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The Dreaded “Joburg Sec Check”: Scientology Interrogations, Explained!

InterrogationRoomClaire Headley is taking us on our journey to train as Scientologists. She and her husband Marc were Sea Org workers who escaped from Scientology’s International Base in 2005. She spent years working with Scientology’s “tech,” and was trusted to oversee the auditing of Tom Cruise. Go here to see the first part in this series.

Claire, you’ve been helping us see how much of Scientology is all about indoctrination and control as church members move up the “Bridge to Total Freedom.” We’ve now reached something called “Expanded Grade 2,” and there’s more repetition — once again we’ll be drilled on “overts and withholds” (moral transgressions, and making them worse by trying to keep them hidden). But for many folks, this is also when they first encounter the dreaded “security check” or “sec check.” In other words, Scientology’s interrogation culture now kicks into high gear.

CLAIRE: That’s right, and it includes (but isn’t limited to) what is known as the “toughest” sec check in Scientology, the “Joburg.” It was developed in Johannesburg for the most hardened of criminals.

The ability gained here on Grade 2 is “Relief from the hostilities and sufferings of life.” And some of the subjects covered in this level are missed withhold manifestations, the murder routine, animal reactions, and dirty needles.

THE BUNKER: Murder routine? What the hell is that?

Up_The_BridgeCLAIRE: I thought you might be curious about that.

Let’s say you’re sec checking someone (interrogating them), and they refuse to answer a question. The murder routine is a procedure designed to get an answer out of someone. The idea is to ask questions that would most likely be much worse than whatever it is the subject is holding back.

So you might say to the person, “Well, did you murder someone?” “Did you hurt someone?” “Did you do something illegal?”

On and on. Until finally the subject blurts out, “No! I didn’t murder anyone. I — ” and then they spill what they’ve been holding back.

THE BUNKER: Isn’t this church fun? But hey, take us back to the beginning. Going into Grade 2, what did you think sec checks were like, and how was your first one different than you expected?

CLAIRE: Well, keep in mind, my first sec check was at age 7 when I was in the Cadet Org, so in many respects I was already pre-conditioned to this.

THE BUNKER: Ah yes, the children’s sec check, dreamed up by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard in 1961, for kids as young as six years old. No wonder Katie grabbed Suri and ran.

CLAIRE: Even though I’d been through that and had some idea what to expect, as I began Grade 2 and my first in-depth sec check, I remember feeling fearful and apprehensive. At this point, you do the Joburg Sec Check and then custom sec checks tailored to specific areas where you are suspected of having overts and withholds.

THE BUNKER: Let’s take a look at some sample questions from the Joburg.

6. Have you ever blackmailed anybody?
16. Have you ever told lies in Court?
20. Have you ever peddled Dope?
23. Have you ever raped anyone?
24. Have you ever been involved in an abortion?
27. Have you ever practised Homosexuality?
28. Have you ever had intercourse with a member of your family?
32. Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another colour?
37. Have you ever done any illicit Diamond buying?
38. Have you ever betrayed anyone for money?
43. Have you ever been a spy for an Organization?
44. Have you ever had anything to do with Communism or been a Communist?
45. Have you ever been a newspaper reporter?
46. Have you ever had intercourse while under the influence of drugs?
52. Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm?
53. Have you ever been a spy for the Police?
57. Have you ever done anything your Mother would be ashamed to find out?
78. Do you feel Communism has some good points?
81. Do you know any Communist personally?
82. Have you ever injured Dianetics or Scientology?
86. Have you ever had unkind thoughts about LRH?
88. Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about Mary Sue?
94. Have you ever used Dianetics or Scientology to force sex upon someone?
95. Do you know of any plans to injure a Scientology Organization?
96. Are you upset about this Security Check?

CLAIRE: In retrospect, it really seems this is all about control. In other words, it makes you feel there is nothing you can hide or keep to yourself. You’ve now revealed your inner secrets and those will remain on file forever.

I didn’t really understand why I needed to be asked all those questions.

THE BUNKER: What happens when you admit to something during the sec check?

CLAIRE: For the sake of an example, let’s say the answer to one of the questions is “I stole an apple.”

The next questions will be: When was it? Where was it? Is that all of the overt? Have you justified the overt?

Over and over again until you have no more answers. Then, you’ll be asked, Who missed it? What did he or she do to make you wonder whether or not they know? Those two questions are asked over and over again until no more answers.

It you have a floating needle you’re done. If not, you’ll be asked: Is there an earlier similar time you committed an overt? And you’re back at it.

And then when you’re done with all that, the original question will be checked again until you have a floating needle on it.

THE BUNKER: So let us make sure we’re understanding you. What you seem to be saying is that the questions of the Joburg are just the beginning. If the needle reacts to any of the questions, then it could have you chasing down whatever it is the interrogator thinks is there, even if it means tracking down a transgression in a past life (an “earlier similar”)?

CLAIRE: Yes, you are understanding this correctly. And the Joburg is just one sec check that is done on Grade 2. There can be a number of others added, as programmed by your case supervisor.

For example, someone might go through and make a list of every job you ever held, and then ask tailored questions to find overts you may have committed on those different jobs.

Or perhaps you have an “extensive 2D history” — meaning sexual history — you’ll get asked a boat load of sec check questions oriented to your crimes and transgressions in that area.

THE BUNKER: And can you give us some indication of how the Joburg questions are asked? Is it aggressive?

CLAIRE: Well, in my experience, that often depends on the circumstances. On Grade 2, it’s a slightly milder approach than a sec check for purely investigative purposes. After a sec check session on Grade 2, you are given the “forgiveness statement,” which was something along the lines of “By the power vested in me by the Church of Scientology, you are hereby forgiven for all overts you have fully and truthfully disclosed…”

That’s supposed to mean that information you divulged will not be used against you. However, that statement is rarely made in practice. (I did hundreds of hours of sec checking — both giving and receiving — and I think in all that time, I was instructed to give that statement probably four times.)

In terms of how the questions are asked, you’ve reminded me of “sec checker beingness” defined by Hubbard as:

“A Sec Checker is a detective. He is there to FIND OUT.

“Any theetie-weetie attitude or a coy ‘You don’t have any withholds do you?’ approach are straight routes to failure as a Sec Checker.

“The good Sec Checker is marked by his thoroughness, his willingness to pry, his swinish suspicion. He’s a believer in the meter and little else when he is on the trail of a pc’s withhold.”

THE BUNKER: In other words, it’s not a sec check if it isn’t brutal as all hell. Last week, Claire, we said Grade 1 would cost about $20,000.

CLAIRE: Factoring in the sec checking, I’d estimate Expanded Grade 2 would come in at about $30,000.

THE BUNKER: One more question: Although you got sec-checked at 7, it sounds like for most folks this is their first sec check experience, at Expanded Grade 2. But do sec checks then become recurring in a typical Scientologist’s career?

CLAIRE: Yes, this would be most people’s first experience with sec checking. And it will be one of many. Any time they get in trouble of any kind — admit to wanting to leave, or don’t desire further auditing, just to name a couple — you will be sec checked.

There’s also a round of sec checking one has to do before being allowed on the Operating Thetan levels. And then before every OT level, most people will get another round of sec checks. And then on OT VII, you’ll be getting sec-checked every six months.

In my years as a Scientologist, I had much more sec checking than any other one particular style of auditing, upper levels included.

THE BUNKER: And you were charged for every hour of it. Incredible.

COST THIS WEEK: $30,000

COST SO FAR: $88,197

 
——————–

Eddie Frencher Has a New Sweetheart!

Look who went public with his new romance! It’s Eddie Frencher, former boyfriend of Tom Cruise’s daughter Bella. One of our tipsters alerted us that yesterday, Eddie proclaimed that he’s now in a relationship with Delphi grad and fellow Scientologist Robin Anderson.

 
EddieAndRobin

EddieFrencherRelationship

 
If you remember, news that Frencher was dating Bella Cruise broke in January 2012. That summer, they were living together in downtown Los Angeles, but then we broke the news that Eddie was joining the Sea Org. Bella joined her father on his film shoot in England, and Eddie soon washed out of the Sea Org and joined Bella in the UK for a short time. We had even heard that they were engaged. But earlier this year, it became obvious that they’d grown apart. Bella is going to art school in London, we hear.

Well, we wish the best of luck to Eddie and his new gal. They sure look happy!

 
——————–

Bodhi Elfman, Comedian

Thanks to another tipster for pointing out the comedic stylings of Jenna Elfman’s husband.

 
BodhiElfmanFB

“JoJo Zawawi,” by the way, goes way back to Scientology’s early days — she was on the yacht Apollo when L. Ron Hubbard was running the church from its helm in the early 1970s. More recently, she’s become known as Scientology’s “Facebook Nazi” for leading purges of undesirables from the friends lists of church members in good standing. But what a sense of humor!

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on August 27, 2013 at 07:00

E-mail your tips and story ideas to tonyo94@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter. We post behind-the-scenes updates at our Facebook author page. Here at the Bunker we try to have a post up every morning at 7 AM Eastern (Noon GMT), and on some days we post an afternoon story at around 2 PM. After every new story we send out an alert to our e-mail list and our FB page.

If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, please e-mail our webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

 

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  • Noah Miller

    “Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another colour?”

    Wouldn’t this one get a little tricky when you start thinking of yourself as a whole track being and you’ve banged tons of aliens over millions of years?

    • Orions, Andorians, Tellurites(I was in my furry “phase”, as mother called it), Bolians, the Glowing Women of Pontius IV……………….

      • Couch_Incident

        Once you go green, you never get clean!

        • Bradley Greenwood

          The movie one was hotter.

          • Noah Miller

            NEVER!

        • Imelda Marcos

          Is that one of Captain Kirk’s girlfriends?

          • Douglas D. Douglas

            That be the one. Of many.

          • richelieu jr

            Nope, she was with Captain Pike in the pilot.

            Susan Oliver. And the girls never got any cuter than that!

            • Captain Howdy

              “And the girls never got any cuter than that!”

              I beg to differ on that, C.

          • Susan Oliver, unfortunately, is no longer with us.

            • richelieu jr

              YEs, I know.. She was so great… no matter what colour she was wearing or being…

        • Exterrier

          so funny.

    • Johan

      Presumably you come back in the the same shade lifetime after lifetime….

  • baddog5623

    The whole Frencher / Cruise deal just goes to show, Scientology relationship course is FAIL.

    • CoolHand

      Has Eddie done Grade II yet, I wonder? Do mixed-race couples in Scientology get offended that their church’s founder was a bigot?

    • Poison Ivy

      Well, to be fair, they are REALLY young.

  • Eivol Ekdal

    “Have you ever done any illicit Diamond buying?”
    If Yes then ask, “Do you still have contacts?

  • Ruby Grapefruit

    Have you ever lived or worked under an assumed name?
    Have you ever stolen anything?
    Have you ever forged someone else’s signature?
    Have you ever blackmailed anybody?
    Have you ever smuggled anything?
    Have you ever been in prison?
    Have you ever embezzled money?
    Have you ever had anything to do with pornography?
    Have you ever committed arson?
    Have you ever been a drug addict?
    Do you have a police record?
    Have you ever been involved in an abortion?
    Have you ever committed adultery?
    Have you ever practiced homosexuality?
    Have you ever had intercourse with a member of your family?
    Have you ever been sexually unfaithful?
    Have you ever consistently made a practice of sexual perversion?

    • Sunny Sands

      The way the last question is worded makes it sound like consistently is bad but occasionally is OK.

      • Ruby Grapefruit

        That’s because Elron only practiced Sexual Magick occasionally. He couldn’t get it up enough to do it consistently.

        • Nick Overmyer

          Yeah, not without, what was it? a shot of stilbesterol or something? Geez, maybe if we’d come up with viagra a half-century ago, their never would have been a co$!

    • BananaSplits8

      Though the official purpose is “Relief from the hostilities and sufferings of life”, many of those questions seem more like cos taking inventory of “talents” that could be useful at a later time.

    • 1subgenius

      Have you ever engaged in pre-marital osculation?

      • Eclipse-girl

        I thought that was still allowed, even in Sea Org

    • scnethics

      Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

    • ThetaBara

      And they’re asking seven year olds. Do they have kids word clear all these terms?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        There’s a kids sec check. I don’t even want to link to it today. This is Why I ask the Indies to at Least agree to leave the kids out of this mess. No sec checks, No Purifs, No ethics, No Nuthin’.

        • Poison Ivy

          Exactly. The kids sec check seems to have the primary objective to get kids to report on their parents.

          Oh – and to start feeling ashamed of themselves at as young an age as possible.

  • DodoTheLaser

    Sec Check questions make me wonder why the “church” of scientology treats their “parishioners” as if they are terrorists? Some church.

    • 0tessa

      They probably treat them as potential enemies and/or SP’s.

  • Observer

    “24. Have you ever been involved in an abortion?” asks confessed home abortionist L. Ron Hubbard. Filthy hypocrite.

    “… his swinish suspicion … ” Only Ron would consider that a virtue. And Davey shouldn’t have given up on being an auditor–with his naturally swinishly suspicious inclinations he could have been the best auditor ever!

    • I wonder if they usually skip that one at Int Base.

    • Poison Ivy

      We think alike, observer. “Swinish suspicion” is such an odd choice of phrase. (Nice alliteration, though.) Since when are pigs suspicious? I do like the adjective “swinish” – gotta remember to try it myself sometime – but I would use it very differently than Hubbard did. If it is an implied pejorative, then it is strange that he is using it to refer to the sec checker instead of the PC.
      Oh, that LRH! Always keeping us guessing!

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Animal Farm ring a bell?

        • Marie Claire Wolf

          Loud and clear.

        • Poison Ivy

          Oh yeah.

    • Exterrier

      D. Mousekavitch would have been a great interrogator/torturer in a Gulag. Oh, what a minute…..he already runs one.

      • joan nieman

        So true.

  • deanblair

    Oh! David Miscavige needs one of these. The question about abortions might get a few responses since the no kids policy was his baby. Then there is the have you ever blackmailed anyone question and “have you ever told lies in court?”

  • 0tessa

    Have you ever lurked on Tony Ortega’s blog?

    • CoolHand

      Oh, those questions are definitely asked today! “Have you ever read anything on the internet that presented Scientology in a negative light?” “Have you had any contact with someone who is antagonistic to Scientology?”

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist
      • Bury_The_Nuts

        Hey its the Bunker Southern SP society portrait!!!

        • Eclipse-girl

          Mine would be a chilled vodka, straight up.

          • Bury_The_Nuts

            Those are melon martinis but we only had Margarita glasses.
            BTW, I am the cute one on the right.

            • tetloj

              You’re sitting so ladylike.

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              Yeah, just like normal!

            • Eclipse-girl

              I am the one dressed in PJs . Damn I was in the bathroom when the photo was taken

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Funny. You don’t look puggish…

            • richelieu jr

              Ha! Now THAT, 3D, is the way to tell a proper Jewish joke!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Well of course. With the legs properly displaced. Always SUCH a lady!

        • tetloj

          You guys have the best hats….aiyaiyai!

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          I see the ladies left the house without their hats. Again.

          (Or did they slide to the floor after the third round, hmmm?)

