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HOW SCIENTOLOGY COERCED A CHILD TO HAVE AN ABORTION: THE LAURA DECRESCENZO FILES

HOW SCIENTOLOGY COERCED A CHILD TO HAVE AN ABORTION: THE LAURA DECRESCENZO FILES

—————- In anticipation of her biggest day in court yet, Laura DeCrescenzo and her attorneys hit the Church of Scientology with 928 pages of new filings —————- Details from 18,000 pages of evidence show how Scientology manipulated a child to keep her working under slave-like conditions —————- A key document describing DeCrescenzo’s unwillingness to have her coerced abortion is missing from the evidence Scientology was ordered to produce By Tony Ortega Wednesday afternoon, Laura DeCrescenzo filed explosive new information in her four-year legal odyssey against the Church of Scientology, submitting 928 pages of new declarations and exhibits in anticipation of a crucial October 23 hearing in her lawsuit against the church which alleges abuse, including allegations that she was forced to have an abortion at only 17 years of age. Key to the new filings is information gleaned from thousands of pages of previously secret files that the church fought mightily to keep under wraps. But on Monday, the U.

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Sunday Funnies: Scientology Needs Your Cash!

Once again our tipsters have come through for us this week, and we have another diverting set of Scientology fundraising mailers for our Sunday Funnies.

We’re counting on our formidable commenting community to analyze, synthesize, and deconstruct these latest dispatches from David Miscavige’s leaky barge of a church.

Is there a common theme running through them? We’ll let you decide.

 

We’re going to start with this celebration of the Ishmaels, who have just forked over a huge sum of money to help build a new Ideal Org in Chicago. And why did they do it? Get this, because it was “the only logical thing to do.” Hey, when you put it that way, where’s my checkbook!

 
Look what’s happening today! Scientology’s teen-recruitment front group, Youth for Human Rights, is holding a kid roundup on Hollywood Boulevard. Hide your emotionally troubled youngster!

 
This next flier gives us a thought. Why didn’t Scientology’s OT VIIIs gather in some kind of theta-circle and postulate away the recession a couple of years ago?

 
Another in the series that shows current staff members in Los Angeles. And hey, Dan is looking pretty happy. Maybe he just blew off some charge?

 
Overworked? Overwhelmed? Just imagine how much better your life will be with Scientology staff bugging the crap out of you for thousand-dollar donations every other day. Talk about efficiency!

 
We have a feeling only John P. is going to make any sense of what is meant by “2000” in this next one. But hey, it’s exciting to see Scientology announce a new crusade. The last one was announced hours and hours ago.

Hey tipsters, thanks for another set of mailers. Keep ‘em coming!

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  • 1subgenius

    “the only logical thing to do”

    Sad.

    • Scientia

      And a hilarious contradiction. Per Hubbard Logic there are no “only”s. Yeah it’s sad but call a spade a spade. This guy is a fecking retard.

      • Zer0

        Maybe his auto repair shop doesn’t have The Google.

  • John P.

    Some great material to work with this morning.

    The Chicago Renovators: First, I love the sincere youthful naivete of Craig & Cassie Ishmael, the donors who moved up to their next status to help create a Chicago Ideal Org. It’s amusing to see that they’re pushing this one, because they’ve owned a building in the gentrifying “Printer’s Row” neighborhood just south of the Loop for ages, and it is basically falling apart in the years that they’ve owned it. Chicago is one of the most stalled Ideal Orgs, along with New Haven Connecticut and Portland Oregon.

    And I love how they’re waiting to start a family until the crime and insanity have been dealt with. Interestingly, none of the donors to the Ideal Org scam in the name of stopping crime and insanity are aware that crime has been dropping in the US steadily for 30+ years (I’m not going to get into the issue of the high rate of incarceration, however). And I think the hated psychs have more to do with handling insanity than the cult ever will.

    But I almost feel sorry for Craig & Cassie Ishmael. A quick search with Teh Google shows that they own a small auto repair shop near O’Hare Airport. Too bad that these people, who probably work really hard to keep their shop going, are feeding all their profits to the hungry cult, who will drain them dry and then kick them to the curb without a second thought.

    OT Acceleration Workshop: I’m losing track of this one. Apparently, this is yet another in the endless series of events to make it seem like the havingness of the OTness levels is within your grasp, without actually getting you to achieve the actual magical wonderfulness of the beingness of OTness. I particularly enjoy how there’s a quote showing that income is going up for somebody without even pretending to identify the person whose financialness is now enjoying rollingness in all that dough.

    Yes, it’s amusing that the cult would put out a vague, nonspecific promise to help you learn how to navigate any economic conditions. Undoubtedly, they are going to teach you the secrets of being a high-pressure “reg,” which ought to help the reg’s income in any economy, since the marks need to keep giving, since we have a planet to clear and crime and insanity to handle in any economic condition whatever. And I also love the other benefit, “Get the LRH tech to operate at Cause.” Isn’t that what everything else you have done in Scientology was already supposed to deliver?

    Join Staff and work with Dan: Love the tie. Isn’t that part of the Vampire Cape and Top Hat uniform that they recently adopted? The sheen of the polyester is quite fetching. And is that some sort of Sea Org logo on the collar, or a really large piece of lint from the poly knit sport coat?

    I’m relieved to see that Dan is fully hatted. It’s really embarrassing to be partially hatted in the planet clearing job of selling Basics book series to people who have already bought dozens (at $3,000 apiece). Is he bald by choice or because he tore his hair out trying to meet quota? Inquiring minds want to know.

    The Personal Efficiency Course: When I think of Scientology, it’s all about efficiency. If you measure “efficiency” as “percentage of life savings extracted from members,” I think that the cult has some impressive results there. But if you measure “efficiency” as “revenue per employee,” I think Scientology ranks down there with most of the sweatshops in the land, because their organizational structure was dictated long ago by Hubbard, in his fetish for emulating the US Navy’s organization in World War II, surely one of the most monumentally bloated bureaucracy.

