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Blogging Scientology’s Bible: Vance, We’ve Reached the Finish Line!

Dianetics_First_EditionWelcome to our ongoing project, where we blog a 1950 first edition of Scientology’s bible, Dianetics, with the help of ex-Scientologist, lawyer, and author Vance Woodward. Go here for the first post in the series.

Vance, we’ve reached the final chapter of this book.

It’s been a long slog — this is our 25th installment, going back to January 4 — and we’re looking forward to your overall thoughts about re-reading this book.

But for now, let’s deal with this final offering from the Commodore.

He starts off this chapter, “Dianetics — Past and Future,” by telling us that his work on Dianetics dates back to 1935, and that 1938 was the pivotal year when he made some of the first key discoveries.

That, of course, rings true with what we know — it was in 1938 when Hubbard had a life-changing experience under the influence of nitrous oxide during a dental procedure and had a sort of weird vision of the universe.

He then gets back to some characteristic boasting, saying that Dianetics is a true science, and that it will soon be moving on to “Plan B”…

Plan B includes further research into life force, an attempt at resolution of some of the ills not yet embraced such as cancer and diabetes, and the perfection of techniques discovered and their dissemination.

And Dianetics is also bound to become useful on a civilization-wide scale, Hubbard tells us.

— There’s “Judiciary Dianetics,” he explains, because once the evil reactive mind is gone and Clears run the world, we’ll have to get rid of our old notions of good and evil.

— With whole nations going clear, there will be less reason for war.

— And with dianetic therapy getting better and more streamlined, it’s tantalizing to imagine where it might lead us.

The way forward that Hubbard imagines is something like a bridge that goes from one plateau, over a canyon, and to a higher plateau.

It has been supposed that no bridge could be built across the canyon and indeed, since those on the lower plateau could not see the higher level, the existence of the higher plateau itself was denied.

Thankfully, there’s a lone engineer with the foresight and imagination to plot and build that inclined bridge to higher land. And once he does, people begin to use it!

And thus, the book concludes with these lines…

In this handbook we have the basic axioms and a therapy which works. For God’s sake, get busy and build a better bridge!

Hubbard would, of course, build on Dianetics, and then, after bankruptcy, start over again in 1952 with “Scientology.” He started establishing “churches” of Scientology at the end of 1953, and eventually developed an incredibly complex and expensive set of training levels which he did, indeed, characterize as a span across a chasm. And ever since, Scientology has been selling a “Bridge to Total Freedom.”

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Vance, please give us your thoughts about this chapter, and then let’s talk about the experience of going through this book for you, many years after you first encountered it.

VANCE: First, Hubbard nailed it with this bit of prescience: “In twenty or a hundred years the therapeutic technique which is offered in this volume will appear to be obsolete.” But come to think of it, doesn’t something have to be useful before it could ever be accused of obsolescence? Anyhow, Hubbard dished out some nuggets that stuck with me the first time I read this chapter. For instance, Hubbard mentions that human groups behave as individual organisms and that societies, just like individuals, have aberrations. I reinterpreted this into economic terms in that otherwise good and sane people can be incentivized to act wrongly and insanely, and to some extent the reverse is true too. Maybe it isn’t mind blowing for those who have already engaged these ideas. But Dianetics was my first exposure to them.

Hubbard also says in this chapter that the cause of human problems isn’t other humans but rather ignorance and inanity. He says, “Attack unreason, not the society or the man.” He left women out of the equation. Maybe he considered women to be congenitally unreasonable and therefore permanently subject to attack. But taking the words as charitably as possible, they seem right-minded.

And he says, “The past acts of an individual who has been cleared should be stricken from his record even as his illnesses have been, for with the cause removed there can be no point in retribution unless society itself is so aberrated that it desires to operate on sadistic principles.” I agree with half of that: if we could actually cure sociopathy, there would be no point in continuing to jail and punish sociopathic criminals. And it all leads the hopeful (and uncritical) reader to the conclusion that Dianetics is the solution to ignorance, insanity and war. A lot of people desperately want that to be true. I did. Either way, it’s a good example of valid generalities being misapplied to specific situations. Just because a cure for insanity would be great doesn’t mean that Dianetics is that cure. Like, no kidding. And yet, I kinda missed this point for many years.

THE BUNKER: Let’s talk about the book as a whole. Going through it again for the first time in quite a few years, what did you find surprised you the most now that you have left the church?

VANCE: What surprises me now is that the book is more like a stream-of-consciousness cult manifesto than a scientific dissertation. I honestly thought the first time I read it that Hubbard had done an excellent job of squeezing much useful information into a small space, and that it was up to me to unzip and extract the content. Any failure was mine alone, which is typical cult-addict mentality. Now I realize the book is just a wince-inducing pile of garbage with nothing in it that is simultaneously novel and correct.

By the way, it amuses me that Hubbard identifies criminals, traitors, and zealots as the society-level equivalent of engrams in this final chapter, given that I found zealots to be disproportionately over-represented among Scientology’s membership. I guess Hubbard got that right too.

THE BUNKER: Before this thorough reading, we were familiar with the concepts of the reactive mind and engrams, and the aims of auditing. But what really surprised us as we really bored in cover to cover is just how much Dianetics is focused on life in the womb, and how misogynistic it is.

A couple of years later, in 1952, Hubbard would start over with Scientology and its emphasis on past lives — re-experiencing life in the womb was quickly de-emphasized. And yet, to this day, Scientology pushes Dianetics on the public as an introduction to the church, even with its obsession on prenatal fantasies. Isn’t that bizarre?

VANCE: Yes, it seems very bizarre from the outside. One day, one accidental utterance during pregnancy could permanently destroy a human mind (but for Dianetic therapy). The next day, prenatal engrams are passé because Hubbard found something even more significant: past lives and theta cooties or whatever.

But it all makes sense if you understand that the believer has already decided that Scientology and Dianetics work. When you’re in, you just accept that Hubbard routinely changed his mind about supposedly important things. Believers assume that contradictory aspects of Scientology and Dianetics are not so much contradictory as just different tools for different situations. And Hubbard gave little guidance on when to emphasize what because he assumed we’d be able to figure it out on our own. But we failed to live up to his expectations. Bummer. At least that’s how I eased my cognitive dissonance.

THE BUNKER: Vance, we’re so glad you could help us out during this adventure. You’ve given us key insights into the minds of Scientologists, and you’ve kept things entertaining when this book did its best to clog up our nerve centers.

Any final thoughts about our trip through the modern science of mental health?

 
Vance_Woodward

 
VANCE: Thanks for giving me the opportunity to expostulate. While working on this project, I realized what a self-defeating system Dianetics and Scientology are. With them, Hubbard presents admirable goals of achieving a dynamic personality and long-term happiness, among other goodies. But then we are duped into relying on Hubbard for instructions on how to achieve those things. I was in a mind trap, reliant on someone else to tell me what I needed to do.

I always believed that the keys to success and happiness included large doses of curiosity, openness to new ideas, and the self-confidence to say what is. And yet I somehow brushed all that aside in practice to adhere to Hubbard’s instructions. Like I said: self-defeating. The thing that almost everybody knows that Scientologists (and other cult addicts) don’t know is that we have to figure life out ourselves.

THE BUNKER: Well, Vance, your cogent analysis has been a perfect antidote to reading Hubbard. We really had no idea, when we started this project, just how mind-numbingly bad this book was. But reading it with you has been pure pleasure.

 
——————–

Scientology Replies to DeCrescenzo in Motion for Protective Order

On Monday, there will be a hearing in Laura DeCrescenzo’s four-year lawsuit against the Church of Scientology for abuse during her 13-year career in its “Sea Organization” — including, she says, a forced abortion when she was only 17.

The church has been fighting a court order that it turn over thousands of pages of evidence in DeCrescenzo’s “pc files” — notes taken during confessionals which the church argues are religious in nature and should be protected under priest-penitent privilege. But Scientology admitted that 259 different church officials compiled and reviewed the notes in those pages, which is one of the reasons Los Angeles Superior Judge Ronald Sohigian decided that the files were not protected under California’s priest-penitent statute.

Scientology has been fighting Sohigian’s order to turn over the documents tooth and nail: It lost an appeal to the California Supreme Court and was just denied an application for an emergency stay to the U.S. Supreme Court.

But the church also filed a motion for a protective order, asking that even if it does have to turn over the documents by Sohigian’s July 2 deadline, it wants the documents kept from public view. DeCrescenzo opposed that, saying that it was too late for the church to be making such a request. Now, in the document below, the church has replied, stressing again the sensitivity of the documents.

We’ll be interested to see how Sohigian rules on Monday. Will he allow the public to see the files? Will he ask that certain items be redacted (names of third parties, etc.)? We’ll find out in a few days.

DeCrescenzo: Scientology Reply

 
——————–

Posted by Tony Ortega on June 28, 2013 at 07:00

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  • Verve

    Thanks Vance, it was fun and insightful getting your take on the book. As for the lawsuit, what’s next- petitioning the UN? lol

    • Poison Ivy

      The international criminal court? (oops – wouldn’t work. CO$ ARE the criminals!!)

  • Observer

    “– There’s ‘Judiciary Dianetics,’ he explains, because once the evil reactive mind is gone and Clears run the world, we’ll have to get rid of our old notions of good and evil.” This is absolutely chilling, because we all know whose notions of right and wrong the Hub wanted to replace the old ones with–those of a mentally disturbed, misogynistic, aberrated dabbler in black magic: himself. And we’ve all seen how that turned out in his cult.

    “He says, ‘Attack unreason, not the society or the man.’ He left women out of the equation. Maybe he considered women to be congenitally unreasonable and therefore permanently subject to attack.” Bingo! The fact that so many women revered, and continue to revere, that woman-hating old gasbag just floors me.

    Thank you so much, Vance. It has been a pleasure to read your thoughts on this drivel–in fact, it’s what made it bearable. And thank you, Tony; this has certainly been, er, instructive.

    I hope Judge Sohigian brings the hammer down. If the “penitent” has given authorization for the docs to be released publicly but the “church” keeps sniveling about how sensitive the docs are it becomes glaringly obvious that the “church” has criminal activity it’s trying to hide. Disgusting.

    • Poison Ivy

      “Old Gasbag.” Indeed!

  • Kyva Go

    A truly wonderful series! Thanks to both Tony and Vance for doing it, some amazing insights.

    I’ll point out very early critique recently added online that shows how even a Ph.D can be at least semi-duped by Hubbard’s book: “A Critique of the Evolution of Dianetics” by Parker Davis, published in 1951:

    http://scientology.neocities.org/critique.html

    It’d be interesting to find out the outcome of that “Panel discussion on Dianetics” at Rutger’s University on November 14, 1950.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      I wonder if there is a transcript anywhere is cyberspace!

      That would be a fun read.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Anons got this. (other review citings on the page) Looks like library is the way to go.

        “There’s a 10-page article from January the same year that might be
        useful as a reference for that site (if you can get your hands on a
        copy), called A critique of the evolution of dianetics Parker Davis, Ph.D. published in the Training School Bulletin (volumes 47-48, pages 220-229)”

        https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/website-the-dianetics-scam.109291/

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Yipee!!!!
          This is WHY….I love Anon’s!

        • Captain Howdy

          When I clicked on what i thought would take me the 10 page article it said ‘permission denied”.

          • stillgrace

            Try this one, your Captain-ness:

            http://thedianeticsscam.weebly.com/

            • Captain Howdy

              Thanks, but I’m still not seeing ” A critique of the evolution of dianetics Parker Davis, Ph.D” listed on that page

            • stillgrace

              That particular article is indeed difficult to “get your hands on a copy.” I found about 10 copies located in various libraries around the South Bay Area, CA, but that doesn’t help you right now. Amazon doesn’t list it, but Google Books does, and teases us with the top inch of pages 220, 223,229. Bastards.

            • Captain Howdy

              I found the paper but with grey bars located here and there to force you to buy it. The assholes of the world will try to make a buck off of anything.

            • stillgrace

              Kyva Go linked to that above. I guess someone thinks there’s a potential fortune in selling parts of a 1950 medical journal. There must be millions of people just drooling for a chance to part with their hard-earned money for ten pages.

  • 0tessa

    There is indeed only one conclusion possible: Scientology is a mind trap. And a very vicious one.

    • Missionary Kid

      Also, it’s ultimately vacuous.

      • Robert Eckert

        And viscous, accordingly to my oiliness perceptic

        • 0tessa

          Summing up: Scientology is a vicious, vacuous, viscous and vile mind trap.

        • Missionary Kid

          Good loud was my reaction to your comment. Thanks.

  • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

    Thanks, Vance. Like the book itself, your comments have been thought provoking. Unlike the book, your comments make a lot of sense.

  • FLUNK_101

    It’s kind of weird that Hubbard said a clear wouldn’t think “vocally,” or with words – this is a rip off of Korzybski’s “silent level.” Korzybski was a 1940’s semanticist/ philosopher who thought human nature could be changed for the better. One of his titles was “Science and Sanity,” similar to Hubbard’s follow up to Dianetics, “Science of Survival.”
    As far as I know, Hubbard doesn’t go on the record about oiliness until (the third book?) “Self Analysis.” It’s actually quite touching. “The sense of touch … has four subdivisions: pressure, friction, heat or cold, and oiliness.”

    • PickAnotherID

      Hubbard ripped off just about everything in $cientology that actually does some good, or at least no harm, from other people and relabeled it. Any original ideas of his in there are either plain garbage, or part of the control mechanisms.

      • Kyva Go

        The good parts are not original and the original parts are not good.

        • sugarplumfairy

          What good parts? I didn’t see any..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            You know: “You’ve got to take it!”….and “I am frantic with pain”.
            (Rolls my eyes)

            • Captain Howdy

              Yes, I am frantic with pain and I will take it..is it anything good?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              If it was, I would share with you Captain.
              Because I imagine it would be double the fun….followed by a nap!

