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Sunday Funnies: Scientology Braces for the Holidays!

With Thanksgiving behind us, the rest of the year will, as usual, fly by with alacrity.

Scientologists, like the rest of us, are bracing for the final mad weeks of 2012, and we have some of their most recent fundraising mailers and other come-ons that have arrived in the inboxes of members.

As you ponder all the things you need to get done before 2013 starts, take a moment and join us for our weekly dose of Sunday Funnies!

Let’s start off with that rarest of Scientology phenomena: a free offer! That’s right, the church that loves to beg for parishioner cash is handing out some of L. Ron Hubbard’s wisdom, and all they want in return is your pertinent info! What a deal.

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah! What are the chances that during this celebration of Hanukkah at the Advanced Org of Los Angeles (AOLA), someone mentions that Judaism is a 75 million-year-old mental implant according to L. Ron Hubbard? Now that would be a festival of lights!

This next image was featured in a brochure one of our tipsters received. Honestly, it left us a bit speechless.

(And speaking of “Whole Track History Books” — we would love to see one!)

With the end of the year looming, what better time to remind Scientologists that they enjoy a special relationship with the IRS, thanks to the US taxpayer? Aren’t you glad your tax money is helping church members zoom up the Bridge to Total Freedom? Hail, Columbia!

Hey, thanks again to our great tipsters. Keep those mailers and brochures coming!

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  • Dean Fox

    “Theta friendly environment” an environment conducive to the extraction of cash.

    • richelieu jr

      Yes, it is autumn, when the trees change colours, the leaves fall, and the Scientologists prepare for the gathering in and harvest of the rich Hollywood Jews…

      Yes, come join us for a lovely evening of arm-twisting to support an organization that thinks the idea of your being the chosen ones is an alien implant and you are a bunch of chumps…

      Also that publicly sells the idea that the Holocaust was nothing compared to the cries of psychiatry has wrought.. Hitler what a wannabe, AMIRITE?

      Scientology, a Jew’s best friend!

      • sidney18511

        Do they have any Jewish koolaid drinkers?

        • villagedianne

          Of course! I met Jewish Scientologists.

          • Live Long and Prosper

            I believe the correct term is “Scientolojew”.

        • richelieu jr

          If you look closely, you can see the “Hey Koolaid!” pitcher is circumcised…

  • Well Tony, I certainly hope you get your hands on ‘Ron’s Journal ’67!!!’ Can’t wait to see what tidbits (piles) of wisdom (bullshit) are in there.

    • victoria

      RJ 67 is all over the net. They don’t mention that in the promo though, haha.

  • worstcultever

    “[Ron] reveals why he created the Sea Organization …”
    (Hey clams, I can help with that one – he created it because he was ON THE LAM for most of his worthless life!)

    So that’s what my hanukkah celebrations have been missing – theta friendliness!

    The Flag building flyer had to be redone several times .. it kept getting rejected because it wasn’t unreadable enough ..

    The Uncle Sam one is Just. Freakin. OBSCENE.

    • sheepherder

      No, the Hanukkah one is obscener!
      Actually it’s a tie. A tie for Which Scilon Flier Can Produce the Most Nausea.

      And “Why Will Opening of the New Flag Building Be Forever…” – haha, it WILL be opening forever! With another oiliness table – so they’ll need more funding for that – This of course will be an OTVIII oiliness, as opposed to the lower grade oiliness which comes with auditing, but if you want full oiliness powers, you will spring for every new OT (Oiliness Table) that comes along. As the Building opens once and forever. Through eternities. Yours and everybody else’s, as long as you have a dime left. ( After that it’s No Eternities for you…)

      Sorry, but I was so inspired by these marvelous fliers.

  • Boson Stark

    I can see it now, when Co$ members assemble in a monumental project to each contribute their whole track history — including innumerable incidents of parking space finding and remote patio furniture identification — to formulate the massive WHOLE TRACK HISTORY OF ALL TIME set of books. That will be a 666 volume set available free* for a limited time only.

    This set will include such titles as:
    001 Ron and You at the Beginning of the U
    194 A Fella by the Name of ____ Did It
    202 Dianetics — Shakes up Teegeeack
    204 SP’s — They’re in There
    205 This Sector of the Galaxy is Salvaged

    *To all donors at the NEW CIVILIZATION BUILDER level.

    • Boson Stark

      206 Another Sector of the Galaxy is Salvaged
      207 The Remaining Sectors of the Galaxy are Salvaged
      208 A Neighboring Galaxy is Salvaged

      • 209 So On And So Forth in the Other Guh-Laxies

    • sugarplumfairy32

      Chris Reeve isn’t here any longer, to contribute his own whole track, so I thought I’d post this for him.. Sounds like he figured out pretty quick that co$ is a crock of sh*t.. but then, he was Superman..

      • flunk123

        Christopher Reeve had hundreds of hours of auditing.
        I met a guy who knew him from Scientology.
        It was a long time ago, in the 70’s, but I think Reeve was “on lines” out in Rochester or Buffalo.

        • anon

          they wouldnt have had a bar of him after his accident, it would have shown up ‘touch assist’ for what it is!

          • richelieu jr

            Isn’t that where they put the touch on you?

            They do a lot of that….

  • Observer

    Pfffft. It took me less than a minute to find the Ron’s Journal ’67 info they’re so mysterious about. As it happens, A Piece of Blue Sky covers it all, including the “true enemies”, and I was shocked to find out (no, really, I was) that it appeared to be the nefarious SMERSH–that’s how he referred to them in the OODs Tony posted, anyway.

    My favorite paragraph from that link:

    “Hubbard insisted that his Ethics system should also be applied to “wogs” (non-Scientologists). At Saint Hill this quickly went from the vaguely to the utterly ridiculous. A local caterer who ran a mobile canteen was put into a condition of Liability in part for running out of apple pie. When he failed to apply the Liability Formula, he was declared Suppressive, which meant that Scientologists could not communicate with him, let alone buy his replenished stocks of apple pie.”

