Featured Post

HOW SCIENTOLOGY COERCED A CHILD TO HAVE AN ABORTION: THE LAURA DECRESCENZO FILES

HOW SCIENTOLOGY COERCED A CHILD TO HAVE AN ABORTION: THE LAURA DECRESCENZO FILES

—————- In anticipation of her biggest day in court yet, Laura DeCrescenzo and her attorneys hit the Church of Scientology with 928 pages of new filings —————- Details from 18,000 pages of evidence show how Scientology manipulated a child to keep her working under slave-like conditions —————- A key document describing DeCrescenzo’s unwillingness to have her coerced abortion is missing from the evidence Scientology was ordered to produce By Tony Ortega Wednesday afternoon, Laura DeCrescenzo filed explosive new information in her four-year legal odyssey against the Church of Scientology, submitting 928 pages of new declarations and exhibits in anticipation of a crucial October 23 hearing in her lawsuit against the church which alleges abuse, including allegations that she was forced to have an abortion at only 17 years of age. Key to the new filings is information gleaned from thousands of pages of previously secret files that the church fought mightily to keep under wraps. But on Monday, the U.

Share Button

Facebook

Subscribe to our e-mail list

Scientology Giving this “Internet” Thing a Whirl

Computer_ImageScientology is a very small, if wealthy, organization of probably no more than about 40,000 people around the world. But one of the reasons it garners so much attention, particularly online, is the way it repeatedly has taken on the Internet as one of its chief foes.

In the 1990s, Scientology tried to keep its secret teachings off of Usenet, and tried to crush the people who kept putting them there. It also handed out software to its members to keep them from visiting certain websites with negative information about the church. And to this day, members police each other on Facebook, making sure they don’t accidentally “friend” people who have been excommunicated.

In the last couple of years, however, we’ve noticed that Scientology has been making better use of the Internet, and has been encouraging its members to take advantage of its jim-dandy whizzer features.

And now, with a new “IAS sponsored Scientology Internet Campaign,” the church is ready to join the early 2000s!

One of our tipsters sent over this gem of a mailer, which is intended to pry yet more money out of Scientology members for its billion-dollar slush fund, the International Association of Scientologists (IAS).

We’re looking forward to reading your analysis of it as we spend a day on the road.

InternetCampaign1InternetCampaign2InternetCampaign3InternetCampaign4InternetCampaign5InternetCampaign6InternetCampaign7InternetCampaign8InternetCampaign9

———-

Posted by Tony Ortega on January 2, 2013 at 07:00

 

Share Button
  • 1subgenius

    This will not end well for them.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Nothing Internet related ever does. So…..puuurrrrfect.

    • aussiecase

      This should be fun. There is something called wikipedia. It’s worth a glance.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology_and_the_Internet

    • Anononyourside

      I have to add this. They are briefing members about Internet ads, what does a sycophantic member do when he/she reads the “briefing”? Why, yes, he/she loyally goes to the Internet and searches for, what else, Scientology. What comes up? Tony’s blog, Marty’s blog, Belgium indictments! 1subgenius is right, this will not end well for the CoS!

  • John P.

    For a second, when I read the lead paragraph, I thought the cult was about to announce to its members that it had discovered “direct marketing” via e-mail. In other words, that they were going to begin sending spam to the whole happy Internet world. That would put the cult right up there with other classy advertisers using the same medium, including many clients of the First International Bank of Burkina Faso who have $57,000,000 (FIFTY SEVEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) in unclaimed funds to recover. Or merchants of Russian mail order brides and sellers of “male enhancement products.”

    But I was relieved to see that they were merely talking about Internet advertising. I had seen some more Internet ads, particularly on YouTube from the cult. Let’s look at how much money might have been involved from this triumph of technology-enabled marketing. According to one site (I didn’t have time to dig up anything more definitive, but this is one that reports on Internet advertising trends), about a year ago, the cost per thousand impressions of ads on YouTube was about $10.00 (http://www.tubemogul.com/company/blog/2011/11/u-s-video-ad-cpms-steady-rising-slightly-2/). In other words, about a penny per ad. So the Cult’s claimed 1.139 billion ad views in the US would have cost them approximately $12 million. Throw in another $1 million for the rest of the world, and you’ve got $13 million in Internet advertising. That sounds a bit high, so I’m going to suspect that they made this up completely. I also suspect that they are using much cheaper insertions than highly targeted insertions — the videos where I got cult ads had absolutely nothing to do with Scientology, religion, self improvement or anything else — I got one cult ad when I was looking up a video on a fairly obscure technical subject.

    The numbers are interesting even if completely fictional, because they seem to show where the cult is recruiting raw meat — interesting that Hungarian was one of the biggest in Europe, and that the UK and Scandinavia were not listed. I’m going to suspect that they did not run Spanish language ads in Spain but perhaps in Colombia and select other South/Central American lands where they have an active presence already, given the frequency of times the FleaWinds docks in Cartagena. The high number of Russian ads are interesting given the scrutiny the cult is receiving there, but I think that Russia continues to supply a number of warm bodies for staff in the rest of Europe, given the emigration trend for educated people wanting to leave that country in the last few years.

    I think some of the alleged ad responses are charming, if not likely made up from whole cloth. I particularly found the spelling error and the run-on sentence in the query from Edinburgh to be suspect; most UK citizens are somewhat better with spelling and grammar, even if they didn’t graduate high school. Those seem to be US-style mistakes. I also enjoyed the comment from Tuscaloosa, Alabama (“I want to know more about Scientology. I’ve recently lost faith… and some people on my campus have been talking about Scientology.”). A quick query of “scientology near tuscaloosa alabama” on Google Maps turns up zilch. I don’t even know where the nearest mission would be… Memphis? Nashville? Atlanta? All are over 200 miles away. And I love the idea that people lose their (most likely evangelical Christian, given the location) faith like they lose a matching sock from their favorite pair and go looking for Scientology so casually as a replacement faith.

    But the best unintentional irony comes from New York: “I am interested in knowing if you would have to pay or sign up to attend the Church of Scientology?” Either this is some clever Anon trolling the cult, or it is an utter fabrication. I am sure others can come up with a far more clever response to this one than I, since I’m scurrying off to get ready for the first trading day of the year here at Global Capitalism HQ. I have to look busy because I have to convince management I have had some Really Deep Insights into the meaning of this stupid “fiscal cliff” deal to the greater economy (I’m not an economist) as well as to the industry I am responsible for. Nothing really lasting ever happens on the first trading day of the year, but one has to look the part.

    • http://twitter.com/SnippyH Snippy Haines

      Good luck with your first day back, JP. I also thought Hildegard must have written, all by herself, every comment, something about the peculiar pasting together, of phrases, with commas and all the people who claim to have “heard” about Scientology on the internet even though most of us “see” stuff there. Podcasts?

      Anyway, Russia and Italy – they have 10 times the Narconons of other European countries. Both countries are also extra famous for their mafias, but I don’t know why that should matter.

      There is one peculiar thing about Russia. Replacement therapy for heroin addicts (methodone, etc) is illegal. Most nations, including the Ukraine, claim that people can function on methadone. They reportedly hold jobs, have relationships and families and quit stealing to support their habit. Russia takes a very hard line that replacing one addiction for another isn’t the answer. Maybe they are right to not be pressured by drug companies or maybe they are pressured by other darker forces to keep the opiate market open. Who can say, but the “all natural” anti-pharma approach of Narconon (????????) seems to fit in well. If anyone understands what is really going on there, it would be nice to know.