    And I particularly love that the fact that this course is based on “the doctrine of the Stable Datum, the most fundamental law of work and living.” The “doctrine of the Stable Datum” is “explained” here, on this page that the cult has thoughtfully published: http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH15_1A.HTM. I read it three times and am not sure I understand it. Apparently, confusion is the root problem of all sorts of unproductive behavior in life. And if you pick just one of the facts swirling around in a situation and make it some sort of magical “stable datum,” whether that fact is actually true or not, then everything else will somehow fall into place and you will suddenly be a genius. Or something. This sounds like the nonsense that underlies the idea of word clearing in “Study Tech,” which pretty much makes smoke come out my ears when I think of it.

    Though perhaps I should not trash the Personal Efficiency course too much, given that the last benefit the flyer claims to impart is to help you master “the rock bottom cause of Exhaustion, with the Scientology processes that return the energy of youth.” Given that I am on the far side of 50, and increasingly miss the “energy of youth,” maybe I’ll give this one a shot… It might even be cheaper than plastic surgery.

    The 2000: All I can think of is some sort of Scientological fantasy about “The 300,” the Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae, but 6 1/3 times larger, since everything Scientology does is larger and better than the original. But wait! The flyer says that the crusade to get 2,000 new OT V’s made is not about super powers for those uber Scientologists who achieve this elite level. It’s “not only about your own spiritual freedom, but that of your friends, family and people you’ve never even met before!” So you had better sign up. You’re clearing the planet and handling crime and insanity. Like the Ishmael family.

    I can’t even begin to understand why getting 5,000 more OT V’s in the world will suddenly tip the theta/entheta ratio on the planet and “reverse the dwindling spiral for Mankind.” What “research” is that based on? It sounds like another example of the “Hundredth Monkey” story, which is a kooky New Age fantasy that if enough monkeys learn some advanced behavior, suddenly, telepathically, all monkeys everywhere start exhibiting that behavior. Turns out this is a complete crock — the guys who wrote the original paper describing an acquired behavior of a colony of monkeys characterized “the hundredth monkey” as an inept misreading of their work.

    So it’s hard to imagine how 10,000 OT V’s will make much of a difference in the lives of others, since reaching that level is the gateway to “Solo NOTs.” That is the practice of spending thousands of hours over the course of years and years holding the “cans” of an e-meter and talking to yourself as you attempt to find enough “body thetans” (aka “dead space cooties”) to exorcise, and then making up enough of a back story for each one to locate “time, place, form and event” needed to make each of these thousands of imaginary critters go poof. So once you reach OT V, the planet which desperately needs clearing won’t be seeing a lot of you while you mumble under your breath and do your best imitation of a crazy homeless person before being unveiled as the cult’s new Super Being.

    Incidentally, given the number of OT’s minted each year at AOLA, which I believe is in the handfuls, I can’t even imagine how far this campaign to hurry up and pack the halls with 2,000 new OT V’s over the next week or two will be. Remember, in 60 years, the cult has produced something like 30,000 “clears,” which is a much lower level on the Bridge to Total Lunacy than the exalted OT V level. So when they’re talking about 10,000 OT V’s as the target, that’s probably 10,000 since the founding of the cult. And the flyer basically admits that after sixty years of trying, they’re only halfway there. I can see why the world is in such bad shape, with only half the quota of experienced space cootie exorcists that Hubbard has determined, through his incredible research, will save us from everything we need to be saved from. Or something.

    • B.B. Broeker

      Wasn’t “10,000 on OT VII” at one point the stated prerequisite for the opening of Super Power? (That said, I remember this past spring, when DM promised the opening of Super Power by the solstice, so it’s not like any of this is binding.)

      • BosonStark

        They shouldn’t open Stupid Powerz until they get at least $100,000 from each member. If a person doesn’t have $100,000, they can still be “in,” by donating at least two children to the Sea Org. It’s not all about the money like people think.

        • sugarplumfairy

          Rumpelstiltskin lives.. apparently lrh pilfered ideas from fairy tales too..

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

      Speaking of stalled projects, I haven’t been by in a few months but the last time I saw the new Philly Org building on Chestnut St. no work had been done and it seems they’re still operating out of their original location on Race St.

    • Bob

      It is actually 10,000 OT VIIs and the belief is that that many people auditing on the level will remove enough residual mental charge to bring the human race toward sanity. OT V is the step before VI and VIII so they are trying to fullfill that quota. Conservatively if they could get that many people on that level at once this could generate from 60 to 100 million dollars just for that org. Sounds like a financially worthwhile activity.

      • Mimsey Borogrove

        What is interesting is the the maharishi and the TM movement believe that 10,000 peiople meditiating daily will bring about world peace. They have a gated /guarded compound in middle America dedicated for this. Maybe if we could get the Moonies on board, and have 10,000 people praying, between the three of them we’ll have the 10K needed to save our collective souls.
        Mimsey

    • Sherbet

      “All I can think of is some sort of Scientological fantasy about “The
      300,” the Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae…”

      All I can think of is “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” something like: Into the Valley of AOLA ride the 2000.

    • Espiando

      Absolutely true about the Chicago Idle Morgue. We Chicago Anons started going past there in 2008, and it was deserted and rotting. We protested and testified at a zoning change to benefit the Scis in 2009 that took place near there, and it was deserted and rotting. I drove by recently, and it’s deserted and rotting. Meanwhile, their little storefront on Lincoln Avenue is rotting, and it’s becoming more and more deserted. I’d like to say we helped to do that, but I’m sure that Dave Fagen and his wife can tell us that it was never successful. You can’t BS a Chicagoan.

      • Zer0

        I heard the anons in Chicago are strong, and the passing traffic all honks in support of their protests.

