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Scientology Wants You to Party With a Purpose!

On Sunday mornings, we love to reveal the latest Scientology fundraising mailers that tipsters have forwarded to us over the past week. And this week, our sources have not let us down.

On tap in this installment of Sunday Funnies: Jim Meskimen wants to party with you, librarians are going crazy for Ron’s new encyclopedia, and you really need to get to Flag to discover the abilities you’ve had for billions of years! Oh, where do we sign up.

While Scientology’s celebrities have been going through some tough times, the church can always count on good old Jim Meskimen to step to the plate. In this case, he’s going to be on hand as the American Saint Hill Organization in Los Angeles — “Big Blue” — celebrates…

…what, exactly? We’re not really sure what they mean by “expansion” in Los Angeles. But, whatever. It’s live dancing all night. And Jim Meskimen. Get a babysitter and call off Sunday’s tee time. This is going to be a rager.

Meanwhile, Scientology is all the rage in this country’s libraries, where people are putting down their laptops and smartphones to go check out some actual dead-tree books — books that tell the spell-binding tale of L. Ron Hubbard’s life! We just hope they’ve got enough copies for everyone to get a chance to check them out. Come to think of it, we’re not sure where we put that library card here in the bunker…

We were wondering when someone was going to help us get through this Atomic Age, and just in time, here comes L. Ron! You have to think the price of admission is going to be worth hearing how “Scientologists operate three feet behind society’s head.” Yowza!

And finally, with all of the defections Scientology has been experiencing lately, you have to wonder who’s left to hold down the ship. Apparently, Melanie is helping to keep things together, and we just hope she can keep that smile going. Make it go right, Mel!

Thanks again to our tipsters. Keep ’em coming!

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