    • Observer

      And if you want to hear it for yourself, you can fork over a (very) few bucks rather than give all your info to the Borg:

      • nobs

        or free on wikileaks.
        Off-topic: last night we watched We Are Legion, The Story of the Hacktivists. F**king incredible. Much better than Ron’s Journal, I assure you. You can get it from
        Also, thanks Tony for all the great words I’m learning. Today it’s alacrity. Very cool.
        And finally, how embarrassing to be a scnist these days. Seriously. They are insane, and not in a good way.

        • koki

          Can someone give me a link for The Master… I’m trying to find it,but have no luck…
          Here in Bulgravia,it is forbidden to show that movie in theatres…
          Please help…
          Big hello from LRHs Bulgravia.

          P.S. : Tony,can you put some words on Martys “long cold winter”…

    • Thanks… that was incredible!

  • Observer

    Or even for free (I’m stopping now!):

  • Boson Stark

    Before upcoming histrionic whole track opening of Stupid Powerz, there were other equally important building openings in the non-whole-track history books:

    The Parthenon 2382 BD (Before Dianetics)
    The Reichstag 1894
    The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory 1901
    The first Wal-Mart 1962

    • richelieu jr

      1982 First McDonald’s on the Champs Elyssées….

      • Boson Stark

        McDonald’s “Ron” is ever so much more credible and they really have served “billions.” They have secrets too like their special sauce and what animal parts constitute a McRib sandwich. And talk about explosive expansion and showing kids how to be happy.

        Just ask the French — they’re totally fous for their French fries.

        • richelieu jr

          Pommes frites, or just ‘frites’, s’il vous plaît!

        • sugarplumfairy32

          “McDonald’s “Ron” is ever so much more credible and they really have served billions…”


  • SpecialFrog

    Ron’s journal ’67: not available anywhere else…except on YouTube.

    • Boson Stark

      My 3 word review or Ron’s journal ’67: What a loon!

    • richelieu jr

      Ah , yeas! ’67! The Summer of Ron Loves Money!

  • MTP

    Something Scientologists might be even more interested in is RONS JOURNAL 68.

    (Not available ANYWHERE) except the internet. Gee I wonder why………

    • MTP

      quote from Hubbard ….”And, disconnection has been canceled as a relief to those suffering family oppression. It’s no longer required an SP orders and the person has to handle……”

    • Aeolus

      In this transcript, Ron refers to “Katie, my oldest daughter is OT 6”. I know Ron had a daughter by his first marriage, who he abandoned, and I thought the next one was Diana. Does anyone here know anything about this Katie person?

      • Hubbard had two children by his first wife, Margaret Grubb. They were his first son, L. Ron Jr. (known as “Nibs” in the family and who later changed his name to Ron DeWolf) and his first daughter, Katie.

        Hubbard’s second wife was Sara Northrup. They had a daughter, Alexis. This is the abandoned daughter you seem to be thinking of.

        Hubbard’s third wife was Mary Sue Whipp. They had four children: Diana, Quentin, Suzette, and Arthur.

        • Tony, Prof Dave Touretzky has an edition of “Science of Survival” containing in the acknowledgement section of that first edition book, a “…to Alexis Hubbard” line. Thanks to the anonymous person who sends me stuff, I relayed important raw evidence to Prof Touretzky! The Hubbard history proof, him dedicating the book to Alexis, er, until he decided to wipe her, or tried to wipe her and Sara from his life in later editions!

          • Observer

            Alexis was the lucky one …

        • Aeolus

          Thanks, Tony.

    • SpecialFrog

      Most important part of Ron’s Journal ’68:

      “The general attack line is along the lines of ‘human rights’. Human rights. Now I’ll give you a clue now how this is handled.

      “Somebody comes up to you, he’s a hostile person. He’s hostile to Scientology. And he says to you, he says ‘anti-scientology, wah wah wah wah.’ And you say ‘why are you against human rights?’

      “And then if you know anything about human rights, like the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, United Nations, that sort of thing, you know something about this subject. You just follow it right straight up. Total attack. In other words you don’t defend Scientology, you just simply attack along this line of human rights.”

      • MTP

        Well, Hubbard sure left us “a clue” alright.

        • SpecialFrog

          You know what else Ron did in ’68? Started the Citizens Commission on Human Rights to implement the program highlighted above.

      • richelieu jr

        Who knew Hubbard had so much in common with that other Mr Potato-head sack of lying shit, Karl Rove?

        Find the exact opposite of what you are and sell it, take your enemies greatest strength and appropriate it for yourself, even if it is completely false. Then attack them for not being it– See: Draft Dodger, Bush, George W. vs War Hero John Kerry, sub-heading ‘swift-boat’…

        • gauntlet

          It’s always opposite day with Hubbard.

          If he’s talking about freedom, he’s plotting slavery.

        • grundoon

          You got a thumbs down. Hi Skip!

  • Looking at these mailers it surprises me how little emphasis the Church of Scientology puts on the threat our prison planet faces from the imminent invasion of the Fifth Invader Fleet presently stationed above the plains of northern Idaho.

    Virginia McClaughry, a well known Free Zone personage, has mentioned how she sits out on her porch at night, a glass of gin and tonic in her hand watching the Loyal Officer spaceships manned by gallant Space Org crew in their hopeless battle against the Marcab interstellar battle cruisers. I have no reason to doubt the veracity of her observations.

    My namesake, Captain Bill Robertson used to stride around the roof of AOLA in his silver boots anxiously scanning the heavens until Marcab infiltrators arranged his SP Declare. I have no reason to doubt the veracity of his observations.

    Though not a conspiracy theorist, I still think it prudent to wear a tinfoil hat to ensure those minions of the Emperor Xenu are unable to cloud my mind with their intention beams and place me in thralldom to their wicked plans for domination of this sector of the galaxy.


    • nobs

      THIS! Bwahahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaa

    • Nice.

      There is so much on the internet, stories, of LRH telling stories aboard the Apollo, pointing up to some star and claiming it is this or that space civilization or alien craft watching earth.

      LRH even said that the drones circling earth are unmanned and have advanced equipment in them. Foster Tompkins offered to attempt to sneak up (how, Foster didn’t say) and snag the alien drones’ computer equipment, and LRH answered, naw, leave them alone it’s safer. That was in 1982 traffic from LRH to INCOMM boss Foster Tompkins.

      LRH, I think was true to his science fiction beginnings, to the end.