    • http://twitter.com/aslan2012 Dodman

      I saw a video a few months ago which was an interview with an aged German American (now dead) who was in the Hitler Youth in the 30’s and 40’s. He said that Hitler reckoned he could control the whole of Germany with 10,000 people. Maybe it’s just a coincidence that they reckon that 10,000 would ‘tip the balance’…..

  • Tomato Thetan

    Maybe it’s that it’s early and I haven’t had coffee yet, but that Acceleration Workshop graphic looks awfully phallic. What kind of acceleration are we going for here?

    Proofreading seems better (maybe they’ve developed a new “hatting” for proofreaders?) but WTH is “compartmenting”?

    • John P.

      I am guessing that “compartmenting” is short for “compartmentalizingness.”

  • burythenuts

    Well, It is Sunday!
    This is great stuff.
    Dan is actually pretty cute….nice smile and cute nose!
    Can I have him?

    I have a 56 year old with a really bad attitude I can trade in????
    Really!
    Please?
    I will even buy a book!

    OK. More COFFEE.

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. you ain’t right..

      but seriously, stock up on rice nd beans, practice your bull-baiting and postulate, baby.. He’ll be yours in no time..

      • burythenuts

        Hey woman!
        “Right” is whatever is true for me…………..LOL

  • burythenuts

    An Ideal Org that can handle six million people….!!!
    After all…they do have a planet to clear.

    Uh…I would like to be the Architect that is gonna land that contract!

    Craig and Cassie really need to soften their perspective on big Pharma.
    Come here you two….I got Prozac….come on…go ahead…take some..PLEASE!

    • ermergersh

      Oh, the insanity!

  • Phil

    Cassie looks identical to Craig with a wig on, photo shopped ?

    • sugarplumfairy

      Chicagoland.. Is that anywhere near Disneyland??

      • dagobarbz

        Just north of Zombieland outside Santa Cruz. And yeah Phil, my first thought was they’re not married, they’re related. Good thing they’re waiting for a clear planet before reproducing. People that stupid should not breed.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

      I had the same initial reaction, but I think the photo’s real. They just got an early start on the “couples begin to look alike” trajectory.

      • Phil

        We’ll at least they are not breeding. Something wrong about marrying your twin sister… Pretty sure of that….

    • ermergersh

      Call me Ishmael.

      • John P.

        Yes, both Craig and Cassie look exactly like the narrator, called Ishmael, of that sea-faring novel, the legendary literary classic that defined sweaty male machismo (or, as culties say, the “havingness of machoness”). As I read some of the new comments to this article earlier this afternoon, I thought about that famous opening line, and wished I had somehow found a way to have woven it into my earlier comment. Bravo for your ability to work it into the conversation.

        Now all we need is someone to move from Melville to Dickens: “It was the oiliest of times, it was the worst of times.” Or something.

        • Sandy

          I love you, John P

        • ermergersh

          “It was the MEST of times, it was coerced funds times.”

          • John P.

            Nice. I would tweak just a little bit to get the rhythm on the second part right: “It was the MEST of times, it was coercive times.”

            I was just wistfully recalling that there hasn’t been a really good oiliness table comment in a while, so I hastily tossed my comment out there. Thanks for coming up with a more cleverly appropriate effort. But we need more oiliness table jokes.

            • ermergersh

              Nice improvement, J.P.. Dickens is rolling over in his grave, of course, but it gave us a momentary chuckle, so he’s probably resting comfortably now.

              I’ll leave any oiliness table jokes to my friend Ollie Ness, owner and manufacturer of Ollie Ness Tables and Accessories.

  • http://www.facebook.com/VictoriaPandora Victoria Pandora

    I just always hang up at the ties. It looks like someone fashioned some sort of Velcro and toilet paper contraption that you just stick the end of a piece of fabric into. Were the SO members using ties as nooses? Suicide is SO out PR/Enemy Line!

    • sugarplumfairy

      We have a planet to clear.. No time to waste tying ties..

    • Zer0

      The ties are awful. But where is the cape they are supposed to wear?

    • Semper Phi

      And they really do look like nooses when they are off, because they are
      *zipper* ties. That’s how they get that perfect arrangement of the black
      tie with the colored knot.

      • Sandy

        Semper Phi – how do they work?

        • Semper Phi

          They are like the kiddy ties, only man-sized. The knot stays tied above the wide front part of the tie, but the back is a loop with a zipper in it, with the top of the zipper behind the knot. You unzip it, put it over your head like a necklace, then hold onto the knot and zip it up into place. I loved having them for my son (when he was little and I could still make him wear a tie), but I thought it was hilarious when we staffers all got our “ideal org” uniforms, and the guys had these big-boy zipper ties.

          Oh, and John P, the thing on Dan’s collar is a small Scientology cross pin, which is standard issue for all ideal org uniforms.

          • John P.

            Thanks for clearing up the smudge on the collar. It looks so… classy.

            • Semper Phi

              And there’s even a special hole on the shirt collar (at least on the women’s shirts) for you to stick the pin through. It’s like a little round buttonhole, so everyone gets their pin put on in just the right place, and it doesn’t ruin the collar. I didn’t think about it much at the time, but that’s just a little control-freaky…

            • John P.

              Actually, I think police and fire uniform shirts have something similar for name tags and badges. I don’t think it is as much control freaky as it is practical. And it ought to be even more practical because the $50 per week they take in doesn’t buy a lot of cheap $25 poly cotton blend uniform shirts. So it would be embarrassing if their collar pins punch so many holes in their shirt collars that eventually they look like Swiss cheese. This way, with the little holes for the pins, they only have to worry about wearing the shirts for so long that they eventually become translucent as the cotton pills up and goes away in the wash and all you’re left with is a fine polyester mesh that shines with an unnatural sheen.

              Fortunately, we in Global Capitalism HQ have our own little uniform (blue striped or plaid Ralph Lauren shirt, khaki chinos and boat shoes) which is all cotton and thus doesn’t have the problems of cheap poly/cotton blends. And we don’t have to wear name tags or funny little bits of logo jewelry on our uniforms.

