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Super Sunday Funnies: Live-Blogging Scientology’s Super Bowl Ad!

IAS_SuperBowl_smallNOTE: Live-blog entries show up at the bottom of the page.

Two weeks ago, Scientology came through on its promise to air its “Knowledge” ad during the AFC Championship — at least in some cities. We saw it here in New York, and it turned out to be a 30-second ad which is also on the web in a 1-minute version.

Will the ad also air today during the Super Bowl? We’ll be watching here at the Bunker, and we’d love to hear if you spot the ad in your town as well.

In today’s special SUPER SUNDAY edition of Sunday Funnies, we’ll take a quick look at both ads the church has been running lately, and then we have a jam-packed collection of other wacky items for you.

First, we’ll share with you this Nashville flier that a tipster passed on to us, which promises that the ad will be seen in that city…

SuperBowlNashville

As the flier states, it’s the “Knowledge” ad which will be running. As we did two weeks ago, we’ll run through the 1-minute version of the ad, which presents Scientology as a mystical hipster form of rebellion…

To the curious, the inquisitive, the seekers of knowledge
To the ones who just want to know about life, about the universe, about yourself
Not cute questions, big questions, ones that matter

Sci_KnowAd1

To the rebels, the artists, the free-thinkers, and the innovators
Who care less about labels and more about truth
Who believe nonconformity is more than a bumper sticker
That knowledge is more than words on a page
You’re young, you’re old, you’re powerful beyond measure

Sci_KnowAd2

And the fuel of that power is not magic or mysticism, but knowledge
The things you see, the things you feel, the things you know to be true
Sure, some will doubt you. Let ’em
Dare to think for yourself. To look for yourself. To make up your own mind
Because in the eternal debate for answers, the one thing that’s true, is what’s true for you
[Scientology.org]

As we pointed out earlier, the ad somehow fails to mention that Scientology is all about fawning over the written works of this guy…

LRH_Granada2

If L. Ron Hubbard doesn’t make an appearance in the “Knowledge” ad, he’s being celebrated in another television commercial that a lot of folks have been seeing lately. We have the script for that one, too…

He was the nation’s youngest Eagle Scout at the age of thirteen
And twice journeyed to Asia before the advent of commercial flight
He attended America’s first class on nuclear physics
And was a pioneer at the dawn of American aviation

LRH_Aviator

He led expeditions into then remote islands as a member of the famed Explorers Club
And was a giant in the Golden Age of Pulp Fiction
He was a Master Mariner licensed to captain vessels on any ocean
And a United States naval officer who commanded corvettes during WWII
His landmark work on the human mind rode bestseller lists for 100 consecutive weeks
And he’s the most published and translated author of all time
He is L. Ron Hubbard — founder of Scientology

We figure this one’s been running a lot lately in order to counter all the publicity over Lawrence Wright’s book, Going Clear, which points out a lot of other highlights in Hubbard’s life.

Neither of the ships that Hubbard commanded in the war (one for only a day’s practice cruise) were really properly described as “corvettes,” but the ad also fails to mention that Hubbard spent more than a day fighting an underwater mineral deposit off the coast of Oregon, and then was relieved of his command after using a Mexican island for target practice.

But you have to hand it to the church for sheer audacity to boast about Hubbard’s enrollment in a college class on nuclear physics — without mentioning that he failed it.

If you spot either ad today, please let us know in the comments.

Moving on to our other Sunday Funnies, we received the following photograph from one of our tipsters, who wondered how Scientology’s mission in celebrity-soaked Malibu was doing.

The place was closed, but then our tipster spotted this post-it note, which explained why it might be tough to catch the place when it’s actually open…

Malibu_Mission

 
If the Malibu mission is short on manpower, perhaps what it needs is the kind of derring-do and get-up-and-go that we can see in this new video from the folks in the UK. (And watch it while you can. We have a feeling we won’t have it for very long…)

 
If you’re new to Scientology watching, keep in mind that “humanitarian” in Scientology means “person who gives us a lot of cash.” Specifically, it’s someone who contributes at least $100,000 to help church leader David Miscavige put up a new “Ideal Org” church, which will then stand empty. So you can see, “humanitarian” means very different things to Scientologists than to the rest of humanity, which tends to benefit from actual humanitarians.

For a look at a Scientology humanitarian — in fact, a platinum humanitarian, whose gullibility big-heartedness is like the rarest precious metal — let’s also take a look at Manchester’s Richard Bromley, who has achieved that level. We think means he gave something like $750,000…

 
He’s truly an inspiration, isn’t he?

Meanwhile, Jim Meskimen may not be the most famous of Scientology’s celebrities, but the actor and son of Marion Ross is proving himself to be just about the most active and willing church shill of the bunch…

MeskimenHubbard

 
Now, even more funnies from across the pond. In England, a television talk show featuring a gardener (?) named Alan Titchmarsh put on a surprisingly generous segment about Scientology, allowing the church’s London spokesman, Mark Pinchin, to assert, for example, that Scientology is not celebrity-obsessed, and doesn’t charge its members for services. Watch Titchmarsh’s futile attempt to keep the segment from turning into an outright commercial for the church…

 
After watching that, we have to wonder, has “I was on drugs until Scientology” become the church’s new slogan?

Next up: Maybe the greatest slogan ever for the Ideal Org program: “sprint to eternity.” Think about it.

Cambridge_Ideal

 
And finally, we have a fun anecdote that one of our tipsters in the UK sent us. We hope you get a kick out of the tale…

Several years ago Saint Hill offered to help the town’s “Bloom Committee,” a group of civic-minded volunteers who enter East Grinstead each year in the “South and South East in Bloom” competition, which encourages towns to hang baskets of flowers in their high streets and have pretty parks.

As usual of course there was an ulterior motive in this apparently generous offer which the committee was too naive to spot until it was too late.

In particular, Saint Hill volunteered to “do something” with a rather neglected flower bed right outside the town railway station, and having cleared and planted it, they went to the additional trouble and expense of providing a tall, very handsome, green and gold enameled sign to stand in the middle of the flowers. Ostensibly this sign was to highlight the town’s attractions, including the fact that the world-famous carol “Good King Wenceslas” was written here. (THAT we are proud of!)

But no one checked the wording or was aware that number two on the sign — just in the place where one’s eye naturally fell on it while exiting the station — was touting us to all-comers as the home of L Ron Hubbard.

This unsavoury connection is hardly something anyone in East Grinstead would want to promote, not least because Hubbard himself once described East Grinstead as “a hick town full of hick people” — which is just plain rude!

The mayor remained blissfully ignorant until the moment the silk slithered off it at the unveiling and revealed how he and the committee had been conned.

It all caused quite a row at the time, but as the sign was on privately-owned land and as Saint Hill refused to remove it, it has remained a blight at the rail entry to town ever since.

Fortunately though, the story has a happy ending as a new station building opened last month.

It is set at right angles to the original station, and so the damned Scientology sign is now edge-on to visitors arriving from London and with luck will be completely removed in due course…

 
Let’s hope for a good game today. While we’re waiting to see if the Scientology ad airs, we’ll tap out a few notes here about how the contest is going. We won’t reveal yet which team we’re pulling for.

But as you settle in with your snacks and beverages, let’s all keep this looming event in mind…

COUNTDOWN TO HEADLEY FAMILY ADDITION: 9 DAYS

 

SUPER BOWL LIVE BLOG ENTRIES WILL BEGIN HERE Please refresh the page to see the latest update, and remember to set your Disqus “Discussion” to newest so you can keep up with what other readers are posting.

12:04 pm

About our Super Bowl allegiances here in the Bunker, which is in an undisclosed location but much closer, obviously, to Baltimore, Maryland than it is to San Francisco, California.

(The cats are from Kansas City, and they just wish we wouldn’t shout things at the TV during big sporting events. They won’t be taking sides today.)

Despite our relative proximity to Baltimore, we grew up in California, and we tend to side with anything West Coast over East Coast, if for no other reason than the country’s East Coast media bias is really annoying.

On the other hand, we grew up in Southern California, which traditionally has a pretty strong rivalry with the Bay Area, whose residents always seem to look down their noses at us Angelenos.

However, we did live for several years in the Bay Area and have fond memories of it. Though during that time we did not become 49ers fans.

Complicating things is that Los Angeles has always had a somewhat disjointed relationship to football. We still love the Lakers, and although we’ve adopted the Mets in a big way, if you cut us we still bleed Dodger Blue. But football is another matter.

And when we were just forming our sports allegiances in those tender days of youth, we collected football cards. It’s hard to overstate just what an influence such things can have on a young mind. Also, the Rams sucked at the time, and the Raiders hadn’t yet come to town. So, when we opened several packages of cards after a visit to the local liquor store one day, we took it as some kind of sign that so many of them were Houston Oilers. And there was something about that oil derrick on the side of the helmets we found really inspiring.

All these many years later, we’ve stuck by that team, which now calls itself the Tennessee Titans. Make fun all you want, but we’ve lived and died by Warren Moon, Steve McNair, Eddie George, and Chris Johnson, and that bond is not something we take lightly.

For that reason, there are certain teams which, over the years, have driven stakes through our hearts. You can imagine which some of these might be. Please don’t start talking about the Buffalo Bills — after the 1993 incident which must not be discussed, we at least had some solace with The Miracle in 1999.

No, it’s 2000 that still stings, when the Titans took the best record in football into the playoffs, the season after losing in the Super Bowl, and watched a brilliant season die. For that and several similar painful memories, we loathe the Baltimore Ravens with every fiber of our being.

Go Niners!
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5:24 pm

TV on. CBS dialed in. And that little segment about Ray Lewis’s involvement in a 2000 double-murder was highly unsatisfying.
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5:54 pm

Peter Weller on Hawaii-Five-0? Where’s my Buckaroo Banzai sequel?
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6:20 pm

Sandy Hook kids: afternoon’s first lump in the throat.

Crazies will say they’re just a government hologram designed to distract us from mass mind control, however. Truthers are a special breed.
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6:27 pm

After that rousing anthem by Alicia Keys, we’re almost ready to go. Just a note — during the AFC Championship, the Scientology ad was the first one going into the halftime break. When will it show up today?
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6:30 pm

Flaming Lips for Hyundai? Ah, why not.
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6:40 pm

Ravens strike first. It’s early.
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6:44 pm

Ads…

Budweiser Black Crown. Oh, please.
M&Ms. This feels like a PETA ad.
Audi. Rich kids never made me want to buy anything.
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6:46 pm

More ads…

Hyundai super kids. Meh.
Go Daddy ads are always gross, but this one is stomach-turning.
Doritos, good enough for goats.
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6:56 pm

Niners make it 7-3.