      • John P.

        Very interesting data point about methadone being illegal in Russia; nice research there! I would doubt that the pharma industry has much interest in expanding the market for methadone sales. It’s long off patent, so whoever makes it is making it by the ton as a generic. It’s one of the interesting drugs where the L- and D- isomers have completely different effects so racemic mixtures are less than optimal. I can’t determine whether a formulation of the L-isomer is subject to formulary patents and thus more profitable; at a guess, I doubt that it is. So standing up to Big Western Pharma is almost certainly not the motivation for the Russians.

        No idea what the actual motivation is. Slightly tongue in cheek: maybe they like Narconon because the sauna treatment is similar to the traditional Russian steam bath (????)?

        • ze moo

          The Russians like the steam baths (Scandinavian type saunas) for hang over relief. The russians have an almost american addiction to ‘spiritual’ and ‘holistic’ medicine.

          They do seem to hate Big Western Pharma though, Boris Yeltsin used to bitch up a storm about not being able to afford heart drugs for his mother.

      • Dee Fogger

        Russia has over 2 million heroin addicts and has been somewhat successful in curbing the importation of Afghanistan heroin. The street price has drastically risen and so has crime by the addicts attempting to feed their habits. This has given rise to the homemade drug Krokodile, concocted with painkillers, iodine, lighter fluid, industrial cleaning oil and other things, and which has shocking aftereffects, such as exposed bones, as it rots the skin and muscles away. Why Russia would ban methadone treatment in the face of this baffles me but I don’t believe it’s because of Big Pharma opposition.

      • Captain Howdy

        No done for the devotchka’s ? They probably think you can cure it with vodka. One time I went to some ole geezer of a saw bones to get a refferal for a detox for dope and he told me to go across the street to Bunrattys (bar) and have 3 shots of whiskey and go home and lay down. Whaddya expect from a country that puts girls in jail for playing music ?

    • stillgrace

      I agree with you about the phony element within the inquiries. I was struck by the irony in the message from some hapless soul in Helsinki:

      “… what should it take if somebody would want to become a member of Scientology Church?”

      Becoming a member of a regular church should only require your devotion, attendance, a 10% tithe, and the occasional cake for a bake sale. In this case, however, it will require absolutely every markka, oops, euro you have, plus your brain and free will. If you really want to to embrace this “church”, there’s a chance it could cost you your life.

      • Observer

        Tithes are freewill offerings, and if they’re required for membership the churchgoer should take a hard look at the church. That’s a sign that there’s something fishy going on.

        • stillgrace

          Tithes should be freewill offerings. I still remember the pressure put on my parents from the Catholic church to give at least 10%, and more for special projects (mostly for buildings). I even remember the special weekly envelopes that arrived for the purpose, and the guilt that permeated the house when there wasn’t anything to put in the envelope that week.

          • Observer

            That’s just wrong. :( It’s one thing to make needs known, but quite another to put the squeeze on. Especially coming from a church with that much wealth.

            • stillgrace

              I think that is one of the ways the church amassed (pardon the pun) so much wealth.

          • Midwest Mom

            What kind of buildings? Was it for that particular church?

            • stillgrace

              Oh, the memories that are coming back! First, there was a huge building project where they bulldozed the current facility (it was a converted barn), and built a brand new church (it was an improvement). Then, it was a rectory and after, a convent. Eventually there was a need for a school, and then the school needed a new multi-purpose room and an “outgrown shop” where people could donate their old stuff. I remember a drive when the church eventually had to have a new roof installed. Then, they bought property, and built a retirement home.

              Thirty years after the main church building was completed, it was completely overhauled, with new windows and marble floors. From the air, the church was shaped like a cross. During the overhaul, the four corners near the horizontal beam were rounded outward to make room for a baptisimal font, a new piano and organ, and new statues.

              I have to go get some coffee … because of this trip down memory lane, my nose is stinging from remembering the smoke of the incense. I am now coughing.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

              Wow! Somebody had an edifice complex! Did you have the same pastor for the entire time?

            • stillgrace

              Same monsignor for about 35 years. He had a huge millstone (four feet in diameter with the thickest chain) installed outside in front of the principal’s office. It had a plaque that quoted the verse about anyone that should cause a child to sin, it would be better if they had a millstone tied around their neck and they be cast into the sea. I visited a few years back, and it was gone. I did see someone there that remembered it, but he seemed embarrassed by the whole thing.

              Seems the monsignor knew a thing or two about some of his colleagues. I guess this was his gesture for not keeping quiet about it. I give him points for that, although the whole millstone thing did give me a few nightmares.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ah, these are the types of reasons why I love being a Deist!
              No buildings.
              No tithe.
              No bake sales.

            • stillgrace

              No nuns. LOL

            • Midwest Mom

              Bury, you just might like my scones. My husband had better watch out, because I’ve had some cute old guys propose to me after tasting them!:)

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Sweet or Savory? And if there is cheese involved….I will propose to you myself.

            • Midwest Mom

              It is a sin to have overly sweet scones. I actually do make some with cheese( different types) and a hint of herbs. I even make “fun size” ones for people counting their carbs and am experimenting with higher protein flour. My mom is diabetic, so she has inspired me to come up with new recipes.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ok, you have officially made me hungry now with the cheese and herb combo!

            • Midwest Mom

              It sounds like you had an over-zealous priest and parish council! You also must have lived in a growing suburban area. The problem was that Catholics weren’t having as many kids after the 60’s, so the anticipated growth for families wasn’t equal to the projections.

              Our local school district is acting that way. They keep building, adding on, and spending money on frivolous things, but they have fewer students than they had ten years ago. They razed the tennis courts to build a second gym for the high school with a balcony level indoor track and there are only about 400 students in the high school!

            • http://www.facebook.com/dianne.lipson Dianne Lipson

              stillgrace, it sounds like you just had yourself an engram!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I can audit that out of her in a simple 12.5 hour intensive.
              That will be $5000.00 please. (After Christmas Special).

            • stillgrace

              what would that be in tacos?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              10000 Taco’s from “Jack in the box” – 2 for .99 cents.
              Special bonus because they are Deep Fried!

            • ze moo

              My only observation about Catholicism is you know the weather is bad when ‘Our Lady of Perpetual Misery” cancels Bingo. Otherwise, they take care of their old priests and nuns, something CO$ seldom does.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

            Here in Philly Catholics would generally be very resistant to a demand for 10% or any suggestion of a percentage they should give.

            • ze moo

              Tithes are very important to Mormons and Islam. You can’t attend to the ‘higher’ religious secrets in Mormonism if you haven’t been tithing 10% and you have to prove the amounts. I am not sure why Islam is so into tithing, but I have read that somewhere. Most Christian religions in the USA may ask for 10%, but they settle for any free will amount they get.

              It was show-and-tell in class, and the theme was “My Religion.” Three
              students stood up at the front of the class. The first said, “I’m
              Jewish, and this is my prayer hat.” The second student said, “I’m
              Catholic, and this is my rosary.” The third student said, “I’m Lutheran,
              and this is my casserole.