      The tech training films have some choice space opera scenes in them, and it’s not presented as fiction, but as future reality.

    • Skwerl King

      After receiving my PhD in Dianetic Archaeology from Sequoia University, We searched extensively for Xenu’s Mountain. It was in Montana that our Blackfoot guide (who was L. Ron Hubbard’s blood brother in a past life) brought us to a “peculiar object of galactic significance”. I do say my thetans were tingling as I approached the ingress to Blackfoot cavern temple. He went through a ritual known as the “Booz-e-mon Shuffle”, which is identical to, but different than their sacred dance known as the “charles-town” which they did before the Trail of Tears. Andrew Jackson was a Admiral in the Marcabian Confederacy. He raced turbine-engine cars on the main Marcabian circut until one of the atomic bombs got him.

      My Blackfoot guide took me deep into the cave, we were miles in and could feel the heat of the Earths core of molten astatine. The savage was frightened, as men of his race are, and told us that only I could go along with any negroes in the group because they could survive the heat having been sun worshippers in Africa. We went through many more miles of descent until we came to a chamber where this object lay. My body thetans nearly tore me apart as they fled the meat shell in vain. You could hear them “pop” as they exited this distention. The I glimpsed the object. It was metallic and strange writing on it that I could almost read. Then an earthquake struck and the walls of the cave opened up and my negroes fled. Seeing the ceiling about to collapse, I was only able to snap a quick photo of the object, provided below.

      While this is obviously an highly advanced metal badge worn by an officer of the Marcabian force, we know that we were close to finding the actual mountain prison of Xenu before the earthquake struck. At this time we’d like to thank you for your insight, encouragement and support during these trying times.


      • noseinabk

        ^^^^^^^^^Comment of the month!!! Thanks for sharing your story.
        and congrats on the removal of your thetans!

      • richelieu jr

        Luckily, I always keep some negro sun worshipers on hand for just such an occasion!

        Pop! Pop! Pop goes the Thetans!

        • Front Row Seat

          HMMM..”It was in Montana that our Blackfoot guide (who was L. Ron Hubbard’s blood brother in a past life) brought us to a “peculiar object of galactic significance”
          Isn’t that the place and time that Young Ron was informed of the ways of the Balckfoot Injuns by chief “Dances with Squirrels”?? LOL

      • Great start, this counts as a practical on your Advanced Advanced OT level practical drills.

        Please save all your writeups, and turn them in, on future checksheets that the Ron’s Org will be putting out in the years to come, there’s still a lot of OT levels above OT 42, still to go!

        Capt Bill lives! He’s still talking to us.

      • Makes me think, further, that someone could set up a bogus web site, and run Upper OT level checksheets, OT Extension Courses, and have some fun.

      • grundoon

        Astatine is the rarest naturally occurring element that is not a transuranic element, with the total amount in Earth’s crust estimated to be less than 28 grams (1 oz) at any given time. I always learn something new here!

        • richelieu jr

          Is it at all related to ‘asanine’, the primary ingredient of any LRH discourse?

    • Andrew,

      My favorite old timer stories, are Dart Smohen “The Rea Story”, find via google.

      Favorite quote from that must read collection is Hubbard hallucinating live for those who had the honor of standing next to him as he mixed his science fiction imagination with the reality around him. (Hubbard was a real live Walter Mitty, a science fiction inter galactic Buddha, bringer of knowledge.)

      Hubbard in the midst of the “Mission Into Time” (A test of whole track bullshit”, supposedly and most probably said:

      “Do you see that rock outcrop there? Wel , there is spaceship buried under that.”

    • sugarplumfairy32

      Aluminum chapeaus.. Sounds like a nice new business venture for co$..

  • I am somewhat relieved that the Hanunkkah ad doesn’t invite “our Jewish friends” to wear their equivalent of “soul duds” to the festivities. But I wonder what the cult thinks people’s favorite Hanukkah music might be. The Apollo Stars doing Hava Nagila? Jim Meskimen lip synching Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song?

    • It’s funny you should mention the Hanukkah Song. I’ve been hoping the Captn. would write up a Scientology version for us all to enjoy. Anyone know which day is high holiday for scientologists? Here’s a list:

      Put on your tinfoil hat-aday, it’s time to celebrate Freedom Day!
      With a Travolta touch assist giveaway
      And we swear he’s notta gay!

      • richelieu jr

        It strikes me that ‘Freedom day’ rhymes nicely with ‘Be dumb, hey!’, but I’ll see if I can do better later!

      • richelieu jr

        Man, I dunno- It is really hard to make rhyming couplets with such tongue-trippingly awesome holidays as “Auditor’s Day”, “Flag Land Base Day” “Celebrity Day’ and “Integrity Day”…

        (hint: the ‘day’ part is easy’..)

        • Midwest Mom

          Please , don’t shoot me, anyone, for suggesting the corruption of a U2 song, but the song “Beautiful Day” lends itself quite splendidly to parody for a variety of Hogwashy Day concoctions.

          • While I’m not as knowledgeable about the U2 musical canon as I am about the Steely Dan repertoire, here are a couple more:

            “Exit” — what people are doing when they find out the truth about the cult.

            “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” — theme music for people who reach OT VIII and realize they’ve been scammed.

            “So Cruel” — soundtrack to a Miscavige biopic.

            • Midwest Mom

              You and Suggah are sensational! I was thinking of the tune to the song “Beautiful Day”, and you both took it to perfection. Love ya!

          • sugarplumfairy32

            U2’s God Part 2 for the biggest being’s birthday? “..don’t believe in riches, but you should see where I live…I.. I.. believe in ron…”

    • worstcultever

      maybe some variation of South Park’s “Merry Fucking Christmas” – (e.g. “hey there mister jewboy, merry upstat christmas …”)

    • FistOfXenu

      “But I wonder what the cult thinks people’s favorite Hanukkah music might be….”

      “My Yiddishe Mama” performed by the Jive Asses, perhaps?

      • Davka

        “I had a little Thetan”?

        • Midwest Mom

          “Latkes Man” to the tune of the Village People’s “Macho Man”?

          “Yarmulke Love” to the tune of the Captain and Tennille’s “Muskrat Love” ?

          “Lyin’ of Judah” to the tune of “Lion of Juda” by Prince?