Ads…

Pepsi Next. Forgettable.
Best Buy. Waste of Amy Poehler, a great comedian.
Budweiser “Black Crown.” Please, just stop.
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6:59 pm

Ads…

The Wizard of Oz reboot no one has been waiting for.
Coke ad using surveillance cams: unintentionally creepy.
Oreo: Can’t help wondering if that library had Ron the Encyclopedia.
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7:08 pm

End of First Quarter

Ads…

Action movie will deliver action movie tropes action movie fans expect.
Toyota wishes. Best ad so far.
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7:15 pm

First Turnover!

Ads…

Doritos ad. Men in drag means great snack product.
Calvin Klein ad feels like something out of a fascist utopia.
Cars.com wolf ad. Huh?
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7:25 pm

Ravens up 14-3

Ads…

Bud Light ad set in New Orleans. Great town, OK commercial
Go Daddy tells us wives nag men around the world. What a loathsome company.
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7:27 pm

More ads…

I’m looking forward to the new Star Trek movie, but I wish I hadn’t sat through like a 10-minute preview at The Hobbit. Sometimes less is more.
The Rock goes in search of milk and we yawn.
Sonata Turbo ad is a bit clever. The music reminds us of “Raising Arizona.”
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7:30 pm

Second turnover! Ravens have always been good at getting the other team to lose its cool.
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7:38 pm

Failed fake field goal! Hey, that’s unusual.

Ads…

VW. Ah, nothing like ethnic humor. First draft no doubt included blackface and dreads.
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7:42 pm

Niners struggling. Time out.

Ads…

Coke ad in the desert. Road Warrior riff, and Priscilla Queen of the Desert (but without pesky gays).
Subway ad with athletes. Jared has always struck us as someone you don’t really want to get to know.
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7:48 pm

Two minute warning.

Ads…

Taco Bell ad with old people. I know this is supposed to be clever, but it makes me wince.
Running shoes ad with cheetah. Well, at least we got to see a cheetah.
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7:50 pm

Ravens up 21-3. Niners a second half team, but this is getting ridiculous.

Ads…

Lincoln ad is too typical for a car ad, even with the jazz drummer.
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7:51 pm

Halftime is nearing. Remember, during the AFC Championship, it was the first ad after the first half ended when Scientology ran a 30-second version of its “Knowledge” ad, at least here in New York.
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7:53 pm

Kaepernick seems to be risking an interception with almost every pass. Not good.
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8:01 pm

HALFTIME, Ravens 21, Niners 6

Ads…

Four CBS promos, during which several tens of millions headed for the bathroom.
Ford Fusion. Saw this one already. Zzzz.

SCIENTOLOGY AD!!!
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8:02 pm

The great thing is, the Scientology ad as immediately followed by a loopy woman who could have been the perfect example of a deluded church member. Nice placement!
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8:03 pm

So who saw the ad and in which parts of the country?
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8:08 pm

The Twitter reactions to the Scientology ad are BRUTAL.
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8:25 pm

Oprah pandering to the armed forces: Soldiers deserve better. Don’t treat them like a disease that needs commiseration.
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8:26 pm

Sorry, CBS, I’m still not going to watch your sitcom. But thanks for the Garrett Morris cameo.
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8:32 pm

This is like the Super Bowls of my youth. Blowout after blowout.
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8:37 pm

Power outage! Ha ha ha. Where are OT VIIIs when you need them?
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8:40 pm

Ads…

Iron Man 3 — cool look.
Century 21. Eh.
Blackberry — very weak use of special effects
NO, THE TALKING E-TRADE BABY! Aaaagggghhh.
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8:41 pm

Let’s play the second half next week!
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8:57 pm

Oh no, DOWNTON ABBEY. We may have to start switching back and forth.
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9:04 pm

Oh, everyone’s mourning for Sybil. What’s Tom going to do?
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9:09 pm

Cora, Cora, that was a low blow.
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9:18 pm

Kaepernick runs for first down!

Mrs. Patson carps about cooking!
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9:26 pm

Niners score crucial touchdown.

Meanwhile, downstairs flirting is reaching unbearable levels.
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9:30 pm

SF defense finally showing up.

Dr. Clarkson, meanwhile, is being put on the spot.
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9:33 pm

WE HAVE A GAME. The Niners score again.

Things in prison for Mr. Bates are still grim.
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9:38 pm

Robert, Robert, you out-of-date lovable bastard.
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9:40 pm

Oh, Carson. That was uncalled for.
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9:43 pm

Niners miss a field goal. Will that deflate their comeback?

Meanwhile, Biblical parables around the table downstairs at Downton.
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9:48 pm

Both the Niners and Mr. Bates are holding on to a glimmer of hope…
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9:51 pm

The Daily Mail UK has provided a link here in a story about the Scientology ad. We’re grateful for that, but we want to clarify that the ad which aired during the Super Bowl was a 30-second spot.

There is a 1-minute version of the “Knowledge” ad online, but for the sky-high rates during the AFC Championship and Super Bowl, the church ran the shorter versions, which makes sense.
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9:53 pm

Dr. Clarkson does the noble thing. But tough for him, no doubt.
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9:54 pm

We’re into the fourth quarter, and the Ravens are trying to drive a stake into the Niners’ chances.
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9:55 pm

The Business Insider is reporting that Scientology paid about 3.8 million for the ad.
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9:59 pm

Ravens score, now lead 31-23.

Ads…

Paul Harvey on farmers. Just don’t Google Harvey’s past.
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10:01 pm

Daily Mail is also wrong about cost. If it had been a national ad, would have been more than 7 million. But it only ran in certain markets, and Business Insider says they paid about 3.8 million.
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10:04 pm

Wow. Niners are really something. Will they go for two to tie it up?
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10:15 pm

Niners want to check the replay.

Ads…

Tide ad. Annoying.
Soda Stream. At least it has a point to make.
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10:22 pm

Let’s look at this again. National ads are running about 3.8 million for 30 seconds. But the Scientology ad was not nationwide, so the 7.6 million (for 1 minute) and 3.8 million for 30 seconds are both too high. We’re guessing they spent less. Not sure how much, though.
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10:31 pm

Two-minute warning.

Samsung. Might have been better with a script.
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10:35 pm

Oh, that might be it. The Niners couldn’t get in from only about 5 yards out.
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10:48 pm

Well, the Ravens win. But thanks to the Niners for making it a game.

Also, to recap: right where we expected it, the Church of Scientology ran a 30-second version of its “Knowledge” ad after the end of the first half. It showed up in NY and LA and SF and perhaps some other markets. National ads were running about 3.8 million for a 30-second spot, but we wonder if they paid less than that because it was in limited markets.

We thank the numerous news organizations that linked to us in regards to the ad. We did know it was coming, and we had already commented on its weak message. As L. Ron Hubbard said, it’s best to sell Scientology like a “mystery sandwich” and not give any indication of what it’s really like. For that — what the church is really up to — there is this blog and its excellent commenter community, which is made up of so many former members.

Oh, and Joe Flacco just said “Fucking awesome” on national TV. And that is fucking awesome.

Thank you and good night!

————-

Posted by Tony Ortega on February 3, 2013 at 07:00

 

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  • 1subgenius

    “We’ve been working on it for 8 years. Its about time we finished it.”
    Well, yes.

  • Vistaril

    Always makes me chuckle when I see OTs wearing glasses . . . poor ole Richard.

    That story about the sign outside the railway just typifies Scientology: it promises one thing but delivers another. Classic. I wonder how impressed curious visitors might be if drawn to St Hill by the sign and then discovering how Scientology treats its local environment. Disgusting . . . and yet another suitable metaphor for the subject.

    http://youtu.be/vgjt8eR1K4w

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      Vistaril, I am completely disgusted by the contamination shown in that video! Co$ truly is shit. Literally. I hope it gets cleaned up soon–wonder if there are any local politicians or reporters making a fuss about it.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Odd that they can be “willfully blind” to the fact that the Tech does not work while having to wear those glasses.
      Maybe they just don’t want to “show off” those OT Powerz as it would be considered vulgar.

  • Koondog

    I will bet with your East Coast bias you are pulling for the Ravens. I’m on the West Coast (of Sweden) and I am rooting for the Niners! (If anyone on this blog gives a rat’s ass.)

    • TonyOrtega

      East Coast bias? The Bunker may be near the Atlantic, but its inhabitant originated from the Golden State. However, we do tend to have an AFC bias. We’ll keep you guessing for now.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        GO 49ers!!!

        • stillgrace

          I bet you 200 clam tacos that Tony’s a 49er fan! California roots run deep!!

          • I don’t know about that statement. I’m a native Californian and I despise all SF teams. I don’t like American football and I know next to nothing about these teams but I’m hoping that SF loses.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Soccer fan? My husband could care less about American football either. He is only in it for the chicken wings and beer.

            • moxonmoxoff

              FORZA AZZURRI!!

            • Peter

              You have something again chicken wings and beer? You must be a bitter food apostate!!! ROFL

            • BuryTheNuts2

              But of course not. Chicken wings and beer are food of the Gods! (As are Taco’s)

              I am only a Bitter Chocolate Apostate!

            • moxonmoxoff

              Are you from SoCali? My road to SF team hate begins with my love of the Dodgers . . . and my distaste for Deion Sanders. Yes, I know. I am living in the past. So today, I’m going to go with GO STEELERS!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Baahaahaa.
              Mox you always make me laugh!

            • Yes, I’m from Los Angeles and had a Brooklyn Dodgers – Los Angeles Dodgers father so I inherited the hate-SF gene. Although I adore SF and I lived in No CA for several years, I despise the smugness of 49er and Giants fans.

            • moxonmoxoff

              We are relocating to the bay area in the near future. I look forward to sitting with my fellow Dodger fans during Giants/Dodgers games and throwing some serious shade on the Giants outfield. I will avoid trashing Lincecum only because I have respect for him as a pitcher. That being said, if there’s one thing I can’t stand more than Giants fans . . . it’s RAIDER fans. *ackbarfspitvomhorkshithurl*

              All told, I don’t get that excited about football. I do, however, love chip and dip and good beer and will therefore never turn down an invite to a Superbowl party, provided that said items will be in sufficient supply.

              I’m with Tony on the Mets love, though. Having lived in NY I had to pick a team and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the Yanks. Plus, the Mets got Piazza. *swoon* And after getting to meet Mike Scioscia in person and getting him to laugh at one of my jokes, I’ll share some love with the “Los Angeles” Angels too. But only because Mike used to be a Dodger.