      • FLUNK_101

        According to modern science, the world we think we “see” is a virtual representation we see in our minds. Korzybski was incredibly prescient when he said we don’t experience the world directly, but through language and the central nervous system.
        Susanne Langer was another incredibly prescient forties philosopher who said all human beings are deeply symbolic in nature.

        • FLUNK_101

          Susanne Langer, ladies and gentlemen!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            “but for understanding so many other things as well. Like how perception is tied to creativity and human spontaneity”
            Like this sentence.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Thanks Vance, for a great series. This is probably the only way to get through Dianetics and I for one, appreciate you (and Tony) falling on the sword for us.
    Sometimes crib notes are all one can handle.
    And Vance, I adore your sense of humor. Good luck moving forward and far, far away from all things Hubbard.

    • Poison Ivy

      Ditto. Have a great weekend, all.

      • Captain Howdy

        You to P.I

    • Zana

      Yes, Vance! Thank you. And thank you for your marvelous book Addicted to Scientology. You have a marvelous sense of humor. Have a wonderful life!

      • richelieu jr

        Yes, his book is indeed wonderful.. as was his blog..

        Here’s hoping he can put it up again in the near future and his funny, incisive vice won’t be muted for long!

        • Zana

          I’m with you on that!!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I too, loved that blog. His Scion story (on the blog) was one of the best ever.

            and the book was even better!

        • Bella Legosi

          Catholics are sneaky, evil, people?

          >D

          Then this song is for you!
          http://youtu.be/6TxjrHPHypA

          For the love of Uncle Cosmo this is prolly one of my favorite songs now! Thought you would enjoy it!

          • richelieu jr

            Wow, that was excellent!

            • Bella Legosi

              >D

              Tell me about it! I have listened to it like……..2x a day for the past 3 days! I thought it would be up your alley!

            • richelieu jr

              Indeed!
              Now, a classic of the same genre:

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvhYqeGp_Do

          • richelieu jr

            Wow, that was excellent!

  • Missionary Kid

    Thank you Tony and Vance. This series has been very illuminating.

    • jensting

      Seconded.

  • Xique

    “Now I now realize this book is just a wince-inducing pile of garbage with nothing in it that is simultaneously novel or correct.” Vance, thank you for your contributions, they were great.

  • Truthiwant

    A message to Tony Ortega:

    I know that you have decided to dedicate this part of your life to exposing Scientology but the whole idea of slogging and sweating through such a screwball book as Dianetics must have been, even for someone as experienced as you, a pretty bewildering adventure! One’s own mental sanity is at stake!

    Even though one has to take the good with the bad in life, it needs one heck of a courage to wade through such a monstrosity and then to review this freak!

    Well, I guess you chose to do it and it was certainly necessary for us readers here. Every now and again we all have to do difficult tasks in life to make things better or easier for all. Even I have to unblock the drains of my house once a year!

    Joking apart, it was a great read and you and Vance did a splendid job in making this book sound as nutty as the fruitcake that Dianetics really is!

  • BosonStark

    Old notion of evil: Murder
    New notion of evil: Bad thoughts about Dr. Hubtard, including saying things like Dianutty is a “wince-inducing pile of garbage.”

    • Observer

      I guess I’m evil then. Really, REALLY evil.

      • Sherbet

        That’s one of my favorites, Observant one!

      • Missionary Kid

        Unfortunately, when his brain slipped away, his hands kept pounding out drivel on his typewriter, and some people took it as truth.

      • Bradley Greenwood

        Conveniently, his ear was large enough for the dislodged brain to tumble from.

        • Observer

          I was thinking more that his brain was small enough to slide out through his ear, but I had to make it big enough to see in the shoop.

          • Bradley Greenwood

            LOL!!! I realize that. I was pretending that perspective caused it to look bigger. I think it’s downright neighborly that you gave him a brain at all!

  • HartleyPatterson

    I’d be interested to know if the Catholic Church has ever argued this way, claiming that what is said in confession is confidential even if the confessing individual waives that right to privacy.
    I can easily imagine scenarios where that might happen.

    • Kim O’Brien

      no…they have not . The confessional protects the confessor …not the other way around . The priest cannot break the seal , the confessor can . Even as a dying declaration , the confessor can release the priest . And P.S. …they do not RECORD the confession or type up a confession file . There is no filing cabinet full of confessions from Catholics .

      • stillgrace

        … and no “sec checks” in the Catholic Church (let alone gang bang “sec checks”), a dangerous aberration of “confession” unique to scientology. It’s dangerous because of the potential breaking of the subject’s mind. So many times I have read the words “I felt my mind crack.” Pure evil.

        • Espiando

          Well, the Catholic Church used to do sec checks. It was called the Inquisition.

          • Captain Howdy

            Nowadays they just write sex checks.

          • MO Mom

            But no one was expecting that…

            • Observer

              “Get … the comfy chair!”

          • stillgrace

            Indeed. Before my time and I didn’t expect it.

      • stateofcircle

        That brings up a question for me: does the fact that Scientology records it’s ‘confessionals’ have any implications? As far as I know (from the 2 or 3 times in my life that I’ve been to confession) nothing is recorded in any form. I am not familiar with Jewish or Muslim practices. I’m not sure what the implications may be, but if recording them is unique to Scientology, perhaps there could be.

    • BeezleBobby

      But the approach the Sci lawyers are taking is that there are numerous ‘clergy’ and ‘penitants’ that will be mentioned by name in the files, and in possibly damning or embarrasing contexts. So their argument is from privacy for those 3rd parties. If i were a judge I’d have to consider that argument.

    • TonyOrtega

      Actually, Hartley, that turns out to be a great question. Scientology repeatedly cites a particular case involving the Los Angeles archdiocese as if it supported its position. But in one of their replies, Laura’s attorneys pointed out that in that case, the archdiocese had tried to claim that priest-penitent privilege should exist even though a priest shared with the archbishop something that was said by another priest in confession — as long as confidentiality was maintained, the privilege still existed, the archdiocese argued. But the court said no — the problem was sharing that information, which the statute doesn’t allow. So even the Catholic church ITSELF, Laura’s attorney pointed out, can’t get away with sharing confessional information between priests, and Scientology’s argument that it is being singled out for being different is bogus. As Scott Pilutik has pointed out the real POINT of this kind of law is to protect the PENITENT from being hauled into court, for example, and having what he said to a priest used against him. It is NOT intended to keep a church’s dirty secrets from coming out, which is what both the archdiocese in that case, and Scientology in Laura’s case, tried to do. Make sense?

      • Missionary Kid

        Very much so.

      • InTheNameOfXenu

        So the cult is in a real pickle now, right? They have to turn over all the PC folders and it’ll reveal all their inhumane behavior.

        • Observer

          I can’t wait to see what happens Monday!

      • BeezleBobby

        As I mention in my earlier post, they have abandoned that line of argument for the protective order request and are using the privacy angle.

  • EnthralledObserver

    Thanks for this series, Tony and Vance. Well done and thanks for taking one for the team in the name of scientology/dianetic education for WOGS. Cheers!

  • Arthur B

    Whee. that was fun. Can I urge you to give the same treatment to Science of Survival? In my view it has some of Hubbard’s wackiest and most offensive statements but it’s so incredibly dense few people give it much scrutiny.

    • Espiando

      I would love them to do Science of Survival. Vance’s take on the Tone Scale would be epic.

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    Thank you both for plodding through this–I can’t believe that there have been 25 installments of this!

    When I look back at decisions I’ve made, I sometimes wonder ‘What was I thinking?’ Prima facie evidence: the bizarre hairstyle I was sporting in my junior high school class picture. I suppose, that is the point. I wasn’t thinking. I was trending–not relying on things that should have been self evident. Kids today have more options to explore and a better ‘mirror’ to see the funky stuff via the net. As well, isolation isn’t as much of a stronghold.

    I hope those that got caught in the trap mature enough to see the mirror… and can one day see the humor like Vance. If only it were as painless for them as seeing an old school yearbook.

  • Ms. B. Haven

    ***There’s “Judiciary Dianetics,” he explains, because once the evil reactive mind is gone and Clears run the world, we’ll have to get rid of our old notions of good and evil.***

    I had a different take on this. The first thing I thought of was the scientology concept of ‘ethics’. That monstrosity that was foisted on believers (I think in the 60s) has caused more harm and destroyed more lives than anything else the church has had to offer. It’s the basis for the Guardians Office, OSA, black PR, fair game, disconnection, dirty tricks, frivolous lawsuits, threats, the Hole, RPF, RPF’s RPF, and any other flavor of shit the most ethical people in the world want to dish out for parishioners to savor.

    Once people start to figure out that there is no ‘clear’ or OT, the reason these states aren’t being attained is because people ‘out-ethics’. When people start thinking for themselves, they have to be reigned in somehow to keep the scam going and ‘ethics’ was the answer. Hubbard certainly did get busy and build a better bridge. For himself.

    I would love this book series to continue with some of Hubbard’s other gems, but I think -Introduction to Scientology Ethics- would be the crown jewel in the series. Especially for those of us who were ‘in’. We would have a heyday with that one.

    • Poison Ivy

      Oh, that would be fascinating. I vote for a Tony O Series on “Ethics.” I’d also like to learn more about the “How to Lie” (paraphrased) course.

  • Snuzey

    “Attack unreason, not the society or the man.” And that sentence can somehow accommodate fair-gaming…?!?!

    Plus this is just an appropriation of hate the sin not the sinner nonsense. Which proves that Hubbard was never original. Originality is the art of concealing your sources. FAIL!

    Really enjoyed Vance’s scathing wit by the way 🙂 Proper!

  • Captain Howdy

    Thank you Tony

    Thank so very much Vance Woodward

    This has been more fun than a barrel of lampreys

    • sugarplumfairy

      Aaaagghh….. lampreys.. When will I learn not to google things you mention in your comments???

      • BuryTheNuts2

        If you have not learned by now………just go with it.
        Look at all the new stuff you are absorbing into your daily life.
        I wonder if they could use lampreys in lieu of leeches?

      • Captain Howdy

        No one can resist the Grand Guignol or in english, “Howdy’s House of Horrors”

        • sugarplumfairy

          There’s no way I’m googling grand guignol.. I’ll just assume its something horrible..

          • Espiando

            Not really that horrible. Just dark. Very, very dark.

      • monkeyknickers

        What – those photos don’t make you hungry? 🙂

        • Observer

          If you’re craving lamprey, I’m happier than ever that I never had kids!

          • monkeyknickers

            Well no but . . . . . we DO eat actual eels (I’m pretty sure lampreys are in a different category). And they are deliciouser than most anything. They are rich tasty goodness!

          • And I don’t rent cars!

            Forgotten and abandoned so soon! ;- )

            • Observer

              hahaha! I don’t think adopting kids makes you have weird cravings.

            • And I don’t rent cars!

              Except for a desire to abandon and forget them. ;- (

    • Espiando

      If lampreys are Dianetics/Scientology, that makes Henry I the first known casualty of the {Church}.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Thanks alot Cap’n. Exhausted, I finally just settled in bed, turned out the light, got the pillows just right and… up I popped, on goes the light, and on goes the ‘puter. It had been nagging at me all day but I didn’t have time to scratch the itch. OK, now I know what a lamprey is. G’nite.

    • Jon Hendry

      Hagfish are more fun. All that loverly mucus.

      • FistOfXenu

        I just read that and had the urge to hawk up and spit.

        • Jon Hendry

          You should find a video of it. It’s pretty amazing how much goo they can generate.

          • FistOfXenu

            In a few hours I plan to have breakfast. Watching something oozing snot from its skin isn’t my idea of how to work up an appetite.

  • sugarplumfairy

    Plan B from Outer Space.. Was Ed Wood a scientologist?

    • Sherbet

      Noooo…his cross-dressing would have to be handled or audited or purif’ed away.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Then how come that didn’t work for L.Ron?

        • Sherbet

          That’s different. Those were ecclesiastical garments.

          • Observer

            Very.

            • InTheNameOfXenu

              So Hubbard and J. Edgar Hoover had something in common 😉

            • Sherbet

              Girdle size, methinks.

            • Observer

              MeeeeeOW! Hahaha!

            • InTheNameOfXenu

              I love all your joking and degrading of Hubbard and his cult. You’re the best at Shooping!

            • FistOfXenu

              You mean besides being paranoid?

      • Espiando

        Or he could have still kept it up on the pretext that Elron Elray was communicating with him from Target 2, and he had to be ready for their date…no, wait, Ed Wood was straight.

    • Captain Howdy

      Ed did not has stupid mind.

      http://youtu.be/y3kcoJSMd7w

      • sugarplumfairy

        Which reminds me.. I’m missing Roger’s meaningful comments and his heroic attempts at English..

        • Captain Howdy

          Roger has got his haiku thing going on. I appreciate it.

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          He’s popped in a few times this week. I’m starting to understand him too…..that scares me a little.

  • Kim O’Brien

    quick …somebody chime in and tell us how misunderstood LRH was , tell us that you really got some “wins” and because of that , LRH must have really been on to something great . The man was an absolute whack job who hated women down to his bones. And anyone who walks around thinking that they can get rid of crime, war, insanity and oh ….human nature …is just fucking retarded and totally full of themselves ( cue Brian Culkin forking over hundreds of thousands of dollars in like a year…not to mention the cab ride ) ) Scientology is just a fancy scam …not as obvious as the ” I am a Nigerian prince who needs to put $1 into you bank account ” ….but pretty freaking close .

    • Sherbet

      As usual, you cut right to the meat of the matter. There’s never any confusion about what you’re thinking, Kim! It’s just that there are so many intelligent and kind people in the Bunker and elsewhere, and THEY fell victim to the scam. It can’t be just that simple — use your brain and resist the scam. It didn’t work for our friendly Bunkerite exes.

      • stillgrace

        I’ve been reading Geir Isene’s writings lately, and discovering many new shades of gray that I never noticed before. I haven’t come out of my rabbit hole yet, but when I do, I’m guessing that I will be a bit more tolerant of those who fell for the scam.