            • Midwest Mom

              Ze Moo, that joke was funny. We always tease my aunt about whether jello was invented by Lutherans. :)

            • ze moo

              The pot luck supper is a huge protestant tradition and jokes abound about what denomination brings what item to their dinner. Eat Mor lutefisk….

            • Midwest Mom

              Catholics have pot lucks, too. At my parish, our priest makes venison chili. (He’s pretty lucky getting deer every year, too).

            • Sandy

              Very funny, ze moo … Lutherans up here in Minn & Wisc called that a hot dish. I never even heard of “casserole” until I was almost an adult!!

            • MO Mom

              It’s like the soda vs. pop thing – it depends on where you grew up.

            • Sandy

              Yup, MO Mom. Up here, we take bars to pot luck, not silly other desserts, like cookies. And, our jello desserts contain pineapple and cottage cheese – it’s just the way we roll …

            • Captain Howdy

              Muslims are suppose to give 10% or is it 20% of their income directly to the poor.The Moroccans in my neighborhood that run the Store 24 don’t even seem to remotely mind the stemmers that hang outside, they even let them hang inside when it gets cold and give them coffee and food. Everybody else is “get a job !”.

            • ze moo

              I misspoke, Tithing is not one of the five pillars of Islam. Charitable giving is the third pillar.

              Zak?t

              Zak?t or alms-giving
              is the practice of charitable giving by Muslims based on accumulated
              wealth, and is obligatory for all who are able to do so. It is
              considered to be a personal responsibility for Muslims to ease economic
              hardship for others and eliminate inequality.[11]
              zak?t consists of spending 2.5% of one’s wealth for the benefit of the
              poor or needy,like debtors or travelers. A Muslim may also donate more
              as an act of voluntary charity (sadaqah), rather than to achieve additional divine reward.[12]

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

        Many churches don’t even require a 10% tithe, but settle for a free-will offering that the person can afford.

        • Midwest Mom

          I have never gone to a church which had a required tithe and I’ve moved around (I’ve belonged to 13 parishes over the years) and I’ve never had any pressure to donate money. We just pick up a box of envelopes in the vestibule if we want to use them, but a lot of people just put a few dollars in the basket. It’s never been a big deal.

      • DeElizabethan

        The tricky part is they offer you a free 6 month membership and so you can buy courses etc that’s the hook. After that you are hounded but they have a better chance since you have already have begun their mind control.

    • Observer

      My favorite is the 16-year-old who wants to know how best study and apply Study Tech “to improve my condition as a high school junior currently”. It sounds like it was written by someone who has never seen a high school junior in his or her life.

      • sugarplumfairy

        I can’t help but wonder about any real queries they might have.. I’d pay good money to see some of them.. I bet they’ve gotten some truly entertaining ones..

        • Midwest Mom

          I’ll bet a lot of them are about Xenu, especially since that entertaining South Park episode aired and it has been seen on You Tube by many more viewers.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        And yet this “kid” already had the basics and the lectures?
        Hmmmm….

      • stillgrace

        The use of the word “condition” is highly suspect.

        • Observer

          Yep, that jumped out at me too.

      • aussiecase

        That one appears to be BS. The person is either made up, or the family is scilon.

      • ze moo

        Sounds like a ‘chairman of the board’ type.

      • The Dakini

        When the Jr. in High School used the word ‘applicable’ in the correct form, I burst out laughing. What a line of BS.

    • Ciruu

      “interesting that Hungarian was one of the biggest in Europe, and that the UK and Scandinavia were not listed”

      The flags relate to languages so UK would be included under the USA flag, though all the figures are probably made anyway.

    • ze moo

      Hildegard’s emails do sound like the NIgerian email scam.
      http://j-walk.com/other/conf/

      Grammatical errors: What’s the optimal number?

    • Poison Ivy

      “I particularly found the spelling error and the run-on sentence in the query from Edinburgh to be suspect; most UK citizens are somewhat better with spelling and grammar, even if they didn’t graduate high school. Those seem to be US-style mistakes.”

      Yes, John P – and also, suspiciously like the atrocious grammar and wording in the IAS missive.
      LRH and that study tech – can’t beat it!

      • Andrew Underhill

        Spelling errors – centre and ceremonies

    • Deckard__Cain

      JP, I love that your first instinct is to dissect not only the source of the ‘attestations’ by methods of spelling errors (among other obvious clues) but that you analyzed the potential unit costs for these advertisements. I had visions of cost accounting rules that gave me headaches and anxiety attacks during exams.

      My first thoughts with this story were just how many of the 1,139,000,000+ so-called advertisements that actually crawled across my own screen while watching the various YouTube videos from Magoo, Mark Bunker, et al. I’ve watched a lot of videos and had a LOT of advertisements from Scientology on my screen (and “a LOT” is a very specific GAAP standard, by the way). I mostly watch videos from Steve Haasan and Margaret Singer because they are long, interesting, and academically sound.

      So I’ve had XenuTV, and Magoo splashed on my screen mostly with Scientology advertisements attached over the last year. I usually have them going on in the background while working, I’m that strangely interested in anecdotal and academic lectures on cults and the psychology of cults.

      I’m not sure what percentage of these so-called ads that actually reached someone that was also not watching an anti-Scientology video at the same time. That would be an interesting study on numbers!

  • BosonStark

    “Let me know who you are going to help move up to their next status, especially Crusader and above.”

    Why? So they can send in a team to put more pressure on the sucker because their “ruin” has been located? “Crusader” status is $10,000. They want people to feel guilty about being lowly “Sponsors” — Sponsor = $6,000.

    I’m going to help everyone in China move up to Crusader status, because I shop at Walmart.

    They’ve got the right idea though — have entire families and networks of friends squeezing each other to “up their status,” to the IAS and this pimple is going to burst within months.

    As far as their ad barrage, besides the few suckers it may draw in, it’s also serving to annoy and inform more people about Scientology and how creepy and pushy it is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deanOT5 Dean Blair

    Some of the “Recent reaches” posted above seem to be penned by the Scientologists themselves rather than “raw meat.”

    The promoting of raising your status by contributing more money to the IAS is shameful.

    I am guessing that David Miscavige, in trying to spend less on promotion, decided to create websites on the internet rather than spend the money in the television media which is much more costly. From my understanding, the Scientology web sites are not getting as many hits as the Ex-Scientology websites.

    • Ciruu

      I’d say all of them were made up by Scientologists. Real people wouldn’t talk like that.

  • sugarplumfairy

    Boy, they like their numbers..

    Well, now that co$ has decided to embrace the http://www., I think they’ll really find it helpful.. More stats to harangue the worker bees over.. And you can search anything.. For instance, I googled “4th dynamic engram” and was instantly able to figure out what fantastical cause they were using this time to bilk the faithful..

    http://suppressiveperson.org/spdl/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=265&Itemid=62

    • BuryTheNuts2

      They do obsessively love their numbers. The always sketchy and um….lets say, “creative” math is so much fun to play with when you are bored.

      • Sherbet

        You know what they say: Figures lie, and liars figure.

        • Midwest Mom

          My figure was lying when I was trying on dresses for Christmas!

      • Dee Fogger

        Whenever I see their astounding statistics I picture Buzz Lightyear “Too infinity….and beyond!”