              And that there exhausts my sports babble abilities. Unless we’re talking about competitive beer drinking . . . .

            • BuryTheNuts2

              And with that said…My IPA’s should be nice and cold now.

            • moxonmoxoff

              yum! if you like nw style ipa’s, 10 barrel is a good one. the brewery is in bend, oregon, and i’ve seen it available in bottles in california. don’t know if it’s made it back east yet.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I used to go to Fort Bragg just to go to the North Coast Brewery for IPA’s.
              Sometimes I really miss the West Coast…LOTS!

            • I had the pleasure, a few years ago, to be sitting in the Dodgers Dugout Club during a game against the Giants. I don’t remember much about that game except three things:

              1) sitting in the Dugout Club seats is awesome unless it is a July day game when the temperature is in the high 90s and there’s no Goddamned shade,

              2) most celebrities that go to Dodger games only go to be “seen” and could give two shits about the game itself. I’ve never like Christian Slater but he put on such a disgusting “show” for the audience that I can never watch him in anything any longer (well that, and I also saw him do the Jack Nicholson role in Cookoo’s Nest in London and he was so bad it was funny)

              3) I saw how the heckling bothered Barry Bonds because I was only a few feet away from him when he was at bat. Watching him squirm and try to not show how pissed off he was at the hecklers (and it was some BAD heckling) was worth getting sun poisoning.

            • moxonmoxoff

              omglol. Yes, no shade there at all. You poor thing! I’m sorry you got sun poisoning–that sucks. I had to move from LA because I was melting, plus I couldn’t see my hands in front of me from all the smog. At least you got to bear witness to Barry’s harassment . . . awesome! A story for posterity for sure!

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Not taking that bet. I agree with you.

      • liz_alice

        I live with a CA boy from San Jose. To keep the peace around here, it’s no secret who I hope wins. However, I am ambivalent about this game as when the niners lose, the car gets overturned and if the niners win…the car gets overturned…:D

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      Since my sister in law, the Ravens fan, is giving the party, and making the food, I will be rooting for the Ravens. Plus, they have Joe Flocco, who is super hot, and looks very nice in his uniform.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        That is very strong and solid reasoning you are using for your loyalties.
        Food, party, hot guy.
        Yep, that works.

        • moxonmoxoff

          That’s pretty much the system I use. Sometimes I go by whose uniforms I like better if the hotness factor is missing. While we’re on the topic of uniforms, what’s with the fugtastic nudie pants the Steelers keep trotting out? Since when did pantyhose become acceptable football attire?

          • Midwest Mom

            Blame Joe Namath for the pantyhose. I think he wore them underneath his uniform, though.

    • stillgrace

      You have excellent taste in your choice of American football teams!

      GO NINERS!!!!

  • 1subgenius

    Poe+crabcakes=Ravens

    • Observer

      I don’t mind football, but the Puppy Bowl is more my speed. lol

      • moxonmoxoff

        With the kitty and hedgehog halftime show!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        OH MY GOD, Ya’ll kept talking about this Puppy Bowl and it left me with an MU.
        Now that I have Googled it…………AWWWWWWHHHHHH.
        This is too cute.
        And there really is a hedgehog cheerleader and a kitty halftime show.
        I must stop living under a bridge and turn on the damn TV once in a while!!!

  • EnthralledObserver

    How long away is this footy game??

    • 1subgenius

      6:30 GMT-5

      • EnthralledObserver

        oh crap… what’s GMT-5??? A time zone, I guess, but sorry, what does that stand for? And thanks, btw, even if I’m a bit useless.

        • MO Mom

          Translates to US Eastern time. Technically Greenwich Mean Time, less 5 hours.

        • Truthiwant

          It depends what time zone you are in. LRH will be watching it from GMT +40000000000000000000000000000000000000000

        • That is to say, if you are in Greenwich, England it is 11:30 PM when it is 6:30 PM in the Eastern US.

    • Observer

      6:30 p.m. Sunday (Eastern time) in the US, 9.5 hours from now. I think that would be 10:30 a.m. East coast time Monday in Oz.

      • EnthralledObserver

        Oh, okay…cheers. Off to bed with me then, catch ya’s in the morn… 😀

  • tetloj

    Jim Meskimen – you tube sensation!!! Something tells me I wouldn’t laugh as much as I did when I happened on the songify version of “I love cats”

  • Scientia

    There were “Knowledge” poster ads up in Bank station in London these last couple of weeks. Bank is a central hub of the financial district in the City, not known for its “free thinkers”, “rebels” or artists. Did anyone see ads up in Camden, Shoreditch, Soho or Notting Hill? If not, then it’s clear they don’t give a damn attracting those crowds. The banking community is clearly where the money is. Just one high flier will no doubt keep London’s empty “Ideal Org” ticking along nicely.

    • Bankers have better things to do with their taxpayer bailouts than give it to a cult

  • Observer

    In the Super Bowl flyer, why are they calling it the “new” Knowledge ad when it’s been around for ages? Unless they consider chopping it down from one minute to 30 seconds making it “new”. On second thought, that fits right in with their “opening” ideal orgs that have been open for years (looking at you, Buffalo and Los Gatos).

    Favorite part of the Super (HU)MAN(ITARIAN) vid–the flapping cape. You can see where the strings are attached. lol! I do have to say the Manchester building *is* beautiful, and I hope they don’t let it just rot away like so many other of their buildings.

    OMG the Jive Aces! They look like they escaped from an asylum and then fell into a giant vat of mustard before their appearance. They seriously look lunatics. Alan Titchmarsh used to have a show on BBC America called “Ground Force” where they’d redo people’s yards. It was hilarious and hubby and I were huge fans. Mark Pinchin, while more civil than Tommy “I’m Angry, Real Angry” Davis (and wow, Mark has a great voice!), comes across as just as much of a brainwashed thrall. I couldn’t bear to watch the whole thing.

    Sprint to Eternity = run in circles for 12 hours a day until you get there.

    Scientology sign in East Grinstead: more proof that Scientology can’t be trusted at all, even for the most trivial of things.

    • Observer

      Also, I think a better name for the Jive Aces would be the Jive Moonbats.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Or we could borrow a golden oldie of a phrase: Jive Asses

      • Do you think they talk jive talk to each other? Like real old-fashioned jive talk, so hip to the time period scientology is stuck in?

        • Observer

          50s jive liberally sprinkled with Scientologisms … *shudder*

          • richelieu jr

            Not hip to the lingo, daddy-o? Too enturbulated?

            • Observer

              Not jive enough, I guess.

      • We still don’t know what “soul duds” look like, but at least we’ve seen “jive duds”!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Or Jive Turkeys!

    • MO Mom

      Loved him on Ground Force! Pity he got screwed when his producers picked this bunch for his show…

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    In the UK vid, they say that they can provide the tools to become a superhero. The guy is wearing a red cape–but I really wanted one in more of a mauve color to go with this great scarf I have. I wonder if they will allow for substitutions. I think it would still be in compliance with FAA regulations. There must be a lot of superhero traffic in dem dere clouds!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      That ad just made me want “cheese” for breakfast.

    • I posted an article I came across with the real Superman, Chris Reeve and his experience with scientology [he deliberately fooled the e-meter]…. I’ve put it back as first post on http://scientologybollocks.blogspot.co.uk as it’s kind of appropriate today

      • OK, ML, that picture of a female Tom Cruise is VERY disturbing. Gah……it will give me nightmares for awhile.

    • What delightful fashion sense you have! Your choice of mauve tells me that your colors are soft summer. I learned colors from the woman who was Executive Director of the Celebrity Center mission in Toronto. I miss her and her husband—fun people with delightful fashion sense.

  • SFFrog

    Scientology: because what all free-thinkers and non-conformists really want is for someone to tell them what to do.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. I always enjoy a few slices of irony with my breakfast..

    • Anon Nom Nom

      In that vein, I am proud to announce that I am now accepting applications for folks to learn my super fantastic but confidential way to achieve non-conformity. All I need is a few decades of your time, your free will, and a blank check, preferably made payable to Cash.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        I do think it is funny that a free spirited non-conformist would need to look for a structured plan on how to be a non-conformist.
        Just the type of folks I would target to join a fake navy.
        Must be the uniforms.

        • richelieu jr

          I don’t conform/ I wear a different uniform…

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Me too….Of my own design. It is spectacular!

    • richelieu jr

      How to be a non-conformist without putting in all the work!

  • sugarplumfairy

    Who knew pulp fiction had a golden age?

    • richelieu jr

      Of course it did- 1993!

      You should have seen Tarantino at Cannes! (Hubbard played Marcellus Wallace- A real chameleon that guy) He was also the prostitue in Pretty Woman and the King in King Kong…

      Contrary to popular belief he did not play ET in th film of the same name. That was payed by that lump on his head for the 1970’s… Very, very talented Cyst that, one of a kind! I think it went on to run Paramount for a couple of years before being brought down in a check-kiting scandal… That’s the thing about Cysts- they always get popped in the end…

      Which makes me think of the CoS for some reason… A big, swollen thing coming ot of L Ron Hubbard’s fat head, serving no purpose, and better of removed and forgotten..

      They popped his Cyst and ‘tech’ came out.

  • anne smith

    Given all the bad press (i.e.; the truth), do you think $cientology will suffer? Will people thinking about joining the cult now reconsider? I think it’s telling that the cult has not sued Lawrence Wright, or John Sweeney over what’s in their books. And now we have Jenna Miscavige’s memoir. Hope it’s damning!

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      From your mouth to Xenu’s ear!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      It is damning. They were already hurting and then 2012 was a killer. And now 2013 has started off with such a bang that they are leaking like crazy. The pressure is on and Davey is feeling it big time. I am surprised he hasn’t keeled over from the relentless stress of it all.

      All of those empty buildings tell the truth. Watching them slowly wither up and die is like reading a great dystopian novel.

      Enjoy the Game Davey!
      Have some caek.

      • Sidney18511

        is it possible that they are putting so much money into real estate because it would be untouchable in the case of a civil lawsuit? In Florida your personal property is exempt from lawsuits.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          There are some really good safeguards on personal property here. If you have an annuity it is safe in a judgement. That is how OJ managed to survive the Goldman Civil suit. They couldn’t touch his retirement checks because of Florida law.

          But those properties are Commercial real estate.
          Whole different ball game.
          I think all of those empty properties are albatrosses hanging around their neck.

          • Still_On_Your_Side

            Lawyers drool over commercial real estate when trying to collect judgments again businesses, there is no “homestead” protection for one thing. Miscavige probably thinks he knows more than his lawyers after 30 years of litigious behavior. In his tiny, little brain, everything is protected on religious grounds. I wonder if that will work in Germany, Belgium, Australia, France………?