        • BosonStark

          I think the shades of gray are in people not understanding the power and reality of the placebo effect. Acknowledging the power of the placebo effect is not being “arrogant.” it is something that is included in all medical studies today to fairly gauge significant improvement.

          I acknowledge that I can be fooled even by something designed to deceive, because I would like to believe in it. Not Sciloontology, but other things.

          If you believe something will help you — make you less shy, more successful, healthier, transformed, reformed, stay off drugs — it can, especially if there is a system of control in place to keep reinforcing the “certainty” that it works.

          I have to go with Kim though on thinking it’s crazy to think that all the requisite cuckoo in this cult is the answer to ending crime, war, and insanity. I just don’t see how obliterating the reactive mind and heaping tons of money on Sciloontology is the answer to any of those problems.

          • stillgrace

            We are in agreement. The particular rabbit hole I am in right now is helping me to understand how the “cuckoo” can slip by without being detected.

            • Espiando

              Self-delusion is a powerful thing. Think about the initial indoctrination process. You take the OCA, you’re told your ruin, you’re told that the intro courses can help you get rid of that. If your ruin is something that you didn’t know about or you’re suppressing, and you have little knowledge of how profiling tests work, you’re probably amazed that this test spotted this flaw that might or might not be holding you back, so suddenly this weird shit might have some validity in your mind. So you sign up for the intro course under the principle of “What could it hurt? I’ve got the cash, and this test spotted something about me that I didn’t know about/didn’t even tell my best friends about.”

              Now think about this pre-Internet, when newspapers concentrated on local affairs and Scientology didn’t make national news programs. Unless you were in the range of the SP Times, you probably never really heard anything negative (except in the most general sense) about Scientology. It’s at the intro course level that virtually everyone says they’ve had wins. All they need to do is get you into the door for that course.

              As for the cuckoo shit in Dianetics, how many exes have told us that they have a copy and have never read it? Buying a copy is almost regarded as part of the membership requirements. As long as you buy it, you’re in. You don’t have to read it. So the loony stuff doesn’t hit you at that point. By the time it does, you’ve had wins, you’ve become a believer in the Tech, and you have no problem accepting it.

              Fortunately, today, their bait-and-switch doesn’t work. We have the information necessary to stop it in its tracks. Anyone taking an OCA and getting regged for an intro course will grab his or her smartphone and start looking up Scientology on the Net. Which, of course, brings us back to Geir’s video regarding pressuring Google. They can’t sucker people in that way anymore. But they still try, because they have zero ability to change thanks to KSW.

            • Poison Ivy

              We are all seeking answers of some kind or another. Wouldn’t it be nice to get them all neatly packaged, tied with a bow, and in one place? But like my wise mother told me, “The minute ANYONE tells you they have ALL the answers…run like crazy.”

          • Observer

            I have nothing but sympathy for people who were duped into Scientology years ago. The “church” did have nearly complete control of what information about got out, and fair gaming the very few critics successfully made them look like nutjobs for the most part. Then the mental conditioning was applied and they were hooked, many for a very long time.

            BUT: now there is the Internet, and even before Anonymous showed up with their giant wrecking ball a lot of information about Scientology became available. Since Anon got involved in 2008 and effectively opened the floodgates of Scn’s dirty secrets there is, IMO, absolutely no excuse for anyone who has recently joined to plead ignorance and complain about being conned (looking at YOU, Brian Culkin). Caveat emptor.

            • Captain Howdy

              I remember being aware of the fact that scientology was a crazy cult back in the early 70’s when I was in my early teens, and I recall CofS getting local media attention as a dangerous cult also. When my sister called me in 1980 from NYC and told me she become a scientologist. my brain exploded. I basically told her not to bother calling me again till she came to her senses.

            • I’ve been aware of Scientology as a dangerous cult since the 80s, when I was a child. Later, Tom Cruise divorcing Nicole Kidman led to a discussion of Scientology across the nation. It was the generally-held opinion among everyone I knew of that he dumped her cruelly because he belonged to a vicious cult.

              We knew what it was before South Park and Anonymous and even the proliferation of the internet. There were libraries, it was discussed on television and in magazines and newspapers. Further, if you want to join an organization that promises to change your life, I don’t think there’s any excuse for not learning about said organization before hand.

              I do feel bad for the people duped by the cult. And I think it’s important not to insult them — that separates us from them, and assumes that we would never fall for a con. Anyone can fall for the right con, and apparently Scientology was directed at some kind of vulnerability they have. At the same time, I don’t like excusing adults from all responsibility. They chose this, with all the information out there about it, and I think we do need to figure out what makes people make choices like this. Simply calling them stupid and crazy is not only untrue, but it gets us nowhere.

            • MissCandle

              I had a job in college shelving books at the school library where I first read about “dangerous cults” in the stacks. The “wow” moment came when I read that S-Lying-Tology had put a rattlesnake in the curbside mailbox of a reporter or investigator or someone who was asking too many questions. That was before the judge’s dog drowned.

            • Captain Howdy

              Actually it was Charles Dietrich and Synanon that put the rattlesnake in a lawyers mailbox.

              “Several weeks later, on October 11, 1978, two Synanon members placed a de-rattled rattlesnake in the mailbox of attorney Paul Morantz of Pacific Palisades, California. Morantz had successfully brought suit on behalf of a woman abducted by Synanon. The snake bit and almost killed him.”

              I’m surprised anybody remembered the incident though.

            • Sherbet

              I remember it. Sherbet = Old.

            • Observer

              I remember it too.

            • MissCandle

              Thanks for the true scoop.

            • Missionary Kid

              Synanon, which started out benign, was the organization that put the snake in the mailbox because the leader got paranoid

              Synanon was, at one time, the second largest landowner in Santa Monica. They had grown large and This incident, among others, revealed the changes that had taken place that finally broke it up.

              The Synanon snake was put into a mailbox that was accessed from inside.

              http://www.paulmorantz.com/the_synanon_story/the-true-story-of-the-rattlesnake-in-the-mailbox/ That rattlesnake attack took place in 1978.

            • monkeyknickers

              Wow – interesting! Thanks for the link . . .

              Do you live in Santa Monica ?!

            • Missionary Kid

              No. I had lived in Santa Monica before that incident. Synanon, I still believe, had previously done a lot of good, but then the leader went off the rails. Let’s hope the same thing happens to Co$ in the way that grand juries started to investigate.

              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synanon

              Synanon tried to declare itself a religion, but they’d already screwed things up so people didn’t believe them, and they never got their tax-exempt status.

              Interestingly enough, the founder was a former alcoholic who ended up helping a lot of drug addicts. (Then it was mostly heroin).

              The Synanon experience with heroin withdrawal (which was not, as far as I know) studied scientifically, as well as other research I’ve read has convinced me (somebody in this group can correct me) that the symptoms of heroin withdrawal are what you expect them to be.

              There is a huge placebo effect there. I’m not saying it isn’t painful, but it has been compared to a really really bad case of the flu. The kind where one feels that to kill them will be a kindness.

              Even when I moved away from Santa Monica, I had friends and relatives living there, or close by, so I was somewhat aware of what was happening.

              Back to where I live: I live about 120 miles from Santa Monica.

            • monkeyknickers

              We are in the same state!

              I’m live in LA (obviously) but I’m in Hollywood/Hancock park and Santa Monica FEELS like it’s 120 miles away. I always bring a sleeping bag and a snack.

            • Missionary Kid

              I worked for 4 summers while I was going to college for LA Dept. of Water & Power as an intermittent (summer) meter reader. I read out of downtown for a while, so I got to know Hancock Park & the parts of Hollywood that were in L.A. reading water and electric meters.

              That’s a job that is becoming obsolete. Everyone is going to smart meters, which don’t need a meter reader because they can just drive by and pick up the read.

            • monkeyknickers

              How will we meet people? 🙁 I love my mailman, for example. I know my generation is meant to be born with USB in our foreheads, but I hate and love technology like that. I like people. I like seeing their sunny faces.

            • Observer

              Yep, it’s easy to get all those nons mixed up.

            • MissCandle

              Thanks for giving me the correct cult. (How do you know all this stuff?) But no thanks for figuring out my age!

            • Missionary Kid

              I didn’t even think about, or calculate your age. The job shelving books could have been much later when you came across the information.

              I was 33 when it happened, and I wasn’t living in L.A. any more, but because I was familiar with Synanon, I noticed the event in the news. I was surprised that it had turned into a cult. Apparently, the snakebite led to the breaking up of what had become a cult. They, too tried some of the same tactics but failed to get a religious exemption from the IRS but failed.

              They did not have the spread of organization across the U.S. that Co$ did, but were primarily a West Coast organization.

              One of the amazing things that happened was that at one point, Chuck Dederich, the founder declared that everyone would quit smoking. Here were people who had kicked heavy drugs, but they couldn’t quit nicotine. Synanon split in half over smoking because many couldn’t quit. That shows you how addicting it can be.

        • Casabeca

          I agree. I think it doesn’t start with an Internet search for an interestingnew belief system.
          I’d guess it starts with a vulnerablelife stage, a period of self doubt, and then stumbling into a personality test or a friend promising relief offered by his church.
          If I have leafed anything at the Bunker, it is that exes are wicked smart!
          Here is hoping that all the seekers find somethingmuch better than Scientology!

          • Casabeca

            Learned! Learned at the Bunker! Ack, disqus will not let me edit! (Hangs head in shame).

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Disqus is being a dicq.

            • monkeyknickers

              I so.fucking.hate it. A) I seem to be unable to understand how it works. and B) it sucks.

      • Ian

        We need to absolutely break this stereotype that smart people don’t fall for scams. The research that has been done (e.g. Pak and Shadel “National Fraud Victim Study” AARP Foundation 2011, or OFT “The psychology of scams: Provoking and committing errors of judgement” Crown Copyright 2009) shows the opposite. Intelligent people are as or more likely to be the victims of scams of all kinds (though academic research has typically focussed on financial scams).

        I suspect one reason is that intelligent people are used to trusting their brains more, and aware that they are more mentally capable. Yet, none of us, unless we’ve deliberately been taught, are fully aware of our own cognitive biases and psychological tendencies. So scammers often play on our biases *while engaging our intelligence* – “it is because you are smart that you want this, and because you are smart you can have it…”. I also suspect that part of the trend is because intelligent people are better to have in your scam (typically more wealthy, more go-getter), so they are targeted more.

        So, let’s do away with this “just use your brain and common sense” rubbish. It is mostly a way for those who’ve not yet been scammed to feel superior, imho. The truth is that being a victim of a con is correlated with intelligence. Really dumb people don’t seem to join cults.

        As for ‘wins’ – they are essential in any con. They are the basic mechanics of scamming: http://irrco.wordpress.com/2010/02/04/how-to-con-people-in-four-easy-steps/

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Great Post!

        • Phil McKraken

          Interesting. This is the same reason that magicians, like James Randi, are the kind of people that you want testing certain types of extraordinary (pseudo-) scientific claims, rather than scientists. It’s not the expertise of the underlying content that’s important, but rather expertise in the process by which it is claimed to have been arrived at.

          For financial scams, it’s the scam-savvy that matter rather than the financial experts.

          • Robert Eckert

            That’s why FDR picked Joseph Kennedy to be the first head of the SEC.

        • Poison Ivy

          I’ve met and gotten to know well a large number of interesting people in my travels. One was a pretty successful professional magician. Not successful enough to be famous, but good enough to headline on the strip at a couple of major Vegas hotels at one time. Quite talented and brilliant (the top magicians are all brilliant.) He told me that the easiest people to fool when it comes to stage illusions are the smart ones, the critical ones, the most analytical ones. That is because almost all magic tricks – no matter how complex they appear – are just various versions of a finite amount of basic principles. The magician told me that the smarter people tend to try and create Rube Goldberg contraptions and convoluted solutions in their heads, when the secret to the trick is just one thing, right in front of them. Magicians love really smart audiences. They love to fool people and the most fun people to fool are those who think they know it all.

          • Ian

            Here’s my favorite, and its an easy one for anyone to do. Take a bag of skittles or M&Ms or similar and without opening it, count how many are inside (lay the bag on a thick ruler and move them one at at time from one side to the other). That’s your prep beforehand.

            Now take the sealed bag, and tell your friends you know an amazing way of counting at lightening speed. It is so effective and simple, you can teach it to anyone in a few seconds, but is a huge secret. Get a volunteer, make them promise to keep what you’re about to tell them a secret forever, then whisper in their ear “There are 44 sweets in the packet, but concentrate on them for a second or two before saying it”. Then open the bag pour out the sweets and your volunteer will use this amazing technique to get the number of sweets correct in a second or two. If your count was off by one or two, that’s fine, and if anything adds to the effect. If you count a few different times you’ll find the count is roughly the same, close enough that you can then do the trick on an unseen bag of sweets and be within one or two.

            In my experience smart folks find it *really* hard to get this, and the more psychobabble you use in the set up the more strongly it will take (e.g. talking about our natural chunking ability, the low level neurological circuits dedicated to numbers, etc). They’ll spend the evening coming up with incredibly convoluted methods for fast counting, and demand to know the secret (most volunteers love the sense of being ‘in’ on it and will keep the secret). But I’ve seen less booksmart folks see right through it in an instant. Perhaps because it never occurs to them that anyone could think their way to that skill.

            • Poison Ivy

              Love it!!! 🙂

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I was on an old steam train last weekend between Virginia City, Nevada and Carson City, NV.

              It was a 90 minute ride both ways through gorgeous high desert and old mines with wild horses (including a baby filly)…ah, so beautiful…

              The tour guide was telling us how they rented the whole steam engine to the Reno/Sparks/ Carson Mensa group and how he was giving them info on the trip.
              He was giving them simple information and they were over processing and thinking it to the point it made no sense.
              He said they just kept looking at him like…Huh?

              He made fun of them on most of our trip and all of us “got it”.

              Common sense and high IQ are great together.
              One without the other is like bread without butter.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            One of the (to me) most obvious things on the IQ test is a spatial relations test.