  • Midwest Mom

    I’m surprised the Co$ hasn’t used the now familiar, and annoying, spam on comment boards such as this one: “My stepmom’s neighbor’s son uses the internet to rid the earth of S.P.’s by working for only a billion years and making over ten cents an hour! You can too! Click computercorps/sea/dot-org”

  • Cheshire

    So now the cult is doing reacharounds via internet?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

    Like John P and Snippy, I found the “reaches” suspicious. “Silver Spring” recently discovered Scientology but already has a full set of basics and lectures? And what high school junior (even one getting C’s and D’s) who is acquainted with the English language would write “How does someone join, this I am just curious about?”

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Yeah, I think we are calling a collective BullShit on the “reaches”.

    • Midwest Mom

      Well, it’s pretty easy to believe that being in a cult would lead to poor grades and would lead to horribly written fake testimonials.

      Here’s one I would like to see: “I have seen how successful and happy Tom Cruise and John Travolta are because of Scientology. They are obviously very intelligent and respected by everyone, not to mention are also great parents. Can the tech work for me like it works for them? Please send me all of your helpful information and a payment plan, too!

  • Sherbet

    The flyer and the questions are phrased awkwardly. Same author? Hmmm….Ya think?

    • Midwest Mom

      It’s a lot like the people who fill the internet comment boards with propaganda. You’ll see the same misspellings and poor grammar, but different socks. Have you noticed that their new favorite word is “haters”?

      • Observer

        Scientology: invented by a hack sci-fi writer, yet always years behind everyone else. lol!

        • Sherbet

          New slogan:

          Scientology: Now embarrassing itself via the Internet!

          • Midwest Mom

            Louanne deserves a special award for drawing negative attention to her posts. The first time I read one of her kooky comments was on the Hollywood Reporter website. It was so ridiculous that I showed other people and we had a good laugh over how it was obviously a Scientologist propaganda post. Even when she uses a different sock, you can tell it’s her – she is hysterically awful at her job.

            • Sherbet

              I noticed Marcotai popped up again in a recent post.

            • Midwest Mom

              Really? Where?

            • Sherbet

              It was in the past 4 or 5 days. I’ll look for it (if you mail me a scone).

            • Sherbet

              Sorry, can’t find it. Did anyone else see a post from Marcotai in the past few days?

            • ze moo

              Marcotai posted the Capt Howdy notice above in the ‘You might be in a cult” story.

            • Captain Howdy

              MARCOTAI Semper Phi • a day ago

              Well, what are “adverbs” and “adjective’ then if not just ‘modifiers’?

              LRH was truly a genius.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Sweet, that is it!

            • Sherbet

              Thanks, Capt.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

              So LRH showed his incompetence with grammar as well. By just using the term “modifier” he totally ignores the fact that adjectives are modifiers of nouns and adverbs are modifiers of verbs. What other topics are covered in his “New Grammar”? This may explain the strange sentence constructions in the “reaches”.

            • John P.

              Gerard, here’s some of what Hubbard said about “The New Grammar:”

              Grammar is established by common usage and forwarded by writers. It got into a very dark eddy of a very dark river when it fell into the hands of the professors.

              In other words, we, the people, invented grammar and it has been hijacked by elite professors who bludgeon us with it to prove to themselves how much smarter they are than the common folk. Just like the “psychs” took the study of the mind away from the average shmoe and turned it into an elitist pursuit until he, Hubbard, in his Promethean generosity, gave it back to the average poltroon.

              Apparently, rejecting actual common sense grammar rules that make one sound erudite and thoughtful can transform one’s life:

              Further, he pointed out that written and spoken communication was not invented by grammarians, who had turned the subject of grammar into “a study which belongs in the hands of the professors.” No, he said, “It is obviously a use which belongs in the hands of the users.”

              And to place it back in the hands of users, Mr. Hubbard undertook a number of highly innovative measures, starting with that redefinition of grammar as something one uses, not something one studies. Among these measures was the stripping away of ambiguities and the elimination of the arbitrary distinction between various types of modifiers. As both adverbs and adjectives have the same function, which is to modify, they became simply “modifiers.”

              In short, in this extraordinary work, Mr. Hubbard clarifies the entire construction of the language and shows that grammar, when it is understood, is something one uses to facilitate and enhance meaningful communication. Other than that, he points out, it had no other useful purpose.

              There is yet more to this remarkable course which has not been mentioned. For example, the very first step taken by the student on the Key to Life is a special auditing action that is unique to this course and found nowhere else on the Bridge. The results are spectacular. After this powerful auditing, one finds an individual with renewed certainty and unshakable stability.

              Similarly noteworthy, after gaining an understanding of basic words, and with a firm grasp of grammar, the student examines in great depth “The Factors of Scientology,” L. Ron Hubbard’s concise and beautiful summation of thirty years of research into the human spirit and its relationship to the material universe. From these fundamental truths the student gains a profound understanding of Scientology and what it means to be a Scientologist.

              That’s from http://www.whatisscientology.org/html/Part03/Chp11/pg0228-a.html. So apparently, when you take the Key to Life Course, you find that speaking correctly actually robs you of your eternity. So this means that people like the Internet troll Louann, and even David Miscavige himself, are the biggest of Big Beings, because they consistently mangle subject-verb agreement, drone on in run-ons, confuse possessives for contractions and all the rest.

            • Captain Howdy

              He was right. Who needs rules of grammar when you have telepathy ?

            • Midwest Mom

              It would still matter, even with telepathy.

              I was just thinking about alleged OT powers. If OT’s use telepathy, do they fundraise by having telepathons?

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gerard-Plourde/1127841398 Gerard Plourde

              Interesting. Once again he creates a tool to dull members’ ability to reason or to think in an orderly, logical manner. No wonder it takes refugees from Scientology so long to recover.

            • Bob

              Having done this course I can tell you in no uncertain terms that you become a top notch student able to study anything and everything and are able to tackle the most difficult subjects with alacrity, and your IQ goes up at least once a month as you digest and assimilate more valuable words gleaned from books and lectures you must slavishly read in order to the seek the elusive knowledge that is waiting for you just over the horizon. :-)

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Now see, just last night you said something about rain down a storm drain….
              Me thinks it’s about time…
              For another rhyme.

            • Bob

              I really like your sense of humor. The simile was written without thought of rhyme but I have written poetry for many years. Did you see the poem I posted regarding the “suppressive persons policy”?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I don’t recall that one Bob?
              When did you do that one? How did I miss that?
              I don’t usually miss much…

              I was thinking back to your awesome poem on disconnection from a couple of weeks ago.
              That was way cool.
              Nice work.

            • Bob

              Yes, the disconnection poem. I just did not remember what I called it. For some reason that day I was particularly moved by one of the many unjust disconnections that have occurred and that came flooding out. I think that art is the best method of exposing injustice and truth that needs to be known. The church uses it for motivational propaganda and I find it disconcerting to see music people exploited to push the church’s fundraisers in particular.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ah, much wisdom regarding “Art” and its use as a weapon against injustice. (weapon may have been a poor word to use..but you get my drift)

              Well,… even Midwest Mom was impressed with your poetic skills.
              Hope to see more from you Bob.

            • Midwest Mom

              Fo shizzle. My boy Bob is smooth with the rhymes and that’s the stone cold truth, B. I read his poem as a rap- it was solid, holmes. The dude is s – m – o – o – t – h . :)

            • http://www.AlanzosBlog.com/ Alanzo

              LOL!

