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Sunday Funnies: Scientology Is In Your Capital, Working Your Jenna Elfman

Jenna_ElfmanA year ago, the Church of Scientology held a grand opening for its new “National Affairs Office” in Washington DC. And hey, why not? If only a few more world leaders could be exposed to L. Ron Hubbard’s books and maybe get some past-life auditing, Scientology could take over the world that much faster!

Now that a year’s gone by, it was time for the folks at the National Affairs Office to cut loose with some wild celebrations. They then put together a newsletter about all the fun they were having, and it was forwarded to us by one of our great tipsters, just in time for this week’s installment of Scientology Sunday Funnies.

We’ve put the entire newsletter into our Scribd account so you can scroll through it at your leisure. Not only will you see that actress Jenna Elfman made the scene, but so did former Indiana Congressman Dan Burton, who has been a big friend to Scientology despite his staunchly pro-life views. (Something tells us Burton is not aware that for many years, Scientology forced young women in the Sea Org to have abortions if they became pregnant.) Anyway, we thought you’d enjoy scrolling through this celebration of Scientology’s big push in the country’s capital…


Church of Scientology National Affairs Office newsletter


Those determined folks in the San Fernando Valley are still at it, begging members for donations so they can get renovations done on their “Ideal Org” that never seems to have enough money. We thought this letter sent out to Scientologists recently was particularly precious…



When one looks at the big game we are playing on Earth, and in the Valley, it becomes clear why we became Alumni and continue to donate to building the Valley Ideal Org. We, all of us, are in it for the centuries and beyond. Building a cathedral to keep alive the hope of personal salvation sometimes took centuries. For us Scientologists, being quicker about these things, our cathedral sometimes take a few years. Every square foot of our cathedral is devoted to freeing beings using the effective technologies of Scientology and Dianetics.

These technologies are a foothold on Earth that will serve mankind and the other dynamics for centuries. They give the caring, brilliant, marvelous staff a safe point from which to communicate these miraculous technologies to bring about a world without war, criminality or the insane, where Man can rise to greater heights.

These staff and buildings are not there to silently and nobly observe the slow downfall of Man but to boost him back up to a state of freedom and ability he long ago forgot he had and to give him back the priceless gift of self brought back to life across the dynamics. We all know that this is not always easy.

The current “civilization” all too often seems more intent on death, succumb, slavery, ugliness, ignorance, stupidity, malice and dependency rather than survival. We are looking at giving our children and their children’s children a saner planet vectored toward freedom, life, achievement, beauty, knowledge, wisdom, independence, good intentions and fun games. Our donations assist this.

Ron could have done almost anything with his lifetime as LRH. I imagine him looking at this planet and asking himself “What is the biggest and best game that can be played here?” and out of that came Dianetics and Scientology. We have the incredible good fortune to be on the same planet, in the same galaxy, in the same universe, and in the same time period to have the opportunity to make this our game, too. Our luck is better than that of a lottery winner…much greater than fifty million to one. Devoting a lifetime to working in Scientology or spending some money is rather inconsequential in the bigger picture. What is consequential is that we are putting the doors in place so that if one walks through them they end up out of the trap. Try to find that door in a usual cathedral.

Join us and move up in Alumni NOW!


Joe and Annette Hochman
Class VIII Senior Field Auditors
Valley Ideal Org Alumni

Hey, what better way to celebrate Halloween than with ghost stories — from your own galactic past!


We finally get a look at this Gavin Potter character, who seems to pop up all over the place, giving Scientologists the magical skills they need to decode the universe!


Let’s all go to Nashville and get trained!


Thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those items coming!


Underground Bunker Night at The TomKat Project

We won’t be able to attend the Los Angeles shows for The TomKat Project in November, but that didn’t stop our readers from reaching out to producer Dein Sofley about an Underground Bunker night during the run!

Here’s what she said: “Saturday (November 16) after the show will be great! There’s a place next door, Hemingway’s Lounge, that I think would serve as a good meeting place after the performance: 6356 Hollywood Boulevard, 1st Floor.”

Tickets are just $15 — go here to grab them.


Posted by Tony Ortega on October 27, 2013 at 07:00

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