            Some people can “see” this stuff easy ( I am one)….but try to explain it and I come undone….

            http://sharpbrains.com/blog/2010/10/27/test-your-brain-with-these-top-10-visual-illusions/

            have fun.

          • monkeyknickers

            Occam’s Razor and all that . .. . 🙂

        • monkeyknickers

          I totally agree. I mean, look at how many of us smart/commonly sens-ical folks have fooled themselves into thinking that . . . . they can

          ‘fix’ their damaged boyfriend (over and over)? Or that their mother resents them and prefers another sibling? Etc etc. I’m using broad examples obviously, but it’s just a way of illustrating that we all already have a head start on this stuff, in one way or another. My sister is brilliant, but she thinks she is worthless so . . . . . bam! Welcome to the Sea Org!!

          It’s really a short step. Or can be, I suppose.

          • Poison Ivy

            (Personally guilty – never joined a “cult” but made many other mistakes based on faulty thinking and mis-perception.)

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I did it today!!!! sheesh!

            • monkeyknickers

              We should form a club. With decoder rings.
              A friend of mine calls it “monkey brain”. 🙂

        • Chocolate Velvet

          100% correct. In fact, the more certain you are that you are too smart to be scammed,the more you are an easy target. People don’t want to hear that, or believe it. But it’s been my observation that everyone falls for something. And don’t get me started on advertising and the illusion of free, informed choice.

    • Missionary Kid

      I will say that it is possible for people to get “wins” with $cientology. I think it depends on what the individual’s needs are, as well as who is bringing them into the cult.

      Edit: Those “wins” tend to be at the beginning.

      Just the fact that someone is being love bombed when they start out, and they are having attention paid to what their concerns are can be a positive experience for a person. Unfortunately, ideas and dogma of the original demented one are introduced at that time so the person who experiences the wins is manipulated so they are attached to LRH, when, in reality, ordinary talk therapy with a caring therapist will give them much more insight.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Of course you can get wins with it. But while the “wins” are real, the posit that they are because of the “tech” is a lie.

        It is a simple illusion, because there is no “tech”.

        I think the Volcano is an apt cover for Dianetics as it was a whole bunch of spewing hot gasses.

        Everything in “the tech” came from somewhere else, so that makes it a gigantic “list of stuff” that caught Red’s attention more than anything else.

        I think Dianetics should have been called “The Sociopaths Guide to the Gul-AX-eey”
        (Forgive me Douglas Adams).

        • Missionary Kid

          I agree, except to say that there were some elements of the {tech} were stolen or borrowed from other sources, and that is where any “wins” come from.

          Douglas Adams, of course, would forgive you. He had a sense of humor and irony that LRH never did.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            “except to say that there were some elements of the {tech} were stolen or borrowed from other sources, and that is where any “wins” come from”

            That is exactly what I was trying (and failing) to say.

            • Missionary Kid

              I thought in general, you were saying it better than I.

              What we had here, is a failure to communicate. 😀

            • BuryTheNuts2

              {Scientology can fix that for us}

            • Sidney18511

              {Scientology can help with that}

            • BuryTheNuts2

              You owe me a coke!

            • Robert Eckert

              {for how much?}

        • Captain Howdy

          It all depends on what the definition of a “win” is. Somebody claiming they were cured of their asthma or allegories is ridiculous. Somebody saying that auditing made them happier is vague b.s also. The only thing you “win” in scientology is the Booby Prize.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
            ― Albert Einstein

          • Observer

            Marty needs a cure for his allegories. Oh, wait, I mean metaphors.

            • Captain Howdy

              Fucking spell check..ha, ha..even when I’m trying not to be humorous..

            • monkeyknickers

              If I could have a superhero power, I would be Mixed Metaphor Maven. I’d fly around handing out penalty cards for shit like “you can’t change an old dog’s spots” or “you can’t even talk to me in the eye!” Ad nauseum.

              OR! I could be Lose the Looser Lady, ferreting out irritating interweb comments wherein people can’t seem to recognize that those are NOT INTERCHANGEABLE IN ANY WAY and poking my finger near (but not on, even a superhero can get sued) the offender’s forehead.

              Oooooooo! I love this game!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Freakin awesome!

            • Observer

              Can you do anything about rein and reign? I’ve seen a lot of “reigning in” all over the Internet lately.

            • monkeyknickers

              Rein in the Reign Ranger(ess)?

            • Observer

              Yes!!

            • ze moo

              I like Captain Obvious.

            • monkeyknickers

              This. Is. Awesome.

              !

            • FistOfXenu

              It’s right up there with “the hot beverage in this insulated cup may be hot” and “please don’t pet the lion”

        • Poison Ivy

          I notice you like to put “tech” in quotes like I do, BTN2. I can’t stand it when I hear someone say, “Well, LRH was x, y and z and David Miscavige is a madman, but the TECH works!” You said it right – there is no “tech.” This isn’t science. This isn’t technology. This is bits and pieces from a number of different disciplines and it “works” in the early stages the same way heroin works. You feel great. And then you need more. And more. And more. And soon you’re wasted, vacant-eyed and bankrupt.

          • Missionary Kid

            It’s the old mix and match and change the definition to something friendly to your scam scam.

          • Observer

            I like to think “tech” is short for “technolocrap.”

            • FistOfXenu

              It’s a misspelling. Technology should be drecknology.

          • FistOfXenu

            Now that we have snark font we could use {tech} to emphasize that it’s a load of crap.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Maybe we need a ~crap font~

            • FistOfXenu

              Yes please.

          • Zana

            Perfectly said. Thank you.

        • L. Wrong Hubturd

          Ha! And Dianutics reads like Vogon poetry.

      • Vistaril

        Heh! Scientologists and their WINS. I am always reminded of a great post made by ESMB’s wonderful HelluvaHoax on the subject . . .

        One of the great tricks in Scientology is the obsession of “clearing” words or idioms to the nth degree while simultaneously disregarding the definition entirely (and assigning any new meaning to it) whenever it doesn’t support Scientology’s corrupt, abusive & criminal actions.

        Without much effort, one could easily generate 100 pages of such examples, but just to cite a famous one, let’s recall the “inalienable” rights of man (according to the Creed of Scientology) to publish, speak or think freely. One need only see how Hubbard applied his “creed” in the infamous case of Paulette Cooper where her “inalienable right” to publish a book was redefined to mean that she should be falsely framed for bomb threats, imprisoned, driven insane, institutionalized in a mental hospital and driven to suicide.

        In fact, Scientology’s final defense (when all else fails) is to pull out its ultimate trump card called “wins”. Wins solve everything, in a Scientologist’s mind. Sure, our top OT senior management executives and leader might have been imprisoning and beating each other up for years, but we just had a huge “win” because our square feet of new church’s statistic has increased by 5,400,000 million square feet!

        Sure, people are blowing all over the place, committing suicide, dying in our Narconon facilities, dying at the Mecca of Technical Perfection while doing the Introspection RD, going bankrupt and other minor “outpoints”——–but, our parishioner are having “wins” because the tech works. So leave us alone.

        “Wins” handles everything.

        “Wins” proves that the tech works.

        But does it?

        Here is the trick. “Wins” are equated to mean “Gains”. If someone had a “Gain” then the tech worked, right? Very, very slippery misdirection where the audience swears that the hat was empty before the magician pulled an adorable rabbit out of it.

        Here is how the trick is done. Scientology first gives its cult members two (2) feel-good, get out of jail free cards:

        1) EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

        2) NOTHING IS WRONG!

        These are the dual narcotics that cult members are provided in order to self-medicate.

        EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE! This is the grandiose package promises of Happiness, Health, Wealth, Clear, OT, Total Freedom, Exteriorization, Immortality & Eternity. Like the beliefs that one is “Going to Heaven” or that “God’s Grace, and Will” is blessing every aspect of life in a divinely good & just way, Scientologists can avail themselves of “Theta” injections in whatever dosages they require to numb the pain.

        NOTHING IS WRONG! This is a wildcard that I have not seen written about before. It is an ultimate, one-size-fits-all [B]Universal Justification Tool (UJT)[/B] that can bring about instant feel-good when a Scientologist notices that their fellow cult members or they themselves have “sinned”. It is a built-in mechanism provided free of charge to all Scientologists to justify their “overts”, abuses, atrocities and criminal acts.

        The UJT is the Scientologists get-out-of-jail-free card. David Miscavich imprisons & beats his staff? No problem, it is greatest good to slam ethics in on their dramatizations in order to help them become totally free. Drive Paulette Cooper to prison, insanity and suicide? No problem, while she (the being) has “inalienable rights” to publish her thoughts, “the reactive mind has no rights” according to Hubbard’s holy scripture.

        Understanding the above, a Scientologist can therefore have a “Win” on successfully breaking into government agencies and stealing/changing their files as was done on Operation Snow White. One can have a “Win” on bankrupting a parishioner with coerced “donations” because the glorious salvation of all mankind will now be possible, wherein even the ruined cult member will drink the divine nectar of Total Freedom for eternity.

        Scientologists, well-medicated with “wins” (Everything is Possible!) and “absolution” (Nothing is Wrong!), the rabbit can now be pulled out of the Scientologist’s full hat.

        3) A WIN IS A GAIN! A gain is proof that Scientology tech works. If the tech works and people are being helped and freed, then there is nothing wrong and everything right about Scientology. As dark as it is, I will simply mention that had Paulette Cooper committed suicide, it would have been a major “win” for Scientologists. When Lisa McPherson’s criminal and civil liabilities were made to go away, it was in fact celebrated as a huge “win” at a Scientology event.

        The re-definition of words to keep Scientologists perpetually “winning” is one of the principal treacherous psychological devices that Scientology uses to perpetuate its crime wave, fraud and hoax upon Scientologists and others.

        Sauce = http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?28251-A-quot-WIN-quot-is-not-a-quot-GAIN-quot-is-not-a-quot-WIN-quot-%28W-G-W%29&p=717676&viewfull=1#post717676

        • Casabeca

          Wow! That is really powerful. Thank you for sharing.

        • Missionary Kid

          I agree with Casabeca. That is POWERFUL.

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          I had a win reading this!

          • L. Wrong Hubturd

            I love it when I have a nice, satisfying win in the morning.

        • FistOfXenu

          $cientarCONon {wins} = “I did some process in this cult of lunatics and I’ll be bankrupt soom but at least I haven’t died yet”

    • Ms. B. Haven

      As a recovering ex, I’ll gladly chime in and tell you that I had some really great wins while I was ‘in’. Some of the stuff works some of the time, but scientology’s claim of 100% workability is FAR from the truth. Everyone had some wins or they wouldn’t have stayed. But, it is much more complicated than that. I think in hindsight, one of the major factors is that those of us who are susceptible to these things WANT them to work. I would suggest that you have a look at the Jason Beghe videos to get a better, down-to-earth, no holds barred view from an obviously intelligent and (at one time) dedicated scientologist. These videos aren’t for everyone, but they sure as hell resonated with my experience.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mc_uONtI0E&list=PL3CEC914766D43B28

      • 1subgenius

        One is hypnotized into believing they had a win.
        Where’s your win now?

        • scnethics

          If the “win” lasts long enough, you get to keep it even after you find out you were tricked into having it. Sort of like Little Bear’s fur coat.

        • Ms. B. Haven

          The ‘wins’ were real enough alright and there was no hypnosis involved at all. One can have wins (or cognitions, realizations, revelations, eureka moments, attainments, actualizations, etc., whatever you want to call it) doing just about anything or nothing. Where did all that go? These are just momentary and they are experiences that are in the past. It doesn’t mean that they didn’t happen or were induced by hypnosis.

          The thing is with scientology is that you do some sort of drill, or auditing or whatever and if you have your ‘win’ you attribute the ‘win’ to whatever it was that you were doing. No problem. What becomes problematic is what happens after that. You try to replicate the ‘win’ and sometimes that happens sometimes it doesn’t. At the same time there is tremendous group pressure to share your ‘win’ and if something doesn’t work you may convince yourself that you just need to do something else further to try to replicate your ‘win’. A ‘win’ feels good and you want more. It is at this point that the self deception takes over and that is where you enter the trap. Some got out but many of us didn’t. This is where Lawrence Wright got it exactly right with the sub-title of his book, Prison of Belief. Only when the cognitive dissonance becomes bad enough does one free oneself from that prison. But, the ‘wins’ are/were real enough. The trick is not to get attached to them. Not being attached to something is by its own nature freedom. There is no freedom in scientology. NONE.

          • Noah Miller

            You’re redefining what a win is. Dianetics and Scientology tell you on the outset the wins are tangible and then you change what your win is to being a cognition and realization. That’s the vaguery that was used to trick you into thinking those were wins. So okay, you had a win as you define it. But that was not the win you were promised. You were told there was cake, and then they gave you a picture of a cake and convinced you that was a real piece of cake.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I disagree. They contradict themselves yet again. They redefine a win like they do anything and everything else.

              Does it feel good? It is a win and Scientology gave it to you.

              I took a deep breath. It felt great!

              {Scientology can do that for you}

              Please make the check out to IAS for 50K

            • Noah Miller

              I still think that isn’t a win, that’s what you’re told a byproduct of a win is going to be. A win is OT powers. A win is improved eyesight and super awesome IQ. Not a feeling of vague okayness.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Noah? Have you been absent since MK introduced the {sarcastic} font?
              😉

            • Noah Miller

              You know somehow after decades on the net I still have internet blind spots.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              And I still have computer ass!!!!!!!!!!!

      • monkeyknickers

        I love him, this man.

        • sugarplumfairy

          are you talking about Vistaril or Jason Beghe? Because if you’re talking about Vistaril, get in line.. =)

          • monkeyknickers

            Do I HAVE to specify, sweets? 🙂 Which one wants some fatherless children? They come with cookies. 🙂

            • sugarplumfairy

              Ok.. You win.. You can cut in front of me..