        • John P.

          Commercial real estate is exactly the wrong asset class to avoid seizures in case of a lawsuit. If you are trying to seize a building at 100 E. Main Street on Friday, but the judge doesn’t get to it until Monday, the odds are pretty good that the building will be in the same location. If you want to avoid lawsuits, offshore banks are the way to go… Bank secrecy is a thing of the past, and the long arm of the Feds will be able to take your money if it is mixed up in criminal things almost anywhere in the world you hide it. But some countries make it hard to seize assets in a civil case.

          They’re putting so much money into commercial real estate because they have absolutely no idea how to sell the real product: brainwashing, wallet rape and disconnection from friends and family if you try to leave their roach motel religion. So they figure that if they build fancy buildings, people will think this is a religion that will make me more successful, and will be more likely to sign up. The number of people who drive by a Scientology “org” and say, “gee, this place looks so much less threadbare than my current church that I think I will consider changing my religion.”

          There is an unverified rumor that the whole Ideal Org thing was kicked off when Tom Cruise told Miscavige, “what’s with the crappy run-down buildings? I would never send any of my friends to those places to learn about Scientology.” At which point a little light went on in Miscavige’s brain, and he immediately began the $500 million scam to rake in donations and build facilities that Cruise could send all his “wog” friends to so they could become Scientologists. I am sure it will be a rude awakening for Miscavige when he proudly calls TC and says, “Now all our buildings are magnificent edifices, just like you asked, so you can start sending your friends to us any time now!”

          • And TC will have to word-clear “friends”

          • ..”they have no absolutely no idea how to sell the real product..” That’s why I think they keep stalling on opening the Sooper Powerz building, well, that and they’re drawing out the scam to get more $$$$. Once these “rundowns” are started, and people will have paid huge amounts of money for them, there are going to be some unhappy customers. The gyroscope and the oiliness table just sound awful for starters. Maybe they will tell their C/S it was the greatest thing eva, but their closest friends will know better.

            • DeElizabethan

              Note about stalling the powerz building. In 2011 at the Coachman Building where they hold most courses, they started moving public and IAS offices around on the first floor. The public handling desk was put by the front door. I asked why this was happening. Answer was they are preparing for the move over to the powerz building soon and getting ready. The sweet girl said oh, what a beautiful office I will have there and she had seen it. Of course it didn’t happen.
              So they even have to keep fooling the SO members to thinking it will be, so they can continue to scam the members for more $$$. Probably came up with some poor excuse believable only to them.

      • Still_On_Your_Side

        Yes, and they will wither when the local Orgs are tired of paying every dime in “rent” to Miscavige for buildings they paid to build/rennovate. There are probably many members, public and staff, already reading Tony’s blog, and Marty’s. I would err on the side of caution and assume that any “strange” question is from someone inside the CoS looking for a way out.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Even the initial defense of their religion. Which I respect, btw.

          Come on in, the WOG water is fine. We are not those evil beings we are made out to be.
          Just keep on reading and seeking the truth.
          The TRUTH will set you free.
          And it will be a lot easier on your wallet as well…

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Reading the ad text again reaffirmed to me the desperation level at Sci Headquarters.

    Someone is reaching farrrrr back into its history to try and recapture its heyday I’d mark at the 70’s to very early 80’s. The lobbies were packed with rebellious artists, free thinkers and noncomformists. Unlike the 50’s and 60’s where engineers, writers, a few scientists and other educated and experienced seekers were involved, this time period sucked in more of the high school graduate or dropout and any college experience involved sitting in the weeds in yoga position holding your protest sign. We were still seeking that illusive High, but this round we wanted organic, all natural, non fattening.

    This ad in several phrases “defines” knowledge as more than words, things you see and feel. And then there’s that definition of reality thrown in for good measure: the one thing that’s true is what’s true for you. This ad is appealing to those who fantasize, don’t confuse issues with facts, believe science fiction is real and the real world is just trying to make them wrong, make them Grow Up and get an education and a real job.

    Every time I see a scientology ad I think of all the artists, rebels, innovators, pioneers and free thinkers that scientology lured in long ago and proceeded to repel in one mass exodus. Especially someone like Jefferson Hawkins who was responsible for the last successful ads. These are Exactly the kind of people that sooner than later figure it out or are kicked out.

    Whoever came up with this ad does not have a clue. What is just hilarious to me is who this ad is trying to lure in: Anonymous. Uh Oh.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Perfect!

      • Thanks for putting it all together. Your public-by-timeline analysis is a valuable point of view when trying to make sense of that madness. xoxo

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          Tks, Aunt Kate. I was introduced by people who had been in since the early 60’s, so I’ve covered a lot of decades over the years. And yes, I Know you understand the backstory is important. Everyone asks Today how could anyone get involved? My short answer has always been: No Cable or Internet.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            Good answer!

    • aquaclara

      From an audience test of one – my 18 year old son – this ad failed miserably. I introduced him to cult-watching as we sat down together last month to watch Nancy Many’s gripping story while we were on vacay in Clearwater. Following that, we OF COURSE had to go look at the parking garage at the Ft Harrison. Then the ad happens to appear on tv – his comment was that that girl seemed so strange. “Was that supposed to get people to join?”
      Sadly, yes.
      From watching the buses unload downtown (in what used to be a very nice downtown filled with mostly smiley Floridians), the target audience appears to be young, mostly females, from non-English speaking countries with nary a smile to be found.
      As far as the St Hill blooming flowers anecdote, I love the juxtaposition of the scent of a lovely English garden combined with the news from the ex sci message board about the nasty, odiferous plumbing problems at St Hill occurring once again. There are some great Anon-style signage possibilities that emerge from this one! Hmm, maybe another vacation!

  • Ciru

    I love the second drawing in the Superhumanitarian video of the guy sitting on a birthday cake. Truly a superpower worth paying 100k for.

  • j238

    “Hubbard College”?

    I wonder if it’s legal to use the word “college” without accreditation. Anyone here know?

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      There is the Hubbard College of Administration. It’s just another scientology “trick”. Meskimen is trying to make himself look relevant, and hip, like college students are his target market. Not. And if his regular price is $10, and he’s giving scientologists even cheaper seats, he’s never gonna get wear Superman’s underpants, let alone his cape.

      It took decades to get off his mailing list. Oh yeah, if you get on the mailing list of a business owned by one, you will have to enroll in my “How To Get Off a Scientologist Mailing List” course. I give discounts for Bunker College students. (or, just send them a printed copy of Any Bunker thread. Your Welcome. It’s a National U.S. holiday today so I’m in a gift giving mood).

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    In the pic of LRH, I didn’t realize he had an incisor thing going on there. I guess for TC there is only one *true* person who can carry that off. Naz was just showboating.

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      Yeah, old Snaggletooth Hubtard could certainly use some filing down. I wonder if there are dentists on Venus?

      • Ze Moo

        Lron spent a lot of time in the UK, as we all know, the loneliest person in the UK is a dentist.

        • blissfulldreams

          well thanks for that it’s funny though i have 3 children and not one of them have had a filling they each have white teeth and visit the dentist often but the funny thing is no matter how bad a persons teeth are they can get them fixed, it’s a shame that they can do nothing for people with nasty personality’s like yours thou

          • Ze Moo

            You must be British, how many teeth do you have?? Dentist jokes in the UK are common, we all know that not every Brit has bad teeth.

  • Truthiwant

    I used the railway station in East Grinstead for years but don’t remember seeing that sign. One thing is for sure, in those days when I frequented Saint Hill, the taxi drivers were making a fortune shipping out scientologists from the railway station to the Org, which is about 2 miles from the station.

    Another curiosity, the Sea Org members don’t stay in East Grinstead. Instead they are brought in each morning on an old bus from Crowborough, which is about 15 miles away. Crowborough, I think is much better known for something else. It was where Sir Arthur Conan Doyle lived and worked.

  • Observer

    I keep thinking about that sign thing. It seems trivial, but it pretty much sums up Scientology’s methods.

    Dear Scientologists:

    Though you are convinced that we wogs are clueless idiots, we are not. Yes, you can occasionally pull the wool over our eyes, but then we’re wise to you. Contrary to your apparent belief, things like the East Grinstead sign stunt create neither goodwill nor good PR, and only turn people who were once neutral or perhaps even friendly toward you into people who will avoid you like the plague. You are becoming increasingly isolated from both individuals outside your “church” and society at large. Your COB has seen to it that Scientology is cannibalizing itself, devouring its members and then spitting you out, abandoning you, when you’re broke or otherwise no longer useful.

    You have given up your money, your critical thinking skills, your life and in some cases your children to LRH’s “tech”. As time goes by it becomes more and more obvious that the “tech” was a product of his 1950s Cold War mentality, and it becomes more and more dated and irrelevant to today’s world. LRH was a lousy prophet–he couldn’t even foresee the creation of the internet, which is now exposing him for the charlatan he was and the abuses he initiated in the “church” which are now being faithfully carried out to their logical conclusions by your COB. Where is your President, Heber Jentzsch? Where is COB’s wife, Shelly Miscavige? Why are such important people out of sight instead of fighting for your “church” in its hour of need?

    It’s not too late. Those who have left are living the lives of freedom and self-determinism that Scientology promises to you while robbing you of them. You don’t have to stay on the sinking ship.

    • Truthiwant

      Hubbard usually shied away from being interviewed on film, but there are some beauties from Granada productions in the UK back in the late 60’s when LRH was at Saint Hill. They are available on the web and one film at least is on Mark Bunker’s site. When you see Hubbard talking it is so blatantly obvious that the man is lying out of his pants. My God, I wish I had seen those films before getting involved with “The most Ethical Group on the Planet”.

    • richelieu jr

      Oh gods yes, Observer, very nicely put!

      Not too mention that when things go south, DM is going to hang that sign around your neck and push you off the yacht…

      Not before pummeling you and tapping the Declaration of Infinite Dependence on your chest with his finger… “Didn’t you know this would create bad will in the community? Who’s F***ing stupid idea was this?”

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Flapuary 2013: We’ve already learned that Ursula Caberta is retiring to write another scientology book, we got to see Tom Cruise’s former assistant babble, cackle, dabble, and babble some more, we got Jon Atack himself to point out myth errors, we got your scientology ad Babble On lookouts during Super Bowl, now we have news of February 12 arrival of yet another Hell Yes Headley (the world can’t have too many), Steven Colbert February 4 interviews Lawrence Wright and we just know we’ll need extra underwear for that one. We have Jenna Miscavige Hill’s book out on Feb 10 plus she has the backing for mega promotion and interviews (we’ll need plenty of tissues for those), we have Feb 11 opening trial date for Narconon in Georgia (?), and that’s just what I know of so far which doesn’t even take us all the way to the 50 yard line of Flapuary. Whoop!