            • Semper Phi

              Hi JP, I just found your reply… Actually the ideal org uniforms are made from quite high-quality fabrics.The shirts are substantial, 100% cotton, the suits are fully lined and in a nice wool blend. Even the knit scarves are really nice — a very cosy cashmere/rayon blend.The staff looked way better in them than they did in the cheap clothes they had had to wear before. But that’s the Scn Way, to spend tons on the packaging and still pay the staff $50 in a good week.

  • sugarplumfairy

    “…Extend your sphere of influence to the entire world…” Yah, if the ‘world’ is a call center full of like-minded sci-bullies climbing over each other to legal tenderize the latest raw meat..

    I just wanna slap somebody when I read this..

  • Observer

    You can put your hand down, Dan, you’re not getting my wallet.

    I cannot begin to tell you how happy the 2000 flier makes me. I love cheese, and that thing is absolutely dripping with it. My enjoyment is only marred by the deceptive scam behind it.

  • BosonStark

    Did Dr. Hubtard lecture on the theta/entheta ratio of the planet? I don’t recall Him blithering on about what appears to be a fairly crucial topic in “reversing the dwindling spiral.” Well, math was not his thing, so he was probably confused by ratios.

    What’s the grand significance of OTV all of a sudden? The only tipping point I can see in that level is that while a lot of cult suckers are convinced they must do OTIV “right away” to “keep their gains” (i.e. not run away screaming) from OTIII/Xenu, OTV is pretty much a heretofore unmentioned level. If you reach OTV it’s pretty much a given that you’ll go on to OTVI and OTVII, where you’ll probably be stuck for 10 years, if things go as planned. (They don’t want too many people rushing into OTVIII unprepared.)

    All I know is that if people would just apply the tech 100% “standardly,” this planet would be clear in no time. “No time,” of course, being relative to Dr. Hubtard’s 4 quadrillion year history of the Universe.

    • grundoon

      OT V is the highest level delivered at AOLA. Beyond OT V, you are no longer a stat for AOLA, and your further spiritual progress instead enriches Flag or Freewinds.

      L. Ron Hubbard lectured for thousands of hours on whatever floated through his head. Theta/entheta ratios must be in there somewhere, maybe right next to the Shakespeare sonnets.

      • BosonStark

        Thanks. No wonder OT V is so special there — the very font of planetary salvage I’m sure.

  • burythenuts

    Tony O’s snarky commentary between each flyer is pretty damn good today!

    • thunderhorse1

      For most of my existence on this planet I’ve been a horse but I was a Scientologist last lifetime.
      You know I was a horse in the Civil War.
      I had a lot of charge on that.

      • burythenuts

        What a cool picture! I used to own a horse who looked just like that!
        So how did that civil war thing work out?

        • Thunder Horse

          I was a confederate horse in the Civil War. Whinny!
          Slavery. Neigh!
          Choose your battles carefully. It’s better to lie down and play dead than to try and defend the indefensible.
          I’m a horse. My brain is not imprinted for grammar, but I do the best I can.
          I was a human (and a scientologist) last lifetime, and it gave me an
          opportunity to get some closure on what was a very unpleasant
          experience.
          I dated an African American woman who was, really, the love of my life.
          She was beautiful and very bright, she was a whole world to me, a fascinating world unto herself that never bored me.
          I loved her very much.
          She was from an educated family. Her older brother went to Harvard, and,
          for a while, he was editor of the Op Ed page of the New York Times. She went to Brown, studied semiotics, came to NYC and worked in advertising.
          I got into scientology, and then it hit me: in a past life, I was her horse, and she was the confederate soldier who rode me in the Civil War!
          When I told her, she found it all very amusing. And so did I ….
          Ah, last lifetime.
          I’m a happy horse now, but I see y’all are not very happy with scientology.
          As for me, I’ve learned to choose my battles carefully. I had fun, last lifetime, as a
          scientologist, but it’s not worth defending a group that has done so
          much harm.
          Neigh.

          • burythenuts

            That was a lovely and poignant story TH.
            I am so glad you found closure and are now a happy horse.
            Can horses be Scientologists?
            Or are Ex-Scientologists just sometimes horses?

            • Zer0

              Thetans smart enough to run a human meat-body (as opposed to body thetans) usually chose to be human, but LRH said sometimes if they want to “chill” for relaxation purposes for a life or two, they might choose to be a horse or a dog. So it would be theologically consistent to allow horses or dogs to become scientologists, but they would have to identify themselves as a “smart” thetan taking a break, as opposed to a body thetan who is psyched to get a nice horse body rather than be a rat or a slug.

              And of course payment could be an issue, which is why I suggested a barter system above.

            • burythenuts

              ;) by the way, I am enjoying your posts very much. I am the curious sort and I love to learn new things. And I feel like I just made it thru study tech with an easy “A”.

            • grundoon

              In the Sea Org you can choose the beingness of a horse or dog without even leaving your human meat body, but don’t expect to “chill” for relaxation purposes. David Miscavige will do the ecclesiastical relaxing while Scientologists do the horsing and dogging.

            • burythenuts

              Thanks Grundoon. Really!

            • music8r

              Some people are willing to pay a great deal of money for horse shit, so payment should not be a problem.

            • burythenuts

              Oops, I just realized I skipped the last word. Oh well.

          • Zer0

            Thunder Horse-

            Nice to have you contributing to the comment section! We have a diverse community here including ex-scientologists, indies (intermittently), freezoners, observers, some not very talented trolls (where have they gone?), video game characters, and even a Marcabian Commander. But it’s nice to have a horse around for their perspective. I think your grammar imprinted quite well. On par with a border collie, I would say.

