

    Sea Orgy babes ..I’m a degraded being…Happy New Year..back to bed

  • JustCallMeMary

    Yes, thank you Seth! We know how they are about camera, lol

    I don’t think those are youngsters… the youngest look to be maybe in their young 20’s. The rest are way over youngster age. I bet the girl standing high on the left side of the back row behind the sign, the one with her hair in her face, gets RPFd for Out-TRs and messing with the flow…

  • Looks like lots of joking and degrading going on to me. Bet bathroom licking duty is being assigned as we speak.

  • JustCallMeMary

    Happy New Year back at ya!

  • Northwindhermit

    Happy New Year, Tony. Keep up the great work! I am a major fan of the Underground Bunker.

  • girl with red hair is not amused….. feel she’s going to blow anytime…

    another question for the exes:

    How does someone like Cruise practise his “religion” when he’s on a long shoot …. are you expected to hold the cans on a regular basis once you reach clear…. would he have a scion with him at all times just in case he ever felt the urge….. is it bad form to stop holding the cans [if you’re a celeb].

    A ‘true’ follower of the Christian faith, for example, is assumed to pray everyday…. do ‘true’ scientologists have to hold the cans? …. can you audit without them? …. is it expected once a day, week, month?

    Anyway…. just a little bit from DListed’s Michael K’s end of year post”

    “Well, we actually made it through 2012 without being shot into space where Tommy Girl and John Travolta would cackle at us while zipping off to Xenu’s home planet in their space pods (which look like this–002.jpg)”

    Happy New Year from Tom Cruise’s brow bollocks!

    • Holding the cans is done while auditing a specific action or level. TC has completed all the levels there are available (except possibly OTVIII, does anyone know if he did that?). In terms of “practicing his religion”, well, hmmm. I guess that would be passing out TWTH booklets, giving assists, other proselytizing, reading lots of elarhaitch. $cn makes a fuss that it’s all about the human spirit. THERE IS NOTHING SPIRITUAL ABOUT IT! There are some entry level auditing things that are done without the emeter and cans — just questions asked and answered. But generally, auditing is done holding the cans.

      • so in essence these past 3 months he’s been filming in the UK and Finland the only likely scientologing he might/could be doing would be reading one of the myriad of LRH’s tedious books? …. unless he was giving “assists” behind closed doors, of course

        • Well, I don’t have any information that you don’t have about what he’s doing. But it’s almost a certainty that he isn’t getting any auditing. Of course, DM hasn’t had anything to do with getting auditing for decades, according to folks who’ve left Int. I’d be really, really, really surprised if TC carries around anything written by hubtard these days. He doesn’t even say the word scientology.

          I reckon there are plenty of takers for those “assists” he might be giving out.

          • 1subgenius

            I believe he’s on the cans daily.

            • DeElizabethan

              If he has not completed level 7, which can take many years, then he surely is on the cans. maybe with level 8 too, who knows. The can’s will set you free! Then after 8 you have to find out who you really are and the cans will guide you!! LOL

      • Jgg2012

        His religion says “what’s true is what’s true for you” so he can do anything he pleases, especially since he is the #2 man in Co$.

    • Practicing his religion = writing checks. So he’s probably up to par.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Damn, you beat me by nine hours in the redhead prediction.
      I need to read before I spew…

    • Mrs Libnish

      I am so sick of his shit! Bravo has played A Few Good Men nonstop for 4 days. I want to vomit.

  • SP ‘Onage

    Now that TomKat broke-up (RIP) I wonder if Tom (save the world) Cruise-sader and Sir Miscavige de Sade are spending New Years together? Oh hai, OSA!

  • Just realized that, in absence of Shelly, DM could troll his female flunkies for a night of “insemination”.

    • Ewwwwww

    • Mrs Libnish

      Just looking at him…..they would have more fun with a crayon.

  • whingeybingey

    At least they weren’t in hotpants! :p

  • Chocolate Velvet

    Happy New Year Tony. You have done amazing work throughout the year. There was a surge of enturbulation for the COS, and you surfed that wave like a pro! May 2013 bring you and those you love much joy and prosperity… 🙂
    Chocolate Velvet

  • SP ‘Onage

    Still waiting for someone to top Sir Debbie Cook’s e-mail. *drumming fingers*

  • Today’s Sun has a new story: “Cruise cult’s bizarre musical chairs game”.