    • Ze Moo

      I’d rather see Wright on ‘the daily show’ with Jon Stewart, but any tv exposure is good. Wright’s book tour is getting a lot of local papers and tv stations to cover the CO$. Win, Win…..

      • richelieu jr

        I agree- Colbert is borderline genius with his snappy interviews that seem nearly perfectly organized… But they are too short. Stewart takes his guests more seriously and doesn’t always have to search for the perfect gag, repartée or just closing shot…
        I enjoy them both equally, but if I am going to be informed (or wish others to be), my money’s on Stewart. Pity that once you d one, the other is out for the near future…

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      I can’t wait to see Lawrence Wright on Colbert. Colbert is just too damn funny.

      On a side note, I heard Lawrence Wright on NPR’s Fresh Air last week, and he was awesome. Totally factual and low key. It was the NPR interviewer (I forget her name) who was goofing on Co$

      • If there’s anyone who would dare to dress himself up as the galactic overlord Xenu it’s Colbert…. I hope one of his writer’s reads this blog and thinks about it….. the lulz would be stratospheric!

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Oh my gosh…Lawrence Wright is low key…can you just imagine this…….BAAHAAAHAAA

          • mirele

            Lawrence Wright is very serious and straightforward. I’d pay good money to see Colbert dress up as an Intergalactic Warlord to interview Wright.

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          If he dressed up as Jerry Lee Lewis with a piano around his waist, That would crack Larry up. Hey, better yet, have two pianos on stage and they can have a dueling boogie woogie smackdown!

        • N. Graham

          Just made me realize that they are like Islam in that they both have someone Who Must Not Be Pictured.

          • monkeyknickers

            That was awesome! 🙂

      • Trustmeonthis

        He was great on Fresh Air! 45 minutes of awesome! And Flapuary is shaping up well. Gotta go pre-order Jenna Miscavige Hill’s book on the kindle!

    • richelieu jr

      You never know! As I told Claire, our babies were due days apart (mine 3 days after theirs) but I am now a new dad, looking at this age through blurry eyes.. are those tears? Well, maybe, but mostly lack of sleep… I’m sure their latest will be lovely, loved and perhaps just as important– Free.

      They gave that id a priceless gift by blowing… I hope the kid never earns how valuable it was…

      • Still_On_Your_Side

        The gift is that he will never have to. Long before the child comes of age, the CoS and cults like it will be history.

        • richelieu jr

          I wish I had your optimism, SOYS.. CoS quite possibly, hopefully, and if I have anything to say about it.. But all cults?
          I am not convinced people are getting any smarter and they want so much to believe in something that some people will believe in anything…
          Still from your lips to ???’s ears, eh?

  • Karin POW!

    Meskimen is such a tool. He really thinks the scientology library campaign is for real! Check out his response on his blog when somebody mentions there were no book sin the local library:
    “I am very perplexed by what you have told me, as my understanding was that libraries were well provided with LRH books, but possibly they have been checked out.” lol.
    https://meskimen.wordpress.com/2010/06/22/scientology-what-i-like-about-it/

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      hahahah. Thanks for this. Yes, Meskimen, most scientologists Have checked out by now, one way or the other.

      • richelieu jr

        You have to check out (or be checked out) to check in, if you get my drift, Hole..

        Scientology is kind of the double-reverse Hotel California– The Checked Out can Check Out any time, but hey can never leave…

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Scientology can reduce a normal, thinking human being to blithering idiocy.

      • That’s what it did to me. Thank heavens, I found a use for my blithering idiocy when I write postmodern gender theory. I have so much fun being a clown. But seriously? That cult wounded me bad.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          You just keep on writing. I love it…especially the lying parts (those cracked me the fuck up).
          That nasty cult has wounded way too many decent people over decades. And I would hate to do the math of the amount of actual years that people have given Scientology that they can never get back. It is sickening and LRH was a devil.

        • Still_On_Your_Side

          The best revenge is success, and you are getting plenty of revenge!

        • richelieu jr

          Kate, you blow my mind. One thing we can say for sure– They didn’t manage to grind you into a cog– You retained your individuality, to say the least…

    • cannibalboy

      Oh, Jim Meskimen. Still performing his over-long one man show at one of the few places that will have him: The Acting Center. When your audience is comprised of friends, family and fellow Scientologists, naturally you can expect “sell out” crowds and standing ovations. The same principle applied when I was at Celebrity Centre: constant “love bombing” of d-list celebs in order to reinforce CC’s “actor utopia” fantasy.

      When I was on the fence about leaving Scientology, Jim actually said to my face, “If you leave, if you stop applying the tech, you will see your stats go down and your career will fail.” This is a supposed OTVIII and friend, and he’s “evaluating” my life in a critical manner.

      Needless to say, a few months after that I was playing Radio City Music Hall. What was Jim doing that night? Playing The Acting Center.

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      Yes, we all know when a book is checked out, it is immediately removed from the library’s book catalog so that no one mistakenly thinks it is in the library’s book collection and tries to get on the waiting list for the book.

  • villagedianne

    I spotted a version of the “nations youngest eagle scout” as a banner ad on the bottom of a youtube video. I was about to kill the ad when I realized it looked and sounded familiar,as in “Hmmm, youngest eagle scout, where have I heard that before?”. It doesn’t mention Hubbard’s name till the end. Then it touts the lronhubbard website.

  • BosonStark

    These ads will be good publicity to read Wright’s book.

    A little tip for talk show hosts and the media — read Wright’s book before you have any clams on, then hit them with some facts from the book and watch ’em squirm. The audience will love it, and be more informed too.

    • PreferToBeAnon2

      By the way, Guardian did an exceptionally well-written review a few days ago: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jan/30/going-clear-lawrence-wright-review

      • Peter

        Wow! The writer didn’t do the scios any good whatsoever. A couple of years ago, the church would be filing a lawsuit. Now they just have to take it on the chin. Blistering review…for the church.

      • cultwife

        I assume that the reviewer, David Thomson, is the DT known for film history and criticism. I don’t agree with him often on those matters, but he’s very commanding with words. And he got Scientology dead to rights, really devastating.

    • richelieu jr

      Oh man, no one told me there’d be reading involved when I took this gig! Isn’t there a Cliff’s Notes or something?

  • The “humanitarian” vide has a spot that says “18:30” PM, Are you JOKING Scientology? There is no such thing! PM is used for a 12 hour clock not 24.

    • stillgrace

      “18:30 PM” I saw that! Pretty dumb. Maybe it’s a special code for SO members who are never allowed to sleep, so never know what time it is.

    • Oh damn, I must have gone at 18:30 in THE MORNING! No wonder there was no one there.

    • It could mean 18 and a half hours after noon, thus 6:30 AM

    • richelieu jr

      Just more of that ersatz ‘military-speak’ they are so proud of.. If you printed every absolutely nonsensical, contradictory or Oxymoronic thing Scientologists said (all 25k of them) in a single day, the list would stretch all the way to the moon, but only halfway back.

  • TheNextMrsTomCruise

    How perfectly ironic is it that the St. Hill event was held on Groundhog Day? All the $ciloon “humanitarians” will come out of their hidey holes to visit St. Hill? Or is it that the only attendees will be groundhogs?

    • Did they see their shadows? Will there be six more weeks of enturbulating entheta-ness?

    • richelieu jr

      Scientologist are reverse groundhogs- They stick their heads in the ground,and then if they don’t see any light, it means L Ron was right– over 60 years in a row!

      • The Dakini

        I thought they stuck their heads up Tiny-fists ass.

  • Ze Moo

    The UK ‘super humanitarian’ video started out with what sounds like some Steely Dan. I hope they got clearance to use that music.

    Lron spent one summer ‘barnstorming’ around the US in the care of one of his friends, Yet Lron never got a pilots license. He only got a glider pilots license. Getting a pilots license in the 30’s was much easier compared to today. Why didn’t this fire breathing mega man solo?

    The armed trawler Lron commanded was the least armed navy ship in WW2. Some of them actually saw combat. One lies sunk off North Carolina after a fight with a German sub. My biggest problem with Lron is the claim he was awarded multiple Purple Hearts for his navy service. As the guy stole everything else, what is a little honor?

    • sugarplumfairy

      There is no honor among fake nucular physicists and master mariners…

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Speaking of Mariners….How old is that bucket of bolts the “FreeWinds” now?
        The metal fatigue on that baby ought to be reaching a critical point soon.
        There must be parts of that hull that are like an eggshell by now.

        • 1subgenius

          Speaking of mariners, I asked one if he ever played cornhole (referring to the bean bag toss game).
          “I was a mariner for 30 years!” he replied.

          • richelieu jr

            When you’ve been a mariner for 30 years, cornholing’s no longer a game- It is a Way of Life…

            Hubbard probably figured, why do it to my shipmates when can do it to the entire country and then the world, starting with those who love and trust me… That Rascal!

      • richelieu jr

        Quite right, Sugarplum, and yet fake war heros are very peaceful and wouldn’t hurt a fly… So there’s that…

    • BuryTheNuts2

      If that was Steely Dan than I think we should sue them!

      • SFFrog

        You can sue ads for trying to sound like you. Tom Waits has done that successfully a few times after he wouldn’t let companies use his songs do they used soundalikes.

        • Ze Moo

          I thought the song owner always got royalties, even if a soundalike was used? The owner just didn’t get as much as the use of the original would cost.

          • They’re always SUPPOSED TO get royalties. Sometimes however it takes litigation to bring that about.

            • richelieu jr

              Speaking as someone who has directed a lot of ads (though I no longer do), and (shamefully) played and sang music for many more, a current practice is to find a song you like, cut the ad to it, then cal out to several producers, asking them to produce a similar-sounding song, without coming too close. They do this for free, or a minimal fee and the production company then chooses the winner. They do this even for songs where the group isn’t very famous, in order to keep costs down and control the copyright.

              None of this is supposed to happen, but it does. Dozens of times a day…

  • TonyOrtega

    We’re going to experiment with the new Live Blog system in a minute. If it works, you’ll see a new item appear below the Headley birth countdown announcement. We’ll start by announcing our Super Bowl allegiances.

    • 1subgenius

      Roger that.

      • SandiCorrena

        Roger That! Are you recording this; I’d like a copy. 🙂

  • SandiCorrena

    I thought the interviewee looked scared; like am I headed to the RPF, did I do anything wrong, should I bolt/blow? I pick up Jenna’s book this week, Nancy Many and John Sweeney’s are being delivered – life is good!