  • Trogg

    I think the “because it only happens once” bit was stolen from a Gilligan’s Island script.

    It went something like this: Mr. and Mrs. Howell say that they always celebrate December 14th. As to why the significance of that particular date to celebrate, they explain that December 14th only comes once a year, hence a very good reason to celebrate it!

    Scientology promises to enable practitioners to achieve all manner of new heights of greatness, but if that includes reaching an intellectual level on par with “Gilligan’s Island” – they might be wise to avoid demonstrating it.

  • XJewish Scientologist

    They need to invite Farrikan and his followers to the Hanukah celebration. I am sure they would like the ScientoloJews.

    • richelieu jr

      Well, for the occasion,there will be a Scientolo-Mad-Scientist demonically baking white people in case anyone needs snacks…

  • I wonder how many people have had the thought, like me, to swap a CD of the best snippets of LRH telling the Xenu story, from the Assists Class 8 lecture, so Scientologists here LRH tell the full Wall of Fire story!

    Maybe a separate CD, “LRH Tells the Rest of the Wall of Fire Story” free!

    RJ 67 is a must listen to, but it’s a huge come-on briefing, for people to get up to the confidential OT 3 level, and get the rest of the Xenu Wall of Fire 4th Dynamic Engram story, and begin their exorcism procedures that LRH laid out for them.

    • richelieu jr

      I remember the thing where they took a copy of Obama’s audio books and re-edited them to tell an absurd story a while back…

      We could do that with LRH, but instead of an absurd story (been there, heard that!) we might try and make him make sense…

      • richelieu jr

        Imagine, “The Confessions of LRH!”

        C’mon Anonymous, I know you’re up to it!

        • sure, but what’s the point? The drug induced ramblings of the old fraud are damning enough as it is. And it’s all the sweeter to have the criminal organisation known as the “church” of $cientology assert copyright (and thus be unable to claim it’s all a lie!).

          • richelieu jr

            Oh, I was thinking more in the vein of comedy stylings with a Seinfeld-style laugh track, but your point is well-taken…

  • Tony, Tony, Tony! You don’t need to SEE any ‘whole track’ stuff. You needn’t look farther than your own head, the whole track is somewhere in that shock absorber we call brains. All you need is some auditing to recover your whole track. And then next, ash tray levitating!

    • richelieu jr

      Wait! Wait! Don’t levitate the ashtray! I’m not through talking to it!

    • deselby88

      Could you explain the ashtray business? Maybe with a clay model so I can understand it?

      • grundoon
        • nobs

          Wow. Thanks for that link. I’d never seen that. And starring Robert and Stacy Young? Whoa, too much muchness.
          You cannot believe how absolutely incredibly insanely ridiculous I felt doing that screaming. But I knew I was becoming very powerful and that no one would be able to resist a command from me, so I shouldered on. Really? Jesus wept.

          • sugarplumfairy32

            you and many others, nobs.. I’m glad you’re trusting your instincts now..

          • That guy with them is Paul McKenna, a professional (and very rich) hypnotist – he had many popular entertaining TV shows in the UK before he decided to go further and expose con jobs like this.

            • richelieu jr

              Wait a minute- That’s just what he WANTS you to think!

  • deElizabethan

    Ron’s Journal ’67 free must be tempting to raw meat (they need) only.
    The Jewish angle is telling = they are hurting.
    The Fry me ship must really be hurting too as putting emphasis on the taxes through contacting them.
    Wow, good FAIL Promo. Thanks Tony yes, laughable it is!

  • deElizabethan

    Can’t forget the Flag building. “It only happens once” Chances are it may never happen!
    What will be most remembered about that building is that it was paid for probably 10 times over by duped members.

    • deElizabethan

      Plus it’s lost it’s Super Power status to just plain Flag building. Yo, we are winning.

      • I heard some Flag OTs spotted a couple of Marcab spaceships buried 50 meters under the Flag Superpower building, and they plan a select contest for Superpower graduates. They will offer a confidential contest and prize to whichever graduate comes up with a way to extract the spaceships with the least amount of muss and money fuss. Best answers get a free ride first on the space ships!

  • richelieu jr

    Oh please, please, please someone send in that card for the LRH discs and share! If I had a hard copy I’d do it in a heartbeat!

  • Daverator

    The irony of using a font named “Papyrus” for a Chanukkah flyer seems to be lost on them.

  • PreferToBeAnon2

    That IS interesting that they lost Super Power status!
    Here is my prediction: they will eventually open up the plain Flag building with big fanfare and then a few decades later–after many more million$ donated–they will upgrade it to Super Power. But hey, it was only opened up as the new Flag once–so it will still be eligible for the whole track postcards, memorial platter with L Rons face superimposed over the building, and spiffy souvenir hand towels for the guest bathroom. If they play it right, they could sell chachkas and t-shirts at little booths on every corner of Clearwater… all while teasing the public that the oiliness table will soon be theirs.

    • sheepherder

      Wait – what? The new Flag lost the super powers? Where, oh where did they go? I WANT MY OILINESS TABLE!

  • The Dakini

    I cannot stop looking at the Super Power, sorry FLAG Building postcard. Isn’t suppose to have a huge dome on it? Tony, I seem to recall in a VV post that a huge dome topped the SPB. Enclosed inside was the rundown “TRON pillar of light” track. The large support columns are there, but no dome. Hmmm…. Guess the rundown will be cut of the menu of items offered at Super Power, whoop I mean FLAG. I wonder what they will do with the huge open space on floors 6 & 7? Maybe an upgrade from Oil table to Oil pool? If they incorporated the gyro machines into the room thy could charge wogs admission and become bigger that Disney World. I cannot speak for the rest of you, but I’d shell out some cash to gyrate across an oily surface.

    What caught my eye as well was the headline. “….it only happens once.” Right. I cannot help but speculate that the Scio missions that have been retrofitted to spanky new Ideal Orgs at the expense of their flock, will in short time be retrofitted as new Flag Buildings as CO$ wins the planet brought its successful expansion. May the Golden Era of Tech 3 commence!

    • Good point. That is a flat roof. Bummer if they left out the running dome.

    • The Dakini

      This post shows the floor plan for level 6, I’m trying to find the cross section.