            • monkeyknickers

              Oh forget it, sugarplum, keep your place – I think inflicting 2 (or likely 3) pubescent girls on to someone is likely a criminal offense. Jesus – being a girl at 13 is MISERY. You smell, you’re oily, you have heartbreaking crushes the threaten to end your life . . . etc etc. And if you’re pudgy (as I was back then) multiply it by two. 🙂

            • BuryTheNuts2

              And you did this to yourself on purpose?

              I always knew deep down I was a dude!

            • monkeyknickers

              HAHAHAHAHA!

          • Vistaril
        • stateofcircle

          I can’t wait for Mark Bunker’s new updated interview with Beghe, it looks awesome, and surely is. Here’s the teaser in case you didn’t see it:

          http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LwMGFteBQcc

          • monkeyknickers

            Likewise. What obstacles is he dealing with right now? Money or . . . ? The indie PR girl in me is champing at the bit to have it out there right now striking irons while they’re hot and everything. Can we help somehow I wonder? The old adage: It takes a village to raise a documentary feature film and all that. 🙂

            • stateofcircle

              Because he is producing it all by himself, he is raising funds and still short of his goal. Between equipment, travel costs (he seems to visit every corner of the earth to get interviews from exes, go to conferences and film protests), living expenses, etc. here is the link to his indie-a-gogo site. I hope anyone who can donate does, even if it’s a few dollars. This is going to be absolutely amazing, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it could very well end up being one of the best films exposing Scientology.

              http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/knowledge-report-a-documentary-about-scientology

      • Vistaril

        Here’s the problem with WINS, as I see it.

        Any relatively curious or upbeat person can have “wins” on virtually anything.

        Getting “wins” is an intrinsic thread that runs through all of life. I can have “wins” on a vast number of projects, ventures and adventures and even on extraordinarily simple and fleeting moments. None of those involve “tech” or “Scientology”.

        I’ve had innumerable “wins” on posting dreadful things about Scientology here about how the tech doesn’t do what it warrants and guarantees. What does any of this have to do with Scientology? So in other words, people can apparently have “wins” on the opposite of Scientology. LOL. But it’s true.

        A person is programmed to have “wins” in their life and they spend virtually every waking moment attempting to get “wins” in one manner or another. So when a person spends years doing anything, they are bound to get wins if they are half-way competent at living.

        Scientology puts a colour transparency over a person’s life and labels every win a technical victory. If the tech actually produced predictable and produceable “wins” people would stay in Scientology. They don’t usually. That can only mean that they are getting more losses than wins. Right?

        I don’t contend that people don’t get wins while they are in Scientology. Why shouldn’t they? They are alive and they are trying to accomplish thousands of things in their lives and some of them succeed, so they are SUPPOSED to be having wins.

        Look, if the WINS:LOSS ratio in anyone’s life inverts, they commit suicide. Very few people, by percentage, kill themselves, so we can conclude that almost everyone on the Earth is having “wins” that outweigh the losses.

        There is no “tech” involved with the 7 billion people living their lives around the world. Scientology is simply taking credit for the wins a person produces as part of the job of being alive.

        I don’t have any hard statistics on how many people continue Scientology after they begin it, but I’ve read lots and talked to many Scientologists, so I’ll make an educated guess. Maybe 1-2 percent of people who reach for Scientology (book, course, auditing…) walk away from it later. What does that say about the “tech” that produces “wins”?

        The re-sign success rates are probably substantially higher for people who join a local bowling league than Scientology with all its advanced OT technology. Maybe people would be having far MORE wins had they not joined.

        If someone wants to call the “wins” they have in the course of living “Tech Wins” they can do that. But then they are only talking about “feel good” moments not measurable events or improved abilities, as promised by L Ron Hubbard.

        (HT: Hoaxy)

        • BuryTheNuts2

          “I’ve had innumerable “wins” on posting dreadful things about Scientology here”

          ^^^ME TOO!!!

        • Kim O’Brien

          Yeah …what YOU said …ditto

        • Michael Leonard Tilse

          IIRC, one of the more subtle definitions of “win” within Scientology is something like: “Intending to do something and then doing it.” Under a literal interpretation of this definition of “win”, intending to kill an “SP”, and then accomplishing that, is a “win”. Even a clearly evil act of destruction, justified as “the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics” in the peculiar algebra of Scientology ethics, can be a “win”.

          • stateofcircle

            I intended to relieve my bladder whence I entered the bathroom.
            I peed.
            WIN!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              TMI! TMI!

            • FistOfXenu

              That’s great stateofcircle. Why don’t you write up your win for your folder before you head down to the Regging Officer. Don’t forget your checkbook.

          • FistOfXenu

            Just call the person an SP and call your R2-45 “fair gaming” him and presto, you won’t be considered a criminal by the cult. Unless they decide to throw you under the bus because you’re bad publicity.

          • Zana

            A “win” is also floating a needle with a lie during a Sec Check just to get outta there.

      • Feeling better doesn’t mean someone *is* better.

        People can gain comfort from all sorts of things. That doesn’t mean those things are always good for them. If there are other people around someone pushing them to talk about how great something is, most people are going to find ways in which said thing is great.

        I maintain that anyone who had “wins” with Scientology would have gotten greater “wins” from a good counselor or group therapy or even some real self-help books, or any of the many other things people use to better themselves and be happy. Taking up a hobby. Reading good authors in any field. Studying a new topic.

        • Lady Squash

          Dear Lliira, Much of what you say is true. People can and do have wins without Scientology. They unfold as part of life. Scientology changes the game. The game in Scientology is that you can buy a win.

          Auditing reliably and mechanically produces a feeling of euphoria which is interpreted as a win. The game then becomes making the money so you can continue to buy wins.

          At first it seems great, like you have been given the power to manipulate energy so that you are on this almost constant high until you realized your life is in ruins and you don’t know who you are anymore.
          LRH’s big insight into life happened he said while he was having dental surgery in 1938. I believe that was the year. Perhaps what he really figured out was how to induce a spiritual high without drugs and charge a lot of money for it. Kind of clever, in its own maniacal kind of way.

          Well, I just had a win figuring all that out. Thanks Lliira and Tony and all the other incredibly insightful posters here on Tony’s blog.

    • FLUNK_101

      I don’t think the average clam hates women. Maybe at the top there’s more mysogyny, the closer you got to Hubbard or Miscavige, but on the ground level, women are just as likely to run an org as a man. Back in the 70’s, when not many women were bosses, it had the look of equality. Of course, we were all equally fucked.
      I would hate to chime in with any “wins,” except that they created the illusion that Scientology “worked.” Just because you feel happy recalling childhood memories doesn’t mean you’re acquiring superhuman powers!
      I had some wins, yes, and even though I didn’t prothelityze, I had some college friends that were curious what I was into. One became a clam himself, and got me back into it after I lost interest. Another read Dianetics, and this guy was very literate … and he made it through that horrible book! He confronted me and asked me about all the stuff on abortions, which I had no knowledge of.

      • Victoria Pandora

        equally fucked, that sums it up. scn. had the equal pay act in force years ahead of the curve. NO PAY, RICE AND BEANS for everyone. See? equal, no problemo;)

        • Observer

          I was just wondering where you were!

      • MissCandle

        (cue music) That’s what friends are for!

    • monkeyknickers

      Wait – Kim – are you saying that Nigerian princes DON’T put a dollar in your bank account while promising 10s of thousands of dollars in return for the favor???

      THIS WAS MY RETIREMENT PLAN.

      It seemed more sound than winning the lottery, which is program I’d previously been using. 🙂

      • Poison Ivy

        Read “The Informant” by Kurt Eichenwald. People really do fall for those scams. Brilliant people. And sometimes, once they fall for those scams, they do even crazier things!

    • Mighty Korgo of Teegeeack

      I had some wins, and they were minor and they happened mostly because I was needy and young. If the raw meat didn’t get some wins and soon, he or she wouldn’t come back for the second course. The problems were with the losses which were financial, social, mental, educational, familial and the waste of time. Big wins never came for anyone. Think of how deluded an individual would have to be to convince himself that he had superhuman powers and abilities.

  • ze moo

    Mr. {civil engineer} doesn’t know how to get up a plateau. You don’t build a bridge to go up an incline (any plateau is essentially an incline), you corkscrew a road along the edge until you reach the top. The goofball used a bridge when a simple road would do. I don’t see why, you can charge tolls on either very easily.

    I can see the judge issuing a protective order on Laura’s folders. Any third party named in them could find their ‘knowledge report’ on the internet. Sort of like the way the East German Stasi has most of their documents in the public domain. The rest of the {churches} reasoning insults the good name of ka-ka.

    • Captain Howdy
      • stillgrace

        “At one stage Travolta croons: “‘Reality is me, reality is you. Yeah, yeah, yeah…'”[6]”
        Sounds like torture to me.

        • Captain Howdy

          Hey, I didn’t know ARC already had an anthem.

          http://vimeo.com/5545143

          • ze moo

            Everything except the words have been stolen from the ‘we are the world’ campaign. Sounds like business as usual at Golden Era….

          • stillgrace

            Best. Face. Palm. Ever!

            • richelieu jr

              There is more an more of a notable Trekkian influence on this blog– and I, for one, LIKE IT!

            • Captain Howdy

              Yep, it’s either “Beatles or Stones” or “Star Trek or Star Wars”. You’re either on the bus or you’re off the bus. There’s no spectatorism allowed in this game.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Which way to the short bus?

            • Captain Howdy

              Ask Davey.

            • But but… I like all of them.

            • Captain Howdy
          • monkeyknickers

            I honestly cannot get enough of Sci music. It is so ass cringingly wonderful.

            I read a really extensive article somewhere about the process by which the Apollo All Stars record was manufactured, and what crazy shit the church did just to get it distributed. They courted major labels, who laughed in their faces, until finally somebody (Electra? I can’t remember) agreed to distribute provided the CoS would guarantee a certain numbers of units sold and pay that amount up front.

            Which is to say: sure we’ll let you use our distribution channels so you seem vaguely legit, but you’ll need to buy 50k of your own shit-pucks first. God they must have been laughing all the way to the bank.

            It continues to amaze me how much the CoS will pay for a whiff of respectability. And how little they can conjure even then.

            • stateofcircle
            • Mark

              Groo! That made me feel physically sick.

            • monkeyknickers

              Awe.Some. God was that satisfying. They even included a super duper emotional-song-ending-a-la-Barry-Manilow key change!! I feel so optimistic!

              And yet . .. .

              1) Nice to know that the IAS is spending people’s life savings to send camera crews around the world to take pretty pictures of famous monuments in front of which someone is being spastic.

              and

              2) Jesus BECK’S dad – WHAT the hell.

            • Aaah yes the All Stars. Believe it or not the girl on the left is NOT Lisa Marie but Annie Broeker. That guy with the curly hair and beard at top is one of the Declared Class XII Auditors Russ Meadows. Don’t they all look sooooo happy?

            • sugarplumfairy

              they all look like they’d rather be anywhere else.. even lrh..

            • Observer

              Happy as … wait for it … clams!

          • FistOfXenu

            Dammit. That’s 6 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Plus nightmares tonight.

      • Jon Hendry

        “Although praised on websites as ‘a musical masterpiece’ it actually sounds like the kind of jazz noodle that they used to demonstrate CD players in Dixons in the 1980s.”[6]

        Bahahaha. I remember that era of noodly light jazz being used to demo CDs.

  • claybonnyman

    Touche: “One day, one accidental utterance during pregnancy could permanently destroy a human mind (but for Dianetic therapy). The next day, prenatal engrams are passé because Hubbard found something even more significant: past lives and theta cooties or whatever.”

    • Captain Howdy

      Love your AV.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I have a crow that nests in a big oak next door and that sucker mimic’s a turkey gobbler perfectly.
        When I first heard it I was looking all over the neighborhood for that damn Turkey. (Lots of woods and wild turkeys close to the house)
        Then one day I looked out the back window as he sat on the fence gobbling away.

        • Captain Howdy

          I saw a documentary on PBS where these scientists were saying that crows are as intelligent as chimps.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Well I appreciate the crows!
            They keep eating the carcasses that Mr. Nuts leaves behind after sitting on a stool in the family room shooting squirrels out the window.
            These random shootings are more often than not accompanied by the phrase: “I got you, you rat bastard!”

          • q-bird

            and in Russia they play ~ http://youtu.be/o5NuBk5_Izc

          • monkeyknickers

            Crows and ravens are the shit!

      • claybonnyman

        I am not superstitious – no, realli! But I confess that I’ve always been a little spooked by your handle, Howdy. Raised Catholic, now agnostic atheist (i.e. I don’t *know* there’s no god, but I haven’t seen the evidence that satisfies my fussy brain), “The Exorcist” remains the *only* movie I’ve ever found frightening. Both book and movie, while flawed, are interesting spiritual arguments if one is willing to look past the more sensational aspects.

        • Captain Howdy

          Even though I haven’t believed in the supernatural/occult/paranormal in a very long time, I’m still a huge horror fan, and I wish those things did exist.

          • stateofcircle

            Doesn’t pazuzu have a snake for a dong?

            • Captain Howdy

              Yes. I refer to it as my “King Cobra”

            • Sherbet

              (Pssst, Howdy. Nobody has the nerve to either up- or down-vote that comment. I, for one, am pretending you didn’t say it.)

            • q-bird

              too late – image is in brain & now here (pssst -hahahaha!)

            • Captain Howdy

              Yeah Baby!

            • Sherbet

              I’m speechless, q-bird.

            • q-bird

              Yep. holy crap huh?! for realz?

              Yes, that there is one seriously mondo gi-normous snake all right… hard to believe it’s a real thing! I myself was agog and then suddenly it was terribly funny to me… ummmm… and i went and posted it… I did… well before due consideration perhaps. I am hoping that I did not truly offend you. aww geez.

              I am so off topic Sherbet, I know; I apologize.

              Perhaps you will forgive me? (◕‿◕)

              ~ okay ~ Here are some Colors of Sherbet for you. Pretty photographic evidence of those CME’s striking the Earth’s sky just yesterday evening (a friend up the road got this shot).