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I am drinking my Green Meanie Smoothie, all veggie and protein! Swear!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Potato juice and food coloring? It’s not even the weekend!

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          Taco Night! Reminds me…next time, your making the tacos.

          • Bury_The_Nuts

            Whoo hooo!
            Can DO!!!

            • Kitz

              Wish I didn’t live on the other side of the continent… Sounds like y’all have a great time!

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              I had a bad time once. I didn’t like it, so I gave it up….(for tacos and moscato!)

            • cicely neville

              Oh, rub it in! Where’s MINE?

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        There’s one way to allay puggish suspicions…

      • Bradley Greenwood

        Those pugs are living MY life…circa 1985, anyway. TJ was hoppin’ back then.

        • richelieu jr

          I used to go down TJ way around then.. until about 88 or so, I think!

    • Sid_Sn

      Have you ever made racist statements on social media?

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Depends. Who’s asking…?

      • richelieu jr

        Sounds like somebody’s yidbit!
        (Im offended by her ‘jewbit’ not personally, but as a comedian!)

    • Bradley Greenwood

      Best one-liner today 🙂

      • 0tessa

        And that for an old lady …

  • CoolHand

    “The good Sec Checker is marked by his thoroughness, his willingness to pry, his swinish suspicion”

    Oh they’re definitely swines. All the Sec Checkers I experienced were either ice cold and ruthless or had an agenda to try and find “crimes” that weren’t even there. What a religion…

    • DodoTheLaser

      Yes. Also, covering their ass.

    • 1subgenius

      And like regular auditing, I’m sure people make up shit to get a “win” and gtfo.

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      Right, and with no, or little, forgiveness, what is the point? Being beaten up, psychologically (and physically at times) over and over again?! No wonder there are so many suicides and people getting ill. There is no hope….

  • Couch_Incident

    Pay no attention to the recording equipment behind the curtain…

    • Eivol Ekdal

      ..

  • Eivol Ekdal

    Claire – what is the cost per hour of auditing at this level? and Thanks

  • Sunny Sands

    “By the power invested in me by the Church of Scientology, you are hereby forgiven for all overts you have fully and truthfully disclosed…”

    It appears the sec checker has been taught they have the power to forgive sins, because L. Ron says so. Wrong on so many levels.

  • Andrew Robertson

    Regarding JoJo Zawawi:

    From Ron’s ‘Orders of the Day’, Jan 20, 1971 when the delightful young star auditor was called Jo Albert:

    “Our 13 year old star Dianetic auditor Jo Albert hung on for six hours on
    one session day before yesterday and changed the pc’s whole life.
    Secret of her success? She does flubless commands. It’s real Dianetics.
    You should try some.”

    Now, as the no less delightful JoJo Zawawi, she does flubless Facebook purges. She’s become the Dolores Umbridge of Flagwarts!

    Andrew

    • sugarplumfairy

      Flagwarts.. How perfectly fitting.. I’ll never again think of Clearwater in the same old way..

    • Sid_Sn

      Yep, I bet after being audited for six hours by a 13 year old girl, the pc’s whole life WAS changed.

      • Bradley Greenwood

        I get “the works” from my 12-year-old daughter… DAILY. This morning: “POPPY! Those were MY Hot-Pockets… now I crave pizza and have to wait for lunch!” She can drag the truth out of me better than anyone. If you have/had a 7th grade girl around the house, you know what I mean. But, I cherish every day of it; she’s growing up 🙁

        • tetloj

          Mind’s just 18…it’s all good.

    • Marie Claire Wolf

      Sec-checks are nothing but psychological bullying for the purpose of eating away at one’s inner core of privacy, the very special locus of one’s identity and sense of spirit, so that the victim is left bereft of inner peace. And for which on top of being robbed of self-control, one is embezzled to the tune of nearly 90,000$.
      You have to admit this has to be the greatest, most profitable con-job ever!

      • Exterrier

        Oh look. A serious comment. yay.
        This post by Tony on Sec Checking was so chilling to me that I could not get into the pugbar and yidbit stuff, which is probably designed to break the tension a bit.
        I recall hearing an interview on KABC that then host Michael Jackson, the smooth English accented talk anchor of that station was giving with a Scientology whistle blower. At the end of it Jackson put on his pal, Heber Jentsch, who in the last remaining minute and a half read off all of these lurid crimes and accusations that totally destroyed the credibility and character of the man Jackson had just interviewed. Looking back, I can see now that Heber got these blackmail and smear items directly from the “confidential” folder of this fellow’s Sec Check auditing, and undoubtedly from his Knowledge Report filled “Ethics Folder” as well. “What are your crimes, citizen”.
        This post by Claire and Tony on Sec Checks made me ill, when I think of Ron’s plan for his “religion” to eventually become the planetary government. Especially the Children’s Sec Check which could easily have their parents sent to an RPF Slave Camp if eve the Sciensmallogists achieved their stated goal of “Clearing the Planet”.
        Wow, that first question that the kids are asked on the lie detector is a doozie. I bet the first ex Mrs Cruise gave an earful to the most recent Ex on exactly how Suri would have been turned against her and used to “incriminate” her.
        This is just about the creepiest, most Soviet Orwellian stuff I have ever seen up here. And it was all designed by Lron, not by Mousekavitch. So telling.

        • Marie Claire Wolf

          Thank you for expressing my very same feelings!

    • Observer

      Ohhhh … there’s definite shooping potential in that

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Yes, 13 year old Jo Albert grew up became CO FB Police.

      Those FB purges are now more important than ever.

  • dwayners13 .

    I guess this is the point where Hubbard felt that people were sufficiently brainwashed enough to willingly be
    sec. checked (interrogated) on the E-meter/primitive lie detector without questioning it &/or saying “WTF, this shit is messed up”. The fact that they’ve already forked over almost 90 grand is also a good indicator they’ll do just about anything the church claims is necessary to “go clear” & obtain the powers of an Operating Thetan.

  • Observer

    Is a half hobbit/half twisted sadist called a hobbist, a sadbit, or David Miscavige? Asking for a friend.

    • tetloj

      Just tweeted this to him…I know nothing about twitter but will see what happens.

      Edit. It’s showing on his twitter feed.

      • Observer

        Hahaha!

        • tetloj

          I feel like I’m 13 again, prank calling on a Saturday night he he he he

          • WhereIsSHE

            Is a half Jenna Elfman/half Baby Rapist called a JennaElfmanBabyRapist, or a BabyRapistJennaElfman? Asking for a friend.

            • joan nieman

              Love it!

          • Observer

            A nice public J&D-ing will do that insufferable little clam a world of good.

          • Imelda Marcos

            You’re better at it than when I was 13!

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        Want screen shot!

        • tetloj

          Don’t know how to do that on my tablet…I was thrilled to be able to copy and paste and tweet!

          • Observer

            You can post the link to his feed

            • tetloj
            • Guest

              Here’s what “I” sent:

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Hmmm. If I Tweeted I would want to meet this “Ernest Seeker.” (And what a clever, clever name…!)

            • Erica

              Oh my! Can we really sent him tweets? I am not a tweeter but would happily learn If I could gain a few new scientology tweet pals! This is awesome.

            • Observer

              I don’t see your tweet, but then I don’t have a Twitter account.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              You can open Twitter on line and look at stuff. You just can’t “do” anything there unless you jump through their hoops.

            • tetloj

              I will post a pic tomorrow local time (it’s my beddie bye time).I have captured the image already and will post it with a proper computer with mouse and keyboard. I hate touchscreen pieces of s%$#.

            • tetloj

              Here is the twitter from last night…The conversation has now been ‘protected’ from me. Oh the entheta!

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              Looks like you are linked to Bhodi Elfman. Different dude.

        • Douglas D. Douglas

          Is this the David Miscavige you follow? As you can see, with 25 whole Followers, he’s a mighty popular fellow.

          • tetloj

            I prefer a little @taxfreeCOB, the aggressive and foul mouthed tweeter, and of course our own OTVIIIisGrrrrr8

            • Observer

              Mr. Observer follows Drunk Hulk, who is hilarious.

            • Poison Ivy

              My true love OTVIIIisGrrrr8! is THE go-to source for ALL things David Miscavige!

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Burlwood pen on the way to Poison Ivy!

            • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

              Thank you.

              We try to save the planet everyday.

          • Poison Ivy

            Is this a dummy account? I see it’s not verified.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              It would appear to be on the up and up. Just like all of Scientology.

            • Poison Ivy

              Ha ha!

          • junojones

            You don’t have enough rank to tweet David M!

    • Jgg2012

      How about a boo hoo?

      • richelieu jr

        Sticking with my Grim Weeper, thanks…

    • Jgg2012

      Check the dictionary that LRH invented.

  • Xique

    Such memories of my auditor asking question upon question . For example, auditor referring to my overt asks “Who missed it?” , and I would think to myself , I don’t fucking know, and finally I’d say “maybe my mother” . Auditor then asks ” what did she do to make you wonder whether or not she knew?” and I’d think to myself, I don’t fucking know, and finally I’d say, ” I suppose she gave me a look”. Auditor, “who else missed it ?”
    Me ,” Nobody, alright, Jesus!” Auditor, “take a look, yes, right there”. Me , ” Ok , my father missed it too.” Auditor, “what did he do to make you wonder whether or not he knew?” . I yi yi “He gave me one of those looks, ya know?” Auditor “is there an earlier similar?” Then I’d say, “NO, OK?” exhausted. Auditor, “I’ll repeat the question……….”
    Why I ever continued on with these seemingly unending questions, I’ll never know.

  • dwayners13 .

    Q. 57 Have you ever done anything your Mother would be ashamed to find out? Yes, I got fooled into spending 90 grand on Scientology courses.

    • joan nieman

      That’s the best answer yet!

  • KNMF

    What the fuck is a bodhi elfman?

    • Nick Overmyer

      I think it’s a creature from LOTR, no?

    • 1subgenius

      Half elf and half a man.

    • Observer

      He is Mr. Jenna “Have You Raped a Baby?” Elfman.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        and Nurse “AIDS is just a state of mind” Elfman.

        http://i42.tinypic.com/2nhj781.jpg

        • Bradley Greenwood

          Thanks for the memories of this character, no, really…

          • tetloj

            I’d love to see your avatar character up against Nurse Evil

        • Interested

          I have a wonderful friend whose lover and love of his life gave him HIV. He is alive thanks to the drugs he is on. Not thoughts. And the world is a richer place because he is alive. State of mind hurump….

          • Spackle Motion

            Jenna killed her career with that one statement.

        • Eclipse-girl

          I was never a fan of hers, but I had NO IDEA about such an asinine statement.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            She’s a rabid rabbit.

          • ThetaBara

            It’s on video and everything!

            • Eclipse-girl

              Does anyone have the link?

            • ThetaBara

              Hmm, I might be mistaken. TMZ has a writeup and if there was a video I’d think they’d have that, too, but I’m not finding it. Sorry. I totally thought I’d seen it!

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              I saw it too. I remember it.
              But I can’t find the video either. I did find a reference of some guys on a sports blog talking about the video and how whacked she was.
              I remember her and Bodhi actually walking up to the guy from behind and start giving him shit.

            • Poison Ivy

              I wonder if CO$ got that video removed somehow. I remember seeing it as well.
              Unless we are having a group delusional memory.

            • ThetaBara

              Thanks, Bury. Sometimes I think I’m losing my marbles! But sometimes, someone seems to have moved them. 😉

            • Eclipse-girl

              TY for trying. I looked too. I ran across a report from years later where she was denying that she ever made that statement.

      • RMycroft

        That’s a question on the Elfman Rundown.

    • tetloj

      Danny’s nephew?

      • Eclipse-girl

        I thought Danny and Jenna were siblings.

    • Spackle Motion

      Lulz.

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      The buddhist brother of Jesse “The Body” Ventura……?

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Would this be a good time to remind that scientology processes are all about Hubbard’s case and his attempts to self diagnose and self cure his physical and mental conditions? Well then, today you learned some of the naughty things Hubbard might have been up to in his little jaunt to Jo’berg. And this process is also why some speculate that he was molested as a child or teen.

    I didn’t know until today how extensive Miscavige has used sec check interrogations on his customers. The actual policy on these is it is a bridge action, like Grade 2, customers pay. If the organization is using it as a fishing expedition tool, the customer most definitely does not pay for it. So it appears DM deleted, or altered that little rule, and then went to town assuaging his paranoia as well as his Need for blackmail fodder. I do Not understand how members would put up with this particular form of abuse. I just don’t. I had 2 confessionals my entire time.

    I hated them because the questions sounded pretty insane and screwball to me. Confessionals in real churches gives you relief. Sec checks in scientology gives you anxiety attacks and makes it’s leader wealthy in the billions of dollars. I wonder how many of his sec checkers would pass the swine / sociopath test?

    And now for my daily Super Power commcercial break.

    http://i41.tinypic.com/bdkso3.jpg

    • Eclipse-girl

      To the best of my knowledge, confessionals is real churches are also kept confidential. Maybe I am wrong, but I believe $cientology is the only “religion” that keeps a file on people and has a paper trail of all of their counseling (auditing) and confessionals (sec – checs).

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I’ve never heard of files kept on confessionals in any faith, but maybe someone here knows different. The question is: Why Would They?

        • Eclipse-girl

          real religions do not black mail their parishioners?

      • Poison Ivy

        Catholic confessionals even maintain the illusion of anonymity, with the screen between priest and penitent.

        You can theoretically walk into a Catholic church anywhere anonymously, undergo the sacrament of confession, and leave, without anyone knowing your name or even if you were there at all.

        And the Priest most certainly does not record it or take copious notes for your “file.”

        • Marie Claire Wolf

          The big exception: you live in a real small town, everyone knows you, down to your vocal intonations…my grand-mother used to tell us about the visits she would get from the priest who would let her know in no uncertain terms what her husband held back from her. So, it did depend on who, where, and also when.

          • Poison Ivy

            Oh yeah. My Dad told me stories. Horror stories, actually.
            But in theory, it’s supposed to be anonymous.

            • Marie Claire Wolf

              Yeah it is.

  • GlibWog

    Bodhi.. OMG I had no idea you were so funny.. You are a hoot man..Ya got Tina Marie just Rolling on the Floor Laughing.. bbbbaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwhahhaha JOBBIT ?? Now THAT is some funny stuff..

    and JoJo… Oh Shoot Jo.. It’s just too easy.. Just too easy..
    Going to bed yawwwwwwn have a great day everyone!

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    JoJo nee Albert Zawawi’s life in scientology began at age 11 in the Palo Alto mission. Her story is one of those tragic stories of a scientology family. Her father eventually committed suicide and JoJo now acts out by disconnecting anyone in sight before they can “leave her”. Today the scientologists around her feed her delusions constantly and lather her up into a drooling frenzy. Scientology “tech” IS dangerous. This is Why.

    • whingeybingey

      Yes. I didn’t know that. How sad!

    • tetloj

      How will people like this cope when the walls come tumbling’ down…?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        They won’t and that is just the sad truth. They’ll find their way to some indie or free zone auditor most likely and eventually another tragedy will happen and get covered up.