      • richelieu jr

        Is that the place where they crucify squirrels?

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      The running track domed room isn’t on the top floor.

      I like the fact that some fraggled Sea Ogre thought “Hey, I’ll call it “New Flag Building” so our sheeple public won’t get restimulated (wallets clammed up) by the phrase “Super Power Mecca”.

      Miscavige probably won’t care this poor fool hasn’t slept since 2004 when he digs a new Hole for this sap for reminding his whales about this scam under Any name or title. Only fair after all the trouble DM undertook to come up with a brilliant New scam (GAT2) to take their angry minds off all the Other scams (like SuperPower, OT 9 & 10). Damn, you just can’t find good help these days. Head on a Pike! Oh wait, that was Hubbard. Heap down the Hole!

      • koki

        If I can be in DMs shoes,I would probably made a “look what a “religion” can make YOU do for THEM”
        Then ,big opening,with lots of those hypnotists ,for to explain how things work…
        That is much better then Disneyland…
        This is ,everyday happening…
        Please put a link to a movie : Martha Marcy….bla bla (can’t remember name of it).gives inside feeling of what is happening in “head” of newbie…
        I would love to pay 5€ to see inside of SPBuilding,but as a fact that ,hypnosis is all around us,and that “they” can even force you to believe,that WRONG is RIGHT!
        Big hello from LRHs Bulgravia.

    • Jon Hendry

      My impression was that the dome was just the ceiling of the running room, and would be under a flat roof.

      Miscavige is supposed to have an office that overlooks the running track, which I think would be in the space between the curved dome ceiling (near the perimeter of the dome) and the flat roof.

      Isn’t there supposed to be a skylight that illuminates the column in the center? I guess it could be artificial light for 24×7 forced labor. I mean, running.


    What segment of the population would think it is normal to send this type of request in by mail, “stapled” to a piece of paper? The elderly, the non-cyber friendly generation that remembers this type of ad from the back of magazines in the 50s and 60s, that’s who. Cults love the elderly for fundraising. They especially love the lonely ones with no family, or estranged or distant family. I seem to remember reading about at least one elderly widow who had given her life savings to the CoS, and then was declared an SP.

    • anon

      haha i had a job working with elderly in social housing and often saw mail from CoS lying around. i think you’d be surprised if you knew just how much time and money is wasted by CoS on sending junk mail to the poor and disadvantaged worldwide!

  • deselby88

    Hey skip really didn’t come back.
    I hope he didn’t accidentally go through the door to hate.
    Tony, maybe you could open it just a crack and see if skip is stuck in there?

    • maybe if we dangle a little carrot for skip:

      Scientology isn’t that bad!
      It’s all Davey’s fault!!
      Who farted?

    • Come back Skip, the election is over and you’re wise enough to know to never take any argument about religion or politics personally. It’s simply business as they say.

      Come on man. I’m a commie, you’re a fascist..let’s
      work the whole thing out .

      • Skip, we can sign a non-aggression treaty and divide up Bulgravia !

        • Midwest Mom

          I suspect that my fellow conservative checks in and out of here to keep up to date on things. His election day diatribe and statement pertaining to Tony can be remedied with a simple apology and admission of sincere regret, no ifs, ands or buts about it.

          Meanwhile, Captain Howdy, do you want me to call you a pinko commie to cheer you up? I can also provide a link to the Drudge Report, if you wish.

          Sending you Mittened hugs, and love, from your favorite fascist fashionista.

          • victoria

            Speaking of pink commies;)… My first exposure EVER to $CN. was in line at the opening night of Star Wars. I was already in trouble with my BF who was a pilot (very straight) because I kept accepting joints that were being passed up and down the line. Someone came along and handed me a pink personality test. I took one look at it and said “You guys must be pinko commies”.
            I never found out why they printed those tests on that puke pink of a colour. Do they still do that?

        • Also, I phoned Obama and he said Skip can keep his guns. It’s all good. Stay on target.

        • OH MY GOD………This thread is cracking me up.
          Come back SHANE!!!! (I mean Skip)

          • richelieu jr

            And mother wants you….! SHAAAAAAAAAAANE!

      • sugarplumfairy32

        Well said, Cap’n.. I miss Skip too.. He always had interesting stuff to share..

        Skip, if you come back, I promise to never talk politics again.. Unless somebody really goads me..

        • Midwest Mom

          spf, What about the Petraeus Affair? It’s still unfolding – I don’t know if you’re strong enough… It’s just too much to ask of you…of anyone…

          • sugarplumfairy32

            Lol.. It’s probably all a co$ conspiracy.. =)

  • mooki

    being a Jew in Scientology is like a black person being a KKK member.

    even though Kirstie constantly says there Jewish Scientologists (which is full of hooey)

  • flunk123

    Didn’t Ron give “props” to the Kabbalah on OT VIII ?

    • 🙂
      Flunk, Maybe LRH is more like Hitler than we all think………………..

  • /
    • Midwest Mom

      Mainstream religions find it more prudent to inform members of events and information via their weekly bulletins, which are handed out after services at their place of worship, and though their church/ temple / synagogue /mosque websites and Facebook pages, instead of wasting money on multiple glossy mailings.

      Isn’t it interesting that the Co$ doesn’t put money toward soup kitchens, food pantries, or other additional charitable services which benefit the underprivileged of their community or around the world? (Touch assists and Way to Happiness pamphlets aren’t even close to the actions of the various mainstream faiths).

      • nobs

        And when they send out the vulture ministers, they send no food or blankets or tools or water or anything helpful for the situation. It’s so bad that the v. ministers have to pay their own airfare, unless JT happens to be going that way. I went with a group of vms to a shelter in Baton Rouge after hurricane katrina. It was truly unbelievable how pushy many of them were, trying to elbow out the Red Cross, trying to take credit for good stuff that they (the vms) had NOTHING to do with. OK. I need to stop now or I’ll go on a tear.

  • EXAMINER: “Tom Cruise chooses Thanksgiving with Suri over Scientology bookathon ”

    And Tony gets sourced !