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      I saw that as well. In addition, he made the biggest mistake an interviewee can make, he said it was a fact that Wright’s book was not published in the UK because the publishers knew the book wasn’t truthful. In fact, he looked and sounded alarmed when the interviewer showed the book, “where did you get that?!!” Now, when the book does get published in the UK, and it will, nothing he said will be considered reliable. That’s what happens when you believe everything Miscavige tells you.

  • TonyOrtega

    We’ve started off the live blog with a verbose explanation of where our allegiances lie today. For the latest updates (which will obviously be more numerous during the game itself), please refresh the page.

    • sugarplumfairy

      I have no football allegiance.. brothers are Eagles fans, bf loves redskins, bff is a steelers freak and cousin thinks they’re all a waste a good shopping, reading or napping time.. I heard Wanda Sykes say something like “I’m gay, so of course I’m for SanFran..” and if it’s good enough for Wanda, it’s good enough for me…so if i can stay awake, i guess I’m officially rooting for ‘niners.. at least after until the co$ commercial airs, and the nachos and New Orleans Iced Tea run out..

    • California

      And please do not forget that it was the 49’ers, way back in 2004, that helped stopped Bob Adams from his plan to have Narconon Drug Rehab and Narconon Drug Education to be THE rehab and substance abuse educational system for the whole NFL system of players (“education”) and their families (rehab and “education”) and others!

      Both the NFL, as a whole, and the 49’ers can take a bow for that.

      Go Niners!

    • Dallas market also on the ad

  • California

    GO NINER’s!

    And the partying started Friday at noon and will not stop for a week!

  • SP ‘Onage

    Haha! For a minute there, I thought Mark Pinchin was going confiscate Lawrence Wright’s book from Alan Titchmarsh.

  • 1subgenius
    • BuryTheNuts2

      bonus points for Nina!

      • sugarplumfairy

        I bet Nina’s mom was a nineh’s fan..

        • sugarplumfairy

          Ok, stupid jokes tell me the new Orleans iced tea may be stronger than I realized.. I hit my own personal tipping point way earlier than planned.. spf shutting up now..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            My god, I haven’t even popped my first beer. Maybe I better start now.

  • BosonStark

    Let’s try to figure out, where is Scientology’s market — what is left?

    1. People who are extremely busy and/or not web literate.

    2. Magical thinkers — people who see an ad, and think it is a sign, like when they’re watching the SB.

    3. People who want to go against the grain — the contrarian — who thinks that anything that a lot of people are criticizing must be worth exploring.

    4. People who hate the Internet.

    5. Cruise/Travolta/Alley fans, so enamored of the star that they can’t conceive of them advocating anything harmful.

    6. Narconon participants who want to stay away from drugs by joining staff or getting busy by joining Scientology. They may see it as not only a way to get off drugs — like in an ordinary drug program — but to be successful, like Kirstie Alley or a member of the Jive Aces.

    7. Disenfranchised groups, like NOI, that want to join another disenfranchised group, but one that has lots of money and more power.

    8. Actors and technical people looking to get some kind of “in” to Hollywood. (LA area only, or Nashville)

    What market has vanished?

    1. Disenfranchised college students.

    2. Drifters and “try anything” people.

    3. They’ve lost 90% of their entire former market, who after reading a book or two, or being urged by a friend or relative, or taking a stress test etc., felt the only way to find out anything about Scientology was to go to an Org and start taking courses.

    4. Loners who would like to belong to a quirky group. (Even loners can use the Internet, to find information about the quirky group they’re thinking of joining.)

    • sugarplumfairy

      Very well thought out analysis.. You obviously aren’t drinking enough yet..

    • Ze Moo

      “3. People who want to go against the grain — the contrarian — who
      thinks that anything that has a lot of people criticizing it must be
      worth exploring.”

      There will always be a few scientologists, just for reason #3. Why do Americans join the Nazi party? Mostly to piss off mom and dad, with an equal touch of FU to society in general. The internet and the general loonie tunes reputation of CO$ is keeping the new meat away. Who wants to join a cult that works like Amway without the useful cleaning products?

    • richelieu jr

      5. Cruise/Travolta/Alley fans, so enamored of the star that they can’t conceive of them advocating anything harmful.

      Well, if they’re looking for those guys I hear they’re meeting in a phone booth on Vermont. Both of them.

    • Delling

      Don’t forget the market(s) in poorer countries where the education necessary to see through scientology and Internet access might not be readily available. Also in the ‘developing’ countries bribes and bs are par and they can probably convince local ‘lords’ to take efficiency courses and pose for photos.

      However, they can’t win the race against Internet access and the educated population who actually have money to give will (I hope) recognize a scam when they see one.

  • Chocolate Velvet

    My Broncos aren’t playing, so I was planning to watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. It’s kind of a family tradition.zz

    But I’ll be here, to join in the fun. I’ll keep everyone updated in the latest hpuppy highlights! LOL. Also, there’s a Bar Rescue marathon today — I love that guy, he’s so “Tone 40”! Scientology should run ads during that show…

    • richelieu jr

      You from Denver, CV?

      • Chocolate Velvet

        Yep. Grew up in a house full of boys, and rooting for (or yelling at) the Broncos was mandatory. My dad had a season ticket for years. I still love em!

        • richelieu jr

          I spent half of my childhood in Denver..

          Went to Dennison Elementary in Lakewood, Lakewood Jr High, and Green Mountain High at various times…
          I remember the 76 Super Bowl like it was yesterday…

  • Robaato

    These commercials have been played a lot in the Twin Cities (St. Paul & Minneapolis) for the past week or so…

  • cannibalboy

    Oh, Jim Meskimen. Still performing his over-long one man show at one of the few places that will have him: The Acting Center. When your audience is comprised of friends, family and fellow Scientologists, naturally you can expect “sell out” crowds and standing ovations. The same principle applied when I was at Celebrity Centre: constant “love bombing” of d-list celebs in order to reinforce CC’s “actor utopia” fantasy.

    When I was on the fence about leaving Scientology, Jim actually said to my face, “If you leave, if you stop applying the tech, you will see your stats go down and your career will fail.” This is a supposed OTVIII and friend, and he’s “evaluating” my life in a critical manner.

    Needless to say, a few months after that I was playing Radio City Music Hall. What was Jim doing that night? Playing The Acting Center.

    • cultwife

      Standing ovation for you!

    • DeElizabethan

      Kudos to you!
      OMG on what Jim said to you.

    • Still_On_Your_Side

      It was his fears that he was expressing. It’s too bad he probably doesn’t know how successful you (and others who have left) have become. I understand that people like Jim are told ex-members live in dire poverty.

    • richelieu jr

      Yeah, I played the CC once and they tried not to give us our equipment back after the gig unless we watched their film or whatever..W e went across the street finally to call the police at the little bookstore/Café that was over there (dunno if it still is, this was like 1991-92) no sooner had we asked for a phone and said ‘Hello, police?’ than they were over there– “We’ve been looking for you! Don’t you want to load out your stuff?” Later I found out that the bookshop, etc (everything on that part of the road, actually) was run by Scilons… They called across the street, ‘Hey you guys had better get over here…’)

      Congrats on Radio City! I always thought the answer to that old joke was ‘Practice!’ not ‘Get your ass out of Scientology’, but I love it!

      • monkeyknickers

        AHHHHHHH! Does this mean Upright Citizens Brigade is lousy with Scientologists?! Damn! DAMN. (It’s a few doors down from Counterpoint, the bookstore)

  • SP ‘Onage

    Kegger of beer just arrived! GO 49ers!!!!

    • moxonmoxoff

      what kind of beer? *g*

      • SP ‘Onage

        Bud. 😀

        • moxonmoxoff

          *shudder* 😉

          • SP ‘Onage

            I know, but I can’t complain because it’s free. 🙂

            • moxonmoxoff

              FREE is always good, especially if you have undiscriminating friends who drink like fish. I hope you have a cooler with the good beer hidden in the garage for yourself, tho.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Takes another sip of my Samuel Adams Latitude 48 IPA and thanks the beer gods!!!

            • MO Mom

              Guinness, sweetie, Guinness.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Well that is good stuff, but I prefer mine in a Black and Tan.

  • DeElizabethan

    Re ads: Just happen to be watching the Tampa Bay CBS on Thursday at 11:31 pm, the Ron ad caught my attention. Close to a minute.

    • I caught a Sci ad local to Clearwater last week at the end of Wheel of Fortune, which airs at 7 p.m. I think most of Tampa Bay is immune to the cult, but they keep trying. Gotta show all the public in Clearwater that their money is going somewhere other than Davey’s pocket.

      • DeElizabethan

        That’s it, just for show to their own, like you say, it’s BS. People around here know them and will hardly go there.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Great link Bob.

  • DeElizabethan

    Superman? WTF!

    Richard Bromley, Yes, so inspirational, yuk! I like also the phrase and title of another one “Uniting the United Kingdom. How bold they are. UK, better watch out for them to take over your country.

  • dwayners13

    If anything, I thought the church minimized the accomplishments of the great L. Ron Hubbard, for example there is no mention of the 20+ medals he was awarded or how he cured himself of the injuries he obtained during battle (being both blind & crippled). What about all the other soldiers he cured with Dianetics. Even when they described him as a pioneer of aviation, they omitted that he did this with only a gliders license. What about his ability to have 85 years of various life experiences, while only being 40 years old, try doing that. They barely touched on his patriotism, like the number of times he turned down offers from the KGB to use their research labs or his numerous offers to teach government agents about mind control & the powers of an OT. Just imagine where America would be today if CIA agents could exteriorize from the body. How about all the communists & Russian spies he turned in, especially his own wife, that must have been heart breaking. What about the time he watched the sunrise from the Van Allen belt, who else could claim that. I bet people would be impressed that he was busting broncos at the age of three & that he was a blood brother with the local Native Americans. What about his contributions to helping people get off drugs, without his reasearch nobody would know the benefits of yelling at astrays. His recognition of the rights of children should have also been mentioned, especially his insistence that kids should be treated as adults, even if that meant locking little boys in a chain locker. Think about Hubbard’s ground-breaking research on the pain threshold of tomatoes, I bet Chef Boyardee would agree that it had a huge impact on his career. Last but certainly not least, how he was able to make it through the “Wall of Fire” alive & devised a way for the rest of us to hear about it without dying of pneumonia. If not for him, people would not know about Xenu.

    • richelieu jr

      Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men?