    • Bury_The_Nuts

      I wonder what she could have done with her musical talent if she was away from the confinements of the cult?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I’ve never seen the slightest symptoms of talent in her corner. Her entire family needed psychiatric visits, like 5x a week, decades ago. So either any existing talent got crushed out of her or the arteeest thing is just another one of her loud delusions.

  • BosonStark

    27. Have you ever practised Homosexuality?

    Well, I’m always sort of in a training mode.

    • 1subgenius

      Its like “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”
      Practice, practice, practice.

    • Kim O’Brien

      Jodi Foster is my girl crush …she has yet to call me

      • Bradley Greenwood

        Jodi stalkers again?

        • Kim O’Brien

          LOL ! 😉

        • richelieu jr

          JFA!

      • Eclipse-girl

        My first memories of her are from “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.”

        • richelieu jr

          I auditioned with her for Tom Sawyer in 73 or something….

      • Poison Ivy

        Then don’t see “Elysium.” It ruined Jodi for me – I’ve never seen her phone in a half-assed performance before.

    • 1subgenius

      “27. Have you ever practiced Homosexuality?”

      “Yes, and I’m going to continue practicing until I get it right!”

    • Couch_Incident

      From Stripes:

      Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?
      John Winger: [John and Russell look at each other] You mean, like, flaming, or…
      Recruiter: Well, it’s a standard question we have to ask.
      Russell Ziskey: No, we’re not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
      John Winger: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?
      Recruiter: I guess that’s “no” on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph…

  • whingeybingey

    I don’t know that Miscavige is a cross between a hobbit and a Jew, Bodhi. More like a leprechaun and a mafia don.

    • sugarplumfairy

      and a catholic school nun..

      • whingeybingey

        Lol! And a dead cat!

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          LOL, you guys are rolling this morning. I need more coffee!!!

          • whingeybingey

            Hell, I haven’t even had first coffee! Off to fix that…

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        nix leprechaun
        add leper

        So what do you get when you cross a leper and a nun and a dead cat?

        • whingeybingey

          A very chaste person?

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            I think we’ve come up with the riddle answer as to why nobody ever touches Miscavige, and all before 2nd coffee.

            • whingeybingey

              Lol!! Oh, rofl!!! Yes. This is why.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              Marlon Brando …. Apocalypse Now. It’s like they could be twins. Well, at least in the dark.

            • tetloj

              Kurtz does mean short auf Deutsch

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              I often think the Indie’s keep sending in their own version of Captain Willard. I know the Hubbard “missionaire tech” and recognize some of the maneuvers as something that would be on Mission Orders. It appears, though, that Miscavige’s mental illness will be his undoing that brings about the Reckoning. I heard his latest is increasing prices on the horizon. His tribe is already at fever pitch. Perhaps it won’t be a Florida hurricane that rips apart his big yellow tent after all.

            • Captain Howdy

              No way DM is like Kurtz. If you really understand Kurtz from the novel or film, you realize he’s right in his observations.

        • Captain Howdy

          Lepercon

          • richelieu jr

            I went to the first Lepercons, actually… I left little piece of my heart there…

    • richelieu jr

      Howdy Doody and The Bad Seed

      Damien and the Amway Man

  • Minion Gayle

    That picture of Eddie and Robin gives me the sads. They’re both so young and sunk into this cult. I hope to hell they get out soon.

    • Eclipse-girl

      But neither are in Sea Org.

      • Minion Gayle

        This is very true, and they’re young. If the cult keeps imploding at the rate it’s been, they’ll still have time to build a life for themselves outside of the it.

  • RMycroft

    Since a sec check is not auditing (they are supposed to say “I am not auditing you” at the start), does Scientology claim the same priest-penitent type confidentiality over those folders?

    Rhetorical question. Of course they do. I’m just wondering if they’ve even had to defend the religiosity of a Sec Check in court?

    • 1subgenius

      I believe its come up in Laura’s case, and they don’t claim it. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

      • Robert Eckert

        They did claim it in Laura’s case. They wouldn’t voluntarily give up any of the folders, sec-check, regular audit, or whatever.

        • 1subgenius

          Thanks.

  • Kim O’Brien

    Have you ever tweeted something randomly antisemitic for no reason other than to sound kinda creepy ?

    And someone needs to tell me …”have you ever been involved in a baby farm ??” WTF does THAT mean ? If there is a farm of babies someone , then i want one cause i really don’t think that monkeyknickers is gonna give me one of her little twins …i have a feeling she is going to back out of that one …so where is this baby farm ?? Last one i had took me 24 hours with no pain meds to get out …and all this time there was a farm …( in Vermont?) and i could have just plucked one from the vine or something.

    Sweet jeebus indies …wake the fuck up .

    • tetloj

      That’s where Connor and Isabella came from

    • Eclipse-girl

      I only know of Brodhi for being Jenna’s husband, but I have no knowledge about him. I found his tweet very creepy and insulting.

      • RMycroft

        I think he’s one of those people who are big celebrities inside of Scientology, but have only played bit parts on this planet.

        • Kim O’Brien

          yeah ..he’s a character actor …you see him and you say …”oooohh….THAT guy …”

          • RMycroft

            I don’t think that I’ve seen any of the movies thing that he’s been in, so probably not.

            • Kim O’Brien

              Mycroft …i have been meaning to ask you ….when the hell is season 3 of BBC Sherlock coming out ? I am DYING on this side of the pond 😉

            • RMycroft

              I’ve never seen that either. 🙂

            • Kim O’Brien

              must watch – Netflix …you will love the guy who plays Mycroft

            • Eivol Ekdal
            • Kim O’Brien

              ooohhh….gimmie some Benedict Cumberwhaterverthehellhisname is too. That man has NO PORES in his skin ..it’s like watching a cameo my gramma used to wear

            • Douglas D. Douglas
            • Exterrier

              Ahh….. Rodgers and Hammerstein…the Lost Reels.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist
          • Aslansown

            He’s got the Tom Cruise disease — he’s way shorter than his wife.

      • Kim O’Brien

        there are a few creepy videos of him and his wife screaming at someone about how many babies they have killed ….it is cray cray

        • WhereIsSHE

          It was Jenna screaming, “What crimes have you committed??”; “Have you ever RAPED A BABY?” at a guy who was wearing a t-shirt she didn’t appreciate.
          Because, yeah… that’s what “evolved” beings do. *eyeroll*

          EDIT:

          From the Gawker article:

          Indie film director John Roecker tells TMZ he was walking to his car with a female friend in LA’s trendy Los Feliz neighborhood last Sunday when he was approached by a shirtless man and a tall blonde. “Hey, man, you’re making fun of my religion,” said the stranger angrily.
          Roecker quickly recognized the couple as actor Bodhi Elfman and his wife, ‘Dharma and Greg’ star Jenna Elfman. Mr. Elfman’s ire was apparently drawn by Roecker’s self-made t-shirt, which had a picture of Tom Cruise on the front under the caption “Scientology is Gay!” and a ‘Stayin’-Alive’-era John Travolta on the back with the words “Very Gay!”
          Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said “What crimes have you committed?” and began screaming at Roecker, “Have you raped a baby?” as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic.

          • Eclipse-girl

            Anyone got a link to the video? I got news reports when I was looking for it.

            • WhereIsSHE

              From the TMZ article:

              According to Roecker, whose encounter was first reported on LA’s KROQ-FM’s Kevin and Bean Show, the invective started to fly after he made several references to Scientology theology and its reported central tenent, the story of Xenu.

              Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said “What crimes have you committed?” and began screaming at Roecker, “Have you raped a baby?” as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic.

              Roecker says it appears that Bodhi Elfman prepared to take a swing at him, but thought against it.

              Bizarrely, Roecker also says that the Elfmans had a young, twenty-something male companion with them whom they continually instructed to move away and cover his ears whenever references to Xenu were made.

              Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2006/06/13/when-elfmans-explode/#ixzz2dB2S81An
              Visit Fishwrapper: http://www.fishwrapper.com

              Bwwwwwwwaahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

            • Still_On_Your_Side

              I am sure Tom Cruise and John Travolta are very ticked off by the Elfmans’ supreme stupidity. By, so “defending” their religion against the “insult” of homosexuality, they have placed that issue, and Cruise/Travolta’s “gay or not” issues in the headlines.

      • Marie Claire Wolf

        And worthy of a commendation from the KKK.

      • Exterrier

        That is the only thing he is known for, that’s why.

    • MarionDee

      Baby farms were common in the early 1900s through the 20s. There’s an entire silent movie called “Sparrows” (1927) that’s about children who are raised in one. Baby Farms were usually (and obviously) a farm or semi-rural environment; parents who could no longer support their children sent them there, paying a small fee. In return, the children were clothed (though often in gunny sacks or something like that), fed (God knows what) and supposedly taught useful farming skills. No limit, of course, on how many hours a week they worked. Very often the children slept on the floor, almost starved, or died of disease. Baby farmers also sold the children in their care to interested parties, no questions asked if they couldn’t squeeze any more money from the parents.

      You could send a child in his/her early to mid-teens there: back in those days, anyone who was younger than sixteen or so was often called a baby, especially onstage. (e.g. “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”–Bette Davis’s “baby” character was billed as Baby Jane in vaudeville, a rare example of Hollywood getting its history right.)

      I have no idea why the word “baby farm” was used in that document. It was decades out of date. Maybe LRH had seen “Sparrows” when he was young (very powerful movie, and very Gothic as children escape their baby farm but must do it through a swamp) and took all the wrong lessons from it. He certainly practiced the soulless exploitation of children. Children in the SeaOrg certainly seem to be on a version of a baby farm.

      For your interest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sj855_GHBc

      • cicely neville

        That is very interesting. The only baby farms I’ve read of were the ones in England in past centuries (earlier than the 20th), where illegitimate infants were ‘farmed out’ – same idea tho. The survival rate was almost nil.

        • Marie Claire Wolf

          The catholic church had hundreds of hospice for unwed mothers & orphanages, babies were offered to childless families for a ‘donation’ to their congregation.

          • Poison Ivy

            The Irish laundries.

            • marti

              The Magdalene laundries. The Irish Prime Minister (Taoiseach), Enda Kenny, formally apologised on behalf of the state for its role in the Magdalene laundries in Feb of this year. Quite a few articles.

              Some 10,000 women and girls were made to do unpaid manual labour in laundries run by Roman Catholic nuns in Ireland between 1922 and 1996.
              Amazing.

      • Imelda Marcos

        Sounds a lot like the Sea Org. Maybe the purpose of the question is to find a contact for future recruitment purposes.

        • MarionDee

          Could be! I never thought of that! (Though I doubt that the Sea Org has surrounded kids with attack dogs and alligators to keep them in line, as in that film clip.)

          • Exterrier

            They just never thought of it. Hope they don’t read this blog.

      • ThetaBara

        I thought it was like Baby Gro-Bags!

        http://www.tv.com/shows/max-headroom/baby-grobags-120680/

        Of course when I went to look it up I discovered there is a company selling sleeping bags for babies with this name. Do they not know their pop cultural history?!

        • MarionDee

          That phrase sticks in my head like a bad jingle. I will never think of baby farms — or birth, for that matter — the same way again!

      • Exterrier

        Wow. Read the Ex Scientology kids blog for a while, and then put this youtube clip on. It is a perfect fit.

  • Ms. B. Haven

    Ahhh, the good old Jo’berg. I have to admit, that when I did Grade II I was sort of looking forward to it. I had heard about how tough it was and I wanted to get through it to sort of show that I could do it. I was disappointed. Many of the questions seemed to have nothing to do with me or my situation at all. Diamond buying, communism, baby farms, etc. WTF? Since the Jo’berg was written by Hubbard, it had to be followed to the letter. I remember thinking that this was a complete was of time (and MY money).

    As Claire accurately states, sec checks can be customized for the individual. At least that part of scientology ‘evolves’ and can stay current. The one question on the list that I can’t believe they haven’t removed is:

    “Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about Mary Sue?” I would think that today’s typical pc would have a massive misunderstood. Who is Mary Sue? I would think a modern version of this would be in order:

    Auditor: Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about David Miscaviage?
    pc: blah, blah, blah…..

    Auditor: Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about Shelly?
    pc: who?

    Auditor: Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about the President of the Church?
    pc: who?

    Auditor: Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about Ed International?
    pc: who?

    Auditor: Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about the Church Spokesperson?

    pc: who?

    Auditor: I’d like to indicate that my needle is not floating…

    • richelieu jr

      P;us a ‘mary sue’ means something very specific t writers and storytellers…

      And yes, I HATE Mary Sues, as do most right thinknig, non 50 Shades reading people…

    • Missionary Kid

      Miss, if you’re interested in meeting at Portland, contact me at skepticalmissionarrykid at gmail dot com

  • villagedianne

    Still wondering if Cruise engineered the kids’ breakup. Otherwise, how does the boyfriend of Bella get recruited into the Sea Org? You’d think he would be left alone.

    • Eclipse-girl

      But how did Eddie get out of Sea Org, if it wasn’t for Cruise? Did Eddie fail at the ERF?

      • villagedianne

        Not sure, but I believe a lot of recruits leave in the beginning.

        • Eclipse-girl

          Ok. I would think the hold onto every recruit they can get.

      • AnyOldName1

        Things may have backfired for Tommy Control-freak when Bella looked like she was about to sign up. Then he had to get the BF out to keep Bella out. In between running her life he had to make a movie & deal with Katie’s defection – it’s no wonder he had no time for Suri.

        • Eclipse-girl

          So Tommy knows enough to keep his children out of Sea Org.

  • NeverIn

    The Joburg sec check is the clearest statement of LRH’s values so far. This is Scientology’s Sin List. There is no way to read it without concluding that LRH and therefor Scientology is racist, homophobic, and deeply paranoid. I’m only surprised the questions aren’t more overtly misogynistic.
    The Now Religion, as long as Now is 1954.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      There are other sec checks.

      • deselby

        Like the dreaded Hoborg sec check…

        69. Have you ever exploited a glitch in a video game to score points you didn’t deserve?

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      From the NatLamp Mad Magazine parody (1971):

    • Conditioner

      Neverin, just to give some perspective on the Joburg Sec Check, Hubbard wrote it while he was in Joburg back in the early 60s. Among other things he was doing in that country was creating attachments with members of the S. African gov’t.

      Illicit diamond buying was a big deal in that country. So was sleeping with a member of a different race or being a member of the communist party. Typical 50s and Dutch Reformed Church morality. As to the unkind thoughts of Hubbard or MarySue – give me a fucking break. Big brother morality.

      • Bury_The_Nuts

        Wasn’t that where he had some fun with frocks?

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          you’re so bad. love it! I gave Observer a hard time yesterday for showing that picture.

        • Poison Ivy

          He was dropping some pinks and greys at the time, too, wasn’t he?
          And saying he was the reincarnated Cecil Rhodes (um, until he learned Rhodes was gay)?
          And trying to convince the So African gov’t to make him their leader or something? (They eventually booted him out, like everyone else NOT under mind control who was around him for any length of time)

        • junojones

          I think that was Rhodesia and he was in his ‘I was Cecil Rhodes last time around’ period.