    • I only read one source of Suri being in the UK – she apparently had 4 bodyguards and Tommy Girl reserved a whole wing/floor of a hotel and had her room painted pink…. anyway it’ll be on my scientologybollocks site at midday UK time…. surprised that no other media site put this out as it seems quite a big story for them

  • Tony, seeing these and your funny quips, made me regret ( for just a second, anyway ) that I’d finally gotten the church to take me off the 8 or so org mailing lists I’d been on.

  • Reblogged this on ? .????? ?.

  • Hey all, I know it’s been out for a while, but I just saw a movie called Lunopolis that was a lot of fun! Great spoof of the COS. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. I put a short review up on my blog, with links:

    • richelieu jr

      Looks interesting, and I enjoyed your review!

    • victoria

      I mentioned this to my husband and he said we had started to watch it a month ago, I fell asleep and he turned if off. He said it was pretty much a fail, but wait, it’s $CN fail… that’s completely different. Thanks for the great review, we’re gonna watch it!

  • This scores very low on the scion meter as stories go but what I did find interesting is that they chose to use the scion gift as the lead part of the story:

    Gifts to Gov. Quinn range from books to wine to fancy pen

    SPRINGFIELD — A book on Scientology by L. Ron Hubbard. An Italian fountain pen worth $500. A compendium of state songs. And a chocolate foot.

    Those are a few of the hundreds of trinkets, T-shirts and other garage sale-worthy gifts that Gov. Pat Quinn says he has amassed since becoming governor in 2009.

    What is pretty much of a non-story now has connotations of Scientology sending copies of its books to all US Governors.

    • Midwest Mom

      Wouldn’t you love to see a photo of Quinn with his (chocolate) foot in his mouth? 🙂

  • Why are there OT VIII’s who denounce Scientology, become Buddhists or go off lines? Perhaps, they never met a Clear. Cold winter indeed.

  • I really like this Chris Mann guy on Marty’s blog, more and more:

    “I may be able to provide a useful viewpoint on this.
    I have always been one to look at everything. I never let myself be “protected” from “entheta” or any information on the internet or elsewhere regarding Scientology or anything. I never lied about it and I never really hid it, although I didnt talk about it much. I will never shut myself off to data from any source. I know what is entheta and I can decide myself if something is true or contains truth, and determine relative importances.

    When I first became interested in Scientology in the early 90s I read everything- good and bad. I read the critical books, I read all the LRH books, magazine articles- EVERYTHING.
    And over the years I still read, or was willing to look at anything. I think this puts me in a good position now. I’ve seen the “bad” pics of LRH. I’ve heard everything every critic has to say and I’ve done and studied enough Scientology to decide for myself.

    Realise it’s not a black and white issue. One thing I got from Scientology is, at some point I became free of that two valued logic thing. (They are bad and we are good. This is right and that is wrong, etc). I think that is a vital part of this. LRH was not God. I don’t think he ever said he was. (Miscavige wants to be- have you seen the cover of the new Impact Mag of the IAS 25th anniversary event?) . LRH let his hair grow long and looked tired, and made a lot of decisions that pissed people off. He said and did things that by todays (or even yesterdays) standards would make many people say he was nuts.

    All I can say is that there is something to “The Tech” (for me anyway). I feel I understand the basics of it and there is something to it. The OT levels, who knows. You can say it sounds crazy, but what do I know. Life is crazy. We are in meat bodies flying through space on a round rock and most people have no interest in even thinking about WHAT they really are and what it all means.

    I actually forgot to write what I was going to write, but I think that is enough for now.”

    My pending reply:

    “It’s ok, Chris. We are all in the same boat. It’s life, we are together in it, learning from each other. Great honest post.”

    • sugarplumfairy32

      It seems to me that there are two kinds of scientologists.. Sincere ones, who really believe in lrh and the tech and become devoted church members in order to avail themselves of more and more of the tech.. And then there are the others who get in and dont really buy the tech but see it as a job or a way of life they can handle.. They become the bots, staying because of family or nothing better to do, or they become the enforcers, part of the scam..

      And sometimes I think it all boils down to sincere scientologists just think too much.. So we’re met bodies flying through space on a round rock.. Chris is right.. Most people aren’t interested in using scientology to figure out who they really are and what it all means..

      I don’t believe for a minute that Chris read everything there is on the www about lrh and co$ and still chose to offer himself up.. Unless he’s the world’s biggest risk taker.. Nobody’s that stupid..

      I thank the universe every day that I was too lazy and too impatient to ever consider using the tech.. Hours of invasive questiong? Hours of clay demos? Hours of walking back and fortth and touching things? Hours of yelling at ashtrays? Hours of yelling at other people? Hours of being yelled at by other people?

      You want me to WHAT? I don’t think so!! Not when there is an actual world out here to investigate and experience.. So, while chris and his adventurous risktaking buddies are having wins by spending their bucks being voluntarily imprisoned in some co$ course room doing idiotic, childlike exercises in futility designed to numb the brain into obedient bot mode, I’ll be ice skating, seeing great movies, reading great books, visiting museums and taking vacations whenever i can: visiting penguins in New Zealand, cruising to Alaska, walking ruins in Machu picchu, swimming in St.
      Martins, eating pizza at Panettario in Sorrento.. Now, that’s a win..

      • AnotherSP

        ,,,and the third type. The ones in it for the commissions.

        • sugarplumfairy32

          I count them as “part of the scam..” Like Debbie Cook.. Earning a luxury car by talking a widow out of her fortune..

    • Thetansarecooties

      I like to read honest responses like that. The guy will never be convinced to stop using Hubbard’s hogwash. However, I do like to ask a follow-up question: “what other philosophies beside Hubbard do you like?” There is a chance he is a major cherry-picker, and LRH is just a small component of his practices. If he’s reading all sorts of stuff besides LRH, that’s about all you can ask.

      • sugarplumfairy32

        If he truly has read everything about lrh, he’d have to be a major cherry picker..

        • Thetansarecooties

          Either that or insane!

  • mooki

    Hollywood Xmas Parade was last night and surprise surprise no Winter Wonderland this year.

  • scilonschools

    TC clearly using friends in high places UK again!!

    Fury as movie All You Need Is Kill shuts heart of London
    But the shutdown sparked fury from Londoners and tourists unable to visit the sights and trapped in road closures in a 2½-square mile area

  • Boson Stark

    It was in my thoughts a few years ago that eventually the Co$ would stop calling it the Super Power building at some point before it opened. I don’t know if this one flier is going to be the new trend, and it will now be the “new Flag Building.”