            I’m curious, when you were a scientologist, were you able to disencumber yourself of a proportion of your body thetans? I hope so, because while the E-meter works on tomatoes, it doesn’t work on hides, so most furry animals are out of luck. But mainly, we’re talking horses and dogs. Technically, however, if you weren’t declared an SP in your last life, they probably still have records of the courses you completed, and you could still do some TRs. You’d have to figure out a barter system I would guess.

            Zer0, the invisible

            P.S. I saw a recent medical report that horse bites are dangerous to babies. Is this true?

            Link below:

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8Qn9yzAdHo

            • burythenuts

              Haha, sounds like you all need your own stall…
              Try not to kick each other.
              Getting kicked by a horse can leave a “visible” mark.

          • burythenuts

            Hey Thunder Horse… Do me a kind favor, and Don’t Ever use this AV ever fucking again. Ever!!!
            Please.?

      • Zer0

        You’re doing it wrong. The correct sequence is to be a famous general during the war, then a horse for the next life to mellow out. Or a dog. That’s how generals manage their stress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deanOT5 Dean Blair

    I was in Scientology for a very long time and unfortunately believed all of their hype back in the day. Today, I can’t believe that with the wealth of knowledge and information available on the internet that people are still buying into this load of horseshit. All one has to do is “Google” Scientology L Ron Hubbard, or one of many other key words and you will find the WHOLE truth about this destructive cult.

    Even if someone signs up for a course or buys a book from a Scientology Reg, when they get home and are able to do a little research on the subject they will find out it is something they really aren’t interested in. The internet is David Miscavige’s Waterloo.

    • BosonStark

      It seems like a lot of clams in the Internet age would be interested in a “safe” way to view “entheta,” to examine this “data” and see for themselves.

      About 5 years ago, I thought it was a matter of a few years before new membership in the U.S. and other developed countries would just dry up completely. My reasoning was that that same people who could afford Scientology and were curious at exploring all kinds of kooky, would be the same people who would use the Internet to do these things first. With Scientology, I thought they’d at least be curious about the price list, or the overall costs in such a “bridge to total freedom.”

      I’m interested in a little nutty too, like UFO’s have always fascinated me, even though I read a terribly convincing book three decades ago that debunked all the famous cases. I never joined an organization though. When I got on the web, I still wanted to see all the UFO videos and photos etc., and read the stories.

      So, with Scientology, if clams could move objects with their minds–fine, let’s see it!

      Or, let’s take the OT levels. Wouldn’t most people be bursting with curiosity about what they’re about? Realizing it was taboo to ask too many questions in the cult, the next place to go would obviously be the web.

      On ESMB there’s the story of a woman in college who got involved at the NY Org recently, after seeing South Park’s Scientology/Xenu episode and everything. She wanted to “find out for herself.” The good news, I guess, is that she lasted only 5 or 6 months. She knew where to go to look for information, when they were pressuring her to join staff (she was in college and had a job). So far, I’ve heard of three people who were like this. They knew about Xenu and that many people considered Scientology to be a trap or brainwashing money pit, and they joined anyway.

      Clams’ lack of curiosity is appalling. Their lack of curiosity about what day to day life was like on Hubbard’s ship, serving under him, is unbelievable. The idea that some kid would go straight from the Delphi school to the Sea Org, listening to only the recruiter is outrageous. Duh, why would they like to read about what Sea Org life is really like from the people who lived it?

      Then, receiving these brochures. They seem so far fetched. Six million people in Chicago just waiting to line up outside the Org? Hello! Tom Cruise can’t clear a wife!

      • scnethics

        LOL – Tom Cruise can’t clear a wife! You mention the lack of curiosity and that touches a nerve. I was VERY curious about life on the ship, life in the Sea Org, Hubbard’s day to day life when he was younger, and many other things. I got into Scientology before AOL started sending me CDs, but for many years, I knew that I could google scientology and there would be stuff to read. But I didn’t.

        Why? To borrow an analogy I got from Hubbard (and that I’m sure he stole from someone else), I was in a dark room, and didn’t know the light was out. I believed anyone posting on the Internet about scientology would be lying, so I would be reading lies carefully crafted to drive me away from scientology. This scared me.

        Another thing was that I didn’t know what was available. I didn’t know I could read about life on the ship or view Hubbard’s death certificate, college transcript and documents from his naval records. In a moment of “weakness”, I did a scientology search and happened upon a Freezone site. I read that some quack calling himself “Captain Bill” was offering OT Levels up to OT 36, and I thought, “That’s crazy. He’s certainly making this shit up. How would anyone fall for this?” (ouch) I closed the browser, having seen exactly the sort of retarded BS I was expecting to read about scientology on the Internet. I was listening to Hubbard blather endlessly the very next day.

        That was EIGHT YEARS before I finally heard something on the news that gave me a reason to research Hubbard’s war record, and that’s what started me on my way out. Had I not had a number of bad experiences over the years, I wouldn’t have done that. If I had been in the Sea Org, I’d still be there probably. I count myself lucky!

      • burythenuts

        Whatta ya mean Tom Cruise can’t clear a wife.
        He has “cleared” three of them!

    • http://twitter.com/BradGreenwood2 Bradley Greenwood

      The internet is DM’s Armageddon ;)

  • RG Lvtt

    Dan & I have the same hairstyle. If I had his OT powers I would use them to grow hair.

    • burythenuts

      snorted my coffee…good job!

  • mook

    trailer for Cruise’s new movie has been released. I liked this flick better when it was called I Am Legend
    http://www.deadline.com/2012/12/video-oblivion-trailer-tom-cruise-2/

    • Zer0

      I am very disappointed that I liked that trailer.

      • ermergersh

        $ for Tom Cruise movies =$ for Sci lawyers and acceptance from Hollywood to keep hiring Cruise = your $ will funnel into Co$ = abuse behavior, disconnection, harassment of sci critics, etc. Supporting Cruise movies = supporting Scientology.