        • Conditioner

          Naw – but I know where you’re going with this = also a funny scene

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Early derail alert: Any news if Devon Campbell made bail yesterday?

  • Bradley Greenwood

    “24. Have you ever been involved in an abortion?”. Uh, yeah… DM told me to get one…

  • 10oriocookies

    I got to do my Joburg with Mary Reiser. What fun. For some reason, illegal diamond buying popped up along with enslaving a world. I did it, time for lower conditions.

    • pronoia

      Did you find yourself making shit up just so that you could get out of it faster?

      Edit: I didn’t mean that question to sound as though I were interrogating you!

      • Bury_The_Nuts

        I would be making all kinds of stories up.

        One has to entertain themselves!

      • 10oriocookies

        No. I thoroughly believed all the stuff i was making up:)

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          argghh…that is why the scientology environment and processes are so sadistic and evil. And you had Reiser? oh my.

          • TonyOrtega

            No, he had RIESER.

            Paul Reiser was busy that day.

            • richelieu jr

              Nice job on your spell check guide the other day, BTW 🙂

            • Poison Ivy

              I think I’d prefer Paul Reiser to do my sec checks. At least there’d be a few giggles in there.

          • Bury_The_Nuts

            RIE, like in LIE.
            You will never forget it again!

            But this will make you laugh….I pronounced her name wrong and Tony got to correct me on THAT!
            In person.

            (I just did it to take the heat off you people!!!)

        • richelieu jr

          THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

    • ThetaBara

      You enslaved a world? Naughty!

      • 10oriocookies

        Sometimes you just have to put people to work.

  • EnthralledObserver

    lol… totally off topic, but recall a couple weeks back I mentioned my daughter was doing her English assignment about the media and $cientology… well, here is the, obviously not finished, rough draft of said assignment that I’m supposed to look through for her to make sure her facts are right. I think so far she’s been listening to my ramblings and taken it all in marvellously… I thought I’d covertly share it with you all… lol

    English Assignment

    Good morning/afternoon ladies of Medialiteracy.net. My
    name is Kaitlyn and I’d like to share this time with you to present this
    presentation to you about how the media has been currently representing the
    religion, Scientology.

    What is the first thing you think of when you hear
    “Scientology”?. Now, if you’ve had
    first-hand experience in the religion and somehow, managed to escape, I’d
    understand if you had a negative opinion on the religion but I’m almost positive
    that most of you in this room, including myself haven’t had that much close
    experience with the religion to have our own, personal opinion on the matter.
    Back to my question before, if you had thought a dangerous cult, then that is
    the exact answer we all, non-scientologists, are probably thinking, but why is
    that? If you haven’t been living under a
    rock for the past few years and been reading or listening to the media badgering
    on, you would have heard at least one
    negative report about the religion being a dangerous cult luring innocent souls
    to join and spend millions of dollars on courses that don’t do anything but
    brainwash them.

    Scientology is a religion, developed by
    L. Ron Hubbard. The official site says it’s here to offer ‘precise path leading’
    and guide them into finding their ‘true spiritual enlightenment.’ (gonna talk more about their
    background/beliefs)

    The first example I’d like to discuss
    is from a newspaper article talking about the movie After Earth and how it became a flop in
    the box office. The film is about a crash landing that leaves the characters, a
    father and son, stranded on Earth. With the father injured, the son must board
    on a dangerous journey to signal for help and apparently reveals some
    scientology undertones which, according to the article, is one of the reasons
    why it wasn’t a well-liked movie.

    Second example that we’ll examine is a
    Hollywood film called The Master. The
    film had the scientologists fight hard into not letting it air. Why is that, you
    might be asking? Well, the film summary is, “after returning from the Second
    World War, having witnessed many horrors, an intellectual creates a faith-based
    organization in an attempt to provide meaning to his life. He becomes known as
    “The Master”. His right-hand man, a former drifter, begins to question both the
    belief system and The Master as the organization grows and gains a fervent
    following. The movie seems to be based around the scientology religion, “the
    master” representing the scientology leader. Here is a clip from that movie.
    (shows clip and talk more about
    that).

    My last example that I’d like to share
    is the public’s thought on the famous actor, “Tom Cruise.””

    • tetloj

      And I had a teenage offering on Julius Caesar to check over this week. Your homework is way more lulzy than mine.

      • EnthralledObserver

        I was kinda hoping Tony might help me out with this one… you know, because he has slightly more experience than me… :p

        • ThetaBara

          I think there are better, more concrete examples than the movies, which are fiction. How old is your daughter? Because of course some of it is pretty hair-raising.
          I would bring up Katie Holmes and Suri and talk about why Katie left, and how children are treated. Jenna’s book might be a bit much but she has done many interviews with real information. Also disconnection, even kids would understand why that was harmful.

    • richelieu jr

      Very nice, though I think she has the origins of the Master character and that of his right hand man confused. Freddy came back from the war, not the Hubbard stand in…

  • PickAnotherID

    “SecCheck” = Tell us everything you ever did that we can use to blackmail you if you ever speak out against $cientology, or don’t sign over everything you own to the IAS.

  • Bradley Greenwood

    Can you imagine a huge crowd chanting “SEC_CHECK DAVID…”

    • scnethics

      Yes – doing that right now – thanks!

  • Mark

    I don’t know what a half-Hobbit, half-Jew is called.

    But I do know what a half-Scientologist, half-Hobbit is called:

    A Shit.

    And Bodhi Elfman is one.

    • scnethics

      A few years back, in front of a big crowd at one of his birthday parties, Bodhi said (and I quote), “I’ve always considered myself an elitist.” He went on to “soften” that, explaining in so many words that he is elite and so should surround himself with people who are elite. And he extended the “compliment” to the audience by intimating that by gathering them together, he had surrounded himself with the elite. He really has no idea what he’s saying half the time.

      It’s sad, because he used to be an incredibly funny guy, and that’s the truth.

      • Spackle Motion

        In my early 20s, I once knew a male model-type that went around saying that he only surrounded himself with attractive people, and had problems with some of my friends because they weren’t people he wanted to be around. This guy was a complete horse’s ass.

        Imagine what was going through my mind when, a few years later, I went to his funeral (he died very young of cancer) and I finally saw his parents. They were of mixed race and rather unattractive. That’s when I understood that people who like to feel superior like Bodhi and say stupid shit like that are usually battling their own insecurities and deep-seeded demons, very much like the homophobic screamers that gay bash.

        It must be difficult to be the loser Elfman relative and less successful half of an entertainment marriage (although Jenna’s career is going nowhere, fast). I suppose that Scientology was the only thing that made this guy feel worthy. Sad.

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          Wow, how sad. What a warped person.

          Oh yeah, and that guy you knew too!

        • scnethics

          You just described it perfectly.

        • 1subgenius

          If he had been smart he would have surrounded himself with only unattractive people.

          Reminds me of a guy who was turning 40 and said he wanted to go out with a 20 year old to make himself feel young.
          I said that would only make him feel old, and that he should go out with a 60 year old.
          THAT would make him feel young.
          Seemed obvious to me.

          • Bury_The_Nuts

            Bingo!

            • 1subgenius

              By the way, if you yell “Bingo!” in a bingo hall, and you don’t really have bingo, you will get thrown out.
              I learned that one the hard way.

            • Eclipse-girl

              Thanks for the laugh. I admit it is not something i would do.

            • Douglas D. Douglas

              So, “1subgenius” is truth in advertising?

            • 1subgenius

              Indeed.

            • richelieu jr

              Those old folks play pretty rough…

          • richelieu jr

            You’re so right, man. I went out with a 25 year old (17 year age difference at the time) fo different reasons, but boy did I end up feeling old.

            • 1subgenius

              Always a good time to remember that youth is wasted on the young.

          • TheHoleDoesNotExist

            You could start your own cult and/or religion!

        • pronoia

          Is Bodhi related to Danny Elfman? That could definitely make him feel like the family looser.

          • scnethics

            Danny Elfman is Bodhi’s uncle.

        • 1subgenius

          “people who like to feel superior like Bodhi and say stupid shit like that are usually battling their own insecurities and deep-seeded demons”

          The truly great, competent and secure are humble.
          The incompetent and insecure are boastful.
          Emotional nuances of the Dunning Kruger effect.

      • Mark

        Dunning-Kruger effect?

        • scnethics

          I’d say that you see that with all scientologists when it comes to enlightenment. They are all supposed to be advanced spiritually, yet they suppress their emotions, fail to suppress their tongues, and think they are better than everyone else.

          • Eclipse-girl

            Not being a Buddhist, I may have this wrong, but I thought Enlightenment or Nirvana was not about comparing yourself to others.

            • scnethics

              Being a long-time scientologist, I know just about nothing about Enlightenment! 🙂

            • From A Fish Called Wanda:

              Wanda:
              Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not “every man
              for himself”, and the London Underground is not a political movement.
              Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

            • pronoia

              Haha! That is one of my favorite movies of all time. The first time I saw it, the lame friend I was with almost walked out because I laughed so hard & loud she became embarrassed. I still laugh when I see it.

            • Eclipse-girl

              Very nice reference. Very good film.

            • Robert Eckert

              “Apes don’t read philosophy” — “Yes they do, Otto; they just don’t understand it!”

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5IQnQhzMSI

        • WhereIsSHE

          There should be a photo of Miss Cabbage next to every reference to the Dunning-Kruger effect!

          • Bury_The_Nuts

            Like a fucking Trademark!!!!!!

    • pronoia

      And it is the Scientology half that is the shit part.

    • Mark

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      As usual, right to the point.

    • ze moo

      Sir, you besmirch the good name of excrement.

    • Otto T Mariedahl

      Nawww if Bodhi was half-Hobit he’d be a pretty mellow dude that ate like 10+ meals a day and he would only wear one shoe.

      He isn’t a half-orc, those guys are only ugly on the out-side.

      I say he is a pure breed sci-bot all the way to his shity little heart.

  • 1subgenius

    Would be funny to answer every question “Why, yes. Yes I have as a matter of fact. And I liked it.”

    • KNMF

      I would love to hear some emeter war stories. Extreme sarcasm. or “I was a happy slut on another planet 3million years ago, but today I can’t achieve orgasm.”
      Does a scientologist have it in them to act up? I guess a good sense of humor is one of the 1st things to go.

      • 1subgenius

        Pardon me quoting my hero Enturbulator 009 aka El Queso All-Stars yet again.

        “Humor is the one thing cults can’t stand.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6v90STgVgg

        • KNMF

          generally, humor has confused the hell out of scientology.

          Hey, culty lurker! We know you’re out there. Next time you’re being sec-checked, launch into a super disgusting version of “the aristocrats,” and please report back here. Tell us how it goes.

      • Conditioner

        I really have to reply to the above comment.

        Yes, I had one person ‘act up’ of all the people I’ve sec checked over the years. Unfortunately, for me, he was the funniest fucker I’d ever met, in or out of session. So, the meter would read on a question such as have you ever practiced (some kind of weird sex act) and away he’d go. He may as well been on stage at the Comedy Club – he was gut-hurting hilarious in his description of what he had done. I mean, he was a bloody Comedian. You have no idea how hard it was trying to be “swinishly suspicious. I kept losing it, sort of a half assed grin would uncontrollably burst across my face, then I’d have to somehow remove it ( I looked like an embarrassed Woody Harelson). Finally, as he got to the “overt” he really turned up the presentation of the act. And truthfully, I just totally lost it. I burst into hysterical laughter, stamping my feet and let it all go. You should have seen his face, the look of a comedian finally getting the house into the palm of his hand.

        My thoughts were, ‘no fucking way am I going to write this shit down, especially how I blew my confront. I just wrote the session up as a normal session. But actually, my pc and I had just a fantastic time, laughing our asses off for hours as he continued to relate his “misdeeds” You have to know he really was telling me the truth. The big difference was he thought what he’d done was just a riot. We both got so much out of that session. When we’d encounter one another later, we’d just crack up all over again.

        Never happened before or after ever again. But I’ll never forget that session or that pc. He was a highly intelligent, able and very happy person and everyone loved him. God, I wish I could use the names, place and time.. A lot of you would just howl in remembrance.

        • Poison Ivy

          Nice to know you had a few moments like this to take out of the whole mess, Conditioner.

          • Conditioner

            PI, outside of seeing the group I love slowly being destroyed over the last 30 years I really do have many happy moments from the first 10 years, taken out. A lot of those folks with similar moments are posting right here every day. God, we had a ball.

            One of my great desires is to come out of the closet and tell everyone some really great stories. There is just so many of them. But, like most folks, I have family to consider.

            And thank you for your considerate comment.

        • KNMF

          sometimes the reactive mind is a resilient little booger. thanks for the tale, conditioner.

          • Conditioner

            Good point. And humour is the great destroyer of the reactive mind as well as uptight people.

  • Bradley Greenwood

    Yup

    • richelieu jr

      Try bitch slapping.

      Could do him a word of good.

  • Spackle Motion

    What I want to know is what happens when the student laughs at these questions. I wonder if anyone could laugh and still get a floating needle. What happens to students with one arm or lame hands that cannot grip? I suppose that may be one good way to get out of this stupid process.

    It is the ultimate con that you are interrogated with these ridiculous questions and then pay $20K-$30K for it.

    • 1subgenius

      Or someone with no hands. They must put the cans under your arms. Oh yeah, Scientology is NOT for the disabled, but to make the able more able. I do have a problem with that.
      (By the way Ty Cobb did NOT beat up a spectator with no legs, as I had heard.
      It was a guy without one hand, nor most of the other.
      When the crowd yelled for him to stop because the guy had no hands, Cobb retorted “I don’t care if he’s got no feet.”
      And that was far from the worst of his behavior.
      Note to self: start petition to have Ty Cobb’s statue removed from the stadium.)

    • richelieu jr

      It reminds me of Banana Republics making families pay for the bullets used to execute their menfolk.

  • NeverIn

    Did Ron have an explicit list of sexual perversions?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Yah, but it will cost you $300,000 to see it..

      • Douglas D. Douglas

        OK. Made me laugh.

    • I don’t know about an explicit list, but from what I’ve gathered from various sources: anything other than missionary position sex between a married couple is considered a perversion by Scientology. I’ve also seen a couple ex-Scientologists say the woman is not supposed to move at all during it.

      • Poison Ivy

        Read Ron’s Admissions and Affirmations to get a little idea of where his problems/perversions lay.

  • pronoia

    I have a question about sec checking — is it considered auditing (since it is on the e-meter) and therefore “protected” by the cult’s so-called priest-penitent confidentiality? Because it seems clear (no pun intended!) that this process is how “information” (some truthful some not probably) is obtained by the church. And later used against its apostates?

    Also, during the TomKat Project, one of the most moving and disturbing scenes was a mock up of little Suri Cruise being subjected to the child’s sec check. Whether or not this actually happened to Suri was obviously not the point, rather that helpless innocent children in this evil organization ARE being subjected to this torturous practice.

    • Bury_The_Nuts

      It is on the e-meter but it is not really auditing.
      Hence the “I am not auditing you” statement.

      Auditing is (OK, trying to write this with a straight face) supposed to help you.
      Sec checks are to gather intel and blackmail data for the cause.

      They only share the “religious artifact” known as the Emeter.