    While it might temporarily throw a few members who donated to Super Power — (maybe not, they’re used to dealing with this type of contradiction) — as a PR move it seems like it will be almost essential and I’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier.

    “Super Power” is simply too revealing and intriguing to the public, in the way of drawing laughter. Outside of crazy cult and critics, people don’t know what the hell a Flag building is — sounds like a building that houses a flag — so outsiders will not even blink when hearing about it.

    Of course scratch the surface and you have Flag Land Base for their Sea Organization and it all sounds so military and bizarre.

    So, what’s it going to be — are they going to play up the opening internally and play it down externally? Play it down in both maybe, knowing that internally, members are all psyched for it as it is?

    • TheHoleDoesNotExist

      Super Power will never open. The building may be used for other purposes, but Super Power will never open. If it did, you can bet it will be grander than even the IRS War Is Over grandiose event. Something like…

      • sugarplumfairy32

        I’m thinking chill EB just isn’t going to be able to garner the same excitement and enthusiasm as Paul McCartney..

  • Midwest Mom

    Derek Bloch Fan Club Information

    I am hoping to get some input from the many thoughtful people who post here about doing something for Derek for his first post-disconnection Christmas.

    He is still in need of basics and even clothing, shoes, and non-perishable food items. What can we do together to help him out? Is there anyone who lives near Derek who can get in touch with him to see what his greatest needs are and can help from that end as a contact?

    Chocolate Velvet had suggested setting something up through the gift registry at Target, or we could also contribute toward gift cards to be used in any store (VISA or MasterCard) or help him set up a charitable bank account in his name or set up a gofundme account. It will be up to Derek to determine what will work best for him, of course.

    I know that this time of year is demanding of everyone, particularly financially, and it is not possible for all of you to help out. This is only meant to be a way for those who would like to do something to get the ball rolling. It warmed my heart to see that Derek donated to the Headley’s fund, even though he was struggling himself. He is a remarkable young man with a tremendous strength of character, intelligence, and sense of humor – a true mensch!

    Would you please provide some feedback with your thoughts? We can do something incredibly wonderful for our Derek with our combined efforts, and I know that while we can’t replace his family, we can extend our love and care like a family.

    Sending hugs to you all, 🙂

    Midwest Mom

    • Whatever we can come up with for that kid……….I’m in!
      Where does he live?

      • sugarplumfairy32

        I say we take this somewhere not so public, so we don’t embarrass Derek.. Anybody have a safe email we can all connect with?

        • Midwest Mom

          I agree. I don’t want to embarrass the poor guy. It’s quite the conundrum!

          • sugarplumfairy32

            I got hold of Derek earlier tonight, Mom, Bury, nobs, richelieu, Jill, Geiger, THDNE, deLiz, Sherbet, Matt et al.. He said he will prob open a new email account and post the address here so we can contact him.. If he ends up getting shy or feels uncomfortable doing that, I can do the same and will make sure anything anyone wants to give our young friend gets to him.. I love that we’re going to make his first non-scientology Christmas special..

            • sugarplumfairy32

              Oops, and Sheepherder!!

            • You are awesome! Perfect.

            • Tomato Thetan

              Keep us posted. I’ll check back here for details.

              Kelly Preston said in an interview that her Scientology “church” community helped her get through the difficult time following Jett’s death. But my impression of Co$ is that, if you aren’t 100% compliant, they kick you to the curb (without sorrow, as LRH suggested). Thanks, SPF and Midwest Mom, for the opportunity to demonstrate that compassion for others–not our own self-advancement–should be the defining force in our lives.

            • richelieu jr

              Do they’ kick you to the curb’ like a red-headed step-child (or mama’s boy with delusions of prophet-hood?)

    • Jill

      I’m in

    • nobs

      He’s welcome at our house any time. We’re in Portland. And anything we can do to help, just say the word. Where is he?
      Since it’s up to Derek, what does he say about this? What works for you, Derek? 🙂

      • Midwest Mom

        I don’t know how to get in touch with him other than through this site. I am hoping someone who has Facebook or Twitter can get in touch with him. Perhaps some of his ESMB friends know more specifics? I remember he said that he has his own apartment, now, but he doesn’t feel comfortable asking for help, which is understandable. That’s why I thought he needed a shout out from someone else.

        Derek, If you’re reading this, I hope you know I’m not trying to embarrass you, you cutie pie. You deserve some Christmas love from your internet Aunts and Uncles!

        • richelieu jr

          I am in contact (slightly) with him on Twitter, though I don’t really know him and am a bit far off to do much (Paris).. Still, I don’t mind writing him a note if no one else has his adress; He really seems like a nice guy…

          • D.Geiger the 1d

            I will send clothes,shirt’s pant’s ect just give me the address .

            • Midwest Mom

              I hope we can figure out a way to mail him things where it would go to a location where we can safely send packages or gift cards/money and won’t need to fear theft, exposure to the elements. or publicizing Derek’s address.

              I’m hoping his local USPS P.O. Boxes or UPS Boxes allow packages to be held for pick-up. It might be easier for him to have one near his office because of business hours.

              If someone is willing to have things sent to their own home or business, it would be another option.

              I am overwhelmed with unbelievable happiness that there is such a fantastic outpouring of kindness and generosity with which the men and women here are all graciously extending to Derek.

              It’s like a smorgasbord of kindness! Each new suggestion and offer is indicative of the wonderful people who meet here. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it? 🙂

            • sugarplumfairy32

              You’re a sweetie, mom.. You too, Bury and everybody else.. It certainly is a nice group of opinionated big-mouths we have here.. I have his info and I just texted him.. We’ll get it to him..

        • nobs

          Maybe Tony could call him.

        • He is on my Yelp and facebook….I will DIG! Before ya know it I should be able to provide a retina scan and DNA!

          • OK, he has been pinged. I will let ya’ll know what I find out. He is in the LA area int the triangle between Glendale, Pasadena, Los Angelas.

