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Final Sunday Funnies of 2012: Scientology Targets the Rose Parade!

JPL_FloatWith our year in review finally over, we’re left with one last Sunday in 2012, and what would a Sunday be without Funnies?

Our tipsters have been terrific this year, and we’re still getting great stuff from them every day. So let’s send 2012 out in style by looking at the latest fundraising mailers that Scientology has sent to its members.

Now, if you live in the Los Angeles area — and many of the dwindling remainder of Scientologists do — then you know all about the Rose Parade, the thing you do your best to wake up for and watch bleary-eyed on your television while fighting a nasty hangover.

Or, if you’re actually in Pasadena, you might secure your seat next to the parade route by partying all night on New Year’s Eve on Colorado Boulevard. We’ve done it, and a great freaky scene of street drunkenness it is.

What better setting for a big night of “dissemination”! Yes, if you’re out Monday night getting pissed on Colorado Boulevard, be prepared to have a Dianetics leaflet pushed into your face by an earnest Scientologist…

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Today in LA! Yet another briefing! Our tipster tells us this cheerleading session will promise that Golden Age of Tech 2 is coming out this year, the Super Power Building is opening in 2013, and a big push to open the Valley Ideal Org in LA continues. In other words, more of the same. Doesn’t church leader David Miscavige realize that nearly all of the remaining church members are now exhausted and demoralized from this same old routine?

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OK, getting back to the usual come-ons to get church members to spend, spend, spend, there’s this fun new entry from the UK. It’s always fun to see Scientologists convince each other that they’re better than the rest of us, but this is an angle we haven’t seen before: spend thousands to go OT, because the Romans and Greeks and Egyptians never had the chance!

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On a creepier note, we received this happy flier from an Applied Scholastics school in New Mexico which is happily stunting the intellectual growth of second-generation church members…

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You just can’t tamp down the enthusiasm of the OC org, which is encouraging its members to dress up…

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We are endlessly fascinated by Scientology’s obsession with libraries. For some reason still convinced that books in libraries reach more people than websites on the Internet, members are constantly hit up for donations to help ship musty old Hubbard tomes to librarians who don’t want them. In an update to one of the current campaigns — pushing the “Ron” encyclopedia — we couldn’t help smirk at the thought that one of the last two holdouts on the map is Texas, which has turned out to be such a headache for church leader David Miscavige. All his exes live in Texas, and he can’t get the libraries filled up…

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We live in New York, and we can tell you we were warned right away about the folly of Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Strictly for suckers. And this year, add to the indignity of standing in one place for six or seven hours in typically frigid conditions, but now also having to watch Scientology’s latest slick ad countless times? NYPD’s finest keeping an eye on the Nebraska tourists better have its suicide watch on high alert…

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Is Asia ready to go Ideal?

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Another enticing ad for those of you thinking of joining staff, this one featuring another brave soul hanging on at the Los Angeles fortress…

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And finally, one of our tipsters knew we’d enjoy this treat. As 2012 fades away, we’re reminded that Scientologists were hit up for yet more cash to open the Super Power Building — already swimming in way over $100 million in donations — which they were assured would finally be open this year, 14 years after its initial groundbreaking. Well, on into 2013 we go, and still no oiliness table in sight!

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Thank you again, tipsters, for making the Sunday Funnies of 2012 such a treat.

 

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