              Ooo… so this is what an Earth directed sun fart looks like! *winkin’ atcha Sherb*

            • q-bird

              when at 1st you don’t succeed…

          • claybonnyman

            Long-time lover of SF/F/H but … demons I can do without!

          • FLUNK_101

            What kind of supernatural/occult/paranormal stuff was it? Angels? Traveling to a village in the sky called Boston?

            • Captain Howdy

              I pretty much researched everything. I had a particular interest in demonology, black magic and ghosts. Read everything I could find by Montague Summers, Colin Wilson and dead folks from the middle ages.

              I saw an ad last night for a movie about Ed & Lorraine Warren. Unbelievable! Those two are proven fakes many times over.

            • monkeyknickers

              Well YAY, as it turns out, I have been rolling a thought around on this general subject Cap’n.

              WARNING all of you: this is a long, likely totally boring post about weird shit. Just FYI.

              I am a science fanatic, especially bio. Put me in front of a documentary on lemurs and I start to drool. When the Nat’l Geographic comes in the mail, I get light-headed. Et cetera.

              I was watching a really intense and fascinating about ants. One queen gives birth to hundreds of thousands of them . . . and they each have a job. (I swear this is going somewhere near you subject, honey) Caretaker ants feed and groom the queen and the maturing larvae, worker ants work, soldier ants protect, and so on. But it doesn’t stop there – their BODIES are different even. There are even a couple of cases where ant colonies actively “herd” aphids to harvest their sugary waste. Leaf ants actually don’t eat the leaves they cut – they fucking MULCH them and eat the fungus subsequently produced.

              And always the doc voiceover guy says, “it’s all instinct” and glides along to the next mind-blowing bug.

              But . . . . wait, wait, waayyyyyttt voiceover guy – exactly WHAT is instinct then?!

              Plainly it exists. Right now somewhere a trap door spider is building her death hole without any instruction , etc multiplied by how ever many bugs there are in the world.

              So what IS it. WHERE is it? On their DNA? In a special pocket or something? What?! Where is this instinct thing living in an ANT?

              Again I swear this is getting to your point – sorry.

              It shocks me that no real branch of science has developed to concentrate on this mystery. We seriously say, wow my herding dog knows exactly what to without training, ah, well instinct is cool, let’s go get a sandwich and watch Judge Judy. Seriously – WTF!

              But what about US – every other animal on the planet has this fucking MAGICAL ability to KNOW shit they’ve never seen, even when their brains are the size of a comma. Did we somehow become exempt from this biological phenomenon?? ONE animal out of billions??

              Anyhow Cap’n it made me really re-consider the concept of ancestral memory. And I often think that the “paranormal” might be our way of coping with it mentally. It’s extension, since we are now living such different lives, but somehow we carry others’ lives along with us.

              A thought just.

              And keep in mind that I’m the one who gets down-voted every time I point out that some god watching over us is nonsense, which is frequently. I have zero belief in the supernatural.

              I want to believe too, on some level, CH. But maybe we’re looking in the wrong direction? What do you think?

            • Captain Howdy

              At this point in my life I agree with H.P

              “I am, indeed, an absolute materialist so far as actual belief goes; with not a shred of credence in any form of supernaturalism – religion, spiritualism, transcendentalism, metempsychosis, or immortality.” – H.P Lovecraft

              I t would be fun if there real monsters, but the only real monsters on this planet are us.

            • FistOfXenu

              So you’re telling us Tommy Davis was a caretaker ant, MR & MR were soldier ants (seeing as how Rathbun was the {heroic warrior} and all), Heber was 1 of the leaf cutters? Of course DM is the Queen and the Sea bOrg are worker ants right? And this is why when people were in the Hole there were all those ants in there?

              But where does JT and TC fit in?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              “But where does JT and TC fit in?”
              pissants!

            • FistOfXenu

              Brilliant! Thanks BTN. I’m ready now for my bio night school exam.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              “It shocks me that no real branch of science has developed to concentrate on this mystery. We seriously say, wow my herding dog knows exactly what to without training, ah, well instinct is cool, let’s go get a sandwich and watch Judge Judy.”

              Ah, Not true! I have had too much wine to go into it all now, but it does cross over. I have reading recommendations for you.

              Ant’s and Bee’s have been researched and studied (and cited) in many, many different white papers and journals.

              Oh, and edit: moar

              “And keep in mind that I’m the one who gets down-voted every time I point out that some god watching over us is nonsense, which is frequently. I have zero belief in the supernatural.
              I want to believe too, on some level, CH. But maybe we’re looking in the wrong direction? What do you think?

              Mr. Nuts and I have been having a bit of a battle lately because I have moved from Deism to Atheism.
              He is really having a problem with this.
              He says “that is why one has faith”

              My answer: I have faith. But not in a Deity.
              I have faith that someday the scientist will be able to explain what they cannot today.

              It is still “Faith” after all….

            • monkeyknickers

              “Faith isn’t a virtue or a pathway to truth.” – I’m quoting Matt Dillahunty here.

              It’s credulity and believing something with absolutely no evidence. We endeavor to use critical thinking on every other single subject in our lives, but in theism and deism, the “not-knowingness” is considered incredibly wonderful.

              I love this show . . . . 🙂

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIPRv7Je40c

          • Observer

            I have a relative who is a published horror writer. He is one of the least horrifying people you would ever meet. lol

        • Missionary Kid

          Raised a Protestant, and anti-Catholic, the whole exorcism thing didn’t frighten me, for some reason, even though I knew a lot of Pentecostals who really got caught up in that shit. It’s a rabbit hole for invisible conspiracy theorists, IMO.

  • Racnad

    Vance: “Now I realize the book is just a wince-inducing pile of garbage with nothing in it that is simultaneously novel and correct.” This echos my own summation of Scientology: “What is useful in Scientology is not unique to Scientology, and what is unique is not useful.”

    Vance: ” Believers assume that contradictory aspects of Scientology and Dianetics are not so much contradictory as just different tools for different situations.” Or as O’Brian explains to Winston Smith in Orwell’s 1984, sometimes 2+2 does equal 5.

  • Espiando

    After going through all of this literary mess, my only question is this: How is this being filed under “self-help” in bookstores and not “humor”?

    • sugarplumfairy

      It’s not humorous, it’s criminal.. It should be under True Crime..

      • Espiando

        It would never fit under True Crime. How many of those attempted abortions and pre-natal engrams can be classified as True?

    • Missionary Kid

      The guy at Cameron’s used books in Portland told me he files anything from $cientology under fiction.

  • whingeybingey

    I really enjoyed this series! Thanks so much to you both!

  • When do you and Vance move on to “Mission Into Time?”

    Or “Hymn of Asia”?

    Or even “Science of Survival”?

    Alanzo

    • Robert Eckert

      I believe Tony said they would next take up “History of Man” (for those not perfectly acquainted with the Hubbard canon, this is the one that says we are descended from “clams” among other gems).

      • Captain Howdy

        In case someone isn’t aware of the goldmine of batshit craziness that is “A History of Man”

        It also features a nice mental image picture of my evolution from Turkey Bear to Turkey Trog on it’s cover.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology:_A_History_of_Man

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Famewhore!

          • Captain Howdy

            Hater!

            • Sherbet

              I prefer Turkey Bear. Turkey Trogg has an exposed nipple. Ew.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              You got something against nipples on a “clan of the cave bear” dude?

            • Sherbet

              In the pre-soap ages? Definitely! I don’t want to see any hairy, greasy, partially bearskin-draped torsos.

            • Captain Howdy

              Not to be petty, but it’s spelled with one “g”.

              http://youtu.be/68JrnoSzgVo

            • Sherbet

              Sorry, I was thinking of the band. And you’re at your best when you’re petty, nasty, and sarcastic.

            • Espiando

              {You must be a real bundle of fun on a beach in summer.}

            • Sherbet

              Presumably, I wouldn’t see a hairy, smelly trog on the beach. It wasn’t the nipple per se; it was the creature on which the nipple resided.

            • FistOfXenu

              How do we know what trogs smelled like? Maybe they smeared themselves with flowers.

              Okay, no. They probably stank. But their nipples aren’t the problem. And you can find smelly trogs on modern beaches. Just look for the guys that think builder’s crack is a good look with swim trunks.

        • FLUNK_101

          May I?

          • Captain Howdy

            Sorry, no autographs. At least not for free.

    • TonyOrtega

      We’ll have something to say about our plans soon. For now, I just wanted to focus on the great job Vance did helping us get through this book.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Vance deserves his money back from the COS!

        Unlike some others!!!

      • Robert Eckert

        Well, whether or not Vance contributes more of his commentary, we have benefited greatly from his clarifying and humorous dissection of a book that most of us would never have the patience to slog through. Thanks, Vance, and good luck on all your endeavors!

  • Tony, thanks to you and Vance for the analysis – it’s been enlightening to say the least. Might I suggest getting a good session to run out the painful incident of slogging through that mess of a book? LOL

  • InTheNameOfXenu

    With the clock ticking and July 2nd right around the corner Scientology has been cornered like a rat and Laura is the cat! Laura has no problem if the public reads her PC folders. But the cult is in a state of panic because it will reveal just how much cruelty she and other women endured in the name of Hubbard’s Scientology. How many thousands of babies have been killed by this evil cult?

  • ze moo

    “Obviously no one ever dares mention John Travolta’s too-perfect hairline
    for fear of L. Ron Hubbard’s winged monkeys turning up at your house
    and telling your neighbours that you’re a kiddy fiddler (those fuckers
    really do that).” Snarkiness abounds in this article.

    http://www.holymoly.com/celebrity/pictures/john-travoltas-hairline-ginger-his-hair-black-what%E2%80%99s-going-there67048

    • Observer

      I’ve got photographic proof of the winged monkeys!

      • That’s such an awesome shoop, my favorite so far!

      • stateofcircle

        This one never gets old. And I love the Lollipop Kids one too.

        • Sherbet

          I can’t look at Monkey Tom Cruise without bursting out laughing.

      • Oh me oh my Davey must get someone in to down arrow a pic of him with a double chin STAT.

    • 0tessa

      He’s looking more and more like Berlusconi.

      • stillgrace

        At least he has apparently dumped the “Sharpie” look. That was the worst.

    • Mark

      Hee-hee! I’ve heard of slapping make-up on with a trowel, but now we have photographic proof of “foundation melt” turning his wig ginger (along with the winged monkeys, see below). I always suspected he used mascara – but now he looks like a picture of two crows crashing into a cliff!

      • Sherbet

        Poor guy. He was gorgeous circa 1976.

        • Mark

          True.

          • Sherbet

            Mark, do we know you in the Bunker under a different name? You seem very familiar.

            • Mark

              No; I’ve only been on-line at home since the end of February, and discovered the Bunker in March. (I’d been re-reading Russell Miller’s brilliant bio of Slubbard ‘Barefaced Messiah’, and curious about the dread Miscavige’s later career, found the ideal source of info: here!) I’m from the UK, and have never – thank goodness, considering what I’ve discovered in the last few months – been a Scientologist. It’s odd (and rather flattering) that you find me familiar – possibly there’s something to that “exteriorization” mumbo-jumbo after all, and I’ve been sleep-surfing?

            • Sherbet

              Nope, on both counts: No truth to exteriorizing; and No, you haven’t been sleep-surfing! You’ve come to the right place, Mark! Stick around.

            • Mark

              Thanks, I shall.

            • Youhaveaflavor

              Good! It’s one of the most fun comment sections on the intertubes, with some of the nicest smartest people you will ever not meet!

            • stateofcircle

              Welcome! I’ve been enjoying your comments and am happy to in our little cult.

            • Mark

              Thank-you.

  • nottrue

    thank you vance and tony. i really enjoyed this trip through dianetics. i tryed to read it a couple of times but i couldnt make it.you guys made it fun. i even had alot of wins and blew a big charge too. lol

  • villagedianne

    Hubbard is gonna cure psychopaths. But later, it’s just about “making the able more able.” As always, Scientology tries to have it both ways.

  • richelieu jr

    Oh no! Not the finish line!

    Tony, we’ve got to figure out a pretext to keep Vance around!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Did you ever think you would be sad to get to the end of Dianetics?
      It is kind of surreal isn’t it?

      • richelieu jr

        Yup.

  • Mary_McConnell

    I really love what Vance Woodward and the Bunker have done in this series! ‘Hindsight is always 20 20’ and this last article and Vance’s personal reflections in it really proves that for me, personally. Reading this series helped me realize that a part of me had still been held to that which I though I was free. I never fully inspected what I had so freely swallowed about Dianetics and the effect Hubbard’s then and later conflicting statements had on my thinking processes as a scientologist. Cognitive Dissonance indeed! Thanks to you both for enlightening us and for a collection I will continue to share to help others understand what the book is really about.

  • 1subgenius

    It takes a big person to admit they were duped. This is why so many cons go unreported.

  • stateofcircle

    After trying my darnedest to get through Dianetics not one, not two, but three times and never making it passed chapter 2 because, let’s face it, it’s an exercise in batshittery, I decided to finally commit myself and read it along with Vance and Tony. Having a week between sections made the experience slightly more bearable, and having Tony and Vance point out and artfully ridicule many of Hubbard’s straight up crazy ideas made this an adventure in comedy. Reading this book not as a self-help manual, but as a period satire on the Freudian boom, along with the best, most hilarious book club on Teegeeack is definitely the way to go, and I highly recommend it. It really is the only way a person can get this thing down. Thanks Tony and Vance! I REALLY hope you both continue doing this with his other works. I think ‘Survival of Man’ would be a good choice for the next one!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      I salute you.

    • aquaclara

      You ARE brave. Hope you didn’t pay much for the book., anyway. If you try it again, I’m stealing and offering up a brilliant idea from Jonny Jacobsen while following the Dutch NN stuff.

      Here’s what I stole – try reading the next one in a Monty Python voice. Wished I’d thought of this, but heh – borrowing works well, too. Anyway, it won’t make LRH’s stuff any more clear, but you’ll stop worrying over whether you missed something important.