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Damn it man,…I had to word clear “Poltroon”!

            • dagobarbz

              Then I shall not say the fewmets have hit the windmill!

            • ze moo

              At times, Lron was a sneaky bastard. If you define the language, you can control how people think. Scino speak is the same as George Orwells 1984 new speak. Lron was many things in his day, but he wasn’t original.

            • Cheshire

              We should take back medicine from the fancy-pants surgeons.

              Why call it “septic shock” when it’s just a “nasty infection?”

              Why call it a “cholecystectomy” which it’s just “getting the gallbladder out?”

              Clearly, cutting on someone doesn’t require such flowery language like “hemostasis” and “aseptic technique.” Bring back amateur surgery for the masses to enjoy!

            • ze moo

              Where are the Filipino psychic surgeons when you need them?

            • Observer

              All that sounds to me like sour grapes from a washed-up second-rate writer who was left in the dust by better and more intelligent authors once the pulp sci-fi era ended.

            • http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/ nobs

              The Key to Life Course is one more way the poor suckers are manipulated and programmed. It is truly horrifying what that course requires of a person: in addition to ‘clearing’ the “grammar” book, another of the tortures is going through a really fat book called Small Common Words, like ‘a’, ‘the’, ‘to’. The student must ‘clear’ every word and every definition of that word. It takes a very long time and is extremely tedious. People do the course in pairs — called ‘twins’. Each must get the other through all the BS and each must get a 95% on the test or they both go back and re-do everything. Key to Life has it’s own site…Keytolife.org.

              And if that’s not bad enough, the ktl course is a package deal with another long, drawn out, ridiculous re-working-of-your-entire-life called Life Orientation Course. They are sold together.

            • Deckard__Cain

              This explains so much. In the backwards-land/everything-is-a-lie world of Scientology the dichotomy of No Rules (‘what is true for you is true for you’) and ‘every minute of every day has a rule’ (billion year contract for SO) no wonder it takes years to undue the craziness.

            • Dee Fogger

              Poe’s law in effect – I thought that was sarcasm / joke about LRH being a genius. You mean that was meant seriously?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              “If” it was Marcotai?
              Have you ever heard our Marco be so brief?

      • stillgrace

        “Haters” has been used lately here, by someone who must not be named.

        • BuryTheNuts2

          ssshhhhh

          • stillgrace

            Is “sockpuppet” one word or two?

            • Midwest Mom

              I always use two, but I’m not an expert on internet sock puppet spelling. I didn’t even know about that term until this past summer.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              I have started to find sock puppets entertaining….
              They are like riddles wrapped in an enigma.

              Like playing a challenging and fun word game….

            • Midwest Mom

              “You are just jealous that you are not the biggest star ever in the world and aren’t the best parent in the world like Tom! You are just a hater who lives a sad life in your pathetic $10 an hour job! You are also a bigot!”

              This particular poster also brings up the inquisition and “required tidings in buckets by catholics”. (sic) in posts. I had a good laugh about the “tidings in a bucket”.

            • ze moo

              “Singing tidings of buckets of joy, buckets of joy, singing tidings of buckets of joy” My favorite Christmas carol….

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Oh the Lulz!

            • stillgrace

              Enturbulator!!!!

            • Midwest Mom

              I have a good gig going with Big Pharma, the APA and the AMA. I get medical, dental, and a sweet retirement plan, plus all of the psyche drugs I want. I’m doing pretty well trolling the vet blogs “suggesting” meds for hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs (arr arr) and aquarium fish.

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Sounds like a great gig Mom.
              Some times those mean and evil psych’s and those big pharma drugs are just the ticket!

            • Sherbet

              I thought you were making up that post and was about to congratulate you on your sense of humor….and then I realized you were quoting somebody. Yikes!

              BTW, I, too, am Catholic, so pass me the bucket so I can put my tidings into it.

            • Midwest Mom

              People Magazine’s articles about Tom on the web have the puppets busy around the clock.. I think it’s funny how whenever someone brings up L.Ron Hubbard and Scientology they always attack Catholics. Do they not know that people of other religions, beliefs and Christian faiths also consider Hubbard a conman/psychopath cult leader and disagree with the Co$’s beliefs and practices?

              I especially love it when they claim to be a different religion and you can tell that they aren’t being truthful. One time someone mentioned “mess” (instead of “mass”) when they were pretending to be Catholic. More lulz.

            • stillgrace

              When they agree to make Midwest Mom the new pope, I’ll think about putting something in that bucket.

            • Midwest Mom

              I want to be the mother of the pope. I would absolutely love to drive the pope-mobile. I was up close to the one Pope John Paul II rode in when he was in Detroit (I also took the worst photograph of him ever when he looked right at me and waved from just two feet away and I was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm) and those wheels are pretty cool. I will race around the Vatican City “Starsky and Hutch” style and I’ll bet I will always get the best parking spots. It’ll be sweet!

            • Observer

              Good grief, is OSA recruiting 12-year-old girls for sockpuppetry now?

            • sugarplumfairy

              Tidings of comfort and joy? In a bucket? Of ice?? Yay.. Sounding good to me..

            • Cerulean Blu

              What about “reacharound?”

        • Midwest Mom

          Haters gonna hate! Off topic, but I just thought of something that made me smile. Wouldn’t it be a hoot to hear Micavige and Cruise play the game “Password” with non-Sci’s? Can you imagine a “Scientology Password” version?

          The word is “floof”

          • Sherbet

            I’m laughing out loud and picturing Allen Ludden hosting Celebrity Password.

          • http://www.AlanzosBlog.com/ Alanzo

            Goof the….

            That ones easy!

            • Midwest Mom

              Not for a non-sci, though. :) If you used “Goof the…” to the average American Jane or Joe, they would never come up with “floof”.

            • stillgrace

              Only one word clues allowed.

          • stillgrace

            I had to look up the game rules for Password, however, now that I have, that would be a hoot. Can you imagine trying to come up with a one word clue for “engram” or “wog” or “condition”?

            • BuryTheNuts2

              scar, normal, status

              Thats all I got.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Eckert/100002715429426 Robert Eckert

              How about “havingness”?

    • http://twitter.com/media_lush media_lush

      This is so obviously written by the same person throughout. The awkward style screams basic level education scion…. oh, and in Edinburgh “center” is spelled centre and any UK English spell check catches the wrong spelling (it did here when I used the er spelling).

      Pwnd, lol.

      • Sherbet

        I just figured out that Yoda is, in fact, the Silver Spring Maryland high school junior: “Learn much, I wish to do (currently).”

  • http://twitter.com/BradGreenwood2 Bradley Greenwood

    There will always be fools. In that regard, I doubt Scientology will ever fully die.

    • Cheshire

      At the core of every major religion there are certain compelling beliefs, however fanciful, that appeal to a variety of personalities. With Scientology, it’s space cooties. Thousands of spirit lice. Doesn’t exactly have a broad appeal. Body thetans are the embarrassing core of scientology, right there with its embarrassing founder.