      • pronoia

        So do the scilons claim that it is covered by their so-called priest-penitent privilege? And if not, then it would be an excellent way to get the cult to hand over files — demand copies of all sec checks? If it is suppoedly covered, then exes who are the victims of these whois tactics should so for breach of contract.

        • Eclipse-girl

          Everything $cientology does , they claim is an ecclesiastical practice and is therefore protected. RPF is a voluntary ecclesiastical punishment so its OK if they break the law.

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            Unless they are trying to sell the exact same thing to government, or schools, or business. THEN they claim it magically becomes secular and not religious so is just fine for the government to subsidize and/or make money from.

            • Eclipse-girl

              Yes, I forgot about Applied Scholastics and Narconon, Crimonon, etc

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          When it is convenient they scream privileged.

          When they want to use the material for Freedum Mag…..then not so much.

          They are nothing if not hypocrites.

          • Spackle Motion

            Scientology is a Hypocrite Farm, and one only needs to read Rathbun’s almost daily written mental farts as an illustration of how deeply hypocrisy is rooted.

            • George Layton

              A simple mathematical formula for the scientology phenomena.
              Where: is any other idea that is the exact opposite of < also put forth by hubbard.

        • ze moo

          Laura DeCrescenzo’s lawsuit may have established that ‘sec checks’ are not covered under ‘priest-penitent’ privilege. While that ruling is being appealed, Laura got her folders and we’ll see how that matter plays out.

          If all the ex’s who were fair-gamed and disconnected sued the CO$, it would collapse. Lets hope…..$camatology promises a lot and delivers what it wants to deliver, empty wallets and ronbots.

          • pronoia

            So does that mean that she did NOT get copies of her auditing files?

            I am sorry if I sound so confused. But obviously the cult has mastered the art of shifting definitions and meanings of things when it suits them to.

        • Ruby

          The sec checks, even tho you are told “I’m not auditing you”, are all kept in the person’s folder…which on the front of the folder has a stamp that reads, “Confidential, Priest/Penitent Privileged File”. So…as BTN says below, it is privileged when it is convenient for them.

    • 1subgenius

      Nice to hear this was in the play.

    • Ruby

      Yes on the question about children. There is a sec check written specifically for children, ages 6-12. It is 98 questions long…

  • Eclipse-girl

    This sec-check is done for children as young as 6 and 7. Do kids even know what some of these questions mean? I think of young kids answer yes to 32. Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another colour? because of a sleep over with friends.

    • pronoia

      I believe they have a special set of sec check questions for children, basically aimed at training them to rat their parents out.

      • Eclipse-girl

        OK. This is when they start training the children to be be spies on their families. A different form of creepy

        • WhereIsSHE

          Tony has a link to a piece re: the Children’s Sec Check in the article, and within that piece you can see the questions asked of children.

          Here are just the first few:

          What has somebody told you not to tell?
          Have you ever decided you did not like some member of your family?
          Have you ever taken something belonging to somebody else and never given it back?
          Have you ever pretended to be sick (ill)?
          Have you ever made yourself sick (ill), or hurt yourself to make somebody sorry?
          Have you ever wanted something very much, but never told anybody about it?
          Have you ever gotten yourself dirty on purpose?
          Have you ever refused to eat just to worry someone?
          Have you ever remembered something about yourself and not told anybody, because you thought they wouldn’t believe you, or be angry at you?
          Have you ever refused to obey an order from someone you should obey?
          Have you ever told another child something that wasn’t true, just to frighten or upset him?
          Have you ever bullied a smaller child?
          Have you ever deliberately got another child, or a grown-up, into trouble?
          Have you ever pestered older children, or grown people, who were trying to work?
          Have you ever been mean, or cruel, to an animal, bird or fish?
          Have you ever forgotten to give food or water to a pet entrusted to your care?
          Have you ever broken something belonging to someone else?
          Have you ever deliberately spoiled clothing of yours because you didn’t like it?
          Do you have a secret?
          Have you ever noticed something wrong with your body that you were afraid to tell anybody about?
          Have you ever done anything you were very much ashamed of?

          • Eclipse-girl

            Most families are a bit dysfunctional and mine had its share of dysfunction. I am scared I would have turned into quite the creep being told it was OK to spy on my family.

            • WhereIsSHE

              Imagine being REWARDED for it.
              (but being PUNISHED for saying anything about the process making you feel uncomfortable)

              It is a total mind-fuck.

            • WhereIsSHE

              And here is just another stellar example of how “Ron” was such a “great friend” (because “great friends” of humanity always come up with new ways to ABUSE CHILDREN).

              WAKE UP, INDIES. Love your auditing all you like, but OPEN YOUR EYES and look at the whole damned, ugly picture of your so-called “friend”.

            • Poison Ivy

              That is a royal mind fuck, because it’s innate in all kids to be loyal to their parents. That’s part of the issue with abuse inside the family. Kids won’t report it – even if they haven’t been explicitly told not to report it – because it’s instinctual for them to want to protect their family structure. It doesn’t take a parent warning a kid “They’ll take you away and put you in a home if you tell.” It doesn’t at all. Any halfway intelligent child fears separation from the parent already, even if that parent is abusive. (And most abusive parents employ some form of intermittent reinforcement – i.e., Mom makes wonderful chocolate chip cookies for you, then beats you for dropping the crumbs on the floor)
              So in getting kids to report on their parents, LRH is messing with something really deep-seated in all humans. He’s actually splitting the kid’s personality by convincing them that their loyalty is to something beyond their parents.
              No wonder so many second and third generation Sci Kids end up genuinely crazy. This is really dangerous stuff to be messing with.
              It also explains how LRH has now weakened the familial bonds for that generation. If those kids grow up and have kids of their own, they’re not going to be as attached to them – because these kids were taught not to be as attached to their own parents.
              It’s really sick. It’s child abuse of the worst kind.

          • sugarplumfairy

            in the TomKat project, they had a scene where Suri was being asked those questions.. People were roaring, but I bet a lot of them had no idea they were actual interrogation questions used on 6-yr-olds..

            • WhereIsSHE

              Wow. That blows my mind ( that people would find that funny).
              I’m sure you’re right about them being ignorant of the fact that it is all too real.
              Too bad they didn’t hold up that “VERBATIM” sign during that scene, I guess.

            • sugarplumfairy

              It was so outlandish, I think most people thought it was a joke..

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              Laughing at the most disturbing of things is a great way to deal with it sometimes too.
              Sometimes it is the only way through.

            • WhereIsSHE

              True, but.. roaring?
              I get the sense that they didn’t have a clue about the fact that this what these FuckNuts actually DO to LITTLE CHILDREN.

            • Eclipse-girl

              I have the opinion that while the general public knows that $cientology is a cult, they don’t care if you join as an adult. You made a mistake, you get to deal with it. I have to believe the general public is only now learning about what happens to kids who are born into this $cientology (many thanks to Jenna Miscavige-Hill and other ex scientology kids). And even then it is a skewed view point. The public didn’t see Connor or Bella Rruise, or Ella Blue Travolota join Sea Org.

          • Poison Ivy

            Yep. Let’s instill deep shame in these kids as early as humanly possible.
            You can control people with shame.

        • WhereIsSHE

          So, yeah… they are training them to be spies on their families and to be spies on THEMSELVES.
          it is so disturbing… so sick…
          I am at a loss for words to express the combination of anger, sadness and nausea I feel whenever I read the questions list.

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            it’s true, most scientologists believe so completely that their future is dependent on scientology that they will ‘rat themselves out’ for the slightest infraction they actually do. The constant self-thought-policing takes care of all the things they think that might be ‘entheta’ or ‘degrading’ or ‘disloyal’. Eventually the sec-check makes its way inward so the person is basically sec-checking themselves before they even do anything.

  • Interested

    I have never felt so much disgust as the ha ha joke of elfman… What kind of racist remarks are those… Is this the level of their intelligence… to find this type of remark funny! And this is what OT whatever superpowers brings you! Childish racist disgusting humour! My God. Have they no idea how their brains and sense of decency has been eroded by their robotic brain washing.
    As for the joburg sec checking… If this is what they willingly submit to regularly… Well… Not only do they not have any brain matter remaining, they don’t even have any self worth…so when they sit there pontificating with reporters or attacking people who have escaped, they should perhaps sit back and watch themselves.

    • Graham

      It’s the kind of racist ‘joke’ which some people considered funny back in the 1970s, along with ‘jokes’ about queers. Notable how $cientologists still seem to think it’s a big deal to accuse you of being a homo or a lesbo. Nobody cares! We all moved on decades ago, but you guys are left stuck in the past. “$camatology- it’s not the 1970s but join us any you’ll believe it still is.”

      • Interested

        I’m old enough to have been in my late teens in the 70s but if any one had come out with such shit with me I would have forgotten that I am a lady. Any man would be a enuch, any woman tongue lashed.

        • Graham

          Granted. Please substitute ’50s for ’70s.

          • Interested

            Lol ok, am not that old yet….. :-)))

        • ze moo

          Time changes a lot of attitudes. In the 50’s and 60’s if you want to start a fight, you called the other person a queer or fagot or what ever euphemism for homosexual was used in your area. Now most people don’t care, gay marriage and laws about discrimination for sexual orientation make overt discrimination a legal matter.

          By trying to control sexual relations, the CO$ just tried to be the big brother of your life. No wonder so many left, probably not for sexual things, but for the control factor. That is Lrooons Achilles heel, so few stay and really drink the kool aid, that without a constant influx of new meat, the scam collapses.

          • Captain Howdy

            Calling someone a gay related euphemism is still a popular insult on the “street”, especially in certain ethnic neighborhoods, it will get you killed

          • Poison Ivy

            Sadly, that’s not all gone. Little PoisonIvy and her friends – a mixed-ethnic groups and none of them (as far as I know) homophobic or racist – routinely used to say things like, “That’s so gay!” (pejorative for “not cool”) and “That’s so ghetto” (ditto, but even less so). Used to make me very upset and of course LPI would get an earful.

            • Eclipse-girl

              I had to scold a teen I was tutoring and friends with when he made the reference of “That is so gay” Told him that was not acceptable in my presence. He was a bit shocked.

            • Interested

              Please don’t forget that the word gay used to mean happy, cheerful, and was a joyful word. It is only recently it has changed meanings.

            • Poison Ivy

              I call the old meaning of gay “Cole Porter Gay”.

            • Captain Howdy

              But Cole Porter was gay.

            • Poison Ivy

              I know! But the irony was of course, his audience didn’t know that!

            • Captain Howdy

              Did you ever hear the Cole Porter/Jack Cassidy story?

            • Poison Ivy

              No, but I doubt it would make Shirley Jones very happy to hear it!

            • richelieu jr

              Do tell!

            • Interested

              Yep perfectly described

            • Poison Ivy

              Yeah, these kids didn’t get the context of those expressions; they were just parroting.

      • Poison Ivy

        They’re stuck in the past…or in present day Russia. Or Fox News.

    • Captain Howdy

      Hubbard was anti-Semitic, so why wouldn’t some scilons be?

      LRH is on record talking about the Jewish banking conspiracy and the Rothschild’s. The same shit you read on the internet these days from the conspiracy cult/Paultards.

      • allioops

        Yes, also the Scient book of “religions” NEVER mentions the Hebrews or Jewish teachings including the Ten Commandments. Which the how the rip off of “the way to happiness.” comes from. Leaving out any deity, of course.

    • Eclipse-girl

      I have empathy for those who underwent this ordeal and later ones.

      They started out with simple things like auditing / counseling that made they relive some traumas and deal with them (Big WINS if I understand the terminology) Auditing sessions last for HOURS. Most professional counseling sessions last an hour, sometimes two hours in unusual circumstances

      They have shouted at ashtrays, and thanked ashtrays for being compliant. FOR HOURS

      They have been shouted at, and then been thanked for being compliant. FOR HOURS

      They have shouted at others, and thanked others for being compliant. FOR HOURS

      Not being a psychologist, I would suspect the repetition involved is a form of hypnosis.

      • Interested

        You are right it is hypnosis. LRH was known to be an expert. But I have been hypnotised once to stop smoking. I knew exactly what I said and how I behaved during and after. This is not a good excuse for bad morals. That anyone should think that this repetitive behaviour can help them think or become better people is beyond me when I see in some YouTube videos how many of them behave it shocks me, and I do not shock easily. I read some where that small electric shocks force the body into a false high… This then is what they are experiencing… I am against street drugs, but this group of people are as atticted as any junkie on the street.

        • ThetaBara

          Perhaps this is one of the differences between voluntary hypnosis (which you went in and asked for) and involuntary brainwashing. Remember “Chinese school?”

          • Interested

            Chinese school? Without sounding too daft can you clarify. Thanks

            • ThetaBara

              Chinese school is basically St Joseph’s Indoctrination for Children. It’s all about rote memorization and being able to perfectly repeat slogans. LRH saw Chinese children being forced to repeat slogans until they could do it perfectly and decided to apply that to Scilon kids. Jenna Miscavige Hill talks about it in her book, Beyond Belief.

              I just think you can only place so much blame on these folks (and VERY little on anyone who was inducted as a kid – the strength of character Jenna and Leah R have shown by breaking free of an entire lifetime of conditioning is stunning to me). The whole thing is designed to break you down and turn you into a robot. And it works.

            • Interested

              Theta I agree, believe me there is no blame on those born or grown up in this sect. And as I’ve said before I hold those who have escaped in great esteem for their courage. Thank you for explaining. I can even understand in a wierd way that anyone can be brainwashed, and that is what it is. Where I find it hard to swallow is not those with morals, who like Leah or jenna (as well as others who have come out either with noise or silently) who say “this or that isn’t right” but those who are so indoctrinated that they attack in the street, shout in people’s faces, bullbaiting. The ones who know all because LRH says it s so and, because of what he says, they can fair game whoever does not agree.

            • ThetaBara

              In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess. Anything to avoid KRs, or more sec checks! Confront and Shatter!!!

          • Interested

            Thanks got the eb site really interesting.

        • Eclipse-girl

          It is also more than hypnosis. It is being indoctrinated into the cult. They make you feel important and vital and that their success depends on you. Then the small things happen like shouting at ashtrays to make them obey, and you being shouted at and obeying without question.

          I feel lucky that I have never been in a cult. Maybe, I never could fall into that trap and my independence and snarkiness would have prevented me from going too far. I have no desire to be tested that way.

          I have empathy for those who are victims.

          • Interested

            I too share your empathy, and I also hold those who have escaped in great esteem. It must take such strength and courage to face the world you no longer, or if born into the cult, never knew. I think it is so insidious that anyone could find themselves pulled in. That is what is so frightening.

            • Eclipse-girl

              Cool. I had a good chat with Mission Kid yesterday. I like this place. We care about the victims. I have to admit I am not fond of Indies, but am willing to admit it is a BIG SCARY world for those who leave the Co$. Maybe the Indie movement helps those people.

              As stated before, I am grateful that I am not and have never been in a cult. Maybe I would have been lucky and walked away early. But I sure as hell do not want that tested. I feel for those who lose 5, 10 or 30 yrs in Co$.