  • http://www.facebook.com/VictoriaPandora Victoria Pandora
    • burythenuts

      Well….It is all about the Sunday Funnies….and that is some kinda funny!

    • Zer0

      Wow – that Travolta video is terrible!!!! It already has more than 9000 dislikes on Youtube, LOL!

      At 3:03 Travolta looks very, very creepy.

      • burythenuts

        Imma tellin’ ya it is that “sharpie” hairdo!

  • mirele

    Tony, you forgot this piece of ephemera, sent out by the Weinstein Company to promote “The Master” for Oscar contention.

    Oscar Campaign for “The Master” Sends out Scientology Parody Magazine

    http://www.showbiz411.com/2012/12/07/oscar-campaign-for-the-master-sends-out-scientology-parody-magazine

    • Zer0

      Heh, I learned something from the comments there – a website Aberree(dot)com collects old scientology magazines.

      Here’s a clip from one of them:

      “THE MOST certain thing about Scientology is that no one can be certain what this “Science of Certainty” will come up with next.

      In February of this year, rumors that Scientology would become a
      religion lost their swaddling pantlets and became a full-fledged fact.
      Copies of charters to three organizations, known as the CHURCH OF
      AMERICAN SCIENCE, THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY, AND THE CHURCH OF SPIRITUAL
      ENGINEERING, chartered under the laws of the State of New Jersey, were
      proudly displayed in the Phoenix offices of the Hubbard Association of
      Scientologists. The Church of American Science is the parent
      organization for the three churches.

      The news was received with mixed emotions. Some were outspokenly
      antagonistic to the idea. Some who’d nursed the glories of
      self-determinism since Book One couldn’t subscribe to the new idea that
      the best way to win is to BECOME the enemy. Many from California feared
      that designating Scientology as a religion would classify it with that
      state’s 9,857,385,237 cults.”

  • Dean Fox

    Surely that last flier isn’t offering to get the next 2000 people who arrive at AOLA throught OT V for free coz that’s how it reads. “All you have to do it arrive” and no mention of price; the small print is suspiciously absent though.

    • Observer

      Every Scientologist knows that the suitcase she’s toting isn’t for belongings she’ll need at AOLA. It’s for the cash she’ll need to complete OTV (in large denominations).

  • Bob

    The utter lack of transparency of the ideal morgue fundraising is mind boggling. Lets give our hard earned savings away with absolutely no idea of what it is really being used for or how much is really being used for the correct purpose. I guess that is why so many people bought shares in the Brooklyn bridge. People seem to relish being duped for a “worthy cause”.

    • grundoon

      In this promo they’ve achieved David Miscavige’s ideal of fleecing the sheep without once mentioning money or donations. The indelicacy is concealed by euphemisms. “Move up to our next status” is an action that can be repeated again and again, as the Ishmaels endlessly climb a slope that has no summit.

      The Ishmaels are led to believe that Scientology will use their handsome donation to renovate the new Ideal Org. But this promo is delicately worded: Scientology actually promises nothing about where the money will go. Only vague allusions to Scientological ideals are offered: sane planet, less crime and insanity, clear Chicagoland, raise a family; somehow, it is implied, these have something to do with an Ideal Org. All are mentioned in proximity to the Ishmaels’ move “up to our next status,” while taking care to never directly connect them.

      In fact, the one and only direct result promised by the Chruch in exchange for the Ishmaels’ thousands of dollars, is a step up in their illusory status labeling. Scientology no longer promises even as much as L. Ron Hubbard did in his weasely bulletin, “What Your Fees Buy” (The Auditor #51, 1970) http://carolineletkeman.org/sp/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1035&Itemid=153 … Of course we’ve heard what your donations now actually buy: https://reformscientology.wordpress.com/what-your-donations-buy/

      The Ishmaels should save this promo because the nice photo is likely to be their only tangible outcome of their generosity.

  • sugarplumfairy

    I’m watching my wonderful Oprah and her super soul sunday show.. She has Elie Weisel on.. He just said something that immediately brought scientology to mind.. They were talking about the holocaust and he said something about not being able to comprehend “the otherness of the others..” Oprah didn’t get it.. Neither did I and any abnormal ‘ness’ added to a word gets my immediate attention.. He explained by saying ‘I mean adolph.. his otherness.. I don’t want to believe that his otherness is a part of human nature.. to do what he did is not human.. It’s other..”

    An amazing thought.. And yet, hitler did it and he was human so it must be part of human nature to be so evil.. And godwin’s law be damned but on a different scale, lrh had the same “otherness..” it makes me crazy to read about these naive-appearing people who’ve been suckered into co$ and are actively recruiting more suckers.. Are they victim or predator? Whatever they are, they’re other..

  • Zer0

    I’m sure glad the Chicago Org is offering a “Personal Efficiency” course that will improve my:

    -efficiency
    -job security
    -success
    -control
    -understanding
    -ability
    -energy
    -happiness
    -joy
    -life

    It’s too bad nobody else thought of that before.

    The only thing left on my list now is to learn to turn invisible… maybe they will offer a course on that next month.

    • grundoon

      Twice daily! They pack a lot into a half-day course. How do they do it?

      • Zer0

        They are soooo damn efficient, able, and energetically, joyfully successful in life. That’s how:)

        I wish I learned that stuff in postgraduate school. I guess I figured good grades were all I needed. Now I see how foolish all that “course work” was!

  • http://www.facebook.com/GodShed Shed Deity

    LOL! The insane fucks think their “iOrg” is going to handle 6 million suckers in the Chicago area. :) Bet you the stupid fucks get 6 people to sign up to be rooked and fucked out of every last dime all year.

    • burythenuts

      If it gets too crowded in Chicago they can always send some of the overflow here to my local mission.
      It is always completely empty except for this single old skinny Scientologist dude who looks like he smelled a skunk.
      I wonder if at the end of the day he does the “Hip, Hip, Hooray” to LRH’s picture all by himself?