  • Athena

    Wasn’t there a woman back in the late 90s who committed “sporgery”, whereby she “forged” other people’s identity to open fake email accounts in order to “spam alt.religion.scientology so that she could overwhelm that website? I think if you google “sporgery” you’ll learn about it. From the internet, I learned that she fled the scientology-equipped apartment when she heard that the FBI was closing in. Did they ever catch up her? Does her conscience ever bother her or is she too far gone into scientology to have a conscience and realize that identify theft is a crime? Is she still spamming the internet, now that scientology encourages the use of the internet? For someone who thinks she is that “tech savvy” doesn’t she realize that everything that she puts out in the internet is probably there forever and ever?

    • Captain Howdy

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporgery

      Was it Barbara Schwarz ? lol

      • Athena

        Nope. I think her nick was Lizzyapple.

    • http://www.facebook.com/dianne.lipson Dianne Lipson

      Didn’t they use Tory Christman for this purpose and it made her wake up and leave COS?

      • dagobarbz

        Tory was indeed a volunteer. Unfortunately, her position put her in close contact with SPs. We brought her over. Well, not me. I was having too much fun chewing on her on Usenet.

      • Athena
        • sugarplumfairy

          I’ve never seen that.. Thanks for that..

  • Ciruu

    If I’m not mistaken*, that Hungarian flag is their WWII version. We should probably be grateful that German wasn’t one of the top-10 languages!

    * Not that it would be the first time of course.

  • http://twitter.com/SnippyH Snippy Haines

    “Internet” – in quotes – hehe

  • jensting

    “The 4thDynamic engram” – eh? It could be what OSA is meant to do (they of the motto “We Audit the 4th Dynamic”), but since they’re by and large failures at everything, this is not sufficiently precise to allow me to narrow it down…
    Oh, and adding a space between 4th and Dynamic may be “correct” – as far as having rules for writing nonsense goes – but gets me nowhere nearer the solution.

  • Mat Pesch

    During the 1990’s I would estimate about 80% of Sea Org recruits came from either South America, Russia or Hungary. Another 10% came from children raised in Scientology families and were subjected to information control
    their whole life. The 80% had very little knowledge of Scientology but were promised the moon and saw the Sea Org as a opportunity. The dream turned into a nightmare and these people returned to their countries and warned others. Recruitment, once again became VERY differcult for the Sea Org. I think we will eventually see Sea Org recruiters paddling canoes down the Amazon River trying to find someone so cut off from the free flow of information that they might be conned into signing a billion year contract to be a controlled slave.

  • ze moo

    Nostradamus has listed the coming signs of the cultpocalipse.

    1. Scamatology doesn’t pay its bills. The CO$ is effectively bankrupt in Norway.
    http://www.xenu.net/news/20120610-Insolvent.html

    2. Norway has a population of about 4.5 million. Sweden has 9.5 million and Denmark 5.5 million. Copenhagen is for some reason an important CO$ site, must the danish pastry. If you are doing advertising in native languages, you would first write them in Swedish and then Danish. That is where the audience is located. The official language of business in Norway is English. As Scandinavian nations have very good schools, speaking English is very common among <70 year olds. While you can get some of the coverage of advertising scamatology in English, you do miss the personal touch of using the local language. I have relatives in Norway and I have visited there many times. I have never seen a Coca Cola or hemorrhoid cream ad in anything but Norwegian. If you want the locals to believe that you care enough about them, you use the local language. The CO$ is just too cheap and insolvent to really dial down their ad campaign.

    3.The RTC used to spend huge amounts of money on copyright lawsuits. The indies should (not that I wish it) be in court every day of the week defending themselves from CO$ copyright infringement suits. I have not heard of any recent CO$ copyright lawsuits. The CO$ can't even pay their long time private investigators, unless the former employees start talking publicly about their service to Miscavige. Debbie Cook got away with reneging on her previous non-disclosure agreement and negotiated a better much more expensive agreement. In the old days the CO$ would have had their fair game patrol making Debbie's life living hell before giving in. The internet and mass communications don't fear the CO$ any more. Miscavige is only spending money on emergency legal actions. He is not putting the fear of Co$ into anyone but people in the hole. Please note I have excluded Ken Dandar and the Headleys from the lawsuit kerfuffle, they sued CO$, not the other way around. (Reacharound??)

    4. The reissued Basics (now with correct semicolon placement) and the Golden Age of Tech 2 © are attempts to retain and extend the time that their copyright can be enforced. Any copyright produced after 1978 was for the authors lifetime plus 70 years (plus a few more years for other types of works). Copyrights before 1978 were good for 28 years. By reissuing and editing the originals, CO$ took copyrights that were going to expire around 2006 or before and extended their shelf life by 70 years or so. Of course, making the faithful pay for new books and new 'tech' didn't hurt the cash flow either.

    As the money grows tighter, lack of staff pay and no electrical or telephone service at the idle MOrgs will be the final sign the end is nigh. I would like to see the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse (Larry, Moe, Curley and Shemp) lead the charge and end the CO$, but that is too much copyright infringement to hope for.

    • http://www.facebook.com/dianne.lipson Dianne Lipson

      I think the COS knows that it’s legal dealings are now scrutinized worldwide. Also, if they take the Indies to court now, they may be afraid of Debbie-Cook-like revelations.
      In addion to the above, it seems for many years now that Miscavige is hoarding the money for reasons of his own. Maybe he thinks everyone will want Scientology in response to some global crisis. Like the Mayan Apocalypse!

    • aussiecase

      It has been suggested that the Flag Service Org (FSO) gross income figures from Clearwater would give us a good idea of what kind of money the CoS is bringing in. I believe that Jefferson Hawkins wrote that this generally was a big proportion of the International income.

      While there was not ideal morgs in the early 1990s, unpaid phone bills were not infrequent, and very little to no staff pay were the norm. Most staff at non sea orgs organizations had other [real] jobs.

      • ze moo

        I expect the real sign of the cults death will be ‘for sale’ signs on their property. By then the loyal officers of CO$ will be back to meeting in someones basement and competing with tupperware parties. As Aussiecase said, the staff are used to the no pay and lifestyle of dumpster diving.

        • aussiecase

          Dumpster diving is amusing but incorrect. Sea org staff are used to having their living quarters, cafeteria food, and very little spending cash. Non-sea org staff are used to making a living on their own. Sometimes they work at the various businesses owned and run by Scientologists.

          One source of extra income for staff is commissions for book sales. Many public have considerable sums of money on account, and the CoS is book sales mad. It is fairly easy to ask someone to debit his or her account and buy books such as the basics. No money actually changes hands because the account is debited, but the seller still receives a commission.

          The sales of mission packages are actually considered book sales so large commissions can be paid for such thing, even if the entire sales is taken of a prepaid account.

          • ze moo

            Do org staff getting commissions pay income tax? Are sales taxes charged or collected? The use of ‘money on account’ could be an area of conflict if abused. There have been a few stories of debiting accounts without the owners permission. That must cause huge upsets when it happens.

          • stillgrace

            I just read in Margery Wakefield’s “The Road to Zenu” that some female staff moonlighted as strippers back in the day. Didn’t quite know what to make of that. (??!!)

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Money, make more money.
              Its only a vessel…a meat body.
              Who cares about dignity for something so MEST…right?

            • DeElizabethan

              Whatever legal for the most money. I knew some worked as cocktail waitresses in a titty bar and I was one of them. Didn’t know any dancers who were, but it’s very likely.