              Karen De La Careire and her vids with J. Swift and The Angry Gay Pope, and Tory Christman, Claire and Marc Headley, Jenna Miscavige Hill and so many many others deserve a lot of credit for being OUT THERE.

              “Standing Ovation”

            • Interested

              You put into words what I too feel. What I find fab about this site is how caring people are

        • ThetaBara

          You also might find this to be of interest:

          http://askanex.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/our-first-twitter-question-explain-the-patty-cake-process/

          It’s not therapeutic hypnosis, that’s for sure.

  • Krew13

    Most of the questions are ironic, given that Miscmidget and other high ranking Sciloons have done many of the things asked. Blackmailed, lied in court, involved in abortions, practised homosexuality, had interracial sex and spied.

    • sugarplumfairy

      I’m surprised they don’t ask if you cheat on your tax returns..

      • Eclipse-girl

        They don’t care if you pay the government. $cientology doesn’t respect any government

    • ThetaBara

      Where do you suppose they got the idea to ask?

  • Sid_Sn

    Sec Checker: 24. Have you ever been involved in an abortion?

    David Miscavige: Yes, I created a policy of no babies in the Sea Org, and then deliberately created a culture whereby women were pressured into having abortions, often without being able to consult with their partners. Whilst no official figures exist, my own personal actions have resulted in many hundreds of abortions that otherwise would not have been needed or wanted.

    Sec Checker: You have a floating needle.

    • richelieu jr

      A floating needle, Great! Let’s try shoving it up expectant SeaOrg mothers!

      More Engrams= More Scilons, right?

  • sugarplumfairy

    Awww jeez.. The murder routine.. I’m having flashbacks of childhood with my state police detective dad.. “Did you crack your brother’s head open on the sidewalk?” Omg, dad, no! “Did you trip your brother?” Ahhhh.. Kinda?

    • WhereIsSHE

      LOL! My sister pushed me and I cracked my head (well, my scalp) on a sharp edge of furniture.
      We were just kidding around, and she clearly had no intention of causing me such harm.
      She immediately called our father, a surgeon.
      My dad rushed home from the hospital, and sewed up the wound in the kitchen. No anesthetic. He said the needles to deliver it would be more painful that just the stitches.
      (I am now reporting him for this CRIME!)

      He never interrogated my sister.
      I think he was of the “kids will be kids” mindset.
      (I am now thanking him for letting us BE!)

      **To this day, my sister is my dearest friend.**

      • 1subgenius

        “**To this day, my sister is my dearest friend.**”

        Translation: I’ll get her back if its the last thing I do.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Ouch! I’m sure he was right, though.. Your dad sounds great.. we adored our dad too, despite his seeming to know everything we were even thinking about doing..

        once i had a tug of war with another brother over an etch-a-sketch.. I let go.. It wasn’t pretty.. He ended up in the hospital overnight. I was so upset.. When my dad got home, he spanked the etch-a-sketch and hugged me..

        Thank God we all survived and are still really close.. I feel for anyone who has been disconnected from their families.. My family pretty much makes my life..

    • 1subgenius

      My brother, rest his soul, was in Internal Affairs in the Detroit Police Department.
      He was a masterful interrogator.
      He was investigating cops who were ripping off dope pads.
      (You have to remember that most liars tell the truth. Just a part of it though, and in a misleading way, like you did.)
      “So, where did you get the guns, drugs, and money we found in your possession?”
      “We found them in a vacant house.”
      “What you mean is, after you announced your presence as police officers, and everyone dove out the back window, the house then became vacant, right?”
      (Sheepishly) “Yes.”

      • richelieu jr

        I used to live in Los Angeles, Silverlake and our Police Station was Rampart Station. Now I don’t know if you guys know anything about that place, but let’s just say it didn’t give me the greatest impression of American Justice.

        • Captain Howdy

          I know Rampart station and hospital from Adam-12 and E.R

          • richelieu jr

            Seriously? That’ what it was on Adam 13 and ER?
            Wow! Talk about a change in the neighbourhood! I used to love those shows as a lad…

  • USA MRIID

    “Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm?”

    It’s amazing that anybody hands their money to these fucking insane crooks. Utterly amazing.

  • Well, Bodhi Elfman has a more delicate sense of humour than his wife Jenna Elfman who was heard to yell “Have you raped a baby?”

    http://gawker.com/180473/jenna-elfman-attacks-man-in-glib-t+shirt

    • WhereIsSHE

      What?!That’s not a really great and evolved way to defend one’s “religion”, on a busy street with lots of cars driving by the scene??!

      Can you imagine what it might be like to be in her employ???

    • Marc Headley

      Whole Track Sec check.

      • ze moo

        Yes, you get to pay for hundreds (thousands? millions?) of lives and all that you did in them. Talk about a cash cow…. That is what we call a bovine hooker here on the farm….

      • Poison Ivy

        LRH sucked the air off a planet. Very hot air. And then he spend his “whole track” on earth spewing it out again.

      • Cheers

        Fairly rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

    • Otto T Mariedahl

      Nice find, that is some cray BS that the Elfmans are pulling.

  • Captain Howdy

    I answered “yes” to six of the questions listed.

    • 0tessa

      By the power invested in me you are now forgiven for all the overts you have confessed.

      • Captain Howdy

        Thanks….for not telling me to go forth and sin no more.

        • 0tessa

          Go forth and multiply…

        • ThetaBara

          Where’s the fun in that? Go forth, and sin some moar!

      • marti

        Shouldn’t that be, “Buy the power invested in me?”

    • Bury_The_Nuts

      What? How did you get only six and I got eight?

      Edit: BTW, this is for you.

      http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=crows-show-off-social-skills

      • Captain Howdy

        I’m a model citizen?

        Ha, Ha…you tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          6,20,24,46,57,82,86,88.
          Disclaimer: I was a blackmail artist as a child. I sort of outgrew it.

          • Captain Howdy

            20, 46, 57, 78, 86, 88

            • L. Wrong Hubturd

              Are these your Powerball numbers or Withholds Bingo?

      • Captain Howdy

        Thanks for the link.

        “The intelligence of the corvid family—a group of birds that includes
        crows, ravens, magpies, rooks and jackdaws—rivals that of apes and
        dolphins.”

        See? I told you guys, and some of you scoffed.

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          Did you read the part about “Alex” the african grey?

          I was so bummed when that bird died.

          • ze moo

            What about the Norwegian Blue, who died pining for the fjords…

            • Sherbet

              Literally LOLing, ze moo.

          • Poison Ivy

            I cried like a baby when I read that book. I had birds growing up. You don’t need to tell me how incredibly sensitive and intelligent they are.

          • Captain Howdy

            Yeah. I remember when he died. I was bummed, and when Paul the Octopus died also.Octopi and squid are highly intelligent

        • Poison Ivy

          I knew that!! I know a guy who trained crows for spy work in WWII. For real.
          We have to remember when we talk of animal “intelligence,” however, that we are being incredibly homo sapiens-centric in this regard. The more I observe animals, the more I become aware of this.
          I have a fairly high IQ by human terms. But I am not in any way “intelligent” enough to survive in the arctic. However, a polar bear is.
          I am not “intelligent” enough to survive in the Nevada desert. However, a wild mustang is. A jackrabbit is.
          We define “intelligence” by our own terms, meaning ability to reason and self-awareness. But if you look at our impact on the planet vs. that of many animals, I think your random Marcabian observer might label us as the most reckless and least ‘intelligent’ species on the big blue ball.
          We can’t get inside another animal’s head or experience the world through their senses. Just because they’re not pondering the nature of good and evil in their prefrontal cortex doesn’t mean they’re not “smart” – and just because they don’t recognize themselves in a mirror doesn’t mean they’re not self-aware. We are such species-centric bigots when it comes to our assessment of animals and their place in the world, that we don’t ever really look at them objectively. Science is constantly “discovering” things about animals’ awareness and brain power that are expressed as great epiphanies, when really, people who spend their lives around animals already knew ages ago.
          Animals are as “intelligent as they have evolved to be to fit their niches and do the jobs nature created them to do.

          • Captain Howdy

            “But if you look at our impact on the planet vs. that of many animals, I
            think your random Marcabian observer might label us as the most reckless
            and least ‘intelligent’ species on the big blue ball”

            Exactly. Humans are so “smart” they figured out numerous ways to destroy themselves and the planet..DOH!

          • ThetaBara

            My adult cats actually do recognize themselves (and me) in the mirror. The kitten however still wants to teach that OTHER kitten a lesson!

  • nottrue

    Have you ever done any illicit diamond buying. I WISH

    • Otto T Mariedahl

      That has to be the most random question on the list.

      Was LRH worried about someone building a laser-satellite ala Diamonds are Forever?

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        It was Johannesburg, South Africa, and the ‘sec check’ was created for ‘blacks’, because Hubbard considered that they were so lacking in morals that they would consider many things normal behavior that ‘other people’ would consider crimes or bad behavior. He was also very paranoid of his scientology being infiltrated by anyone with any other agenda whatsoever.

        Diamond smuggling, etc, were evidently common criminal activities in South Africa at the time. Hubbard himself, being Cecil Rhodes in a previous life, would have to answer up on the diamond question.

        • Otto T Mariedahl

          That makes more sense then a fear of kill-sats I guess.

        • Poison Ivy

          It’s hard to believe NOI is on board with LRH “tech” (bleccccchhhhhh… I vomit a little every time I say that word.) Given his comments like this:

          “The South African native is probably the one impossible person to train in the entire world — he is probably impossible by any human standard.”

          “As long as a white foreman is there, they will prevent soil erosion; but the moment that a white foreman turns his back — boo! There goes the whole program. And you finally get up to the point of where he’s [native] supposed to take care of something, a lesson which has never been taught to the native of South Africa.”

          “The insanity rate per capita in South Africa is appalling. …it is easily seen that a primary requisite in any programme of the rehabilitation of the Bantu in South Africa would be mental health…”

          “The Church’s auditing tool, the E-meter, requires adjustment in order to accommodate the needle’s larger movements because of the intensity of a black South African’s undisclosed transgressions (“withholds”).

          “…the African tribesman, with his complete contempt for truth and his emphasis on brutality and savagery for others but not for himself, is a no-civilization.”

          “The reason that Africans feel barbarous is because of their numerous overts that have resulted from being exposed to a “fantastic amount of space opera ” and a hostile environment.”

          “[Y]ou’ll find in Africans a fantastic amount of heavy space opera and so on, going on … which makes the colored African very, very interesting to process because he doesn’t know why he goes through all these dances … and why he feels so barbarous ….”

          “They took people who were totally dedicated to certain tribal procedures … and said, “You’re free.” And they said, “Free. Free? Free. Ah! You mean there’s no police anymore.” Boom! Boom!”

          “…the Zulu is only outside the bars of a madhouse because there are no madhouses provided by his tribe. … primitives are far more aberrated than civilized peoples. Their savageness, their unprogressiveness, their incidence of illness …”

          “The problem of South Africa is different than the world thinks. There is no native problem. The native worker gets more than white workers do in England! […] The South African government is not a police state. It’s easier on people than the United States government!”

          “But they served with great enthusiasm. Those people sure can work. The African sure can work. That’s one thing nobody has ever quite noticed about them. They are very hard-working people.”

          “Illiterate cultures do not survive and they are not very high. The natives of the tribe of the Bugga Bugga Booga Boogas down in Lower Bugga Wugga Booga Woog are mostly no longer with us, or they are around waving red flags today and revolting against their central government. And they didn’t learn fast. Their literacy was not up to absorbing culture rapidly.They’ve been very happily down amongst the bong-bong trees, you know, dancing up and down amongst the bong-bong trees, and the highest level of their interest and so forth was their own back yard.”

          “You shouldn’t be scrubbing the floor on your hands and knees. Get yourself a nigger; that’s what they’re born for.” (–L. Ron Hubbard, in a letter to first wife, Polly)

          “Actually, have you ever noticed how a Negro, in particular down south, where they’re pretty close to the soil, personifies MEST? The gatepost and the wagon and the whip and anything around there—a hat. They talk to them, you know. “What’sa mattuh wi’ you hat?” They imbue them with personality.”

          “Unlike yellow and brown people, the white does not usually believe he can get attention from matter or objects.”

          (From http://www.solitarytrees.net/racism/deny.htm )

          • Sherbet

            It’s all so funny and J&D-worthy…until lrh’s ugly truth appears. Thanks, PI, for reminding me.

          • Otto T Mariedahl

            As we say in Sweden: “May Satan take that devil!”

            Keep this in mind people, that vile drivel IS PART OF SCIENTOLOGY’S SACRED TEXTS!
            No wonder sci-bot are so hateful!

            Now I really want to see Shaka Zulu and his Impis got to town on that rat-soup eating honky LRH!

          • sister wendy

            hadn’t seen this before, PI- just checked out the link. My stomach is still reeling….

          • ThetaBara

            DAMN. This needs to be disseminated! Since of course it is all Scilon Gospel Truth!

          • richelieu jr

            Well, that’s my new goto text for Hubbard’s racism alright! I used the ‘whassamatta wit you hat?’ one up to now…

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            Thank you Poison Ivy, it is always great to have the references, Hubbard’s actual words that underlie his odious ‘tech’.

      • Where’s Shelly?

        No doubt the Communists.

  • Krew13

    Well done to that woman who’s speaking out about auditioning to be Top Gun’s wife. It’s very brave of her. I don’t think Jerry Maguire will be happy about this. The world has to know he does NOT audition for wives! He’s a totally hetero ladies’ man and he can get a woman whenever he wants! He totally loved Katie and he’ll totally love INSERT NAME HERE when the time comes.

    • marti

      I love the scene in the movie of Jerry Maguire in his office yelling into his phone, “Show me the Shelly.”

      • Krew13

        Or the bit in Top Gun where he says “I’ve got the need. The need for auditing”.

        • Where’s Shelly?

          “You can’t handle the overts!”

      • Sherbet

        How about the remake of Rainman where auditing ends Ray’s attachment to Judge Wapner and K-Mart underwear?

  • Krew13

    I’m surprised one of the questions wasn’t: Do you own the entire Tom Cruise filmography on both DVD AND Blu-Ray?

    • edge

      multiple sets, because you can help disseminate Tom Cruise by giving these sets away to a needy friend!

      • richelieu jr

        You need at least two copies (per family member!) in case one breaks down. You’d hate to be without All the Right Moves or Legend for a night!

        • Where’s Shelly?

          Or God forbid, Cocktail.

          • SoMissDelicious

            lol I actually liked that movie..

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    The sec check questions make clear that the Church of Scientology thinks it is a “crime” to have a relationship with a person of another race or the same sex. The world has moved on since the 1950s, but apparently, Kirstie Alley, Tom Cruise, John Travolta and other celebrity-Scientologists have not. The theology of his church implies his son is a lower class citizen, and that the relationship between his daughter and Eddie French was a crime, and yet Tom Cruise is silent on this? Why isn’t the celebrity news media all over the church’s racism and homophobia?

    • Marie Claire Wolf

      Tom Cruise is nothing but an insecure, needy little man with unresolved abandonment issues, to expect him to behave and emote in an average approximation of common sense is asking too much. After all, he did swallow hook, line & sinker the ‘big being’ thingy, a sure give-away of his mental state.