      • stateofcircle

        When I purchased the book about 3 years ago, I painstakingly went through the ‘used’ listings on Amazon to find a seller that had NO apparent connections to Scientology or a Scientologist whatsoever. Then, I created a fake gmail address, complete with all fake information. Then I created a fake Amazon account with which to make my purchase. Then, I bought a $20 visa gift card to pay for it. Then I had it shipped to the FedEx location that services the NY metro area. Thankfully, I have a very common first and last name -and I had slightly mispelled my last name-and I live in CT and not NY where I had it shipped, so I figured getting it shipped to the most populous city in the country would be sufficient enough.

        Did I go a little overboard? Probably. But at that time, I was only a few months in to my criticness and was very frightened they would start harassing me with mail and phone calls. I remember being so freaked out after reading all the stories about how they can obtain pretty much anyone’s entire life history and information, so I went all out James Bond to buy a 50 year old book.

        Oh yeah, I got it for $6. And it was brand new.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          This is hilarious!

          • Sherbet

            I nominate stateofcircle as head of the Bunker’s Secret Service, assuming we ever need one.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              No shit, all I did was pay a buck in a used book store.

              edit: And I still think I got screwed.

            • stateofcircle

              I generally think of the most difficult ways to do things before I realize the easy and logical solutions 🙂

            • aquaclara

              But look how much fun it was! and the best part – the money didn’t go to the cult!

            • monkeyknickers

              That’s because you’re energetic and hard working. 🙂 I’m full of adages today, but: “Give a job to a lazy man, he’ll find an easy way to do it.” 🙂

              Damn is it hot here today. I’m laying by the fan spraying water on my face while Ash sits in the middle of 5 dogs handing out pieces of popcorn and saying,
              “This is really steak!” And they seem to be going with that assessment.

              At least she’s entertained whilst I melt into a puddle

            • My dog prefers popcorn to steak. She knows we will be paying attention to her while we feed it to her. It’s all a matter of how it’s presented.

            • monkeyknickers

              I prefer popcorn to steak too ! Well, at least for now. 🙂

              And I regularly give my dad’s obese, overfed Lab “air treats” or I put it the slightest bit of butter on my finger . . . . it always works. 🙂

            • Missionary Kid

              Rube Goldberg showed how that could be fun.

            • Missionary Kid

              I second the motion.

        • aquaclara

          Wow. These skills might be useful for other stealth projects, StateofCircle! I don’t blame you – glad that worked. I also still see a few dusty copies in used bookstores around. .

        • Robert Eckert

          And how many phone calls asking for donations to the IAS have you gotten since?

        • Not a bad idea since their mailing lists are beyond ridiculous. All of the orgs now have what they call a CF (Central Files) project. This involves organizing all correspondence back to the 1970s or so (could be even earlier for some orgs). I think the plan is to try and track these people down and push them to buy new books and other crap. “Hey, we fixed those nasty semicolons that were ruining everything!”

          • AFTER I managed to convince them to dead file me when they pounded me with hundreds of calls in their attempt to “recover” (reinfect) me, I came up with a brilliant strategy for anyone else who is otherwise stalked.

            Mail:

            Use their return envelope to mail Lisa McPherson’s autopsy photos to them. Be sure to write “David Miscavige’s Finest Hour” or “What Happens When You have David Miscavige as your C/S” across them. Alternatively, print out either of David Miscaivge’s SP Declares or Offer to send them handwritten OTIII materials for their review.

            Calls:

            Adopt their fake enthusiastic tone immediately. Let them know you have been waiting to hear from them because you have lots of questions. Be sure not to let them get a word in edge ways (not easy). Suggested questions:

            Do you know the name of your Church’s President?
            If they answer this one correctly, the follow up questions are
            Why did his son die of a heroin overdose?
            Why is he in the hole?

            If they say David Miscavige instead of Heber, tell them they are wrong, but then say
            While we are on the subject, have you been personally berated by him?
            Where is Shelly?

            Other questions if they are still on the line.
            How many people share your room?
            Can you afford shampoo and toothpaste?
            If you escape did you know lots of people out here would help you?
            Did you know freeloader debt is illegal?
            When did you last sleep 8 hours?
            When was your last auditing session?
            Have you progressed up the training side of the bridge since joining SO.

            You get the idea. You will probably hear a click long before you get to these questions.

            • Missionary Kid

              Don’t forget to ask if they have enough toilet paper.

    • MissCandle

      Hey, at least Freud used and prescribed cocaine. Oh wait, the cult uses and {prescribes} chloral hydrate with valium.

  • Jgg2012

    As to the Cult’s new request for non-disclosure, I think it’s another stall tactic. Yes, there should be limits to 3d party disclosures, but Laura’s lawyers always said they would agree to reasonable limits.

    Here is what usually happens. Plaintiff requests 259 pages; Defendant redacts (whites out) portions where attorney-client privilege exists, or where the person’s name is incidental (journalists do this also, changing the name of people tangentially involved); plaintiff objects to some of the redaction; the judge makes a decision. Defendant will also ask the plaintiff to sign an agreement that info will not be shared with third parties out of court, ie Laura can’t run home and show it to her friends. That’s standard. But some of the files are clearly relevant to coercion. Perhaps too relevant, in Scientology’s case.

  • dbloch7986

    I never realized how utterly stupid that book was, but probably because I never read it as an adult.

    In regards to the response to Laura, the church says that people will be harmed if the documents are released, but doesn’t specify what kind of harm may come to those people if the documents are released.

    I think that it’s clear already that the auditing files of Scientology are not privileged under California law, and that the Church agrees (albeit begrudgingly) with the judges decision. So the situation they are trying to portray, with regards to all penitents being in fear of their confidential information being released, is redundant because that is already the case.

    At least in my opinion it has been made clear that neither the Supreme Court of the US or California, and certainly not this judge, feel that the folders are protected. So they are essentially attempting to argue a point that has already been made.

  • aquaclara

    This was fun, Tony and Vance! Given the slogging through that you both did to try to make sense of LRH’s writing, I’m convinced that not many Scientologists could have read this book – even the good parts are baffling and nutty.

    We didn’t have to take this too seriously. But you clearly showed how LRH’s work creates the mindtrap that forces one to believe he has the answers and follow him blindly which is the whole danger of the damn cult in the first place.
    Thanks!

  • MissCandle

    Thank you Vance and Tony for this enlightening series. Now I don’t have break the cellophane seal on the Dianutty book that Mr. Candle purchased from the Amsterdam {Kerk}.

    Regarding the protective order requested by S-Lying-Tology’s attorneys, I can see why it would be courteous to redact certain names from the file. For example, if Laura talked about a specific person who is NOT a S-Lying-Tologist in a session (lame example: a person in line at the grocery store named Miss Candle had more than ten items in the express lane and I heard her scoffing about the cult), then perhaps that innocent bystander’s name is no one’s business. However and imo, the identifies of all 259 persons who were acting in the cult’s widely inclusive role of {clergy persons} should be publicly disclosed as they are essentially the humans that caused the abuse “alleged” by Laura — by direct action or by active and passive approval of others’ direct actions. In addition, the names of other S-Lying-Tology members that are in the file should also be disclosed as aid-ers and abettors of the abuse.

  • Sherbet

    Bunker truancy officer wants to know: Has anyone seen Andrew lately?

    • Spackle Motion

      There was some bad weather problems in his area about a week ago. I hope he’s OK.

      • Sherbet

        Thanks for the report, Spackle. Our fill of Andrew wit is down a quart.

    • Captain Howdy

      Remember he wasn’t around and we posted comments saying we were worried and he popped in like a week or two ago? I gather Andrew has been doing this for a really long time, going back to the 90’s or something. Maybe he’s sick of stupid scientology.

      • aquaclara

        You mean he has another (real) life????? aarrgh. Ok, Andrew, come back! We miss you! Look at all the goodies we have had this week.

      • Sherbet

        Yes, but that was awhile ago. We’re ALL sick of stupid scientology. Most of us wouldn’t feel right abandoning the death watch here in the Bunker, though, which is why we need to take an occasional cult-free mental vacation.

  • dbloch7986

    Question Laura, but don’t feel obliged to answer:

    Would you take a settlement from Scientology if you felt like it was enough? Or has this gone on for so long that you are too vested to turn your back on a trial?

    Have they ever tried to offer you one?

    I realize those questions might be a bit personal, but it’s just my own personal curiosity.

    • Sunny Sands

      I think everyone following this case wonders the same thing. Laura has 2 small children. Most parents know what they would do.

    • Sidney18511

      If and when the COS attorneys contact her attorneys with a settlement offer, her representatives will present her the offer and recommend that she accept it. Money talks. LOUDLY.

  • Vistaril

    Thank you both so much for this series. I have learned and lauged a lot.

    In this last post in the series, I think it might be an appropriate time to point out that L Ron Hubbard confessed on 4 July 1958 that Dianetics cannot create a Clear. He said . . .

    . . . We had in Book One simply no more and no less than a rather adequate
    description of the Reactive Mind: the mental image picture, the engram,
    the secondary, and so forth. We had ways to run these things, but those
    ways were not the ways used to Clear . . . now that’s very interesting
    that I could be guilty of an oversight to that degree . . .

    . . . oversight? Fraud more like, and a fraud which is still going on today as Scientology hawks “Dianetics – the Modern Science of Mental Health” as a means to achieving the imaginary state of Clear.

    http://youtu.be/oNtaxR6wEyc

  • stateofcircle

    Let us not forget that the publishing of Dianetics is equivalent to birth of Christ (“AD” – Anno Domini and “BC”- Before Christ) and the creation of the universe (“AM” – Anno Mundi) to Scientologists, as they denote their calendar with “AD” for “After Dianetics” and “BD” for “Before Dianetics”. So….yeah. That.

  • Sunny Sands

    This pleading seems to be saying that if Laura doesn’t give good enough reasons (in their opinion) why there shouldn’t be a protective order, then they should get their way and get a protective order. They are trying to put the burden on her, when it should be on them. The logic in this pleading is so convoluted.

    • Robert Eckert

      Very concisely and accurately put. They need to show reasons why they SHOULD get their order, it’s not up to her to show why they shouldn’t.

  • aquaclara

    I just cannot breath over this latest motion from the cult in Laura’s case. Don’t they ever give up???? I don’t know how Laura is holding up, but we need to be strong for her now – this is very important to her life. The insights from everyone who has posted today are helpful in understanding what is in here, and what might happen. I wish I knew for sure.

    So there are a few possible outcomes, hopefully most of them are good. But what I know with certainty is that it is about time for the practices of the cult to come out in the open. And because there is stuff in here that is deeply personal in Laura’s life, the only one who should have a say over what is to be kept confidential or not is Laura.

    Judge, I hope you take note of the cult’s nonsense over the course of this trial and all the others. You have the power to open up the hidden, destructive nature of this {church} for all those who have been hurt. This is important and way, way over due.

    I hope we hear something good on Monday. And then see trucks on Tuesday. All the rest can come later.

    Hang tough, Laura. We are here with you on this.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      I hope we see a caravan of trucks on Tuesday 🙂

      [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/2b4h39.jpg[/IMG]

      • PreferToBeAnon2

        THDNE, where on earth do you find these? 😀

        • monkeyknickers

          I actually think they are tow trucks for a company in Seattle . . . . so funny. I distinctly remember something like that when we got off the freeway for visiting cousins . . . .

      • aquaclara

        Oh, this is tune best!!!
        I just wish I could be there to watch the trucks. And there had better be trucks. A full fleet.

    • Sidney18511

      I think that a major problem is the fact that most judges don’t know or realize how scummy scientology really is. They don’t know that they are dealing with a criminal organization.

  • dbloch7986

    FYI I talked to the lady at VH1, I forgot who it was here that told me about it (thank you!). She said they’re looking for someone who is still in a cult that is trying to get out of the cult. I told her that’s probably not going to be possible with Scientology. The best she’s gonna get it someone reflecting on their history with the cult.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Um,… it doesn’t sound like this lady understands how cults work at all.

      • dbloch7986

        Well it’s not her choice, it’s the producers. She’s just trying to find someone who fits the bill. She gave me a good example of the producers asking her to find a three legged mom with conjoined twins for children. It might be impossible, but it’s what they ask for LOL

        • BuryTheNuts2

          No wonder cable TV has went to shit!!!

        • Sidney18511

          Oh how crazy is that Derek? That’s like trying to find somebody who can shoot butterfly’s out their ass.

          Wait. Maybe someone with major OT skillzs……………

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Good lord….don’t give her producers any story ideas!

            This poor woman is probably still looking for the three legged mom with co-joined twins.

            If I had her job…I would be ,er, uh…practicing the art of making shit up!

            • Sidney18511

              {Scientology could help her with that}

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Moot point I guess, but did you verify with VH1 that she works for them?

      Also, just noticed Disqus is showing all comments posted “a month ago”?

    • Sidney18511

      It was me Derek. I knew that they were looking for someone in the process of leaving, but I figured they would NEVER be able to pull that off and maybe they would have to go a different way with this project that they were planning. I hope you hear from them again because your story is definetly one that needs to be told.

  • J. Swift

    The latest actions by CLODS (Cult Lawyers Org, Dave Squad) is shaping up to be another Scientology train wreck.

    Eric Lieberman, a brilliant and evil Constitutional lawyer with an unquenchable thirst for Cult Blood Money, tried to foist a shameless and wholly disingenuous piece of babbling emergency lunacy on the Supreme Court.

    Justice Kennedy threw Lieberman out on his head and rightfully so.

    Now we see prominent Santa Monica douchebag and Cult cheerleader Bert Deixler foisting a hyperventilating Cult piece of idiocy on Judge Sohigian.

    Even a non-lawyer like me knows that Judge Sohigian is giving Diexler enough due process to hang himself.

    Deixler argues that parishioner files are highly confidential, which begs the question, “How does Deixler know this?”

    The answer is he doesn’t.