    • Midwest Mom

      I apologize for neglecting to say where Derek lives! He lives in the greater Los Angeles area, but I don’t know any specifics. I think he works in a different part of the L.A. area than where he lives.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        I had something I wanted to send, but couldn’t find address either and asked Tory (Magoo) but haven’t heard back. So if you’re listening, Derek, maybe you can have a go between to receive items if you don’t want to give out your address. Santa needs to know. No one is getting stuff from us this christmas except a Happy Holiday card with a picture of our renovated guest bedroom and an invite to enjoy. But I reserve one exception, one gift for someone who gives from the heart more than they gets… and that’s you, Derek! I never forget how it was when I got out. This is going to be really fun … and jolly by golly!

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          Just had a thought. Derek mentioned he has (non cult) family in Texas. Would like to know if perhaps a plane ticket to Texas for Christmas with family is something he would really enjoy.

          • sugarplumfairy32

            Great idea..

    • deElizabethan

      Thanks Mom.
      Derek, could you possibly get a PO Box # or have a friend take some mail for you? Let us know as we would like to send you something for the holidays.

    • sheepherder

      I’m in. Somebody get me a mailing address .

      • Me, too! My son is at the boring/blase stage of celebrating Christmas, so I’d LOVE to send something to Derek!

      • mattekudasi

        I’d love to take part in this holiday help for Derek. We could show scientology what true charity is –giving without expecting anything in return but just the pleasure of bringing a little happiness into someone’s life.

    • Hi! So sorry I wasn’t here to answer earlier. I have been disconnected for the most part this weekend. Just been spending a lot of time with my adopted family. I took an extra day off work so I’ve just been enjoying my five day weekend.

      Midwest Mom, you are not at all embarrassing me. One of my friends here put in a call to me and she told me about all you guys planning this and it touched my heart. I also got a wall post that told me to stop by. I just got the chance.

      I love you guys, you are amazing!

      I created a dummy e-mail address so I can safely post it here. I get enough spam on my other address. Feel free to send me an e-mail there any time.

      I’m not really sure how to create a public forum and I’d hate to overrun Tony’s blog comments but that e-mail address should work for now.

      Thank you so much you guys. I’ll work on setting up a group or something. Right now we have the Rodeo Watcher’s group on Google Groups. I think that might be a good place to start a topic. It’s not the best format but it’s workable. I know a lot of people are members, but not everyone which is why I created the e-mail address.

      I’m at a loss of words right now to express my gratitude and I doubt I could find any. Thank you guys, you’re all amazing people.

      I should get e-mails whenever someone replies to this thread so I’ll be able to stop by and comment some more.

      • TheHoleDoesNotExist

        Cool, Derek.

      • Midwest Mom

        Hugs to you, Derek! I’m so glad you had a nice Thanksgiving and weekend. You deserve it. It sounds like you have some pretty spectacular people who have taken you under their wing – I am so glad that you have them in your life; they are top notch!

        Since my last post yesterday, my family has been dealing with a serious medical emergency concerning my son. I am at home for a short time to take the dog out and check phone and email messages and grab a few things.

        I’m hoping if anyone reading this could say a prayer for him – it would mean so much to me. Also, if any of my thoughtful buddies here could help figure out some more details with Derek for his Christmas wish list and could also alert others about our “Very Derek Christmas” plans who may not have seen this thread. I would be so grateful!

        • Oh no! I hope it’s not serious. I’m sure he’ll get through whatever it is just fine with someone as awesome as you to help him through.

          I had a good weekend. Had lots of friends over and went to some friends’ houses. It was nice.

        • Tomato Thetan

          Sending prayers for your son, MM! I’ll start a Very Derek Christmas thread on the Rodeo and direct people to Derek’s email address here. Take care!

        • TheHoleDoesNotExist

          it’s in the works and over to Derek to post in many a chimney what he needs, and how to send stuff.
          My husband and I send best wishes to best outcome and quick recovery for your son.

          • I can make a list, but I am not sure where to post it so everyone can see it?

            • sugarplumfairy32

              Since you posted your dummy email here, I’m thinking anyone who isn’t on the rodeo can email you and you can forward your list to them..

              Saying prayers for you, Midwest Mom..

  • D.Geiger the 1d

    I am just hoping that the new Tom Cruise movie Jack Reacher is a complete bomb.Every time I get my hope’s up that something bad will happen to this cult I get disapointed.

    I honestly feel that if scientology doesn’t have to pay taxes then no one els in this country should have to pay them either yet we all have to pay for this cult through are tax dollars.The government does not agree and has gone out of their way to allow all cults to get away with anything including,murder,child rape as well as adult rape,conning anyone they can out of all their money and possession’s.

    So all I can see as any hope for justice is that a stupid midget uneducated narcissist has a bad review on his movie and is not wanted anymore by hollywood.That still will not be justice for all of the good caring people that got sucked into a cult and I am amazed how caring and decent so many of them have shown to be and I admire them all for helping others.I started my research 2 years ago because of someone I cared about and made many mistakes on judgement of people.

    Now I understand and encourage everyone to keep fighting for the end of this evil government sanction’d cult.

    • Observer

      What makes the casting of Cruise in Reacher especially ridiculous is that in the books, Jack Reacher is 6 foot 5! Did they give TC stilts? lol!

      • D.Geiger the 1d

        They made Cruise 6.5,that’s how hollywood works.Hire a bunch of midgets and Cruise is 6 foot 5.Anyone that reads the Jack Reacher books are complete idiot’s if they pay money to see this dwarf star in it.

        • sugarplumfairy32

          My cousin is mad at me because I really wanna go see it.. We saw the previews for it at a few other movies we’ve seen and it looks good and the music is great.. She’s refusing to go with me..

      • No…..they just made all of sets smaller!

        • Observer

          Like Miscavige’s podium? *snicker*

  • blach blach

    I was at the hollywood cristamast parate down in Hollywood blvd, and the scios were bussy pushing on people, booklets of the Way to happiness, they did not even ask would you like one? well I guess we are all just robbot homosapiens ready to be controled and manipulated by scientology so I guess we have to take the boolet with no question, one of the ladies was smiling theta friendly I guess, how repulsive to know what the end of that is. ho and they had a WTH float, where somebody was singing their longs out along the way. , with LRH quotes o>do not stil> on the side, and to think how much DO they still from people, that is ironic.