      • Poison Ivy

        Remember, also he’s a celebrity and they get treated differently. For all he knows, Miscavige could’ve told him that policy was rescinded a while back. And Miscavige could instruct whoever sec checks him to remove certain questions. Anything to keep him in the game.
        He dated a couple of hispanics and a Persian – seemed to have no problems there. (VERY clear he’s still a raging homophobe, though. How anyone can survive in the industry as homophobic or anti-Semitic, to me, is quite a feat. One thing I like about entertainment and theater – it’s an incredibly tolerant environment overall. Despite the greed and lying and shit.)

        • WhereIsSHE

          Hi, PI!
          I have another recommendation!
          Have you seen “VITO” (The life of gay rights activist, Vito Russo) yet??

          Another amazing documentary. (Thank you, HBO.)

          It took Vito Russo, author of “The Celluloid Closet”, to point out how homophobic Hollywood was (particularly post Hollywood’s “Production Code”), and how the manner in which gays and lesbians were then portrayed on film led to continued discrimination/hate against, and fostered low self-esteem in, the homosexual population (which was particularly damaging to children–and I mean ALL children, no matter their sexual orientation, because it helped to reinforce those harmful ends).

          I agree about theater, but entertainment on the whole (especially on the big screen and TV, too) has only made great strides in more recent years.

  • richelieu jr

    Isn’t a half human/ half hobbit called an ElfMan?

    Just asking for a friend…

    • 1subgenius

      “half a man”

      • marti

        Bodhi Halfman

        • Jgg2012

          Body of Halfaman

          • Sherbet

            Heffalump.

            • Jgg2012

              Body of Selfishman

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          You guys realize you don’t have to bother to make fun of Bodhi “ELFman’s” name as it is a constant.

          • marti

            It’s no bother.

  • Jvm3

    I have to admit I’ve never heard of Bodhi Elfman until he was mentioned here the other day. Is he only famous for being married to Dharma? He should have to go to a regular Org instead of a Celebrity Centre.

  • Cat Daddy

    I miss: Have you ever had sex with an Animal /

    • Sherbet

      The Muppet drummer?

      • Poison Ivy

        He’s damn cute.

        • Sherbet

          But loud. Oh, gosh, the neighbors!

    • sister wendy

      maybe that will get traded out for the Mary Sue question, now that she is dead and a non-person

  • Krew13

    “Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another colour?”

    Wow. So they don’t like gays, Jews and anyone having interracial relationships. What a lovely bunch of sociopaths. Why are celeb Sciloons allowed to have careers when they hold such horrific beliefs?

  • q-bird

    From the Sea Org’s recruiting video: “So if you like a good game… join.”

    Does CO$ have any recruitment video of people coming out of a sec check room?

    • Captain Howdy

      .

      • q-bird

        aye capt. – auditing vs. sec check…. & they lie… of course they do. copy that.

        i get lost in my mind. http://youtu.be/xjoA4nYBD5U

        i’m going for a walk

  • Michael Leonard Tilse

    The scientologist’s sec check:

    To protect scientology, have you lied to someone?
    To protect scientology, have you told an untruth?
    To protect scientology, have you said something was true when it wasn’t?
    To protect scientology, have you held someone against their will?
    To protect scientology, have you given someone drugs?
    To protect scientology, have you caused someone harm?
    To protect scientology, have you covered something up?
    To protect scientology, have you lied to yourself?

    In scientology, have you failed to report a crime?
    In scientology, have you committed a crime?
    In scientology, have you said something was not a crime when it was?
    In scientology, have you done nothing about a crime?
    In scientology, have you justified a crime?

    In scientology, have you destroyed a relationship?
    In scientology, have you refused to communicate?
    In scientology, have you withheld important knowledge?
    In scientology, have you kept someone from finding out?
    In scientology, have you kept yourself from finding out?
    In scientology, have you refused to find out the truth?
    In scientology, have you unjustly attacked someone?

    in scientology, have you not applied the doubt formula?
    In scientology, have you failed to look?
    In scientology, have you bypassed things that don’t make sense?
    in scientology, have you ignored an injustice?
    In scientology, have you failed to correct an injustice?
    In scientology, have you failed to correct something you knew was wrong?
    In scientology, have you accepted unfair punishment?
    In scientology, have you re-done something you didn’t need to?
    In scientology, did you accept alterations of the tech?
    in scientology, did you accept alterations to Ron’s books?

    In scientology, do you lie about your wins?
    In scientology, do you hope for wins like the others?
    In scientology, do you conceal your disappointment?
    In scientology, is your life not better?
    In scientology, are you not happy?

    In scientology, have you accepted something you knew was wrong?
    In scientology, have you failed to investigate when you were told a ‘shore story’?

    Does the prohibition against reading ‘entheta’ not make sense?
    Does the prohibition against searching for ‘scientology’ on the internet not make sense?
    Does the leaving of long time scientologists not make sense?
    Does the leaving of long time scientology executives not make sense?

    Where’s Shelly?

    • Sherbet

      OK, so what’s your point, Michael?? 😀

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        This is the Exit Sec Check

        • Sherbet

          When a scn is lucky enough to find the exit.

          • marti

            Exit, Route Out, Blow.

            Signs illuminated above every exit door in the Ideal Morgues.

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        A short process for scientologists:

        Do you hope to experience the same wins you hear from others?
        Do you lie about your own wins?

        (Process to be run alternate repetitive to EP: a life changing cognition about scientology.)

        • richelieu jr

          Do you think you’re the only one lying about their wins?
          What if everyone was?
          How long do you think it has been going on?

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            Nah, see, the key to auditing is not to ask leading questions or telegraphing the answer in the question, but to get the PC to examine their own experience and put the answer together themselves. But A+ for effort.

            • richelieu jr

              Sheesh! So much for my new career as a vacuum salesman!

        • Sherbet

          I love your perspective, MT. You’re funny and serious at the same time.

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            Tku!

    • richelieu jr

      Lovely..

      Kind of like saying ‘…in bed’ after every fortune cookie fortune…

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        You will be having fun with Tony Ortega, in bed? Like that? 🙂

        • Kitz

          *Shakes head*

      • Sherbet

        “In my day,” it used to be record titles and “under the sheets.” (Before that it was papyrus scrolls and something about Cleopatra’s asp.)

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          Cleopatra had a nice asp.

          • Sherbet

            “Under the sheets.”

            • WhereIsSHE

              LOL! Some still do the whole “under the sheets” routine at bridal showers.
              One friend *secretly* (not) scribbles down phrases that the bride-to-be blurts out spontaneously as she is opening her gifts, and then, at the end.. the friend reads them out loud while the entire group chants at the end of each, “under the sheets!”.

              For example:
              “Ohmygod… it’s soooo BIG!” …”Under the sheets!”
              “What do I do with this??” …”Under the sheets!”
              hahahahaa….. NOT

              Bridal showers are the worst…. until you compare them to Sec Checks.

            • Sherbet

              Thanks for the update, WhereIsSHE. I haven’t been to a bridal shower in a long time, and, you’re right, they’re torture, even minus the e-meter.

        • sister wendy

          I love that- we still do it. Certainly makes fortune cookie reading more fun….

    • sister wendy

      wow- I can just hear the cadence spoken and everything….

    • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

      Michael, that is Black Dianetics. What you are doing would totally put a pc into serious danger.

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        Why?

        • OTVIIIisGrrr8!

          Why?

          Because your questions make pc’s wrong for protecting the Church by evaluating for them. Specifically, the “sec check” questions you have written imply that wog law means anything or that degraded considerations such as family are more important than the Church.

          All of these questions act as wrong items to we in RTC so please stop trying to force them on us.

          • Michael Leonard Tilse

            Ahhh. I see it now. YOU have charge on this sec-check. YOU have reading items on it but you have to project your case trouble onto an imaginary straw-PC.

            You are busted OTVIIIisGrr8! ! A true committed scientologist with completely rationalized and unswerving allegiance to all things scientology would NEVER object because there would never arise even a glimmer of concern.

            Thus you reveal yourself as not having attained the true complacency and blind trust in scientology that is the exemplar of an OTVIII completion.

            Report to the RPF for a complete retrain from your first course and complete FES of your auditing followed by redoing each level in scientology from the bottom up, and THIS TIME FOR REAL!

    • Exterrier

      yay. I want to strap some OSA guys down with a klieg light and emeter and duct tape and make them go through this, with a thirteen year old auditor, for three straight days and nights. yay.

  • fascinated lurker

    88. Have you ever had any unkind thoughts about Mary Sue?

    Do they still feel compelled to ask this? Would contemporary Scientologists have heard of Mary Sue?

    • Ivan Mapother

      Hells bells, if you’re going to be that way about it, they’ll knock off $20 . Does $29,980 sound better? Is there any wonder why it’s taking so long to open Super Powers when you have these type of questions being asked? KSW.

    • richelieu jr

      Not to mention they made her the scapegoat for the whole Snow White thing…

      Isn’t everyone supposed to have bed thoughts about her now? She betrayed Ellar Aitch, after all!

    • Captain Howdy

      I would guess that question has been nixed considering Mary Sue is an “unperson” in Cof$

    • marti

      There are contemporary Scientologists?

  • Artoo45

    Okay, so this Joberg Sec Check is fairly awful but fully expected from the Stalin of Sci-fi. But what I am stuck on is “theetie-weetie.” Is that supposed to be an imitation of some mincing, lisping, limp-wristed, 1.1 pervert on the Kraft-Ebbing scale (aka Teh Ebil Gheyz)? This reminds me of the asshole jocks in junior high school who would do these horrible, exaggerated lisps and drop their wrists whenever any of us geeks would walk by “thay there thaylor, you look thuper!” But then again, it’s Hubbard’s Clique of Scientology, a toxic brew that’s part North Korea, part junior high, a dash of fantasy, two 55 gallon drums of megalomania in a base of equal parts paranoia and greed. If I could remember any of my passwords I would so change my handle to TheetieWeetie.

    • ze moo

      Don’t forget the pink and greys and rum.

      • Artoo45

        Mmmmmmmm. Pinks.

    • cicely neville

      Your formula is dead on. NK and junior high – too true.

    • sister wendy

      I don’t have my tech dictionary here, so I can’t give you the “real” definition…and I’m sure the Ex SO’s will add or change this- but basically a Theetie-weetie” is when something is not really taken seriously. When you are not taking something or behaving with enough weight and seriousness. You have to take things “seriously” in Sci-bot Land giving the impression that you could just as easily change focus to something else. Auditors are not allowed to behave in a Theetie-weetie manner. They are doing “serious” work, real work, and actually the most important work on the planet. So, you’d better be serious and mean it. It’s kind of another way of calling someone a lightweight. It’s pejorative. Does that help?

      • Eivol Ekdal

        THEETIE-WEETIE, 1. Slang. it’s from England, means “sweetness and light” (but they can’t face mest or any outness). Cannot go deeper into the bank than a thought. (LRH Def Notes) 2 . a person with a terribly high OCA who is absolutely for the birds. The Chart of Human Evaluation will tell you the truth.(7203C30)

        • sister wendy

          see:) I knew someone out there would have more;) Thanks!

        • Nevermore

          I’m a Brit, lived in London for ages, and I have never heard it until I found in here in the Bunker!

          • Eivol Ekdal

            I have been in the UK for the last 20 years and not heard a dickie bird either but then I Googled – “sweetness and light” and well …
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweetness_and_light
            Hubbard dredges up loads of arcane phrases and adopts them for the ‘tech’. It would make him seem worldly to his crowd of gullible glibs and they ate it up!

            • Nevermore

              Oh, ‘sweetness and light’ is still used up here in Scotland, usually in a sarcastic tone of voice, it’s the ‘theetie-weetie’ thing I’d never heard of. All the instances of it I can see on Google so far are all the same ‘1. Slang, it’s from England…’ etc, etc. appearing on $cilon related pages. None of my English friends have ever heard of it. I think the Loon in Chief made it up.

      • Eivol Ekdal

        THEETIE-WEETIE CASE, 1. he operates in a totally psychotic way while being totally serene. The valence is all the way up at tone 40 and the pc is all the way down at minus eight. (SH Spec 2, 6105C12) 2 . a “sweetness and light” case at the extreme top of the graph who will go to graph bottom before the case starts up again as though the profile were a cylinder which when it goes off the top, then appears on the bottom when people are in “serene” valences (meaning they are wholly overwhelmed as a thetan). (HCOB 5 Jun 61) 3 . is high on the OCA/APA yet makes no progress. This is because such case6 believe you ought to know what they are thinking about, so every moment around them you are missing withholds. (BTB 12 Jul 62)

        • phronsie

          Oh lord, this stuff just makes my eyes glaze over by the middle of the the third sentence! Also, I can’t do anything without a bit of a joke or laugh when hanging out with other people, and I hate to make people feel small or humiliated; I like to protect people’s dignity. No way I could ever be an auditor.

      • Artoo45

        Interesting that it made its way from a Hubbard comment to an actual thing. Probably still a gay perjorative, which means that it’s ultimately a feminine perjorative, I mean come on, theetie-weetie? I’m pretty sure it’s a fumbled attempt at lisping “sweetie.” Maybe it was just the pinks and grays talking. Unless, of course, it means “a very tiny thetan,” in which case it might be a slight to use against His Imperial Teensyness.

        • sister wendy

          you know, in the past, I would have said- “no way” but after getting out, and seeing all the stuff going on behind the Curtain of Oz, I would say you are probably right on the money. It may not be intentional, and certainly people using the term don’t think that it’s a gay perjorative…but I think you’re right. It is….

  • marti

    Questions 17, 21, 33 were missing from the list.

    Question 16. Have you ever told lies in Court?
    Question 17. Have you ever told lies on a Tennis Court?
    Question 20. Have you ever peddled Dope.
    Question 21. Have you ever peddled Rope a Dope?
    Question 32. Have you ever slept with a member of a race of another colour?
    Question 33. Have you ever slept with a horse of a another colour?

    • richelieu jr

      Have you ever used Soap on a Rope?
      Would you like to see the Scilon ‘Pope’ on a Rope?

    • Where’s Shelly?

      Question 23. Have you ever peddled any cult books?
      Question 24. Have you ever felt remorse for the poor bastards you sold the books to?
      Question 89. Have you had any unkind thoughts about Tony Ortega or Lawrence Wright?
      Question 90. Why not?
      Question 91. Name 5 evil traits you should be acknowledging about Lawrence Wright and Tony Ortega.
      Question 101. Do you have any overts on playing musical chairs?
      Question 102. Have you ever felt the return of your sense of humor coming?
      Question 103. Do you know why writing LOL is an overt?
      Question 104. Have you ever passed an auto accident and been too tired to help even though you are the only one who can?
      Question 105. You wouldn’t EVER say anything about short people would you?

    • Douglas D. Douglas

      Sounds like the Dr. Seuss version…

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        Have you ever said Who?, when a Who? wouldn’t do?
        Did you ever see a Cat in a Hat? What about that?
        Did you make a frimmer frammer, when frimmer frammering was folly?