    • ermergersh

      Do they have valet parking? If not, good luck trying to find parking space nearby to accommodate 6 million. Pretend super powers won’t help find nearby parking in Chicago unless they have spots reserved for imaginary cars for their imaginary people.

      • Sherbet

        They can park on Venus and commute via train.

      • John P.

        Last time I was down in the Printer’s Row neighborhood two or three years ago, I found on-street parking quite easily, as I was meeting a friend for Sunday brunch. Does that mean I am an OT but didn’t yet know it? (I don’t mean to puncture any of the mystique attending someone of my exalted station at Global Capitalism HQ… I do actually drive myself on occasion instead of hiring a limo and driver.)

        • Espiando

          You can always get parking over in front of the Chicago Idle Morgue on weekends. The whole neighborhood’s deserted. Weekdays, that’s a different story.

      • grundoon

        OTs have the knowingness to pack ‘em in tight with a little alcohol and glycol.

        • ermergersh

          That reminds me – I have to pick up some anti-freeze. Thanks for the reminder, grundoon.

  • Zer0

    I hope everyone has read and considered commenting on this recent Tampa Bay Times article, about a Narconon facility wanting to make their scientology affiliation inadmissible to court hearings:

    http://www.tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/company-wants-drug-programs-scientologist-ties-kept-out-of-lawsuit-against/1265187

    • burythenuts

      I tried Z, but my snark kept getting moderated….I will try to chill and give it another go.

      • Zer0

        Srsly? You mean it posts, then gets flagged?

        • burythenuts

          No, mine go straight to mod.
          Maybe I need to be a little more profound and less of an asshole :)

          • Zer0

            I didn’t think it was modded. Maybe you need a certain number of posts before you aren’t modded.

            • burythenuts

              I have posted there many times before.
              I did snark pretty hard at
              PH one day a few weeks back. Maybe they flagged me somehow?
              Oh well.

            • Zer0

              Maybe just get a new username.

            • burythenuts

              Yeah, I will do that in the AM…
              Shit, …it seems to work for everyone else, right..lol.

  • ze moo

    I am rather certain that I don’t want to be one of the 2000 new OT 5’s. I’d have to answer questions like the one Marty Rathbun posted today on his ‘moving up a little higher’ site.

    1. If you are one of the approximately 1/4 of responders who
    noted there are implant stations awaiting us after death, please answer
    the following:
    c) Do you feel an obligation to educate or prepare your fellow beings
    on earth about them, or to otherwise do something about their operators?

    Marty is recruiting for his Space Rangers.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0zOlvaYUnQ

  • 0tessa

    On this sunday, all this promo pieces about money and efficiency, made me realize how the administrative people have taken over in Scientology Inc. Once, a long time ago, the auditors were the most important people, followed by the Case Supervisors. In short, all the technical people. But they seem to have lost since long their supremacy. Now the managers, the stat pushers reign supreme.
    Reminds me of the early days of Christianity, where also once the apostels, the prophets and the teachers were the most important people in a christian community. But soon, after Jezus’ death, they were overtaken by the bishops, deacons etc., who were originally occupied with the administrative tasks (money, housing, food, caring for the sick and poor). And now in the Catholic Church those former administrators are in total control. Even Scientology got its own pope: Miscavige, a former messenger.
    But the soul and the spirit have gone. Only a body is left. May it perish soon.

  • JustCallMeMary

    Dan: 7 year staff veteran who managed to only receive the Happiness Rundown as an auditing service ( which he probably paid for because there were no staff to audit staff), yet which was apparently powerful enough to keep him smiling for 7 years and onward, so he could convince you to be an idiot like him and join staff for no to little pay and exchange. My God! Someone send that guy and anchor!

  • Sherbet

    The Human Rights walk got me thinking about how ballsy it is for the cos to piggyback itself onto a real UN celebration, especially when the cos isn’t exactly a human rights paragon — despite their self-congratulatory braying. This made me think of the cchr, and I found myself reading about the “museum” on Yelp. Here’s the link. Some of the comments are enlightening.

    http://www.yelp.com/biz/citizens-commission-on-human-rights-los-angeles

  • burythenuts

    Ya know! I love Sundays. The bunker always is exciting on Sunday’s.
    Oh, and since it has been awhile …
    Fuck You Davey Miscavige!

  • Observer

    I wonder how long a break the Ishmaels will get before the fund-raising vultures descend upon them again. Their donation had to be fairly substantial for them to get their own flyer.

    • burythenuts

      Yep, probably true

    • John P.

      One could also take a contrarian view: their donation was relatively small, but it was featured because the high end “whale” donors are tapped out, and the cult is now desperately trying to get 20x or 50x the number of low-end donors to come through to compensate. I glanced at the high-end donor list a while ago (the “patronius gluteus maximus” crowd) and most of them are either old enough to retire, their businesses are in bad shape from the recession, or there are other extenuating circumstances (Nancy Cartwright’s 23-year Simpsons gig that pays her $10 million a year is ending and she’ll be getting residuals at a much lower rate going forward), So this could well be part of a plan to try to and develop a new front to keep the Idle Org scam lurching along.

      It may also be that there aren’t a lot of “whales” in Chicago to donate to the Ideal Org scam… just like there aren’t a lot of multi-millionaires in New Haven to fund the Ideal Org build-out there. New Haven is not that far from Greenwich, Connecticut, the richest town in the US, and the must-have zip code for many of my colleagues in Global Capitalism HQ. But you can bet that any self-respecting Greenwich cult member would go to the NYC org. Socially, it just wouldn’t do for the average Greenwich denizen to be seen getting e-metered in New Haven.

      • Observer

        Judging by what Espiando posted, it looks like you’re very likely right, which somehow makes this even worse imo.

      • grundoon
        • John P.