      Xenu…

      (oh, and Hubbard too, coincidentally…)

  • DeElizabethan

    JimPressions. This one says special discount for all Hubbard College students (meaning all scientologists in good standing) but all attendees are charged the discounted $10.

    Alan Titchmarsh did a good interview if only the rep would’ve answered all the questions. Purely promotional but then what to expect from the robot. Interesting about the two men both former drug addicts. Seems to me from my own case also, that they do appeal to an addictive personality, therefore and therafter they become addicted to scientology.
    The Jives look and sound extremely corny to me.

  • DeElizabethan

    Sprint to Eternity? I’m thinking about it and all I get is, oh, I won’t say.
    Seems they always have some sort of convention connected to grand openings. Guess that’s so more people will be in the area to attend the opening. Hope we get some news and photos back from someone in Canada.

    Good story on the sign at the station. Yep, that’s the covert way of this cult. The English seem to be too kind to confront them properly, but at least made it less noticeable.

    I’ll be watching the game in background as I have no favorites myself since I’m more a baseball fan. Sooo it should be an interesting evening, especially half time. Thanks for the tip about “Discussion” format to Newest.

    • aboutandout

      What would you recommend as the appropriate attire for the “gala opening”?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        a Streaker.
        Tom Cruise can run really fast. Think he would volunteer?

        • MO Mom

          I don’t think I’d really want to see that.

          • BuryTheNuts2

            You have a good point!

      • DeElizabethan

        Regular clothes, nothing special from what I saw.

        • aboutandout

          🙂

    • aboutandout

      So what would be everyone’s preference for attending the First Ideal Org opening of 2013? The Sat. 1pm “ribbon cutting ceremony” or the Sunday open house? Let me know and I will take a bullet for the team.

  • BuryTheNuts2
    • DeElizabethan

      That was a good one Bury, too funny and true.

  • Ivan Mapother

    While channel surfing, I just came across an ad for Budweiser Platinum Humanitarian beer. I wasn’t paying much attention, but I think that’s what it was. I hope it is reasonably priced, less than $750,000 I mean.

  • richelieu jr

    At the age of four, he waked to Swaziland, and took their language home in in a suitcase made from the alligator he killed with his bare words– then returned 37 hours later, having fixed their language and revived the Alligator who learned a valuable lesson…

    The teenage years were the salad days for young Hubbard- Having spent week in dangerous safaris in the strange hairs he found sprouting on his body, L Ron developed the capacity to actually communicate with modes in Magazines.. Not wishing to break their hearts, he invented the cantilever bra, using some of the advanced calculous he had invented whilst tilting the town of Pisa so the tower would only loo like it was leaning. The models came away, firmer, fresher, and with a tilted outlook on life…

    Whilst on vacation as the first Native American in the asteroid belt, his daily tanning and cancer-curing were interrupted by a gawd-awful cacophony, “What in the name of Me-Now could this enturbulated cha-cha be?” he wondered?

    A few quick lessons in hip swinging, a dozen guitars tuned by ear-= Not using his hand,s only his left ear, mind you- and young Elvis Presley was ready to rick his way to stardom? Hubbard even lent his the blue suede shoes that had been given to him by Grand Moff Tugman of the River People in memory of how he had saved his daughter from near-certain death sometime with only the application of his celebrated ‘Lip and Serrated Fang-kiss’ tech… 3there’s a songin these shoes somewhere, boy’ he said, a twinkle in his thighs, as he winked and flew up the chimney.. As indeed there was, Young Elvis found a secret compartment filled with the greatest music ever written, Elvis’ great hit”Thank You for Listening,” is still studied in music schools all over the Hollywood Celebrity Center!

    But enough about Elvis, let us speak of L Ron Hubbard, billionaire, philanthropist, Iron Man, dry-cleaner, unindicted co-conspirator, secretary, Q-Tip, blowhard and blunderbuss… A man so mild-mannered he didn’t even name his church after himself, but rather dedicated it to making larger and larger pictures of his head, using the tens of thousands of pictures he took of himself using a never-before-discovered process whereby he was able to photograph himself thousands f times from every angle without ever finding his good side.

    Hats of to the Commodore, the first man t remember his hundred of past lives whist being unable to remember all three of his wives (though he knows the cell number of number 3)

    • N. Graham

      “Tens of thousands of pictures he took of himself using a never-before-discovered process whereby he was able to photograph himself thousands of times from every conceivable angle without ever finding his good side.”
      So true! lol

    • grundoon

      A masterpiece! Bravo!

    • monkeyknickers

      I blew part of my vodka gimlet out my nose reading this last night. Goodbye, septum.

      I gather from previous posts that you are in France? And English is your second language? How is that even possible?!

      • richelieu jr

        OK, I tried to reply before, bu it doesn’t seem to have taken so–

        Thanks you guys, you’re very kind.. IN fact, when I am tired my mind just ind of spirals off and I write a lot of nonsense.. I am glad you enjoyed this, sometimes it is just awful– The who ‘Hubbard as Sci-Fi Sailor Jesus’ shit just goes right up my nose I suppose…

        Yes, I am French, but I went to school sometime sin the States when I was young and have family there so I have spoken English for a very long time… Recently I have been teaching in English one day a week, and I often work in English… The Net is all in English, anyways, but sometimes John P writes me little notes in French (quite good French, btw!)

        Also, you may have heard of a little thing called ‘Spell Check’? My best friend!

        • monkeyknickers

          In a twist of fate, I happen to speak French, having lived and worked there for a few years . . . . and I can tell you – if someone asked me translate “salad days” or “blunderbuss”, I would have an aneurysm. 🙂 You rule. 🙂

          • richelieu jr

            Thanks! Where did you live and work?

            (I think I earned ‘blunderbuss at a ‘Thanksgiving’ play in elementary school and just loved the word)

            xo,
            d”

            “Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever.” — Napoleon

            • monkeyknickers

              I had a little (as in postage stamp :)) attic apartment in the rue de mouffetard area where I lived with my infant daughter . . . and I worked under-the-table washing dishes in 3 restaurants . . . my fave was in the Marais . . . I used to sneak spoonfuls of roquefort sauce, um, often. 🙂

            • richelieu jr

              Very nice places, both, especially if you are young student type, gay or Jewish (or all three!).. Very expensive these days, my friend!

            • monkeyknickers

              True dat. This was only 5 years ago, and I really REALLY lucked out because the landlord took pity on me and let me my apartment for far less than it was worth. I’m not ashamed to say I played the single mother with an infant card. And I cooked his lunch every day, but still – the mec was rad and I miss the Mouffetard!

            • richelieu jr

              I bet!

      • richelieu jr

        You guys are too sweet.. I just get tired and end up going off on a tangent.. Sometimes it can be pretty bad, and I apologize…
        That Hubbard worship goes right up my nose and out my septum..

        (And yes, I am French, but I grew up half the time in America so I learned English very young… thank you for the compliment (I think?))

  • Still_On_Your_Side

    The CoS still doesn’t get it. The church doesn’t require money for services. Right. 180 pounds to get off drugs. (How many thousands of pounds did he give the church in “free” labor?) Anyone can leave whenever he/she wants (except if he/she is locked up somewhere). This is the type of story that would only survive scrutiny pre-Internet. The only thing missing from this interview is Tommy Davis saying that disconnection doesn’t happen.

  • MO Mom

    <3 KC kitties!!

  • SP ‘Onage

    If you don’t have a TV or want to watch the Superbowl game online.

    Live streaming at:

    http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/superbowl/live/online

    🙂

  • moxonmoxoff

    Live puppy cam: http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows/puppy-bowl/games-and-more/puppy-cam.htm

    HOW CUUUUUUUTE!!! Okay, that’s about the only time you’ll hear me squeal like a tweener.

    • SP ‘Onage

      Ha! How funny! Puppie Superbowl, cool.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      What is up with all these live Cams and the animals are all sleeping. WTF?
      Do we need to give em Catnip?
      Hit em with a few volts of electricity?

      • moxonmoxoff

        oh, one of the puppies up! nevermind, he just curled up with another one and went back to sleep. all this resting must be making him tired.

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Love how the NFL is placating women with the puppies. It’s like a 1950’s ad for Dianetic pupils.

    • MO Mom

      Would you rather we talk about men in tight pants with burly arms?

      • richelieu jr

        Yes, if that is what you are interested in. It isn’t a subject that interests me (nor is puppies, nor really American Football really, outside of perhaps the Superbowl), but I do hate to see people talked down to…

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Can we make one “tiny” exception for Davey out of physical necessity?

        • MO Mom

          I just need a smile every now and then. Be it cute puppies, a good game of just about any sort (cricket, I draw the line at cricket) or just sitting on a rock watching the waves.

          • richelieu jr

            I find cricket very little different from just sitting on the shore watching wave.. It just goes on endlessly, unchanging and incomprehensible and you finally have to give up and go home before it’s over because you have to shave… Attend your newborn’s high school graduation…

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I’m game if you are! Actually, me and hubby are just heading outside to the hot tub spa lounge screen room for snacks and game. I’m going for commercials. Is Tampa Bay in the target cities?

        • MO Mom

          Envy the hot tub! I think I read that TB was. Don’t think we’re going to get one in our area, but my daughter and I are commercial watching as well.

      • TheNextMrsTomCruise

        Oh yes please! And could we discuss the pants in depth?

  • richelieu jr

    Hey ids, I may not get the Super Bowl here in France, but check out the background dancer in this clip from the 1974 Tony Awards with The Andrews Sisters and Ann Reinking! The boy was doing OK before he ever picked up those stupid cans…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uCpNzOaNIFI

    • BuryTheNuts2

      That just fucked me up for life.

      • richelieu jr

        You’re welcome, BTN… You’re welcome!

  • The Dakini

    Just a little story to share:
    So yesterday while watching futbol, a friend of mine mentioned she was watching a John Travolta movie the night before. And with no prompting from me said she would be so much more willing to watch him and Cruise if they just “left that creepy cult scientology…” and that “…they have such dead-eyes.” That launched me into telling her about us the rodeo watchers, and different the types of ex-members, lawsuits, anonymous and the books being published. She was clearly had no idea, was impressed and curious to our little meme going on.

    I just emailed the font house that is used in one of the funnies above (and the London tube poster,) so they know the church is using their product in the promo materials. Not sure anything will come of it, but I figure it better to inform than to ignore. I also tried tracking down the illustrator/bureau in the UK video. Not much luck. It might be so old that it’s rights-free.

    • richelieu jr

      Absolutely. Good work. There is no reason to let the get away with it and the owners have a right to know. That is simple good citizenship.

      Also: Fuck Scientology.

    • The Dakini

      Just heard back from the font house. They are looking into it. 🙂

      • BuryTheNuts2

        YES!!!

