L. RON HUBBARD NICKNAMES
Abominable Showman
Acronym Arsehole
Admiral Assclown
Ai! Perdito!
Bare Faced Mess
Beelze-Bubo
Big Bean
Big Being
Big Scam Man
Bigamist Most Distinguished
Billion Year Asshole
Bloated Bastard.
Bloated Bloviator
Blubbard
Blubtard
Botulistic Braggart
Bovine Bigamist
Bovine Bloviater
Cap’n Lord Hubris
Captain Blowhard
Captain Hubbsurd
Chief of the Lemmings
Chief Sitting Bullshit
Commode Door Crudterd
Commode-door Ron
Commodore Creeper
Commodore Cuckoo
Commodore EL. Run Scurbburd
Commodore Idiotic Gasbag
Commodore Lying Rat Hump
Commodore Rimjob
con ron
Count Drekula
Creepy Uncle Ron
Crimson Creep
Crimson Cuckoo
Crimson Cyst
Crock
Crude Lewd Ignorant Dude
Curse of the Coronados
D’Doo Ron Ron.
Dark Angel of Overboarding
Dark Lord
Darth Father
Dead Carrot Top
Dear Founder (Likening him to the founder of North Korea)
dear old Souse
Death Breath
Dilrod Bumtard
DM’s Sea Daddy
Dr L. Ron Crankenstein
Dr. Hubs PhD (Cough)
Dr. Hubtard
Dr. LRH, Quackologist, MD (Meaningless Designation)
Dr. Pretentious
Dr. Scrubbard
drug-laced psychotic
dumbard
Ecclesiastical Buttplug
El Con
El Drone Hubub
El Flabtard
El Fraud Hubbárd
El Fraud Hubbtard
El Lardo Butt
El Loon.
El Rod
El Romp Blabber
el ron don
El Ron Hippo
El Ron Hobo
El Ron the thetan Satan
El Ron Tub o’ Lard
El Ronillo
El Sum-Ting-Wong Hubtard
El Wretch
El Wretch Hubris
Eldrond
Ella Ache Hubba Hubbhard
Ellaraich Hubstard
Eller H
ElRon
ElRon ElRey
Elron Fucktard
Elron Hippo
ElRonNoughtical
Elwrong
Elwrong Flubtard
Etron (turd) à la Persil
Ever Open Commode Door
Evil ginger
Evil letcher
faiL wrong tubblard
faiL wrong tubblard
Fat Bastard
Fat Boy
Fat Flub
Fat Fraudster
Father of Lies
Fatman
Fatty
Fish lips
Flatulant tub
Fleet Admiral Hubris
Flubtard
Foul Ole Ron
Fraudfather
Freddy Flunk-Out
Ghoul of the Golden Rod
ginger God
Ginger minger
Ginger Pig [with apologies to gingers and pigs everywhere]
Ginger Slugtard.
Ginger-Haired Gastropod
Great Ginger Pig [with apologies to pigs everywhere]
Great Screamer Most Loud
Guru of Garbage
Hell Ron Fucktard
Hell Ron Hublard
HellRH
HellRHubturd
His Odious Olineess
His Satanic Majesty
His Tubby Sackness
His Ultimate Sleaziness
Hub Tubbery Tub
Hubbard the hole
Hubbard the Hutt
Hubbardito
Hubbarf
Hubbastard
Hubbfucktard
Hubbsie
Hubbug
Hubburp
Hubby Dub Dub
Hubby Hippo
Hubby Tubby
Hubcap
Hublard
Hubnoxious
Hubris
Hubtard
HubTub
Hubzilla
Jabba the Hub
Jabbard the Hutt
Jabberhubby
King Con
Klam King
Kookular Pharmacist
L Ghoul Hubbard
L Ironic Hubsurd
L Rabid Wanker
L Ron Humblebrag
L Ron Hyperbole
L Ron Lugosi
L Wrong Hypnofraud
L. Bong Humper
L. Can Hubcap
L. Capitan
L. Con Hubbard
L. Crook Hubbard
L. Dumb Sluggard.
L. Empty Cupboard
L. Loon Hubbard
L. Right Bastard
L. Rock Hubbard
L. Ron Bastard
L. Ron Cthulhu
L. Ron Druggard
L. Ron Fllbby
L. Ron Jeremy
L. Ron Rhubbish
L. Ron Slubtard
L. Ron Teletubbard
L. Ruin Hublurb
L. Rum Hub(belch)bert’s
L. Run-away-from-the-law Hubbard
L. Ruse Scabbard
L. Wrong Hypocritical
L. Wrong Retard