          My alma mater typically ranks within a few places of Harvard on various scoreboards. But it’s not in New Haven. Thus I am neither Crimson nor a (blue) Bulldog. I will confess to something of a bias against Harvard B-School MBA types; some of the most pompous but least capable people I have ever worked with came from there. Some good ones have as well, to be fair, but the bozo quotient is surprisingly high.

          In fact, I tend to laugh at effete Ivy League types in general. I went to a Harvard-Yale football game a few years ago and chuckled when I read the players’ stats in the program. The left side offensive tackle tipped the scales at 210 pounds. At my alma mater these days, the offensive tackles weigh more like 410, not 210, and I bet they could still handily beat anyone on the Harvard line in the 40 yard dash.

          I don’t take the high ranking of my school all that seriously, nor do I feel the need to hide the name of my school at parties (though I don’t want to name it here on the off chance that it could contribute to blowing my cover). That’s because my degrees have laughably little to do with capitalism — not quite “underwater basket weaving” but not that far off. I spent years learning stuff I loved, not getting my ticket punched to get a job at Global Capitalism HQ.

          • Zer0

            Perhaps because they practice grade inflation actively to retain donations in the long run.

          • grundoon

            “I spent years learning stuff I loved” … good choice!!

      • Espiando

        They don’t have the “whales”. We once protested a little shindig of theirs for one of their holidays that they were holding off-site, and the cars they drove were uniformly crap. Most of them wore what appeared to be old clothing, and they had no dress sense whatsoever (lots of brown shoes with dark blue suits). Chicago has never been a great place for the Scis, for some reason. Guess that’s why it never made it past Class IV.

        • John P.

          “lots of brown shoes with dark blue suits.” Yuck. Thanks for that sartorially abhorrent visual. Dismal as it is, it is way better than dark blue shoes with brown suits. One must always look on the bright side.

          • ermergersh

            “Always look on the bright side of life.”

  • burythenuts

    Can I have Dan…I still want Dan…He looks nice and Stoopid…maleable even…come here Dan…

    • Zer0

      He is obviously trying very hard to concentrate his modicum of neurons on clearing this quadrant of the galaxy. Please don’t distract his thetans with your temporal feminine wiles….. We need all his thetanic powers to avoid the near-Earth asteroid, 4179 Toutatis, which will make a near miss (hopefully) in 2 days. Dan- make the Mayans wrong.

      • burythenuts

        .Z, funny…I was just discussing the Mayans with my future ex husband

        • burythenuts

          By the way u r who I think, right?
          Don’t b scared,,,, just answer me!

          • Zer0

            Probably not. Unless it involves secret codes.

            • burythenuts

              It may . I am all about codes!

            • burythenuts

              Z? Can u and I kick a horses ass together?
              We both love him.?
              Love can hurt! And sometimes it SHOULD

            • Zer0

              No, the horse person is someone else! I thought their post was pretty funny, tho

            • burythenuts

              Wha? Serious? Really?
              Kill mr now

            • Zer0

              srsly, that horse person is fricking hysterical- i suspect it is that hilarious guy from New Zealand who made that joke about whales in Alabama a few months ago

            • burythenuts

              Lulz…nope. That is not who the horse is!

            • Zer0

              Well, kudos to both the whale humorist from NZ and the horse person, they are both fricking funny!!

            • ermergersh

              A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course, that is of course, unless the horse, is the famous Mr. Ed.

            • Zer0

              That response seems a little horsey.

            • ermergersh

              Of course. (Of coursey?)

            • Zer0

              Alright, fine… i get it. The horse is reported to be ermergersh, and that makes me unhappy. It’s a new variable, an unforseen uncertainty. The equations must be changed.

            • Zer0

              Must have the spice.

            • ermergersh

              Hey (Hay), I may be a little hoarse because of allergies, but I am not a horse, and I have never been a horse nor have I ever been a Scientologist, which the horse stated to be in one of his/her posts.

              Goodnight my peeps. Peace out, ya’ll

    • Espiando

      Bury, there’s a difference between “malleable” and “obvious lobotomy patient”. Dan is the latter.

      • ermergersh

        Captain Howdy would have referenced this comment with a clip of the Ramones singing “Teenage Lobotomy”. Where is that guy? Howdy, do you have a new moniker?

        • Zer0

          And where is that caustic SvenBoogie?

          • ermergersh

            Also, Poison Ivy?

            • Sherbet

              And MidwestMom?

            • Zer0

              She posted here today, has a lot of stuff going on, but she chimed in.

            • Midwest Mom

              Thank you, ZerO, for mentioning that you saw my post yesterday! It mysteriously vanished from the board for some reason and I didn’t think anyone saw it. Hopefully, it will find its way back to this thread. :)

            • Midwest Mom

              Sherbet, you are so sweet! Thank you for inquiring about me – your comment brought sunshine to my day!

  • Scientology_411

    That poor guy in the Personal Efficiency promo piece looks like he’s exhausted because of constant harrassing phone calls from regges and fundraisers.

    • Observer

      Love the avatar!

      • http://twitter.com/Scientology_411 Scientology_411

        Thanks! It seemed appropriate.

    • grundoon

      When he reads Hubbard’s goofy word salad, he wants to gouge his own eyes out.

  • Nojoking

    New year, same ole story. Promoting the idea of “human rights” from this group while recruiting the youth reminds me of the 1940’s.

  • Sid Snakey

    My heart goes out to Craig and Cassie Ishmael – a young, hardworking couple who are handing over large amounts of money they really ought to be saving for their own family. I wonder what other major decisions they will take in their lives due to the lies they are being told?

    I can just imagine the pressure that was brought to bear on them – I can almost hear the reg telling them it’s the “only logical thing to do”. Craig says “It’s never easy to make the move” – you don’t need to be a genius to guess it’s been financially painful for them to make their donation.

    Yes I understand they are adults, and I know it’s their choice, but to see such a lovely looking couple be manipulated into making sacrifices they do not need to make is heart-breaking.