        • The Dakini

          Just glad to finally be able to solidly contribute my skills to the effort!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    ALICIA NAILS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      I’ve never seen Alicia NOT nail it.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        The National Anthem always scares me!
        She is awesome.

        • MO Mom

          It is difficult to sing at any time, but at the slower tempo, a lesser singer would have shown their faults. Alicia was brilliant!

          • TheNextMrsTomCruise

            Yeah she was. I liked the slower tempo

        • Sandy

          Oh,man… the 1st time I saw her was many years ago on Oprah. She was an unknown little girl. She walked out, sat down at this big piano and started to play a classical piece. All of a sudden, she moved seamlessly in “Fallin'”. Magic, I tell ya …

    • beautiful face…. huge arse!

      • Trustmeonthis

        Ain’t nothing wrong with that! 😛

  • wannabeclear

    First of all, I love Alan Titchmarsh and used to love watching his gardening show on BBC America, Ground Force. I’m sad that he gave $cientology such a platform. Bless his heart, he tries his best to ask probing questions and address controversies, but the spokesmodel just lies about it and Alan isn’t up to the task of challenging him (or was told not to do it). My favorite moment, though is at about 5:00 in the video, He says that Scientology worked for him and follows it up with this beauty of a statement, “It doesn’t work for everyone…” Woe is to him if the Tiny Tyrant sees that footage. It doesn’t work for everyone? Really? I thought it’s the panacea for all the world’s ills. Now your UK spokesmodel is saying it’s not. Uh oh. Move over Tommy Davis, another one of your PR colleagues may soon be joining you in the hole…

  • TheNextMrsTomCruise

    Ah game is on. Time for some serious snacking and drinking. Call me when they show Joe Flacco.

  • SP ‘Onage

    Niner’s need to shake off the jitters.

  • TheNextMrsTomCruise

    Audi and Doritos scored. So did Walter. That kid may never be the same 😀

    • MO Mom

      Wanna buy a goat?

      • TheNextMrsTomCruise

        yes please. All the Doritos are gone anyhow, and I don’t wanna mow the lawn no more.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      No shit. Wasn’t that great!
      I am going to have dreams about that scary goat.

  • I’m here with my chicken wings. I’m all ready for the 4 million dollar moment. Is it time for half yet?

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      Hello Auntie! No halftime yet. Can’t wait to see what Beyonce is gonna wear. Who are you rooting for?

  • just nailed my standard to the mast and went big time with the bookies on the Ravens at evens +1.5 after the Ravens touch down!

    Out of interest can you bet on the game on the internet in the US?

    and FTR – I had a really strong “feeling” the Ravens were going to win about a week ago…. just came out of the blue…. I think I might have been going exterior by proxy or something

    • SP ‘Onage

      yes, look at my link

    • SP ‘Onage

      sorry, I’m buzzed. Thought you meant view it in the US. XD

  • MO Mom

    So do think any encyclopedias were destroyed in the Oreos commercial??? Please??

    • Observer

      There were no Nutterpedias in that library. If there had been, there would have been no insanity, rioting or other entheta. Ron’s posthumous miasma of theta is just that strong.

      • Sandy

        Here in fly-over land, our commercials are SO diff than yours!!! I never knew …..

        • Observer

          I’m in flyover land too, on the eastern edge.

  • Observer

    “Infinite witches” … hahahaha!

  • TheNextMrsTomCruise

    Hey! That 49’er hit Joe Flacco in the head!

  • Midwest Mom

    Wasn’t that rapper Ludacris in that new Fast and Furious ad?

  • SP ‘Onage

    OMG! The 49ers are killing me.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Calvin Klein ad wins the superbowl!

  • Geoff Barrett

    Wiz of Oz way overdue for a reboot. Those flying monkeys look like failed first year taxodermist attempts. And what’s with all that singing?

    How about the Rams back in L.A.?

  • TheNextMrsTomCruise

    At first I thought it was the Scientology commercial, particularly when I saw the horses ass. Turns out it was for Hyundai.

    • SP ‘Onage

      XD

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      scientology ads always seem to be placed toward the last of any coverage. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

  • SP ‘Onage

    fight, fight

  • For those of us missing out on the live SuperBowl ads this seems to be the best link I’ve found so far…. http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/super-bowl-ads-2013-complete-live-roundup-commercials-211816688–nfl.html

  • Midwest Mom

    I’m making root beer floats. Who wants one?

    • Observer

      Ooo! I’ll take one!

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      Can I have a snickerdoodle instead?

    • Trustmeonthis

      Thanks, Mom! 😀

  • Midwest Mom

    That was a Partridge Family song in the VW ad.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      that VW ad sucked eggs!

    • MO Mom

      I know! Flashback to my first crush!

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Danny Bonaduce?

        • Midwest Mom

          Ha!

        • MO Mom

          David Cassidy

          • Midwest Mom

            I’ll meet you halfway, that’s better than no way.

            • MO Mom

              I’m sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream

            • Midwest Mom

              Point me, in the direction of Albuquerque.

  • They look like ants. Red ants and black ants.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    Were those supposed to be showgirls in the coke ad?
    Or did they re-release Pricilla, Queen of the Desert???

  • TheHoleDoesNotExist

    Is it just me, or are the Super Bowl commercials so far all written and directed by Karin Pouw, Producer of Brain Lame Productions?

    • Midwest Mom

      I know what you mean. Also, I want to see Betty White! Where’s Betty White?

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Even my husband’s complaining about the ads. Something is wrong. Do you think Tom Cruise got to somebody? I am shaken.

        • Midwest Mom

          It’s some sort of crazy conspiracy. There has to be a Clydesdale commercial coming up soon.

          • MO Mom

            really, the Bud commercials so far have been rather lame.

            Pun intended

    • SP ‘Onage

      Damn, they suck!

    • Observer

      I really liked the Toyota wishes one.

  • Sydjazz

    The land of the freee unless your are in scientologyyyy

  • Midwest Mom

    Taco Bell, that was all kinds of wrong.

    • MO Mom

      but nowhere near as uncomfortable as the godaddy spots

  • BuryTheNuts2

    SEE, I tried to tell you people…TACO BELL ROCKS!

    • Midwest Mom

      No, Bury, No! Who wants to see Gramps stamps?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        LOL….Grams!~

    • TheNextMrsTomCruise

      The Taco Bell ad was great ! Simultaneously, my sister in law brought out those Asian dumplings with the sauce, and Joe Flacco got a close up, after that marvelous throw. Does life get any better?

      • MO Mom

        Packers could be playing.

        • Midwest Mom

          Are you in Wisconsin?

          • MO Mom

            Used to live there – drank the water, so am now a lifetime fan.

        • TheNextMrsTomCruise

          Did I mention Joe Flacco went to U of D? My alma mater.

          • Midwest Mom

            Cool!

  • BuryTheNuts2

    The NINERS are goofing the floof!

  • Observer

    I’ve been seeing those Lincoln ads for a couple of weeks now. Not really Super Bowl-worthy.

    • Midwest Mom

      I feel like I’m getting leftovers!

  • TonyOrtega

    Almost halftime — remember, it was the first ad after the first half ended when Scientology ran its ad in the AFC Championship. Also, we’re continuing to live-blog the ads in the post above.

  • Midwest Mom

    We have an NCIS ad and Grammy ad, then Golden Boy promo, now a Stephen King Book, and McDonalds.

    • MO Mom

      local car company, American Family Insurance.

  • wannabeclear

    And there’s the ad. Still creepy. Still futile.

    • TonyOrtega

      Where are you?

      • wannabeclear

        I’m in NYC like you.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    I got EGGS.
    My channels come out of Orlando. No Co$.

  • stillgrace

    West Coast checking in– the $cio ad just ran. Gag.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Grace…where in Cali are you?

      • stillgrace

        San Jose

  • SP ‘Onage

    Scientology commercial,Los Angeles county. It was nothing special, it sucked!

  • Chocolate Velvet

    No ad here. Stephen King, Spike TV. That’s it…

    • TonyOrtega

      Where?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        She is in Denver

      • Chocolate Velvet

        Yep, Denver. Your website gave me a 508 message immediately after I posted the above, so it took a minute for me to respond. Sorry. 🙂

    • Right! The Stephen King ad, “Say Goodbye to the Outside World,” was the one I thought was gonna be Scientology. As I was tweeting that observation, I missed the real ad in the New York market.

  • No ad in Eugene KVAL chan 13.1

  • BuryTheNuts2

    So New York and LA got it.

    • SP ‘Onage

      Same blue colored ad. Went so fast I almost missed it. Did you get it?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Nope, nada.

  • San Jose, CA here we got to see it. Was mocked by all.

  • Sydjazz

    I am live streaming on cbs and it wasn’t on that

  • V for Vacation

    My friend in North Hollywood just texted me that she saw the half time commercial.

  • SP ‘Onage

    I love it, most people probably missed it due to the timing.

  • wannabeclear

    I’m guessing it was in the top 10-20 markets.

    • Midwest Mom

      It wasn’t in many.

      • TheNextMrsTomCruise

        Am happy to report the Philadelphia market is still Scieno ad free.

      • wannabeclear

        That makes me even happier if it was in fewer markets…

  • Hey, got a resource limit reached notice! WOW!

  • Aw darn, I missed the ad. Scrolling back the DVR to watch. But I have a good excuse: I saw an ad that started with the words “Say Goodbye to the Outside World,” and I thought THAT was the Scientology ad. 🙁

    • V for Vacation

      ROFL

  • Midwest Mom

    We keep getting lake effect snow storm warnings scrolling on the bottom of the screen.

  • BuryTheNuts2

    I am pretty sure Beyonce just made me switch teams permanently!!!

    • Midwest Mom

      So you’re a Raven’s fan, now?

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Uh, yeah…thats it.

    • A sad loss. I would too.

    • SP ‘Onage

      Lawl! She does look pretty hot!

  • V for Vacation

    My friend in North Hollywood texted me, “The commercial was full of pretty people saying we can wipe our slates clean. I’ll be doing that faster and cheaper tonight with alcohol.” ;D

  • Observer

    Hubby swore with many oaths that he was NOT watching Beyonce and changed the channel, so I don’t know if it was played here or not. We aren’t in any of the markets Scn listed on their extortion flyer a couple of weeks ago, so probably not.

    • MO Mom

      We were not listed either, and did not have the commercial

    • Midwest Mom

      My husband isn’ watching her either. He has on a Columbo rerun.

    • Trustmeonthis

      You’d have had nothing to worry about (and neither did Madonna). YAWN. The $cilon ad was more exciting.