L. Wrong Theta
L.Round Hubbard
L’Umpty Dumpty
La fatty
LaFarts
Laff-able Ronny Tubbard
Laffy H.
Lafreak Ronette Hapablap
Laughayette
Laughayette Wrong Flubtard
Liar Ron Humbug
Liar Ron Humpty
LiaRH
LiarRon Humptydumpty
Lie Run Hustle
Lil Red Hemorrhoid
Lil Red Hullabaloo
Lil Red Hypnotist
Lil Red Hypnotoad
Lil Ronnie Horndog
Lil Ruby Hogswallowers
Lil’ Rubbin Himself
Limp Rabid Humper
Limp Rancid Humper
Little Ronnie Humperdink
Liver Lipped Laffy
Liver Lipped Liar
Liver lips and a sebaceous cyst
Liver-Lipped Prophet
Llama Rectal Hemorrhoid
Logorrhea Wrong Hubbawubba
Long Con Hubbard
Long wRong Huckster
Loonaticus Robyoublind Hugelipicus
Looney Rooney Humbug
Loonie Red Head
Loony Rotten Huckster
Loopy Retched Humbug
Lord High Ulcerator
Lord Hubris of Tilden
Lord of the Floating Ashtrays
Lord of the Lies
Lord Redundant Horseshit
Lord Retinal Hematoma
Lord Ronwald Happablapp
Lord Ruby Hypocrite
Louche Recluse Hubris
LR Tubblard
LreccH
LRH  Wrongo
LRH: The Earl of Babbleon
LRHubdub.
Lronny
Lroon
Lround
Lt Reginald Humperdinck
Lubb-lard
Lubbard
Lying old bag of pus
Lying Racist Homophobe
lying sack of sebaceous puss
Magnate of Magnetic Anomalies
Man with The Duck Lips
Marquis de Fraud
Marquis de Lafayette de Tilden
Master Bastard
Master(bator) Hubbtard
megomaniacal douchebag
Misogynistic prick
Mixmaster
Montana Mountebank
MoRon
Most Solemn Vistaril
Mother Hubbard
Mr Tubs
Mr. Pretentious
Mr. Sci Fi Window Into The Future
Mr. Toad
Narcissistic Ginger Pig
Nookular Physicist
Nubnurd
nucular fisicist
Ol’ Fishy Lips
Ol’ Mother Hubbard
Old Bloviator
Old Fish Lips
Old Scarlett Fever
Old Tubby Hubbard
Ole Windshitter
One Hot Mess
Paranoid Pisstaker
Phat Fraud
Pimpo Novis
Poopdeck Pappy
Pope Asshole I
pseudo scientific evangelist
Ra Ra Ron The Sun God
Rambling Ron
Rambling Ron the Boring Con
Ramrod Ron
Rblubbrt
Rear Admiral Commodore Captain Commander in Chief Cook and Bottle Washer Lil Roundie Habablap
Red Haired Raunchy Ronster
Red Menace
Red Plague
Remedial L. Ron
Robber-in-Chief
Ron Bare Cubbard
Ron boy
Ron Münchhausen
Ron the flunker.
Ron-The-Con
Ron, the Raunchy Redhead.
Ronaldo El Hubbard
Ronmeisterness
Ronnie Fat Boy
Ronniz
Rontard
Rotten Hub
Royal Rube-Ripper
Saint Hubbard
Satan Incarnate
Satan’s Baby
Satan’s Spawn
Scarlet Pimple
Scarlett Jackoff
Scientology’s Souse
Scumbburds
Sebaceous Clam
Sebaceous Sam
Sebaceous Squid
Slubbard
Sluggard
Snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings
Sphincter Tetanus Supremus
Stubbard
Stuppard
Sultan of Swill
TakeTheMoneyAndRon
Telepa-tubby
The Evil One
The Grand Vizier of Vistaril
The Great Hubbardini
the great Hubbinsky
The Hub
The Hubster
The Mad Hatter
The Master of Pablum Foufou
The Tubster
Theta Tomata (applies to all clams)
Thieflord
Tinpot Tosser
Tubbard
Tubber Hubber Man
Tubbo
Tubbo Tublard
Tubbo Tublard
Tubby
Tubby Hubby
Tublard
Tubo’lard
Tubsterino
Turd from Tilden
Turd of Tilden
überputz
Vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert
Wrongald.