  • Sunny Sands

    Tent watchers update: They have installed a chain link fence around part of the lot where the metal poles and building supplies are, looking like to secure them from vandals. There were about 12 guys spread out over the lot with tarps or pieces of fabric looking like they were trying to lay out a design.

    • Bury_The_Nuts

      I may have to take my new SLR for a ride this weekend…
      This sounds funny.

      • Poison Ivy

        Take pix!

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          LOL, I meant my camera….not the Mercedes. (I freakin wish!!!)

          • Poison Ivy

            Ha ha! Well, let me picture you cruising downtown Clearwater in your new convertible red SLR this weekend, taking pix with your new SLR (with the long lens, I hope?)

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              I approve of this image!!!

            • Poison Ivy

              I’m glad you like red. I picture you in red.

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              Red is my favorite color.
              My mini cooper is fire engine red!

            • Poison Ivy

              I drove by some brand new convertible mini-Coopers the other day on my way to the car wash. Priced rather reasonably, I thought. Still have 2 years on the current lease but thinking about the future.

              How’s the little thing on the highway? On really long trips?

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              That little sucker is awesome on the road. It hugs the road perfectly and is very stable at high speeds. The interiors are very comfy and roomy. Mr. Nuts is around 6’3″ and we are both big homo saps. He has to pull the seat forward to drive which I think is hilarious.

              Long trips aren’t great because of lack of luggage room. But it is great for a three day weekend.

              The new roadster is hot looking.

            • TheHoleDoesNotExist

              So you caved? hahah. Also, luggage racks

            • Bury_The_Nuts

              No, I already had it.
              Mr.Nuts confiscated it and stole my vehicle and leaves me to drive around in that freaking toaster of a car.

    • Sherbet

      Please tell me it’s not the Kools rings design.

    • Mark

      I bet they’re waiting for all that canvas that was wrapped round the {Celebrity} Centre.

      • Where’s Shelly?

        Was Christo there?

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          LOL! Hey! Where did my “running fence” go? It was here a minute ago!

        • Mark

          That’s just what I was thinking!

        • richelieu jr

          Remember when Christo’s umbrellas got loose and killed someone?

          • L.L. Cantare J

            “Remember when Christo’s umbrellas got loose and killed someone?”

            I love the way that makes the umbrellas sound like dangerous caged animals.

            But yeah, actually, I do remember. I think it got a mention in the Dubious Achievement Awards in my dad’s Esquire magazine.

    • WhereIsSHE

      Wait until the hottest part of the day and offer them an ice cold beverage. And then, when they are about to take it, say, “Oh. Nevermind. I see you’ve already had your fill of the KOOL AID.”

      I kid, I kid.
      That would be too unkind.
      (Plus, I know they would never take anything from a lowly WOG.)

      Those poor, unpaid slaves need our sympathy, not our sarcasm, right? (And they can someday get heaping doses of our *snark* when they catch up with us here in the Bunker).

  • Jgg2012

    Have you ever told a joke about Hubbard or any of his celebrity followers?

    • ThetaBara

      Do you know how to use photoshop?

      • Michael Leonard Tilse

        If you do, would you like to join the Sea Org?

        • WhereIsSHE

          Or join staff at the Miami Org (so they can upgrade those pathetic Zombie “stylings of Barbie” for their next pathetic evening of “fun”, er… I mean.. regging).

          • ThetaBara

            Honestly, I expected Barbie would use more pink.

  • pluvo

    Vacations and Sec Checks:
    When a member of the “Sea Organization” wants to go on a vacation to see his family (he needs permission from his superiors first and then from the ethics department), he is only allowed to go when done with a special “Sec Check” (interrogation). And only when the ethics department is satisfied with the handling of the reports thereof – no matter what an occasion is occurring.

    It is very hard to get a vacation approved generally and to get a “sec checker” find some time to do it. There are happening dramas about staff members wanting to see their families. Something like a wedding from a sibling or a milestone birthday from a parent, are no reason for the “Church” to change the rules. No completed “sec check” with the “handling” – no visiting your family!

  • Sherbet

    I keep imagining the person asking the questions is getting sick little vicarious jollies from the answers.

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    As an aside, whenever I hear about Bodhi Elfman’s distasteful antics, I am reminded of this children’s poem
    by John Kendrick Bangs

    The Little Elf

    I MET a little Elf-man, once,
    Down where the lilies blow.
    I asked him why he was so small,
    And why he didn’t grow.

    He slightly frowned, and with his eye
    He looked me through and through.
    “I’m quite as big for me,” said he,
    “As you are big for you.”

    • Michael Leonard Tilse

      Very nice.

    • richelieu jr

      And then he puffed his little chest
      His OSA badge to see
      and said “You see I am the Chief
      of Scientology!”

      He whipped the other dwarfs in line
      and stepped into a cabbage

      On whispered “You’re in for it man,
      That’s head dwarf David Miscavige!”

      They whisked me down the wee hallways
      and thrust cans in my hands
      asking the same questions always
      I couldn’t understand

      “What are your Overts? What are your Crimes?”
      The Elfmans screamed at me
      “You filthy pervert, fifty times
      We know you’ve raped babies!”

      And so we then played kick the cans
      They tried to stop me leavin’
      There’s one thing I can’t understand
      and that’s all the shit that they believe in

      And so I left that L.A. L.A. land
      Where Elf Men live in mushed rooms
      If I want to fry my mind
      I can always still take mushrooms.

      • Sherbet

        Bravo, Cardinal!

      • marti

        Excellent.
        And delightedly enturbulating.

      • cicely neville

        Genius!

        • Bury_The_Nuts

          He is a genius!

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        My eyes are moist, my glass, I hoist!

      • Sidney18511

        Richelieu
        One word for you
        Your poetry talents
        Unbelievable

      • aquaclara

        Truly talented you are….this was great.

      • joan nieman

        Excellent!!

  • dbloch7986

    The best part of being out of Scientology is that I can have fun. Those questions make you think that having fun is wrong.

    • Veritas

      I wonder if it is possible for a scientologist to relax. Ever.

      • marti

        At least one scientologist can relax with his Macallan scotch.

    • L.L. Cantare J

      Yeah, I remember when my buddies and me used to sneak out to the baby farm and go baby tipping. Ha! You should’ve seen them struggle to get up! Good times, good times… 😉

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cow_tipping

      • dbloch7986

        I think the joke went over my head?

        • ThetaBara

          Look up “cow tipping.” It’s what mean farmkids do for fun. Well, one thing.

          • Mooser

            Frankly, if ungulates can’t earn a living wage, they should form a union and strike for better conditions.

      • richelieu jr

        LIke babies were cows because of the ‘farm’ reference…

      • ziddina

        Hah hah!! Great one… Thumbs up!

  • Ruby Grapefruit

    The whole issue of the pc influencing the e-meter to do something (or something else than anticipated) comes into play here. Some people develop impressive talent in that department.

    • Captain Howdy

      The e-meter is a dime-store lie detector, probably not even as effective at reading people’s emotions as this comic book device.

      • marti

        7th line “…you older kids (21 plus) will also get a “bang” out of this one.”

        This must be the E meter with the wanker can.

  • dbloch7986

    I haven’t had any questions in a couple of days:

    http://askanex.wordpress.com

    • Eivol Ekdal

      How Ya doin’?

    • jmh

      So… does the church still send out pre-paid envelopes? I’m feeling like my local Narconon might need a special delivery. 😀

  • Jgg2012

    Have you ever wondered why so many Scientologists have left the Church?

    Have you ever wondered why there are protesters outside the orgs?

    Have you ever wondered why David Miscavige is never seen in public?

    Have you ever wondered why Scientology’s website is never updated?
    Have you ever wondered why no speeches by COB have been put on Youtube since 2006?

  • Guest

    Robert Kaufman’s early 1970s book, Inside Scientology, includes the text of four Scientology Security Checks, circa 1961. It can be found on the Net.

    Bill Burroughs’ Naked Scientology, also from the early 1970s, describes the Security Checking occurring at St. Hill Manor in England during 1968.

    Hubbard, in 1961, explained that the reason for Sec Checks was to ensure that Scientologists had full gains and made OT, emphasizing that the reason for questions such as “Have you had any unkind thoughts about LRH?” was that, as the source of Scientology (Yes, Hubbard was calling himself “Source” in 1961), anyone with overts or withholds against him – the Source of Scientology – would not make gains.

    • cicely neville

      Well, {Of Course} that was his reason, and perfectly good one too, from Humanity’s Greatest Friend.

  • Krew13

    I don’t have unkind thoughts about Hubbard. I just give my opinions on him out loud. He was a fat, evil, sociopathic, greedy, tax evading piece of shit who popped psychiatric drugs like a Pez dispenser.

    • Missionary Kid

      …and those are the nice things about him. 😀

  • TonyOrtega

    New post up!

    • Robert Eckert

      And I’d almost managed to read all the comments on this one!

  • allioops

    I have had the misfortune of undergoing the Joburg while I was still “under the influence” of blind love to my then Husband. Since I had a pretty simple life as a New York gal, I did not “read” too much. But I remember it taking VERY, VERY, long.
    The Murder routine ?……Ha! Ha!
    By the way, a few months after I was declared, I saw some COS Street “peddlers” in the Times Square subway station. At that time, around 2005, some stuff was JUST starting to get out about the evil that is C O S. I started to try and discourage any passing “public” from taking the “personality test” that was being used as a come-on device.
    This irritated the fools sitting under the ground, and trying to “disseminate.”
    They were telling people that I was a: thief, a killer, and other libelous statements..
    Also some confidential stuff was from my folders. Nice.

    • Mooser

      Allioops, always ‘hold your mud’! One of the first lessons I learned in life, and one of the best.

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    For those who thought I might be exaggerating or simply being cruel for some odd reason when I have said that those who still remain within the walls of scientology are mental prisoners of war, that they need professional mental health doctors not scientology “practitioners” when they first emerge…

    Imagine being in a state of mind where you would fork over your life savings and your children’s college fund and max all your credit cards out, take out a 2nd mortgage, and then hop in your 20 year old car you traded for that Mercedes, drive over to the org, strap yourself in to get More of this sec checking, over and over, for decades. Decades. Someone in this state would not blink or think twice about throwing your own family to the curb or lying in a court room or to the press or to themselves, or spying on their friends or boss or neighbors down the street.

    Scientology is not “like” the George Orwell novel 1984. It IS 1984.

    http://youtu.be/Z_b04ZzekOA

  • D.Y.G.

    Bodhi Elfman is Jewish by birth.

    I remember Dave Chappelle once talked about an unintended consequence of his show – that stupid white people came up to him on the street and used “ni**ger* a lot, thinking that if Dave did it on TV it wasn’t racist for them to do the same.

    Bodhi ain’t no Dave Chappelle. I can’t tell if he’s having a laugh at his own people or if he’s a serious racist asshole, and I can guarantee that Stupid Scientologists don’t get it at all.

    • richelieu jr

      You know, I stand behind no one in my hatred for that guy but I don’t find his ‘jokes’ anti semitic, just terribly, terribly unfunny….

      • Artoo45

        I hang out with lots of Jews in both northern and southern California, and their self-deprecating humor is spot on and wicked at times (one friend refers to his very tall, shaggy-haired son as Jewbacca). But there’s the rub, does a goy get to join in? Do you ever get to employ any racial or cultural slurs if you’re not of that particular race or culture? Well, the first amendment says “yes.” Common sense and self-awareness says “no.”

        • richelieu jr

          Except that he’s jewish by birth, as I understand it.

          Also these jokes seem to e laying wiht words,nt perpetuating negative stereotypes in any way I can see…

  • aquaclara

    Just in, and see that I am 517 comments behind, and there’s one more post up!
    Before I read a single comment, I just have to say that Bodhi Elfman’s comments are atrocious and vile.
    There could not be a more inappropriate comment. Horrifying.

  • KJP in Portland

    Anti-semites. Great.

  • wannabeclear

    Baby farm? Seriously?

  • why does the link for eddie fisher’s previous story says it’s going to a probable pornsite? hover over it and it says xvideos.com and names some video that is obviously porn…you get hacked?? usually likes go to the villagevoice or here….

    • nottrue

      it goes to porn. its been hacked SICK

      • Yep, it’s going to the village voice now!!! Oh those $cienos think they’re so clever eh?? Hacker level Pre-K!!

  • Bob Gravlin

    So we’re into heavy interrogations now. Perhaps CO$ could stop playing and do it right and perhaps give some people a job. Some of us have followed the fate of ex KGB agents and those of the Stazi East German Secret police when the Former Soviet empire collapsed. Those guys need a job. And truncheons and cattle prods can be used very effectively in getting church members to give up overts and withholds. And all Davey needs to do is convince his members that these seemingly harsh techniques are really for the member’s own good to help them get up the
    Bridge sooner. And people will be waiting in line and paying good money for the privilege. And this would solve the problem of marketing new e meters besides.

    • Mooser

      Bob, I think we’ll have no problem finding all the “enhanced interrogators” you might need right here in the good ‘ol USA without any language difficulties whatever.

  • ziddina

    If anyone from Scientology were to ask me, “Well, did you murder someone?” “Did you hurt someone?” “Did you do something illegal?”, I’d put on my most evil – ahem! Eeeeee-vil grin, and I’d say, “Not yet….” I don’t think my personality fits the profile of what they’re looking for… [eeeee-vil grin!!!]

  • ziddina

    Ah, ha ha ha ha ha!! Man, I could have some fun with those questions!!!

    “23. Have you ever raped anyone?” …

    Ah, no, I’m a gurrrl. My plumbing isn’t quite as cooperative as some people’s…

    “28. Have you ever had intercourse with a member of your family?” …

    Noooo, I’m not a redneck, I’m not from Georgia – or Louisiana, & the rest of my family are too ugly to consider… [apologies to any rednecks who are from Georgia or Louisiana…]

    “52. Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm?”

    Wait a second… Do you mean to tell me that babies come from FARMS??? I thought the stork brought them!!

    “57. Have you ever done anything your Mother would be ashamed to find out?”

    Several answers: (a) No more than she’s done stuff that she’d be ashamed if I found out…!! (b) Dude! There’s no way I could shock THAT old bat! (c) [eeee-vil grin] She already found out… Coincidentally, she’s also dead…

    “82. Have you ever injured Dianetics or Scientology?”

    [blank stare] …I didn’t realize your organization bruised so easily!!?!

    “86. Have you ever had unkind thoughts about LRH?”

    You mean that old dead red-headed guy? Not yet – just gimme time… >XD

    “94. Have you ever used Dianetics or Scientology to force sex upon someone?”

    No – wait – WHAT??? [leans closer with intense interest] …You mean that’s even possible? Tell me more about this stuff…

    “96. Are you upset about this Security Check?”
    No more than about any example of blazing stupidity…

  • ziddina

    In a slightly more serious tone, though, I’d like to add that it’s pretty clear that the Scientology organization targets vulnerable people with certain personality traits – people with high ideals, a bit too serious (unable to step back & see the utter ridiculousness of the questions & procedures and/or respond with biting, irreverent humor), and perhaps tending towards literalism???

  • ziddina

    Huh… All my comments disappeared… Why?

  • ziddina

    Whoops! Nevermind… Found them…. [blush, blush…]