    Deixler’s client is lying to him and that is just one of the many reasons that Deixler is an irredeemable Cult douchebag lawyer.

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Not that familiar with the Deixler character, but as you and others have pointed out, if We can see the drive–a-truck holes and be annoyed, just imagine real professionals take on it.

    • If he does know this because he has read them, then it’s even better because then they have been shared yet again. Heads you lose tails you lose.

      • J. Swift

        VR, how true.

        The new and highly entertaining Scientology Celebrity blog has a post up about how the entire Sea Org at Celebrity Centre Int is joking about a public Scientologist.

        This public, a woman, said in session that she was a 12,000 year vampire in her last life who was murdered by the Pope and then her auditor told someone who told someone and now everyone knows including me and the entire internet.

        Bert Deixler should read this blog post and ask himself if this will ever be introduced in a lawsuit against which he must defend:

        https://scientologycelebrity.wordpress.com/2013/06/23/scilon-sunday-is-funday-bloody/

        • stateofcircle

          I think the consensus on the identity of theta dracula is Greta Van Sustren. Haaaaa.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I thought Greta was the theta Dracula too!

            • Espiando

              I already put my agreement with you two in a post yesterday. Given the description, it couldn’t be anyone else.

        • Sidney18511

          Maybe some anonoymous someone should email the blog post to his office????? Not just a link but a C&P of the story. Even if it’s only an office worker or secretary, someone will see it. Read it. And either laugh or throw up.

    • Sidney18511

      Or as Karen would call him….Bert Diexler, Scientology DONKEY.

      • J. Swift

        Well said.

    • McLovin_1982

      CLODS….. priceless!!

  • Ok a {win} is a lot like a drug addiction. I have happy moments almost every day. I make it a point to enjoy my life, so it’s not hard to find those moments of happiness when you’re looking for them. The first thing $camatology does is find your ruin. Then they address that ruin and tell you that *the only thing in the world that can fix that ruin* is them.

    Then they do something to make you smile. Then they tell you they can make you smile every day. A lot of people walk away. Others, like drug addicts, are hooked. I was one of the Scn. Addicts. They put the carrot on the stick and kept promising me the next step would be the one that fixes it all. I got in pretty deep, Sea Org, the whole thing back in the 70’s. Yes there is a story there and no I am not ready to tell it yet, but it feels like maybe I am closer. Please don’t beg me to tell, it will come out when it is ready. Tony knows some of it, I know where to find Tony.

    Fortunately for me, due to a perfect storm of the way they treated me and me waking up to the truth that their {wins} were just things that happened in everyday life, only the wins were better out here because I wasn’t forced to do it all their way, I was able to kick the habit over 30 years ago.

    If you look at the still ins, you see that their lives are continuously less joyful but like the people you consider pathetic losers, the drug addicts on the street, they are still chasing the initial high, hoping that the next time they *shoot up* with a rundown, a Level, a course, that will be the magic bullet that gives them the elusive high that they vaguely remember at the start.

    Unfortunately, they have long since forgotten that the initial high came from the hope that things would get better. I wish there was a way to let them know that the way things get better is to *dry out* from Scientology. Some people never recover from addiction. I am glad I did and we can only hope others still in can do the same.

    • Sidney18511

      Valarie…..thank goodness you got out, and thank you for the explanation of how the still-ins are “chasing the high”. Tell your story if or when your ready. You are among friends here.

    • ze moo

      Many people believe that they are immune to lures like scientology. Everyone can be conned, everyone has down days that can be exploited by con men. Those who are ‘holier then thou’ have skeletons in their closets too.

    • Poison Ivy

      THank you for sharing, Valerie. The addiction metaphor is apt.

    • George Layton

      Thanks Valerie, your post reminds me of a song I heard a couple days back:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNUYF73aI3I

      • Ah Leonard Cohen. Yes. How can a man who sings such depressing songs be so inspiring? I guess because he’s’ so real.

    • q-bird

      Valerie. You corroborate Vance’s experience.
      Co$ = a severe negative addiction… feels good at first, but then, it eats you up alive inside & out.
      You got out. You *dried out*. And you’re here. You’re tough. Good.

      You are so cool. I don’t even know you but I know that about you all ready.

  • SP ‘Onage

    Oh boy, scientology’s situation is quite serious. 🙂

    Hiding behind a desk acting like God over people…If there are no lies to hide, why do these people have to “protect” their money making hoax with so much control by manipulation, blackmail, surveillance and threats of violence.

    Some pretty cruel stuff has been done to a lot of good people.

    The wounds of ex-Scientologist’s have festered long enough, the stench of gangrene needs to be cleared up by a big dose of antibiotic justice.

    259 church officials have viewed Laura’s pc file and not one of them thought to help her. This is why the files need to be made public so others will hopefully come forward with their story.

    Plus to better understand how scientology manipulates the public, Laura’s pc files should be made public then law enforcement and the Department of Justice will start believing the people who come to them for help.

  • Observer

    One last shoop salute (shooplute?) to Dr. Hubbard’s landmark achievement, his masterpiece, his magnum opus, the work which launched his heretofore small-time career in fraud into the stratosphere and yet had such a humble beginning …

    • stateofcircle

      Shooplute: I approve.
      Methinks one could have a lot of fun shooping various things going into and coming out of his mouth in this picture….

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Haha. I just got back from dinner and sat down with my glass of wine and saw THIS!
        I can’t stop giggling.
        Epic shoop is EPIC!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      oh, oH, OH, outfuckingstanding!
      Golden turd award!!!

    • Sherbet

      Perfect, as usual, Ob.

      • Observer

        I aim to please. *smirk*

        This is the second time I’ve put this one up. The first time was the post where Tony quoted the drivel in the shoop. It was, in classic Hubbard fashion, spoken by a pregnant (and constipated) woman sitting on the toilet and giving her unborn self-esteem issues..

        • BuryTheNuts2

          You put this up before?
          How did I miss that?
          Or was I wasted and don’t remember?
          Naw, I would have remembered THAT!!!!

          • Observer
            • BuryTheNuts2

              Where the hell was I that day?
              I must have been abducted by aliens!
              I have a patch of missing time!

            • FistOfXenu

              For what it’s worth sometimes I have to reload a page several times to see graphics and even then Disqus doesn’t always let me have them all without a fight. 😐

        • Sherbet

          I hate when that happens.

    • MissCandle

      You are amazingly clever and FUNNY.

    • Jon Hendry

      “And where’s the damned paper?”

  • Artoo45

    Now I realize the book is just a wince-inducing pile of garbage with nothing in it that is simultaneously novel and correct.

    Gorgeously perfect.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    ATTN: Bunkerites

    Date: AD 62 (or whathefuckever)

    Re: Bunkerite known as: “Sheepherder”

    Subject Data: Message from “S”

    __________________

    PART I

    The latest news, about SCOTUS, has me on the edge of my chair. I want to toss a comment in and you can use it: the kids are trying to camp out on how the Catholics get a special privilege about confession and they don’t, whine whine. Catholics aren’t the only ones; Episcopalians and I think Lutherans regard confession as sacred (tho unlike the Catholics, private confession is not mandatory.) The whole idea is that only the priest knows, and he/she must “remember your sins no more”, to quote the relevant scripture.

    It makes me sick to see the Scilons steal someone else’s traditions { “Look! We’ve got crosses, collars, confession – we’re a church!” } If Judaism were the predominant religion in the US, they’d be running around in taliths and yarmulks, and it would be equally outrageous – well, I guess they cover that base by screaming how they’re being oppressed as in the Holocaust.

    But above all I’m outraged for Laura and all the other girls like her. My heart’s with the Bunkerites, cheering for justice.
    PART II

    To expand on the confession – religious theme, i might add, if old Grouper Face was so effing brilliant, and discovered all this stuff all by himself, why didn’t he come up with an entirely new set of symbols for his entirely new {religion} in the first place?

    I admit I’m a purist of sorts; I loathe culture-vulturing of any kind, i.e. New Agers with dream catchers on their rearview mirrors etc. That’s just ignorance and bad taste. Ron practiced Grand Theft Symbol, and what’s more IMHO did it with deliberate malice.

    Religious symbols aren’t just window dressing. They have profound emotional meaning. You can’t take somebody else’s traditions and say, “Oh, it means this” when it’s meant something else for thousands of years. Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.

    There! Thanks, I’ve been wanting to forget that off my chest for ages
    Sheepherder
    _________________
    This message brought to you by BTN, …..Because DISQUS is suppressive to Sheepherder!

    • sugarplumfairy

      I miss Sheepherder!!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        She misses us too!
        Disqus gave her a declare and disconnected.
        She watches from afar and misses her bunkerite family.
        Yes Sheep…I am putting words in yer mouth…I blame the Moscato!
        Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa

        • Espiando

          Is it a general problem with Diksuq, or can it be overcome by creating a new GMail or Yahoo account and registering again with that?

          • BuryTheNuts2

            UNK.

            I will reread tomorrow and think about that.

            Tonight….wine overload.

            “Diksuq”
            hehe, snicker.

            • Jingo

              Bring back Livefyre!

              Just kidding

            • Espiando

              I’ve got multiple Diksuq accounts connected to different webmail accounts and have no issues unless it’s Diksuq having the issues (I’m also using Chrome on a Windows 7 machine). I was just over at cnn.com using my troll account to go after the fundies in the California Resumes Same-Sex Marriages thread.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              {You? trolling?…..Don’t they hear your brass balls clanging?}

              I would say I was joking, but from what I have figured out about you…(the joke is probably already on me).

              Night Night E!!!

              Oh, and by the way….I am still not over the “meat smoothie”‘ thing.

              And I raise a toast to anyone fucking/marrying/divorcing/making each other miserable thing.

              We should all equally suffer.

              That is my story and I am sticking to it!!!!

              (just like I am about to stick to the Tempurpedic in the next room)!!!

            • Youhaveaflavor

              No shit, I lurv me my temperpedic

            • Espiando

              Oh, they hear them, BTN. Right after I teabag them right in their face. It’s my twist on brass knuckles.

          • FistOfXenu

            Is it an ISP ban?

        • sugarplumfairy

          My cousin can’t always get in either.. One thing I found is tht if I get thrown out and have to sign into Disqus again, I have to use my email address not my user name.. Disqus directives say you can use either, but only email address is effective..

    • FistOfXenu

      “Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining”

      …unless you call it “The Golden Shower of Drecknology”

  • And I don’t rent cars!

    Judge July?

    July Judicial Jubilee?

    Judalicious Judicial July?

    udgelicious July?

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Julicious

  • Robert Eckert

    I mentioned on an earlier thread that California would not start issuing same-sex marriage licenses yet because Supreme Court decision take 25 days to become final (to allow for “petition to reconsider” filings), but then posted that the state attorney general was asking the 9th circuit to lift its stay (on the district court ruling that Prop 8 was invalid) immediately, since the SCOTUS ruling was that the 9th circuit should never have exercised jurisdiction at all. The 9th circuit agreed, and the party is on!

    • stillgrace

      This is all over the news here in California. They televised the weddings of the two sets of plaintiffs that challenged Prop 8. The SF court house is staying open until 8 pm (normally 5 pm) to issue marriage licenses tonight. And they’re open over the weekend to do same (unprecedented). It’s LGBT week! All other counties are gearing up for Monday!

      • Espiando

        I’m upset that due to downstate yahoos and African-American preachers here in the city, Chicago Pride can’t be full of legally married couples this weekend. Just one vote in the Illinois House. That’s all we’ll need to join our civilized brothers and sisters.

        • stillgrace

          Best of luck with that in Chicago!
          The opponents of Prop 8 are also all over the news and apparently very butt-hurt. They’re threatening investigations and inquiries and further legal action due to the promptness of the lifting of the stay. One lawyer said “It’s clear that state government had this planned behind closed doors!” Awwwwwww! {Too bad, so sad!}

          • Robert Eckert

            I want them to cry more, cry more! I can’t be the only one wanting to savor the taste of those delicious, delicious tears!

        • Sandy

          You will get there, Chicago – took us in Minnesota a while (and we had the Evil Michelle Bachman to contend with). But it will happen. It is the only right thing …

  • Jingo

    So why should the unprivileged info be automatically “protected?”

    Isn’t the cult admitting criminality by stating such, when the only person who deserves protection wants it to be public?

    It’s not like their fake priest-penitent info can be copyrighted, like so much of their other Hubbardian bullshit.

    I just don’t see what leg they have to stand on. I mean it’s been such a vexatious case for the courts, why wouldn’t it be of public benefit to get this shit out in the open?

  • ParticleMom

    {I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. The most ethical church in the world simply wants to make sure that Laura’s family and friends are not hurt by all the lies she told about them.}

  • Unex Skcus

    ““In twenty or a hundred years the therapeutic technique which is offered in this volume will appear to be obsolete.”

    If we can pretend that that this {tech} wasn’t obsolete the day that the shyster wrote it… and stretch obsolesence out to 100 years, does that mean SOs will spend 999,999,900 years on {obsolete tech}?

    • FistOfXenu

      Doesn’t matter what we pretend Unex. SOs spend all their time on non-existent tech.

  • chuckbeattyexseaorg75to03

    If like Vance says, the whole Dianetics/Scientology movement is an engram itself, then Hubbard has the solution for that also.

    Hubbard’s Group Engram running is a group pseudo-therapy, where people talk about their common “engram.”

    The chat sites, and critical sites, and critical books, against Hubbard’s Dianetics and Scientology are together, all this discussion comes under the “group engram” running out the whole Hubbard mess, out of people’s lives who’ve been put through the Hubbard engram.

    Thanks for focusing on the Dianetics book for these months now, since one of the old charges Scientology would make against critics, is “Have you read Dianetics? How can you say anything critical without having even read the book?”

    Well now you’ve dissected the book, you’re now qualified to appreciate Vance’s and thousands of other ex members’ conclusions about the whole Scientology experience being an engram in itself.

  • Mary_McConnell

    Re: “Scientology Replies to DeCrescenzo in Motion for Protective Order”
    Desperate measures by a desperate cult.