http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/1445/2608/original.jpg
From an anachronistic Wanted poster, with Ron as an old time pirate:
WANTED for Vilest Perjury on the High Seas, Publick Thuggery, Promiscuous Rogering & Bigamy:
Captain Bullshytte*
Formerly Master of Ye ‘Royal Scumbagge, now in Partes Unckown
A most Malevolent & Cruel (withal Malodorous) Villain*
L. Ron Sluggarde*
Fornicating Fatso*
Tubbo Toothrotte*
Crappy Commodore*
Saggy-Baggy-Undercrackers*
Terrible Turde-Breathe*
Wouldn’t Knowe ye Truth Even If It crept Uppe & Bit Him On His Bygge Fat Arse
Captain Bullshytte*
Willie Wobblybottome*
El Ronita de Hubba-Hubba*
Mr. Russett-Gussett*
The Bastarde Bigamist*
Old Toade-Face*
Squat, Sordid & Salicious*
Sharke-Mouthed Scamster*
Ghastlie Ginger-Puges*
Ye Plausible Porker*

Good for you Sunny for being so resourceful, sorry you had to be! Sadly we used the free lunch program even when we were out of the SO since our mother “donated” every penny she had to get up the bridge…she had 50 NED folders, and made it up through OT 7 as public, even though we were almost always on welfare…some kind of crazy….they really saw her coming…she was the perfect prey, and my sister and I just got sucked into the vortex. Fortunately my sister and I exited quietly in our twenties, before the hole and abortions etc. My mother never escaped really, by the time we intervened her mind was gone. Such a loss.

Douchbag Club for those who’ve done despicable things
Elena Cardone
Grant Cardone 
Hugh Power
Kirstie Alley 
Tom Cruise 
Tommy Davis

Entries are in order of last names.

Nicknames for Kirstie Alley
Bitch of Boohoo 
Blind Alley – Tiziano Lugli
Brainwashed Bimbo Krusty Kreme the Queen of Denial
Countess of C#nt
Creepy Un Neutered Twat 
Dead End Alley
Despoiler of Nights. 
Dutchess of Dis
fatback
Fudgie the Whale
Hefty Harridan Hussey 
Her Royal Oiliness
Jabba the Hutt
Kaiju Krusty 
Kirstie Alley: Ruiner of Days 
Kirstie Krazy Alley
Kirstie Monster
Kirstie the Hutt 
Krasstie
Krispy
Krosty Olly
Krustapottamus
Krustizilla
Krusty
Krusty Airhead
Krusty Kling-on
Krusty Kunt 
Krusty the blimp
Krusty the Klammy Klown 
Krusty The Snowjob Man 
Lady of Lunacy
Maid of Malevolence
Ms. Bon Bon 
official Apocalypse Sow
Petulant POS
termagant toady
Thar she blows
The Cuntess
The Prima Donna of the D-list
Tweetzilla
unemployed clam cow
Witch of Wichita

THINGS SAID ABOUT KIRSTIE ALLEY:

Things Said About her house in Maine:
Barbie’s Fever Dream House
Barbie’s Worst Acid Trip House of Horrors!
I thought Mattel managed to withdraw all those back in the 70s… 
It’s decorated in cupcake frosting, with sprinkles 
It’s nothing a little bit of pink might fix.
Pept-abysmal 
pepto bismal palace
Pepto Bismo Palace
Pepto Dismal Palace
Puke Palace
The Pink Canker.
You’ve heard of Barbie’s Dream House? Well, this is her NIGHTMARE.

Things Said About Kirstie herself:
An apt quote form “Time Bandits” applies to her – “you’re so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence”
Battlefield Girth
Can you imagine how dumb Kirstie Alley was before she had her I.Q. Increased by LRH’s tech?
It’s widely known that Alley has trouble keeping her mouth shut, even between bites.
KA is so fat, when she backs up, she beeps!
Keeping Scientology Whaling 
Keeping Scientology Whining
Kirstie Alley has an OTVIII level in fried foods
Kirstie Alley: a bleached whale
Kirsty has the ability to pick a fight while locked in an empty room. 
Ruiner of Days, Despoiler of Nights. 
She may have had a silent birth, but she hasn’t really been silent since, has she?
She wrote a screenplay, “CHEER$ – where every reg knows your name.”
She’s so elephant.
She’s very deep. Like a cavern filled with guano. 
That Kirstie, so klassy.
Who needs friends when you have lemurs and lots of food to fill that gaping hole in your psyche?