    Don’t have the link as its on my iPad edition. Nothing we didn’t all know. It’s only a quarter of the page and is a 2nd extract from Sweeney’s book.

  • 1subgenius

    FYI Sweeney’s book is going to be only $5.26 Kindle edition from Amazon.
    BTW, you can read Kindle books on IOS devices, and your computer.
    Must have.

  • jensting

    Happy new year to you too, Tony, and to all the commentards!
    And a particular wish for a better 2013 to the Damnation Navy slaves who have to monitor/index/file/catalogue/print out all the posts here so that David Miscavige can obsess about them 🙂

  • sugarplumfairy

    Are you sure the message wasn’t intended for miscavitch’s beagle, Jelly?? I mean, these kids need to stay on the good side of that canine or he’ll bark and get them demoted.. And if they have to salute him, it only follows that they must call him sir..

    • All discussions and opinions on why someone enters the cult aside, things like this have to make you just shake your head at why they STAY for so long. I don’t care how awesome a “job” was, the first time someone wants me to salute Toto I’m out of there.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        And I second THAT!

  • 0tessa

    This is Miscavige’s harem, isn’t it? All with long hair, the same age. Yes, this is his harem.

    • Seriously, the appear to be only 4 guys in that picture. A little variety for DM, perhaps?

  • BosonStark

    Message from Miscavige to his loyal cult followers:

    Skip the signs and nutty demonstrations and buy me a good gift — preferably something in gold, that can be melted down if I don’t like it. Signs, banners, giant photos, gilt sytrofoam Wizard of Oz sets, and nutty demonstrations are strictly reserved for LRH.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    The Sea Org “fashions” are hideously unattractive.
    Look at those people…
    They all need a week at the beach.

    Look at the redhead with her hair in her face and the crossed arms.
    I predict she blows in 2013.

    • Second prediction. Should we start a pool?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. I love predictions.. See the little brunette with the pixie haircut and dangly earrings, holding one end of the sign?? I predict she crush regges eight little old ladies, four 80-year-old widowers, 17 chiropractors and 1,681 dentists.. b*tch looks fierce.. and little girls try harder..

      • Semper Phi

        You can *bet* she’s fierce – she’s wearing epaulets, which means she’s up the command chain. Ya don’t get up the command chain in CMO being friendly and kind. It’s Command Intention all the way.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Your right…look how stick straight she stands!
        You got her pegged.

  • Kim O’Brien

    Happy New Year everyone ! I hope that this year is great for all of us

  • ze moo

    All those dark blue pants and light blue shirts make me think I am looking at a Walmart or Best Buy party. OI course, those folks get minimum wage.

  • Mrs Libnish

    Love to the Bunker.

  • Bob

    The question is? Is this sign for LRH as it should be or for the terrific, tough, tremendous, talented, teratogenic, tiny, turgid tyrant, DM?

    • BuryTheNuts2

      And now we know what Bob got “T”oo many of in his Christmas stocking!

      • Bob

        LOL Bury, look up teratogen.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          I know what it means..”fitting”

          • Bob

            You are literate. I had to look it up. Yes very fitting.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              See what spending your formative years with a dictionary chained to your leg can buy you?

            • Bob

              Well to be honest most of my vocabulary came from looking up words I read in fiction books. For some reason words I would look up on course somehow drained from my mind like rain down a storm drain. The two words I got from Hubarrd that stuck are “germain” and “dirth”. And now-a-days no one uses those words but me. At least in my circle.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Then how do the people in your circle understand you?
              Especially when there is a dearth of information available to them to process your conversations?

            • Bob

              Bury you are very funny. I guess they don’t, specially since I can’t even spell the words I use correctly. But often I do have to define the words I use after I use them in a sentence. When I speak with young people I constantly have to define words I use.

  • Patti Thompson

    Alanzo and I made a very similar banner for Tony. Of course we had the comma in place. Since the baby Sea Org team got their picture posted online first….never mind.

  • Happy New Years Tony, & to all the folks here at the Bunker! Much love to you all!

  • DeElizabethan

    Good one Seth and they didn’t stop you. Thanks, Sir Tony

  • dagobarbz


    • Love it! Wish the tiny tyrant could see that one.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. That’s just evil.. I love it..


  • Artoo45

    At least they weren’t wearing hot pants . . .