          • Rick Mycroft

            In recent years, I thought that they had cracked down on book sales commissions? (Probably with the same results as the finance police had on the mission network in 1982.)

  • Observer

    “By you helping to move your friends and family up the honor statuses now, you literally save lives!”

    How will it save lives? By pushing your family and friends into crushing debt, bankruptcy, an impoverished old age and all-around financial ruin because they gave all their money to IAS? Will the “tech” save them just like it saved Lisa McPherson’s life? Or Kyle Brennan’s? How about the seemingly disproportionate number of Scientologists, particularly those in the Sea Org, who have died early deaths from cancer because they couldn’t afford medical care because the insatiable leech that is Scientology has sucked out their means of caring for themselves and their families (if disconnection hasn’t destroyed the family first)?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to save lives by oh, I don’t know, contributing what you can afford to organizations that actually clothe and house and provide medical care for those who need it? 

    Of all the claims Scn makes, the “saving lives” one is the most disgusting, reprehensible and shameless. There is so much easily verifiable proof to the contrary.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Amen, Observer.

  • Sidney18511

    Im sure that they will soon be trying to raise money for their Internet outreach program. Cash, check or credit card?

  • Anononyourside

    How misleading! “The number of times” the Internet ad has appeared. All this means is that every time anyone searches using the term “Scientology” the CoS’s paid-for-ads appear at the top of the search. In other words, the CoS pays Google, maybe other search engines as well, to put their ads first whenever someone searches for certain words, such as Scientology. So any time anyone searched for “Scientology and forced abortions” or “Tom Cruise and Scientology” or “Tony Ortega and Scientology'” and so on, the CoS ads show up at the top of the list, and Google charges the church. So what happened this year to cause over one billion searches for Scientology? Hmm. TomKat divorce? Vanity Fair article? I wonder how the CoS will explain the leap in the number of searches (and CoS ads) once the Sweeny, Miscavige, and Wright books are published and the authors do the talk show rounds?

    • Anononyourside

      Let me clarify, the briefing said the number of times the Internet ad has “appeared,” not been read. So, the searcher could be reading about Belgium indictments and the CoS will still pay for their ad to have appeared first on the search results, even if the ad has not been clicked on.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      From Bing:
      I am too lazy to do other’s because we all know the results will mirror these.

      Type in “Scientology” and the following are the related searches it brings up….
      So basically we have another poorly calculated ‘foot bullet’ by the Co$.
      Happy New Year Cult! Thank you for paying for us to Mock you.
      Epic FAIL Volume 1, version 1, 2013.

      Jennifer Lopez Scientology
      Tom Cruise and Scientology
      Scientology Beliefs
      Scientology Symbols
      Scientology Celebrities
      Scientology Weird Beliefs
      Scientology Cruise Ship
      Scientology Human Trafficking FBI

      • Anononyourside

        Perfect BTN, type in Tony Ortega and Scientology, that will cause Tony’s blog to rank higher in the Google’s search methodology, (gain a higher web ranking and come up more often in searches) and cause the CoS to pay for it.

      • Cerulean Blu

        You can try:

        Why is scientology

        You get:

        Why is scientology bad
        Why is scientology a cult
        Why is scientology a religion
        Why is scientology so weird

        • BuryTheNuts2

          Sweet, cult fails again.

  • Kim O’Brien

    first the Pope gets a twitter account …now this . LOL…my favorite is from the one in Karachi Pakistan…seriously …this is too funny . I think we now know what new job ” the one who starts with M that can’t be named ” got….these seem to have his flair . So many jokes…so little time

    • Midwest Mom

      I used to tell people that my goal was to have one of my sons become the first American born pope. They would actually argue with me about it. “They’ll never pick an American…blah, blah, blah…”

      I was just joking, though. (Maybe, kinda, sorta). It was insulting that they didn’t seem to think that I was worthy of being the Pope’s mother! Imagine that! (Some people just never truly appreciated my Bible Rap, I guess).

      • http://www.facebook.com/kim.obrien.775 Kim O’Brien

        I have aunts that are nuns…one is a Mother Superior . I however…would burst into flames if i stepped foot into a church again ;)

        • Midwest Mom

          What if we rolled you in via a wheelchair?

          • Kim O’Brien

            I am in !

        • dagobarbz

          I will make a note of that, Kim. Just in case I happen to be in a church (hah) when you burst into flames, I will remind them not to pour holy water on you.

          • Kim O’Brien

            yeah ..that would be a waste ;) My aunts still think i was confirmed so please keep my secret LOL …lying to nuns,check. Supporting gay marriage, check . One divorce under my belt , check . Scarlet letter pinned to my shirt …check . Hell sounds like more fun anyways …at least it’s a dry heat ;)

            • stillgrace

              That reminds me of my favorite T-shirt saying. Las Vegas, 107 degrees in the shade, waiting for a shuttle bus. Some kid’s shirt with a picture of a skeleton crawling along and the words:
              “Yeah, but it’s the dry heat!”
              Favorite bumper sticker? “Shoot all extremists!”

        • califa007

          Kim & Midwest Mom – you have to admit that you can step into a Catholic church – even go for years – and no one pounces on you. You can remain anonymous. The Baptists and Lutherans are all for being friendly and entrapping you in social activities. They even have sign-in registers for new visitors. Sign in and life as you know it is over. And we know what the Scientologists do. But I always gave the Catholic church a heads-up on that one. Of course, a friend’s husband was honored to be asked to serve on the Board of the Catholic HS that his children attended – until he learned, too late, that the Board was expected to personally make up for any deficit the school suffered. But he could have resigned with only his ego a bit deflated; no other repercussions.

          • Midwest Mom

            A Catholic school without a Las Vegas Night fundraiser with a sweet auction and raffle? That is crazy talk! No Mardi Gras Party, either? What? We Catholics LIVE for Mardis Gras parties. (It’s also a great time to sell the parish’s “Lenten Recipes” cookbook).

            You are right, though. I have had more demands for money and time commitment from coaches, sports boosters and sports auxiliaries for my kids over the years than from my church. :)

  • scnethics

    Tuesday, January 1, 2013

    Dearest Sir/Madam,
    Having just discovered Scientology through your online advertising and being most impressed I want to make a donation of many millions of dollars to your cause. I have a problem though which is that I must reach the United States in order to claim my family fortune, and currently lack the funds necessary for the trip…

  • scnethics

    Monday, December 31, 2012

    Found my way to you thanks to your online advertising…believe deeply in Scientology and Hubbard. He speaks to me through an antique chamber pot, which I have listed on ebay this very moment. Bid with confidence!!!

    • BuryTheNuts2

      Favorite!

      • Observer

        It fits with that long-ago post where someone called Hubbard the Commodeodor. lol

  • scnethics

    Tuesday, January 2, 2013

    Clicked one of your ads – great website! I’ve read all about OT super power and was wondering if you can teleport people? I’d like to get on the Bridge, but I’m incorrectly incarcerated at the moment for something 3 people say I did (but I didn’t ). If you are ready to meet a dedicated member then Beam Me Up, Scotty!

    San Quentin, California

    • http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/ nobs

      ROFLMAO LOL

      Thanks! Laughing is a great goodness.

  • grundoon

    Notice the new, improved euphemism honor status.