ANNE ARCHER (Tommy Davis’ mom) 
Nanazilla (Tommy is about to become a father)
the Herman Goering of Clams

Things said about Elena Cardone & her Nicknames 
Doucherin 
Douchess
Elena acts like the day shift stripper who turned tricks at the airport Marriot under the stage name of “Charity” and finally gave the right lap dance/handy to the right john.
Elena Crapdome
Elena No Braina’
Harpy Cardone
indouchian 
Mrs. Asshat 
Olive Oyl
Queen of Douchebags
The Whore of Babble-On
The Wicked Queen

Things said about Grant Cardone & his Nicknames 
Walking Messingil
Ubiquitous douchebag
Uberdouche
The Great Cardonihole 
SquareGrant DouchePants
spavined brain 
postulating pustulant 
Pimpo Novis
middle-aged white dude trying to be cool. 
middle-aged white dude pretending to string pseudo-coherent sentences together 
Mac Daddy of Asshats 
level 47 douchecanoe
King of Douchbags
indouchian
He supplies his own stupid.
He doesn’t brush his teeth. It causes hemorrhoids.
Grant just can’t stop talking about how awesome Grant is 
Grant is Ted Bundy with slightly more self-control 
Grant CONdone
Grant Cardouche
Grant Cardone, sitting president of the Grant Cardone fan club and asshattery.
Grant Cardone, human streptococcus bacteria 
Grant Cardone- Paddling Down the Looping Water-Park Lazy River to Total Freedom in a Gold Plated Douche Canoe.
Grant Cardone is a human bed bug.
Grant acts like the fading frat boy who was bottom of his pledge class, and barely made the cut because he knew somebody. But he’s the loudest, most obnoxious one at the party, he admits to and prides himself on slipping roofies to freshmen, and commits several counts of date rape. Also his personal anthem is “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke
Grant (“neck thicker than head”) Cardone
Fart Cardone
Douchey the Dwarf
Don Cardouche
Chato – Brazilian slang for Completely Annoying
Cardonehole
Always sleazier than you think.
A case of delusional euphoria 
47x Shades of Cray: The Grant Cardone Story

Things said about the Cardones 
Cardones – Kardashians of scientology.
Double Douche
Double Douchebags
douchecanoe
Grunt & Enema Carjack 
In answer to the demand to “Find successful scientology tools”  a Bunkaroo answered, “Heh, no thanks. Grant & Elena Cardone are enough for me.” 
King and Queen of Douchbags
Los Dos Douches 
Pimp and Pimpette
Rant & Enema Carwreck
Runt & Hyena Cartoonish 
Sort of a pity, a douche is a useful product, the Cardones, not so much.

THINGS SAID ABOUT CLARK CARR:
Typical Scientologist comedian: he’s only funny when he’s deadly serious. 
Carr-ion

Nancy Cartwright 
A cartoon like Buddha from a cartoon voice over actress in support of a cartoon-like religion.
Cartwrong
Her Royal Duchess Divine Queen of Valley Muppets
Her Royal Governor
Nancy Bartwright
Nancy Carthorse
Nancy Fart-right
Nancy Not-right. 
Royal Crackpot of the Valley West of the Rockies

Captain Howdy started this explosion of Doggerell about Nancy Cartwright. The * tells who came up with the variation on the last two lines.
She claps like a seal
And hops like a frog 
They call her Nancy
But her real name is God 
*Graham
You can call her Nancy
But never call her Wog. 
*HillieOnTheBeach
You can call her Nancy
“What the fuck?” says my dog 
*Espiando
You can call her Nancy
or “Soo-eee!” like a hog 
*Illinoisian
She’s a zany inspiration
For the poets on this blog.

ChillEB 
Clue-less, with chin ornaments.
Is he the cop from the Village People?
Isaac Hayes ultra-lite
Post-modern Scilon Pimp
Chilli-B
Chill EB
Chilliy-Willy-Jelly-Bean

TOM CRUISE
$cienMan
Couch Jumper
Cruise Misshole 
Davy’s little toy
ElfMan
His Royal Cruiseness
Jerry McGlib
Jerry McGLIBIDITY
Jerry McGullible
Little Tommy Tucker (Ref: Nursery rhyme)
Lord Cruise
Lost Gun
Middletooth Mapother
Midgeteer
Misscruise
Operating Fruit-loop
Peanut boy
Pin-up boy
Running Dwarf
See-Cruise-Crash-Again (Ref: his attempt at SCCA racing)
Taliban Tommy
Tammy Girl
TCSDMCOHB
Templeton (the more he ages, the more he reminds me of the rat from Charlotte’s Web)
The Glib-Meter
The Grand Douche
The Whooosh-ZZZZ!!! Divorcee
Timy Tommy
Tiny Tom
Tom Cosmetic Surgery
Tom Crude
Tom Kat-less
Tom Middletooth
Tom Ruse
Tom Snooze
Tom Thumb
Tom Thumbscrew
Tomboy
Tommy Culty
Tommy Girl 
Tommy Low Tone
Tommy-Dunce
Top Bum
Top Goon
uberdouche
Überthetan

