Twin terrors: Gemini horoscope for October 28

Tony Ortega — Mon, 28 Oct 2019 13:55:28 +0000

Gemini, here’s what the online gurus have for you today, October 28, 2019:

Horoscopes.com: You’re getting laid tonight.

Astrosage: You’re in a pissy mood and your boyfriend is coming down with something.

Astrology.com: You’re a hot mess, and you’re going to get up in someone’s grill about it today.

Cafe Astrology: You can’t make up your mind because Mars and Neptune are only 2.7 billion miles apart today.

Astrology Zodiac: Everyone hates you at work, but you obliviously are convinced you are a rock star.

Astrotwins: You’re hitting rock bottom, girl. Put down the snacks and do some yoga.

It’s hard to believe that these geniuses are all reading the same sky. None of them seem to be taking note that Hesperia and Terpsichore are both in Gemini right now, which means you need to get real about your job and your relationship. As in, dump the motherfucker already and tell your boss where he can get off. Yoga? Do some wind sprints to the bar and make it a double.

Also, consult an actual expert if you want to know what’s really going on in the universe tonight.

Let’s get real: Taurus horoscope for October 27

Tony Ortega — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 14:18:58 +0000

Taurus, here’s what the most popular astrology websites are predicting for you today, October 27, 2019:

Horoscope.com: You’re getting a shitty email today from someone cancelling on you. Deal with it.

Astrosage: Your spouse is going to kiss you today. Take a photo to convince you it actually happened.

Astrology.com: Later today shit is hitting the fan, but consult your gut, which is expanding.

Cafe Astrology: Something significant might happen today, but you’re impulsive so you will fuck it up.

Astrology Zodiac: Things are screwed at work, but you’re about to make everything much worse.

So much for those charlatans. Now, let’s get real: Taurus, here’s the real shock. When you were born, the sun was actually in the constellation Aries, not Taurus, so you’ve been living a lie and you should probably dump your boyfriend and look for a new job as well. Also, Hygiea is in Taurus right now, and that throws everything into confusion. Maybe just turn off the Internet today and go out for a long walk. It’s good for you, and the trees and things actually have a much closer connection to you than some celestial bodies you’ve probably never seen which are millions of miles away minding their own business.

Also, consult an actual expert if you want to know what’s really going on in the universe tonight.

Clear skies!

Real Astrology – The Underground Bunker

Twin terrors: Gemini horoscope for October 28

Let’s get real: Taurus horoscope for October 27