    Is “honor status” what everyone now gets as the so-called “fair exchange” for their donations? Or is “honor status” reserved for those who donate at a high enough level, while dilettante cheapskates purchase “status” only?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pedrofcuk Pete Griffiths

    What happened to Albania? In the 1990s they said this was the first Scientology country, we don’t hear much about that these days, I wonder why?

    • John P.

      As I understand it, the story was a little stranger than that. Hubbard proposed the idea of creating “Bulgravia,” a country that would tie together Bulgaria, Albania, Yugoslavia, and Greece. I don’t think it got anywhere; it certainly got no further than Hubbard’s generous offer to take over the governments of places like Morocco or Rhodesia back in the 1960s. (There are source documents available describing these adventures which are riotously funny on many levels.)

      The idea of stitching together four countries of very different ethnic, linguistic, cultural and religious traditions, countries that had been feuding and/or warring for thousands of years, is nothing short of lunacy. After all, knocking together a few countries and calling it “Yugoslavia” (one of the four countries envisioned to become “Bulgravia”) right after World War II showed just how well that concept could work (note: this sentence is typeset in the “Sarcasm Bold Italic” font).

      They figured that Albania would throw itself open to Scientology after the fall of communist strongman Enver Hoxha, a loon in the Kim Il Sung mold. They were going to send in brilliant management geniuses trained in Scientology via WISE consulting, to take over the banking and manufacturing sectors. They were also apparently going to try to convince the Albanians that all Western companies made extensive use of free personality tests in figuring out who to hire and put in charge.

      I don’t think they even managed to raise a significant amount of money to hand out The Way to Happiness booklets, much less actually getting into the country and meeting with anyone. Two decades later, the “Bulgravia” project lives on in memory as a great target for mockery and silliness. Not because we have to work to make fun of this; the jokes practically write themselves.

      • sugarplumfairy

        Which reminds me, it’s been a while since we’ve had any greetings from lrh’s Bulgravia..

      • ze moo

        I thought Bulgravia was a suburb of London, UK? Any country associated with LRH should start with “Loonytune”.

        • Observer

          I think that’s Belgravia …

        • John P.

          The extremely fancy district of London is “Belgravia,” named after Belgrave Square in the center of it. “Bulgravia” was a portmanteau that ran together parts of Bulgaria, Greece, Albania, and Yugoslavia, just as Scientology planned to take over all four countries and run them together into one.

      • califa007

        John, could you give me the reference on this? Every time I’ve come acroos Bulgravia in LRH’s writings I always thought it was an imaginary, backwoods, sinister country that he was usng as hyperbole. Woe is me that I didn’t word clear. I could have been sent to the Word Clearer as punishment.

        • John P.

          I don’t think there is an “LRH reference” in terms of policy letters or any of the usual stuff. If you Google “Scientology Bulgravia” (without the double quotes), you’ll get a wealth of information including source documents in some cases, from consultants they hired to help them formulate the plan. This was essentially something of a “covert operation” that was revealed, and did not follow the usual channels of documenting every bloviating thought in immense detail.

          • califa007

            Thanks – I’m off to search. It’s always worse than you thought.

          • sugarplumfairy

            Bloviating.. what a perfect word for lrh..

    • http://twitter.com/SnippyH Snippy Haines

      There is a Narconon Albania which opened 11 Nov 2009, so the country does still have a small infection at least.

  • Captain Howdy

    Saturday, December 1st., – Karachi, Pakistan

    ” Dear Infidels. Want to join Dianetic courses to gain super powers to make building ‘s fall down. Allah Bess LRH !

    • sugarplumfairy

      Lol.. You’re mind just naturally travels where most of us fear to go..

    • Captain Howdy

      It’s been both a gift and a curse all my life SPF.

      • BuryTheNuts2

        Mostly a gift.

        • Captain Howdy

          This guy expressed it better than i ever could .My favorite poem since i was 10:

          http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175776

          • sugarplumfairy

            Thx for sharing, Cap’n.. and wow.. Poe at 10 years old? I’m fully growed and he still scares the crap out of me..

            And I agree with Bury.. Def a gift.. Until you start in on Oprah..

            here’s my fave.. also discovered around 10 yo..

            http://www.bartleby.com/145/ww260.html

            • BuryTheNuts2

              Ahhh….you all enthrall me.

              Mine was the Lord’s Prayer ….but that was then……..

          • BuryTheNuts2

            I got something in me eye Capt.
            U b family!

  • Jgg2012

    Those ads have got to cost them money.

  • SP ‘Onage

    I wouldn’t believe anything scientology says on the internet, they pad and lie about everything. I remember when they lied to the FBI about Anonymous/Chanology sending bomb threats to them. Anyone with half a brain should stay clear of scientology because they are unethical liars and poison to free thinking humans.

    Scientology’s moto should be “embrace-extend-extinguish” instead of “dauntless-defiant-resolute.”

    The internet will be/is their down fall. They can’t hide from their own history.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1161852028 Derek Bloch

    Knowing Scientology they are probably counting all the ads blocked by adblock plus (which i don’t use out of principle because I support the income of the websites I visit, but a lot of people do). They also probably don’t realized that considering how many people are on the internet, 1 million people could have seen the same ad a thousand times in three months. Lord only knows how many times I see the same ad over and over.

  • Ed Carroll

    I always like to a quick exclamation point count on any Scientology communications. I find they’re an efficient way of calculating just how insecure the writer is and how much they feel they need to shout what they’re saying. This particular communique above runs at about a 0.5 rate. That is, about one exclamation point for every two sentences. Gotta love that LRH-inspired Punctuation Tech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Tom Cravolta

    Those “written in” comments are a bunch of BS. I know, because someone in my family, ex-sea org, used to write them. Its all made up. She wrote it all. What a church of bullshit.

    • BuryTheNuts2

      This name is too awesome for words!

  • DeElizabethan

    Just move up to your next status…. i.e., just give more money.
    They do promote the internet courses for the Basics and offer other courses. However not encouraged nor promoted if you are near a center, but it was the only way I would and did it at home.

  • dwayners13

    I always love it when the church of Scientology provides their own stats. How else would we know that their are
    3 638 281 428 scientologist who have increased their incomes by an average of 67.89% & increased their IQs by 76.6 points since going clear. Furthermore, we know these stats are 99.99% accurate because over 16.5 trillion copies of LRH books are in print & 47 million ideal orgs have reported that on average 1468 people (per org) complete (and fail) the personality test every day. Hell, Tom Cruise alone has personally converted 34 million people to Scientology in the last 2 months, as well as cured 346 different medical conditions in 456 078 people via the purification rundown. Plus if you add up all the square footage of real estate holdings (Ideal Orgs, missions, Flag Land base, Gold Base, underground nuclear bunkers, the hole, the Super power building etc), the church of Scientology owns 37.65% of the planet (not including LRH’s claim on the Van Allen belt or the dark side of the moon). Finally, thanks to the stats of Scientology we know it is the fastest growing religion in the universe & that in 15 years 75% of earth will be “cleared” of any & all engrams, thetans & thentan’s engrams.

  • Dean Fox

    Edinburgh, Scotland is well on their way to being a good scientologist, they spelt centre the American way “center”. Just saying…

  • Dean Fox

    They posted the number of times the ads appeared on the Internet, WOW, so have many clicks have they had I wonder.