SAID ABOUT TOM CRUISE:
Being associated with Tom Cruise in any way but acting is now considered “Tom Foolery.”
Cruise is the Goebbels of Scientology 
Every time I hear or read the name ‘Tom Cruise’, I think of doorbells…DING DONG!
He jumped the couch.
In the end, Tom Cruise was just another fool. (Will be said at his death or when he blows).
On his movie, Edge of Tomorrow, “Clamhog Day”
The Jar Jar Binks of $cientology.
Tom Cruise Crazy
Tom Cruise is responsible for more sales of Guy Fawkes masks than the movie V for Vendetta. 
Tom Cruise keeps issuing press releases about how he did his own stunts. But so did the people in Jackass videos.
Tom Cruise needs a better script.
Tom keeps no wife passed her 33rd birthday.
Tommy’s Danger Zone is a couch.
When Tom is challenged to defend $cientology, his crickets are deafening.

Tom Cruise Poem, by Hamtaro:
There once was a fellow named Cruise
His family? He liked to abuse
He once banished his niece
Coz she smooched a hot piece
Top Gun sports a mighty short fuse.

TOMMY DAVIS Nicknames and Things Said about Him  Tommy has left $cientology, and got paid off.
Foot bulletman 
He’s Scientology’s Paris Hilton – stupid, irrelevant, yet incredibly arrogant due to inherited wealth.
Leader of Anonymous
Mommy’s Tommy
obnoxious martinet
Pimpo Novis
Tomass Davass
Tombola
Tommy the Tool
Tommybot
TommyDummy
Tommyrot
Tommywanker
Tool Time Tommy

BOB DUGGAN
Walking Messingill

Jenna Elfman
Baby raper 
Bestiality babe *
Elfbrain
Erection killer.
Heavyweight cult intellectual
Horse sex show star.*
Ms. Aids
We could call her an Operating Clam: O.C.
* From her own words https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBcF6IPREW8 A wag described the career of her husband, bit actor Bohdi Elfman, as “Pimp for horses.”

Jeff Pomeranz Nicknames 
Wears his pants too tight.

Karin Pouw
Baghdad Bob of clams.
Delegated Mouthpiece
Karin “Three Foot Pompadore in a dress” Kapouw Suckas 
Karin KaPow
spokes liar
spokeshole

Jaden Smith – Nicknames and Things Said about Jaden was schooled in a $cientology environment. Note: even though he’s a child, his behavior is so outrageous, it bears commenting.
Daddy’s Dreadfully Dreadlocked Douchebag
Fresh Douche of Bel Air
He is an attention seeking missile with no guidance system.
Hollywood über-douchebag brat 
Janoxious Child
Jazzen Smithereen
Just-A Douche
Mini Douchetard
The Bad Tempered Kid Part III
The Karotid Kid 
The Kid No One Wanted To Have Over For Dinner Despite The Dad
Will’s Worthless Wonder Child of Woe

Willow & Jaden Smith – Nicknames and Things Said about
Pufnstuff kids

John Travolta
Heavyweight cult intellectual
Travolta chia-head
Travolting

—————————————————————————————————–
Joy Villa
There once was a gal called Joy Villa
Who wore that orange “dress” – such a thrill-ah
It showed lots of tush, some thought they saw bush
And Dave? He “went off” like Godzilla.

JoJo Zawawi
Gestapo non grata

*From a small Welsh tribe of idiots who sailed to Pagagonia in stone boats.
i was just musing on variants of Shortarse… and Dai Squatbottom (wishful thinking for die, squatbottom!) and his stone boat sprang into horrid being.
“Dai” is the short familiar version (like “Lew” for Llewellyn or “Glyn” for Glyndwr/Glendower).
“Scwatbotwm” is probably how you’d spell Squatbottom in Welsh orthography
**From a poster for a mythical pirate, Captain Blackheart posted by Mark

I am way late in writing a response to this, but your comment was very helpful to me, so thank you.

You’re sweet,t hank you.

But shit! I really wanted to help this person out, and it bounced back to me!

I am a bit late in finding your comment but sorry, it wasn’t me.
P.S. Thanks for all your great posts.

No, that wasn’t me, but now I wish I had seen your comic book story last week!! I must have missed that!!

Touché!

@miss_tia:disqus : Were you the person who contacted me
off-list for the continuation of my comic-book story last week? IF so:
You sent the wrong address! Please try again!